“You’re Addicted to Your Own Suffering” — Peter Crone on Trauma, Ego & Freedom

I was never big on writing stuff in the past, and I wrote my feelings down and my thoughts. It was 10 years ago.

"Let's hear it."

"Dear Tracy, you need to start looking out for yourself. You feel betrayed a lot. You feel disconnected a lot from people who are meant to be close to you."

"So, when you read that, what I hear is somebody who's in pain."

Peter Cone, known as the mind architect, works with elite athletes and world-class performers to break free from hidden mental patterns that quietly shape identity and potential, principles that apply to all of us. So there's a difference between what's real and what's true. We're not denying the reality of the events and the things that somebody heard, but it's based on a non-truth.

"Let's say someone is lazy. It's because of their actions that is giving them that reality."

"The laziness is a symptom. It's not a characteristic that is them. They aren't lazy. Laziness is the behavioral adaptation to some deeper story that itself isn't true. At a deeper level, maybe their narrative or their story is they're not worthy. They don't make a difference. No one cares about me. The reality is I have to have everything together. Everybody else I feel can't handle my weakness. So then I have to just hold it together."

"It's a lot."

"It's heavy."

"Is it a truth, Tracy? Like, is it an absolute truth that everything's up to you?"

"But I feel it's selfish if I don't try to save everybody. There is no greater addiction than one's idea of oneself. The addiction to identity."

"We just broke part of your addiction. If you can leave people with the one thing people don't usually tell them, what is it?"

"Hi, Peter."

"Hello."

"So nice to have you on my podcast."

"Pleasure to be here."

"I've been trying for a while to get you on, and you're hardly in town. So, I'm so glad that we were able to make this happen. So, thank you."

"No, thank you. I'd like to just, you know, play hard to get."

"Yeah, I could tell. I'm like calling your team. When is he coming? We'll let you know when he'll be back in town. So, I'm so glad you're here now. Uh, Peter, there's so much to dive into, but before we do, I would want to hand over the mic to you to introduce yourself."

"Maybe take us back to a point, a pivotal point in your childhood or, you know, that that actually explains the man I'm speaking to today."

"I mean, that could take the whole podcast."

"I'm done."

"Yeah. Um, that's an easy job. Um, I mean, there's so many things that transpired. You know, most people know my story as being orphaned at a young age. So my mom passed of cancer when I was seven. Um, I was an only child, and then my dad, I grew up in the southeast of England. So on the white cliffs of Dover, which is sort of, it's known for being a harbor town, and my dad worked on the boats that would go between Dover and Calais in France and Zeebrugge in Belgium. And when I was 17, he went to work one morning and, um, sort of, I never, I never saw him again. There was a fatal accident where the boat capsized in the harbor of Zeebrugge. And so I guess, you know, that was pretty pivotal for a 17-year-old to then be, um, isolated, solo. I had a stepmother, but, um, lovely lady, but, uh, I was, for all intents and purposes, by myself. Um, so at the time, I had no idea that that would be the precursor to what I do now. But I think it's sort of, in a very unconsciously profound way, forged much of my, I'd say compassion, my understanding of the human experience and why people suffer, because it was very akin to the experience of being completely isolated or separate, which to me is the, the predominant characteristic of the ego and why people suffer, right? They look through this lens of separation, and because we think we're separate, then we're, uh, commensurate with that is always trying to survive."

"And is there a gap in between before you started doing this work, and that pivotal moment where you felt like you weren't in tune with yourself, you were lost, this wasn't you, or did you very quickly start to learn or lead?"

