Transcription
This is a journal from high school where I wrote about how bad I wanted to change myself to fit in with other people, to become more likable, and all of that. Really, it came from somebody else's absence. But I would like to think that I've gotten to a point where I've grown from that, and that's really all thanks to a few changes in my mentality that I've had.
I honestly have a really hard time with anxious attachment when someone that I care about, or somebody that I just want to talk to, is absent from my life for a period of time, or maybe just a moment. It bothers me a lot. But I would genuinely say that I've gotten a lot better with that. And it's not because I'm some special person, or because I was born with this weird sense of independence. No, it's really just because I've changed my perspective on a lot of things, and I've changed my mentality on it in general.
And I read a quote a little while ago that said, "Love yourself so much that nobody's absence bothers you." And I won't lie, that honestly hit me really hard, especially because on this channel, I try to preach a lot of self-love and self-respect. And I feel like for a little while, I just haven't been taking my own advice. And before reading that quote, I would always try to practice self-love and self-respect, but for some reason, when somebody was absent from my life, it always impacted me way too much.
And it really wasn't until I read this quote out loud and I reflected on it that I realized I need to love myself so much that if somebody chooses to leave, or chooses to be absent from my life for whatever reason, I'll be fine. No matter the situation, I'll be fine and comfortable in myself, regardless.
And going back to what I said at the beginning of this video, this is coming from somebody that was stressed out when he didn't get a text back, or stressed out when it seemed like somebody didn't like him, or just panicked when somebody was absent from my life for any period of time. And obviously, I hated that. I hated the fact that I wasn't comfortable enough in myself, or comfortable enough alone, to not stress out when somebody was absent from my life. But like I said, I've changed my mentality a lot. I feel like I've grown a lot as a person. So I wanted to share that change of mentality that got me to that point.
Try reflecting on a moment where somebody's absence really bothered you. And I can go first. I remember multiple times where I would get left on read, or I would get left on delivered by maybe a girl that I like, or maybe just a few friends that I had. I would get left on read, and I would genuinely question, "What was wrong with me?" I would question, "What was it with me that made people not want to talk to me, or made people think that I was annoying, or just wanted to be absent from my life?"
And it got so bad to a point where I really wanted to change myself. I wanted to turn myself into a likable person. I wanted to turn myself into a completely different person. Like I even mentioned at the beginning of this video, I have this journal from high school where I really just wrote about wanting to change myself to become more likable by everybody in my life. And obviously, I feel like I've grown from that. I don't think that I think the same way back then. But it's still remnants of that, even currently today. Even now, currently, I would get the thought that I want to change myself to become a different person. And although it's not as bad as before, it still comes up for some reason. But it doesn't really impact me as much as it did back then.
And I'm not saying any of this to pity myself, to make you feel bad for me. I'm truthfully just saying this just so you understand that I understand what it feels like to want to try to fit in with other people, or want to change yourself to become more likable. That entire concept of wanting to change myself so I can fit in with other people is really what brought me to self-growth and self-improvement to begin with. And I feel like that's what brings most people to self-growth. I feel like that's what brings most people to trying to improve themselves. It's really just so they can improve themselves for other people, up until they realize that none of that ever necessarily works.
I've talked about this a little bit on my channel before, but trying to grow yourself so you can become a different person for other people is never going to have you actually grow for yourself. More than likely, you're going to waste your time. You're not actually going to grow. And I feel like that's honestly the biggest change in mentality that we need. We need to grow for ourselves, not for other people.
You need to learn how to love yourself so much, not so another person's absence doesn't bother you, but love yourself so much that you love yourself more than caring if somebody's absence actually bothers you or not. If the entire foundation for your self-growth journey, for loving yourself, is so you love yourself enough to forget another person, then your entire foundation is flawed. And the second that something happens with that person, the second you think about that person, that entire foundation just crumbles down, it breaks. And it's like you're restarting all over again. You're trying to rebuild yourself back up from that flawed foundation.
But a lot of us have already gotten ourselves into that position where we're doing this for another person. We're trying to love ourselves enough for another person. And if that's your situation, I would honestly say that that's perfect because now you're down here, right? You need to rebuild yourself back up, and you're going to actually do it the right way.
The biggest change in mentality that I've had was wanting to do it for myself. Growing for myself. Loving myself for myself. And not connota that with another person. Like, honestly, think about the reason why you clicked on this video. To grow yourself? To improve yourself? To become the best version of yourself? But is it for yourself, or was it for another person? Is it for other people so you can be deemed as more likable by another person?
You shouldn't be loving yourself so you can forget about another person. You should be loving yourself because you genuinely want to love yourself. Um, like, for example, think about that one kid in school. It might have been you. It was definitely me. Think about that one kid in school that actually just hated reading books. They never read any of the English books. They never wanted to read in class. They never wanted to do any of that. And then eventually, over time, they found passion in reading by themselves. The reason that I hated reading in school wasn't because I genuinely just despised reading. It was seriously just because it was for an assignment. It was because somebody else told me to read. I didn't want to do it for myself. It was for another person. So I never found a passion in it.
Then over time, I started to read for myself. I started to read things that would help me grow. Started reading things I was interested in. And then eventually, I found a passion in reading. And it's not because I'm reading out of spite for another person, or because I feel like somebody else told me to read so I have to read now. I'm genuinely reading because I love to read. I love to do it for myself.
Another example is when I was younger, I hated to clean. I hated doing chores because it was just something that my parents told me to do. I wasn't passionate about cleaning. I didn't feel like cleaning at all, at all. But now I also found a passion in that. I found a passion in cleaning, not because somebody told me to, because it was out of spite. I found a passion in cleaning because it was for my own growth. It was to keep my area clean, and it made me feel happy.
If you want to love yourself so much that nobody's absence bothers you, you need to love yourself so much that you're not doing it because you don't want anybody else's absence to bother you. You need to love yourself so much that you're doing it for you and you only. If you go into your entire self-growth journey with the idea that you're going to be doing it so you forget about that person, at this point, you're just connota that self-growth and self-improvement and becoming the best version of yourself. You're connota that with another person. And then inevitably, you're going to be remembering that person every single time you think about self-growth.
So even if you have to fake it, even if you are doing it for another person, you better lie to yourself and tell yourself that you're doing it strictly for yourself. Because eventually, over time, you're going to start believing that. And eventually, that's how you actually forget about that person. Never let another person have that much space in your mind. Never give another person that much power to know that you're improving yourself strictly for them.
At this point, it's like I'm giving homework in all my videos, but I want you to ask yourself, "Why do I feel like I can't improve myself without thinking about another person?" Why can't you love yourself for you? Why does it always rely on another person? Why does it always rely on your anxious attachment? I honestly want you to get to the root of the issue. Question, "Why can I not love myself enough to love myself for me? Why do I have to relay it to somebody else?"
I know for me, it came from me being an extrovert in a house full of introverts. So it seemed like growing up, I always needed attention. And I'm not blaming my family for that. I love my family. That's just the way it happened. It's nobody's fault. It's just something that I had to work through, and something that I definitely got better with over time. But eventually, when you know what that "why" is, you can focus on the "what to do," and then you can focus on the "how to do it," and "when to do it," and "where to do it."
But yeah, thank you guys for watching. I appreciate y'all. Peace out.