Transcription
How do you let a man lead when you've been holding it down by yourself most of your life?
>> See, please give me a second to answer this. Okay. When you have been leading for a long time or you've been independent and I'm assuming it's coming from either somebody disappointed you, somebody let you down, some maybe some poor male leadership, uh absent father, anything like that. I'm just giving ideas. You're going to assume that the way that you can be safe and secure in your life is by being in control. You compensate for those things. And so sometimes what ends up happening is you also use leading and hyperindependence as a way to regulate your emotions, as a way to regulate the things that are happening in your life. So if someone comes into your life and they try to come in in that position, it feels like a threat to you. And that becomes problematic. It becomes really hard for you to allow somebody to step in. It's harder for you to say, "Okay, I'mma step back and I'm going to let you do it." Unless you work on where it's rooted in and where it started to begin with.
Where did that independence start? Where did that hyper independence start? Where did that leadership in yourself start? Did somebody let you down? Did people disappoint you consistently? Do you feel safer when you are in control? If a person comes in and tries to be in control, will it feel like a threat? Those are things that you have to identify first in order for a man to be able to come in and lead.
Now, you need healthy leadership as well to break down those barriers. So, someone has to show up consistently and if they do not, you have to be vocal about that lack of consistency. But you also need to be able to say, "Okay, for a minute, one time, let me step back and see what you're capable of doing."
>> If they fall short the first time, it's an isolated event. The second time, if you notice that it's a pattern, I need to speak up now and let you know that I don't feel safe when you don't follow through. When you make a promise and you don't follow through, when I constantly have to rely on myself over you, when I have to take responsibility for things that you should be taking responsibility for, you have to be vocal about it. And if they don't change, then you're being vocal about that. Sometimes it's when we need some redirection. And if redirection doesn't work, we need a boundary, but a consequence to come through. But it really falls on you first. How can I step back for a second to allow a person in to at least see if I can trust you? Because you more than likely have a trust deficit.
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