"Oh, no. There was definitely a time in between that was quite, you know, extended. I mean, I've always been a very vital, upbeat guy. So, I wasn't, you know, in any kind of, um, woe is me, desperate state. But there were points where I was like, you know, this is a helpless experience. Like, uh, the bigger question, what's the meaning of life? I don't have family anymore. You know, I didn't really have any resources. And it's not that I was suicidal, but there's those contemplations. Um, and then I think, you know, going to college was really, uh, for me, in university was very transformative because I'd been denied access to the college. Um, the first year, I got, I think, three attempts, um, because you can apply, and then they have something called a clearing process. So let's say, you know, 300 students apply to one college, but they also have other alternative options. So maybe on their list, the college that I wanted to go to was their third option. So maybe they got the first of the 300 applicants, let's say 220 show up. So then the college has still got 80 spots. And so in, in the clearing, the second stage, I tried again, and they said no, because what had happened is I was doing my A-levels, which, you know, for people over here, they might not know what that is, but sort of the last couple of years of, of high school, and, um, my dad had passed during that period, so I was away from college, uh, my school for three or four months, so I didn't actually get the grades that I was anticipated. I was supposed to go to Oxford or Cambridge or whatever. And so, um, they were just looking on paper at what I'd actually, you know, had in my scores and my results. So, I ended up taking a year out and then, uh, which was great, and got some work experience, which, you know, was quite common in, in Europe. And then I applied again, and they said no. And then eventually, I called the, the college, and I look back at myself, you know, because I would have been 18, 19, and I'm so proud because I was such a, I was pretty shy as a kid, >> orphaned. And I don't know what possessed me to have the courage to do that because I just appealed my case. I'm like, look, um, I can almost remember verbatim my words. And back in the day, it was a phone on the wall in the kitchen. You had to, you know, the rotary dial phone. It's like you're always annoyed when friends had zeros because it's like, oh my god, it's all the way."

"How many now? How many more?"

"All the way around. True."

"And, um, I spoke to this guy called Dr. Ward, who was one of the professors in the genetics department. And, you know, there's so much pressure on an 18, 19-year-old to try and figure out what do you want to do at college. And I think America, they have a better system where the first year is sort of more of a general, um, I guess, exploration, like you don't pick a major until the second year, I understand. But in, in England, you have to pick what you want to do. And I never knew. I was fascinated with, um, math and numbers. I was good with that. And, but I was always really, um, interested in the human body and disposition. So I thought, I'm going to try and apply to the human biology department. So, head of genetics, Dr. Ward, picked up, and I, I pleaded my case. I said, um, you know, I've, I'm confident I'm as good as, if not better than any of the students you've already accepted, but because of certain circumstances, you know, I could never have predicted this force majeure with my dad. You know, I obviously didn't, uh, achieve the grades that I was predicted. So, he said, 'Okay, well, let me talk to the head of the department. I'll get back to you.' And he called the next day and said, 'Okay, we made a spot for you.'"

"No way."

"Yeah. That's pretty ballsy for someone your age. By the way."

"That's why I'm saying I'm so proud of myself because I truly was a very shy kid. I mean, certainly when I was younger, I was sort of the quintessential hold onto my dad's leg and hide behind him kind of kid. But, um,"

"The story even gets better because it was a three-year undergrad in human biology and exercise physiology. And then I actually qualified for a masters in IT. Um, but at the end of the three years, with any colleges, there's these accolades they hand out and awards, and I actually got the highest accolade that they can give to any student. So out of the 15,000 students, I got something called the Sir Robert Martin Prize, which was, uh, given to the student, the most outstanding student of all-around achievement. So it wasn't in, yeah, so it wasn't just academia, it was my sports, it was that I was on the faculty and I would interact with the, uh, the school itself. So I was like, 'Well, that was a pretty good rags-to-riches story, right?'"

"Denied four times and then gets the best."

"And he probably had a lot to prove as well. Like, [ __ ] I already made my case. I need to make this happen."

"I, yeah. And I look back at that because I think about so many of the professional athletes and high performers that I work with, and they typically become great because they've got a chip on their shoulder. You know, their father kept telling them they wouldn't, you know, master anything or, um, criticizing them for not, maybe if they're a baseball player, they only got four out of five hits. And so for me, there was, it was, it was, it was very natural. I was just being me, you know, and I think that's why it was quite transformative for me to go there on the back of my father's death because I just immersed myself into college life. I made some great friends, and I think one of the nicest compliments I got was actually in the, um, Christmas period at the end of our first semester, um, where I'd made some friends in my dorm, and this friend of mine, Mike Gors, he, I can't believe I remember his name, but anyway, he said, 'You know, what are you doing for the holidays? You're going home?' And I said, 'No, I might just go and ski or something.' He's like, 'Oh, you don't go and see family?' I said, 'I don't have family.' He's like, 'What do you mean you don't have family?' Like, you know, and I was like, 'Well, I had a mom and dad that, they, they died.' And he's like, 'What the?' And, um, I was like, 'Yeah.' And he said, 'Dude, like, how come you've never told me?' I'm like, 'Well, I mean, it's not something I'd just generally talk about. Plus, we've known each other for a semester, you know.' And he's like, 'If you lined up all the kids at this college of 14, 15,000, you'd be the last one, I think, had no parents, 'cause you just have such a happy disposition.' And so I guess that was testament to the fact that I, going back to your original question of how that might have formulated the man that I am today, you know, that I had a profound sense of acceptance for all things."

