Transcription
Maybe you are the one making dating and relationships harder. I know that is not what you want to hear, but stay with me because what if the very thing you think is helping you get the relationship you want is actually pushing the man you want further away? What if trying to make things happen is the exact reason things are not happening?
I'm Brody Boyd and my wife Auntie and I have been married for over 11 years. We have two amazing kids and together we have over 20 years of combined experience helping women just like you create the loving, committed, long-term relationship you have always wanted. And today I'm going to walk you through something we call the art of receiving. This is the skill that changes everything. And if you have been chasing, planning, managing, or trying to make a man step up, this video is going to feel like a punch to the gut and also like the permission slip you have been waiting for your entire life.
So let me ask you this. Have you ever sent the second text when he didn't reply? Have you ever asked where this is going because you could not stand the uncertainty? Have you ever planned the date, suggested the restaurant, or brought up exclusivity because he was not doing it fast enough? If you said yes to any of those, you are initiating. And initiating is masculine energy. And when you initiate with a man, you train him to underle him to sit back. You train him to stop chasing. And then you wonder, why is he not stepping up?
So here's what we are going to do. I'm going to show you exactly how to stop overfunctioning. I'm going to give you the exact scripts and the exact shifts that will help you to move from chasing to receiving. And I'm going to show you how to make him feel like a hero without ever having to ask. And at the end of this video, I'm going to invite you to take our free love quiz. It's in the description and in the comments. It takes under 2 minutes and it will give you a personalized road map to the relationship you actually want.
So, let's get right into it. Here's the truth. Most women are overfunctioning in their relationships and they do not even know it. You think you are being helpful. You think you are being clear. You think you are being mature in communicating your needs. But what you are actually doing is taking the lead. And when you take the lead, you destroy polarity. And polarity is the force that creates attraction. Let me explain.
Masculine energy is about giving, leading, thinking, doing, solving, and focusing on outcomes. Feminine energy is about receiving, following, feeling, being, enjoying, and trusting the process. Attraction happens when those two energies are in balance. When a man is in his masculine and you are in your feminine, there's a pull there. There's a tension. There is desire. But when you step into your masculine and start leading, planning, managing, and solving, he steps back. He has to because two people cannot lead at the same time.
And I see this all the time. A woman will say, "Brody, I've been dating this guy for three months, and he is not stepping up. He's not planning dates. He's not texting me enough. He's not making me feel secure." And I will ask her, "Okay, so what have you been doing?" And she will say, "Well, I've been checking in with him. I've been planning the dates. I've been bringing up the relationship talk. I've been making sure we stay connected." And then I'll say, "Okay, so you have been leading." And she will say, "Well, somebody has to." And that right there is the problem. Because when you lead, you take away his opportunity to lead. You take away his chance to feel like a hero. You take away his chance to win you over. And then you resent him for not doing the thing you never gave him the space to.
So let me give you a framework. I call this initiating versus signaling. Initiating is masculine. Initiating is when you make it happen. You text first. You bring up the conversation. You plan the logistics. You solve the problems. Signaling is feminine. Signaling is when you let him know that you are available. You drop the handkerchief. You open the petals of the flower. You share your heart. And then you pause. You let him come to you.
Think about it like this. The egg does not chase the sperm. The egg signals. The egg releases a chemical trail and the sperm swims towards it. The flower does not chase the bee. The flower opens the petals and the bee comes to pollinate. This is polarity. This is how nature works and this is how attraction works, the way God created it. But somewhere along the way, you learned that you had to do it all yourself. You learned that you cannot trust a man to show up. You learned that if you did not make it happen, it would not happen. And so you started initiating. You started leading. You started over functioning. And now you're exhausted. And he is detached. And you feel like you're going to do all of the work. And you are because you are in your masculine.
And here's the kicker. You are doing this because you care. You're doing this because you are anxious. You are doing this because you are trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. But the very thing you are doing to protect yourself is the thing that is making you less attractive to him. Because a man does not want to be managed. A man wants to be trusted. A man wants to be needed. A man wants to feel like he can make you happy. And when you do everything yourself, you rob him of that.
So, let me give you a real example. I was coaching a woman named Lorraine a few months ago. She's in a long-distance relationship with a man she has known for over 30 years. They reconnected. They spent a month together and it was beautiful. And then he went home and the communication dropped. It went from multiple times a day to once a day. And she started spiraling. She started feeling anxious. She started telling herself stories. He doesn't care anymore. He's pulling away. I'm losing him. And she did not know what to do. And so I coached her and I said, "Lorine, here's what you're going to do. You're going to ask for a call. You're not going to call him. you're going to text him and say, 'I miss hearing your voice. Would it be okay if you call me sometime this evening?'" And she said, "That's it." And I said, "That's it. Just ask. Do not demand. Do not complain. Do not explain. Just signal. Let him know you're available and then pause." You know what happened? 10 minutes later, he called her. And he led the entire conversation. He asked her what was going on. He helped her with a family issue she was navigating. He made her feel seen. He made her feel cherished. And she did not have to chase. She did not have to manage. She did not have to convince. She just signaled and he showed up. And that's the power of receiving.
