Transcription
[Music] Marilyn Monroe was such an example of someone who looked out there. She believed, “If I become rich and famous and beautiful, then surely I’ll feel lovable.” Fame’s validation—we look out there to feel good about ourselves. But even if “out there” loves you, it doesn’t really work because you have to look in here; you have to fall in love with yourself.
“Norma Jean, you’re going to keep daydreaming, or are you gonna help me here?”
“I wanna help, Mama.”
“No, no, I’m not your mama. You mustn’t call me that. You can call me Aunt Ida.”
Yes, I do. At two weeks old, Marilyn was put into foster care. Her mother wasn’t able to raise her and didn’t actually even want to; she had issues of her own. So Marilyn spent her early years with a very nice foster mother. And they go to the park, and she sees children playing. “There’s a mama, and there’s mama, and there’s mama, but I haven’t gotten a mama.”
“Norma Jean, your mama wishes she could be with you, but you can’t.” And Marilyn knew immediately, “I don’t have a mama; I’m not like all the other kids.” So in Maryland—we’re still Norma Jean—she had already got a very established belief: “I’m not lovable enough; I’ll never have what other people have.”
“No, all right, look. If you’re so anxious to go out with girls, why don’t you pick out some nice girl like Connie Haynes?”
“Ah, Connie will go out with me?”
“Yes, I will, Mr. Costello.”
“Yes, I would, Mr. Costello.”
“I had a fight with my family tonight, and I want a disgrace.”
“Norma Jean, hey, that’s not yours! What are you doing? You need to get ready for school!”
“I’m practicing. I want to be in the pictures.”
“What on earth would you want to do that for?”
“Because if you’re in the pictures, you’re famous. When you’re famous, everyone will love you.”
So Marilyn had so many qualities that made the world fall in love with her. She was immensely talented, and fame followed her. She courted fame; she went after fame, and then fame went after her. So Marilyn came from nothing and achieved what so many people want. She achieved that great balance of: women wanted to be her, and men wanted to be with her. But because she didn’t believe that she was enough, she found herself drawn to relationships with men that didn’t value her. Marilyn’s husband, Joe DiMaggio, wanted to possess her completely, but she was a sex symbol, and so she found herself in romantic roles with other men, and this eventually tore the marriage apart.
“The temperature is rising. You certainly can.”
“Hi, Joe. Didn’t that look good, Carolyn?”
“I think we did enough for it today. I’ll see you at the studio tomorrow.”
“Thank you very much.”
“Of course. Thanks, Joe. Bye, Marilyn.”
“Hi.”
“What the hell was that?”
“Well, it’s nothing. Joey’s just my instructor.”
“Well, you’re my wife, don’t forget it.”
Even when she married her final husband, Arthur Miller, she was already planning the divorce. She knew it wouldn’t work, and that was amazing. On her wedding day, she was already telling people how long it would last.
[Music] No matter how you try to show someone that you’re lovable, people can pick up when you don’t love yourself. It’s why so many beautiful women and beautiful men appear to get left when they seem to have it all. And if you haven’t got self-esteem, no amount of love from another person, or beauty, or accolades is going to give you self-esteem if you can’t give it to yourself.
So Marilyn’s life, as a cautionary tale, is an interesting tale. We can only learn from people like Marilyn and go, “Wow, I can see exactly where her thinking went wrong.” Can you see where your thinking might also be going wrong? Because if you can see where you’re going wrong, then you can see how to put it right.
Fall in love with yourself. It sounds hard; it’s easy. How do I do that? Here you say, “Well, look in the mirror and go, ‘Hey there, you go, look at you, you’re lovable!’” Rebel Wilson, Amy Mullen, Chantal Brown Young, Madeleine Stewart, and so many others are showing us the truth: you do not have to be perfect to be loved.
I’ve spent the past 30 years working with and studying the underlying issues of all of our problems, and what I discovered was that all of our problems stem from this feeling of: “I’m not enough.” I have a whole movement all about knowing you’re enough, which in itself will change your entire life. And if you want to know how to get more “I’m enough” in your life, click below, and I’ll tell you all about it.
[Music] You