"It's, it's strange that you did so early on. It didn't, I would have thought that maybe you went through so much mess for like 10 years, and then you had an epiphany and you're like, 'No, I need to really be happy with this.' So you very quickly accepted it."

"Yeah. And not even in a conscious way. I think it was sort of almost like part of my makeup because, yes, to your point, he, he, I think he said something like, like, you, like, why, why wouldn't you have become a drug addict or something, you know, on, yeah. Yeah. I would, you know, you know, drink, and I was an athlete, so we would have fun at the weekends and stuff, but I, I never dabbled with any of that sort of self-destructive behavior, fortunately."

"That's really cool. I, I mean, that's that's a pretty impressive."

"Yeah."

"Um, so let's jump to now."

"Okay. So if you, my audience wants to know, what do you do right now? For people."

"Free minds, liberate souls. Nothing too big."

"Just, you know, you know."

"Uh, upgrade people's subconscious software. That's really what I'm most, uh, proud of. As I've sort of downloaded from the ethers, the, uh, the new operating system for humanity. Right now, people walk around in a world of limitation, fear, suffering, disease, dysfunction, and scarcity. And sort of the default setting that people relate to life, and then we have all of the survival strategies and compensations. And, um, I've realized that underneath it, the qualities of the soul that are inherent, uh, are waiting to come online. So, um, I, I bring that to the best performers in the world, sports, business, entertainment, and then I, I do all my online courses. You know, we've got a three and a half month coming up, which I love. That's probably the most powerful offering to help people, um, in lay terms, get out of their own way and end all their suffering. For anybody's into that, I'll put all the details in the caption, guys. All right. So, um, let's start with my first question. I told you offline that I had, I mean, I researched a lot before this podcast, and I really wanted to get into the nitty-gritty of maybe a lot, I mean, it's either the, uh, pushback you feel towards this conversation, and sometimes you lean in, right? And there's some things that I couldn't personally grasp. So, I thought that maybe you can explain it to me like I'm a 12-year-old, and then we can go into detail on the things I understand a little bit more. So, let's start with the idea of self-awareness. Okay."

"Do you ever think that introspecting or self-awareness can backfire if it stops at a certain point? So, you ask why."

"Why did this happen to me? Why am I like this?"

"And then you get to the why, and then you find out why. Because, you know, I was abused in my childhood. My parents didn't love me. Whatever. You keep go through the list."

"Yeah. I find that a lot of people stop there. They know why they stop there, and then their whole personality becomes revolved around, 'I'm like this because this happened to me.'"

"Exactly."

"So it ends up leaning more into towards victimization than solving anything."

"Yeah."

"So, what happens after the why? Like, I would say there should be a, 'How do you get out of it?'"

"Yeah."

"Do you find that a lot of people stop at the why, and that's where victimization happens?"

"For sure. Well, it's a great question and very astute of you to notice that pattern in a lot of people. It reminds me of, uh, when I first started my career, this is now probably 20-something years ago, 21, 22 years ago, I was doing a retreat in Thailand at a very high-end destination spa. And as part of the PR, you know, people were coming to work with me, but the, the spa itself was a high-end five-star, you know, beautiful spot. And they had, uh, certain journalists come out to generate PR. And, uh, this guy from London was writing for the Daily Telegraph, was sort of a semi-decent tabloid, and he, um, came to work with me like everybody that was, you know, part of the retreat. I was there for a month, so we had like, I think, four sessions of six nights or whatever. And it was cool because at the end, he, he wrote a story, as you know, did his due diligence as the journalist he is. And I remember the last chapter or the last paragraph, he said, you know, after coming to Thailand, seeing Peter, I went to see my therapist and I told him I didn't need him anymore. He said he'd, he realized that he'd helped me to identify my fears, but I realized just constantly talking about my fears didn't make them go away."

"Exactly."

"So to your point, yes. Um, that happens a lot. And so beyond that, so I have these two main buckets I talk about, which is awareness and practice. So awareness of the why, making the correlation between certain, um, results and outcomes that people are experiencing that might not be ideal. They could be manifesting as anxiety, depression, sabotage in relationships, loss of finances, poor health, all the things that people deal with when, um, they can make the correlation to a childhood experience, as you said, abused, or maybe you had an older sibling who got all the accolades because they were a better academic or a better athlete, and as a result, you came up with the story that you're less than or you're not good enough because your brother Bob was whatever. Um, but if you don't go to the next stage, which is, you have to then investigate the validity of the story that was created at that time."