Okay. So now I want to do something a little ruthless. I want to walk you through what I call the receiving audit. This is a list of all the ways you are blocking receiving right now. And I want you to be honest with yourself because if you are doing any of these, you are in your masculine and you are making it harder for him to step up. So here we go.
Number one, you send the second text when he does not reply. Stop. That's chasing. If he does not reply, you pause. You wait. You let him come back to you. If he never comes back, then he was not the right man. But stop double texting. Now, we do have one caveat with that that we often get into our advanced coaching groups, but we're not going to get into that right now.
Number two, you ask, "Do you still like me?" or "Are we okay?" That is reassurance seeking. That is you trying to control his feelings. Stop. If you're feeling anxious, you say, "Can I share something with you?" Then you pause, wait for his response, then you say, "I'm feeling a little anxious today." and then let him take it from there.
Number three, you plan the date. Stop this. Let him plan. If he's not planning, you cannot signal. You can say, "I would love to see you again." And then you pause. You do not say, "How about Friday at 7?" You do not send him restaurant options. You let him lead.
Number four, you bring up the relationship talk before he does. Stop. I know you want clarity. I know you want security, but if you are bringing it up, you are leading. Instead, you share your feelings. You say, "I'm noticing I'm starting to feel more connected to you, and I'd love to know what your thoughts are about our future. Ask what you think about that." And then you pause and you let him take it from there.
Number five, you solve his problems. Stop. When he shares a problem, you do not fix it. You do not give advice unless he asks. You listen. You empathize. You say, "That sounds really hard." And then you let him solve it. Because when you solve his problems, you mother him. And a man does not want to date his mother.
Number six, you call him without asking. Stop. Just calling a guy is energetically penetrating him. You're inserting yourself into his space. Instead, you ask. You send him a text and say, "May I ask if we can talk later today?" Or, "Can I ask for a phone call when you have the time?" That way, he gets to say yes. He gets to feel like a hero. He gets to feel like he is giving you something.
Number seven, you explain yourself too much. Stop. When you share your feelings, you do not need to justify them. You do not need to give him a PowerPoint presentation on why you feel the way you feel. You just say, "I feel sad." or I notice I'm feeling anxiety right now or I feel some disconnection right now and then you pause. You let him ask. You let him care.
Number eight, you stay in a relationship where he is not showing consistent care. Stop. If you have been feminine, if you have been vulnerable, if you have been signaling for 90 days and he is still not showing up, you detach. You walk away because at that point it is not about you. It is about him. And you deserve a man who shows care for your heart.
Number nine, you do everything yourself because you think you have to. Stop. You do not have to be strong all the time. You do not have to be independent all the time. You do not have to prove you can handle it and be the boss babe. Let yourself be soft. Let yourself need him. Let yourself receive.
Number 10. You think receiving is weak. Stop. Receiving is not weak. Vulnerability is not weak. Receiving is feminine. Receiving is power. Receiving is what makes a man feel like a man. And when you receive, you give him the gift of feeling needed. And that is what keeps him coming back again and again.
Number 11, you guilt yourself for having needs. Stop the madness. You are allowed to have needs. You are allowed to want attention. You're allowed to want affection. You're allowed to want commitment and quality time. Your needs are not a burden. Your needs are a signal, and a healthy man will meet them.
Number 12, you stay silent because you are afraid of being too much. Stop. You are not too much. You are not too needy. You are not too emotional. You are a woman and a woman feels. And a healthy man wants to feel your heart. Stop shrinking. Stop playing small. Stop pretending you are fine when you're not. Share your heart and let him show up.
That is the receiving audit. And if you saw yourself in any of those, do not beat yourself up. Just notice it and start shifting.
Okay. So now I want to give you five micro shifts that will change everything. These are small, repeatable practice shifts that you can start using today. And I'm going to give you the exact scripts for each one.
Micro shift number one, replace I think with I feel. Now, this is the most important shift you can make because I think is masculine. I think is in your head. I think is logical. I feel is feminine. I feel is your heart. I feel is vulnerable. And a man is wired to respond to your feelings, not your thoughts. So instead of saying, "I think we should talk about where this is going," you say, "I'm feeling more connected to you and I'd love to know where you see this going." Instead of saying, "I think you are pulling away," you say, "I'm feeling some disconnection between us lately, and I don't know what to do." Do you see the difference? One is a judgment, one is a feeling. And feelings invite connection. Judgments create defense.