"So understanding that, 'Oh yes, well, my sister was always the pretty one, or my brother was always the smarter one.' That's great, and it's good intel. But then you have to look at, what is the fundamental narrative that defines me as a byproduct of that, that I have then consequently over time reinforced and found evidence for for 20, 30, 40 years?"

"Um, so there's going to be, and this is what I was saying earlier, the delineation of these two different operating systems. In the current operating system that people live in, there's usually what I call a negation of self. 'I'm not something. I'm not good enough. I'm not loved. I'm not worthy. I'm not special.' Whatever. And so that, that would be to your point, finding the why. 'Oh, it's because I felt that I'm not enough relative to, or my first time I brought home my scorecards from, you know, my report cards from school, and my dad's, 'What happened here? You got a B, not an A.' And that kid was shamed. And at that moment, they decided, 'Oh, I'm not enough.' Once you discover that piece of code, which is really important, and that's great. More work than most people do. Most people aren't even looking. They're escaping, right? Whatever means, TV, drinks, alcohol, nicotine."

"Um, then you have to, as I said, investigate the validity of that piece of programming. So, I can see that I felt I wasn't enough because, fill in the blank, mom, dad, the victim story. But is it an absolute truth?"

"Despite all the evidence, and when you really ask that question, you will find out it's never a truth. It's a story. And even if it's been for five decades, and you've got infinite amount of evidence for it, it's still not a truth because it's based in language, right? We, we are the essence of being that exists prior to language. So it's a lens that we look through. It's not who we are. So that helps people then to go, and that's what I do in my mastermind, is we find that particular piece of code. If we can correlate it to human experiences when we're kids, that helps. It brings the emotional component. Then we ask, 'Is it an absolute truth that you're not safe, that you're not good, that you're not worthy?' Well, I feel like it. I know that's not what I said. I said, 'Is it a truth? Not do you feel?' Well, no, it's not a truth. Then you see this kind of moment of epiphany. What becomes available if you didn't walk around thinking you weren't enough? I don't know. I'd feel amazing. I'd feel free. And that's starting to then tap into the essence of the new programming, which is the characteristics of the soul. And that's why my product is freedom. So for this point that you just said, 'Is it an absolute truth?'"

"The cynical part of me wants to say, isn't it sometimes true? So for example,"

"Mhm."

"Let's say someone is lazy. Okay."

"Uh, they're not doing anything because they're a bum. They're not doing [ __ ]. They're lazy. They, you know, they don't have any drive."

"And, uh, it's because of their actions or what they're doing that is giving them that reality. Okay. It's, it's the truth. You are lazy. Like, it's not, it's not untrue that, no, but you're not really not lazy, but you are because that's, that's the choices you're doing. Or for example, if we're talking about a parent who compared kids."

"The truth is that the mom actually loved one more than the other. Or, you know, gave, uh, grace to one more than the other."

"That, it's not like she made it up or it's a story she told herself. That that's actually true. Like the mom did that to her."

"Mhm."

"How do you navigate that? You know."

"That's not true."

"So explain that to me. I don't understand."

"So the distinction is very subtle. So there's a difference between what's real and what's true. So when you say, for example, the first case study, someone's lazy, and you say, 'Well, they are lazy because look at their outcomes.' I'd say their outcomes are the byproduct of an inextensible extension of the persona that they've created themselves to be. So laziness is a symptom. It's not a characteristic that is them."

"Laziness would really be the byproduct of the fact that at a deeper level, maybe their narrative or their story is they're not worthy. They don't make a difference. No one cares about me. Right? So laziness is, it's inextricably connected to the deeper narrative. So they aren't lazy. Laziness is the behavioral adaptation to some deeper story that itself isn't true."

"So let's, let's stop on that."

"Yeah."

"You said the deeper layer would be they feel not worthy."

"Yeah."

"But don't you feel like some people are in a situation where people don't treat them like they're worthy? That's why they came up with that story."

"Of course. But then if you look at that in terms of cause and effect, it's not who they are, it's a byproduct. So for example, we speak English, you probably speak other languages, but if I was born in Madrid, I would speak Spanish. So I'm at the effect of my environment. So if somebody's around, you know, people who are belittling them, especially if it comes from parents, I mean, I've worked with children who are now adults, but, you know, who were told that they were a mistake, they weren't even wanted, 'We wanted a girl, we wanted a boy.' You know, imagine the shame and the feeling of dismissiveness, um, and sort of being discarded by their own parent because they were told they weren't wanted. So that does have a lasting effect, but it's still not a truth. It can be a reality."