Micro shift number two, ask for permission. This is huge. Before you share something vulnerable, before you share a problem, before you share a need, you ask permission. You say, "Can I share something with you?" or "May I talk to you about something?" This does two things. It shows respect for his masculine core and it activates his care because when you ask for permission, he gets to say yes. He sees that you acknowledge it as a gift, as his provision for you. He gets to open the door. He gets to feel like he is choosing to help you and that makes him feel like a hero. Here are some great examples of that. Can I share a feeling I'm having? May I ask for help with something? Would it be okay if I taught you about something that has been going on in my heart? Is now a good time I could share something vulnerable with you? All of these are feminine. All of these are powerful and all of these will make a healthy man lean in.
Micro shift number three, share your emotion first, then pause. Now, this is the most underrated tool in feminine communication. When you share your feelings, you do not explain. You do not justify. You do not give context. You just share the emotion. And when you pause, you let the pause do the work. So, let me show you what this looks like. Let's say you are feeling anxious because he hasn't texted you in 2 days. Here's what you do not do. You do not say, "Hey, I haven't heard from you in two days and I'm feeling really anxious and I don't know if you're still interested and I just need to know where we stand." No, that is masculine. That is explaining. That is managing. Here's what you do instead. You text him and say, "Can I share something with you?" And he will say yes. And then you say, "I'm feeling some anxiety." And then you stop. You do not explain why. You do not justify it. You just share the feeling. And then you let him respond and let him do the work. And nine times out of 10, he will ask why. What's going on? And that is when you share the facts. You say, "I noticed we haven't talked in a few days, and I'm telling myself a story that maybe you're not as interested anymore, and I don't know what to do. Can I ask what you think about that?" Do you see what just happened there? You shared the emotion first. You paused. You let him ask. You shared the facts and the story. And then you asked him for help. That is feminine communication 101. That is receiving.
Micro shift number four, share the problem, not the solution. This is critical. When you have a problem, you do not solve it yourself. You share it. You present it as a fact. And then you ask for help. Because when you solve your own problems, you rob him of the opportunity to be your hero. And a man wants to be your hero. That is what makes him feel like a man. It's wired into his DNA. So let's say you are feeling disconnected in the relationship. Here's what you do not do. You do not say, "I think we need to schedule a weekly date night and we have to have deeper conversations and we need to reconnect." No, that is you leading. That is you solving. That is masculine. Here's what you do instead. You say, "Can I share something with you?" And he will say yes. And then you say, "I've been feeling some disconnection lately, and I don't know what to do. Can I ask for your help with that?" And then you pause. You let him think. You let him lead. You let him come up with the solution. And when he does, you appreciate him for it. You say, "Thank you so much for hearing me. That means so much to me. I feel so much more connected now." And that is the power of sharing the problem, not the solution.
Micro shift number five, appreciate him in a way that lands. Appreciation is a secret weapon of feminine energy. Because when you appreciate a man, you make him feel like he is winning. You make him feel like he's doing a good job. You make him feel like he is enough. And when a man feels like he is winning with you, he will keep showing up. But here's the key. Your appreciation has to be specific. It has to be authentic. And ideally, you're appreciating him for something specific that he did. So, instead of saying, "You're so great," you say, "Thank you for calling me last night. I felt so connected to you." Instead of saying, "You're amazing," you say, "I really appreciated the way you planned the date. It made me feel so special." Do you see the difference? One is vague, the other is specific. And specific appreciation is more likely to land with a masculine man. And here's the magic. When you appreciate him for the small things, he will start doing more of them because appreciation is like fertilizer. It makes the good things grow even faster.
Let me give you some more examples. Let's say you are single and you've been on three dates with a guy and he's not asked you out again. Here's what you're not going to do. You're not going to text him and say, "Hey, when are we going to hang out again?" That is chasing. Here's what you do. You text him and say, "I had such a great time with you last week and I would love to see you again. May I ask what you think about that?" And then you stop. You let him take it from there. If he likes you, he will plan the next date. If he does not, he will fade and that will tell you everything you need to know.
Let's say you are dating and he's being inconsistent. He texts you for a few days and then he disappears for a week. Here's what you do not do. You do not text him and say, "Where did you go? Why are you ignoring me?" That is masculine. Here's what you do. You text him and say, "Can I share something with you?" And then he'll say, "Yes." And then you say, "I've been noticing our communication has been a little inconsistent lately, and I'm telling myself a story that maybe I'm not a priority for you right now, and I'm not sure what to do." And then you pause. You let him respond. And if he shows care, great. If he gets defensive or dismissive, you detach because that tells you who he is.
Let's say you're in a long-distance relationship and you're feeling disconnected. Here's what you do. You ask for a phone call. You say, "I would love to connect. Would it be okay if you call me tonight?" And when he calls, you share your feelings. You say, "So, the reason I wanted to talk is I was curious if I could share something with you." And he'll say, "Yes." And then you say, "I noticed I've been feeling some disconnection and some sadness since we've been apart, and I'm not sure what to do. Can I ask for your help with that?" And then pause. You let him help. You let him lead. You let him show you care.
And let's say you're in a relationship and it feels like you were roommates. Here's what you do. You have a meta conversation. A meta conversation is when you talk about the overall dynamic. You say, "Can I share something with you?" And he'll say, "Yes." And then you say, "I've been noticing that I'm not feeling as connected to you lately, and I'm telling myself a story that maybe we've gotten in a routine, and it's starting to feel more like roommates than lovers. And I miss feeling that spark. Can ask what you think about that." And then you pause. You let him respond. You let him lead.
That is the art of receiving. Now, here's the hard truth. Not every man is going to respond to this because not every man is healthy and not every man is ready for a real relationship. I'll say about 5 to 10% of men are what I call broken, even deeply broken. They are narcissistic. They are emotionally unavailable. They are abusive and no amount of feminine energy or feminine communication is going to fix that. So, you need to know when to detach.
Here's the rule. If you have been feminine, if you have been vulnerable, if you have been signaling for 90 days using what we're teaching you here and he is still not showing consistent care, you walk away because at that point it's not about you. It's about him. And you cannot fix him. You cannot heal him. You cannot change him. You can only receive what he is giving. And if what he is giving is inconsistency, defensiveness or neglect, you detach.
Now detachment does not mean you ghost him. Detachment does not mean you punish him. Detachment means you release the outcome. You stop trying to control him. You stop trying to make it work. You stop trying to convince him. You simply say, "I've shared my heart. I've been open. I've been vulnerable. And if this is not working for you, then that's okay. I'm going to take care of myself and I need to move forward."
Here's the magic. When you detach, one of two things will happen. Either he will step up or he will fade. And both of those outcomes are good. Because if he steps up, great. You have a man who is willing to show care for your heart. And if he fades, great. you just saved yourself months or years of loneliness, disappointment, and heartbreak. So, detachment is not about losing him. Detachment is about honoring yourself and not losing yourself. Okay?
So, here's the final piece. This is not about changing your behavior. This is about changing your identity. Because if you see yourself as a woman who has to do it all, as the woman who has to be strong, as the woman who has to prove she can handle it, as the woman who has to earn love and has to earn her worthiness, you will keep overfunctioning. But if you can shift your identity to a woman who receives, a woman who signals, a woman who trusts, then everything changes.
So I want you to start seeing yourself as a queen. A queen does not chase. A queen does not beg. A queen does not overfunction. A queen simply is. A queen opens her heart. A queen shares her truth. A queen asks for what she needs. And a queen receives what she has asked for. And when a man shows up, she lets him. And when a man does not show up, she moves on because a queen knows her worth. And that is the identity shift. You are not the woman who does it all. You are the woman who receives it all. And when you step into that, everything shifts. The right man will start showing up. The wrong men will start fading. And you will finally feel what it's like to be cherished, adored, and pursued. Okay?
So, let me bring this home. The art of receiving is not about being passive. The art of receiving is not about playing games. The art of receiving is about being in your feminine. It is about trusting and being true to your own heart. It's about signaling. It's about letting him lead. And when you do that, you give him the space to step up. You give him the space to be your hero. You give him the space to win you over.
And here's what I know. If you have made it this far in the video, you are ready. You're ready to stop chasing. You're ready to stop overfunctioning. You're ready to start receiving. And I want to help you. So, here's what I want you to do. I want you to take our free love quiz. It's in the description below and it's in the comments. It takes under two minutes and it's going to give you a personalized road map to the relationship you actually want with the man you want. Because here's the truth. You're not going to figure this out by trying harder. You're not going to figure this out by doing more. You're going to figure this out by receiving more. And this quiz is going to show you exactly where to start.
So go take the quiz right now and then come back and leave a comment. I want you to write two words. I receive. Because when you say it, you claim it. And when you claim it, you become it. And if this video helped you, do me a favor, like it, share it with a girlfriend who needs it, and subscribe to the channel because we put out videos like this every single week to help you to become the most magnetic, feminine, irresistible version of yourself. And I would love to have you here. So that's it. That's the art of receiving. Thank you for being here. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for being brave to look at all the ways you might be making this harder than it needs to be. And I'll see you in the next video. Go take that quiz and go receive the love you deserve.