"It's a reality, but not a truth. I see what you mean."

"Do you see? And that's a very powerful distinction, though, isn't it?"

"Okay. Like, it did happen to you, but it doesn't mean it's true."

"We're not denying the reality of the events and the things that somebody heard. If I work with a 40-year-old who's an addict, you know, we were able to trace it back to the fact that at three, he found out that he was adopted, or that he was told he was a mistake, that's devastating. But now that he's 40, he's an addict, and he's destroyed his marriage, and he's about to lose his job, or whatever it is, that's a reality."

"But it's based on a non-truth."

"Mhm."

"Okay, I get it now."

"Yeah."

"Like, every, when you were talking about in other podcasts, I'm like, I don't get it. Like, what is this distinction? Powerful though, isn't it? I get it is."

"And because that's what allows me to make that sort of interception with the programming that's ruining people's lives, creates, as I said, the limitation, fear, suffering, disease, and dysfunction and scarcity. So once you can see it's all based on a lie,"

"It's very convincing. And of course, the older somebody is, the more it's, it's been ingrained. Like, even, you know, down to the physiology of how the neurons are wired in the brain, right? This is why habits and addictions are very hard for people to break because you've got, you know, decades of repetition."

"But there's nothing that's more profound than being able to transcend that and to tap into the truth that is the essence of the soul you are, not the reality of the human you've created yourself to be. But don't you find that they still get stuck in the reality, the feeling of the reality, even though they discover the truth?"

"Okay, now I get it. It's not actually true, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm living the way I'm living, for now."

"Yeah. But just as cause and effect happened when they were a kid, and that they got influenced, and usually by some sort of trauma, you know, like when people talk about traumas and triggers, and everyone's got their own, the, the degree to which somebody has believed it over the longest period of time is, for sure, the harder, uh, narrative to let go of. You know, when I work with kids, like, you know, I've worked with a 13-year-old kid."

"The mom brought me, brought him to me. He's a junior golfer, and he was really having tantrums on the course, throwing his clubs, and for her, it was embarrassing. It was also not really approved of by the club and whatever, and he was super smart, but he's only 13. So the degree to which his behaviors, which are real, he's throwing clubs, and he's getting, you know, shamed and whatever, um, was built on a, tr-, on a lie that wasn't, um, that embedded yet. Versus I worked with, like, someone was in my recent mastermind, beautiful woman, 70s something, you know, and for her, the patterns that she had become associated with and misidentified with really have an addictive quality. Not that they were leading to substance abuse, but for me, the ultimate addiction is to the idea of ourselves. So her idea of herself was very convincing. It's still not true."

"It's just relative to a 13-year-old, she's got another six decades of evidence."

"It's going to take so much more time to undo the damage."

"That's the thing that's so beautiful. It doesn't."

"Okay?"

"Because when you see, so for example, the analogy I use is like, you know, back in 2,000 years ago or whatever, everyone thought the world was flat. Okay? And I guess a lot of people still argue for it, and I, I don't even know where I stand on it anymore, but I am standing on it, I guess. But, um, the point is, based on that perception, what was the biggest fear when the world was flat? What were people worried about?"

"I don't know."

"Falling off the edge."

"Oh. Oh, that there's an end point. Okay."

"Yeah. So when the world was flat, they thought they were going to fall off the edge."

"Okay."

"So within that, what I call that particular perspective, the fear is generated automatically. So fear is commensurate with a view. So for example, the person who thinks you, you were saying, is lazy. They're not lazy. That's the byproduct of the view, which is they're probably worthless, and maybe they were shamed as a kid. They were sent to their room. They were told that they weren't wanted, their brother was better, whatever the, the events that transpired to give them the view, and then the fear that is naturally, you know, commensurate with that, that arises automatically. You don't have to think of it as like, you know, 'I'm never going to amount to anything.' It doesn't really matter. So then laziness is a natural, um, byproduct, right? But with the flat world, to give the, um, the audience the understanding, the fear of falling off the edge is, is automatic. So to your point about it takes a long time to undo it. It doesn't. Because as soon as Galileo recognized that we live on a globe, you know, and even my greatest athletes, like NBA guys who, you know, six, seven feet who can jump for, you know, I'm like, 'Try and jump off the planet.' You know, good luck, right? And it becomes comical. So then all of a sudden, the fear that was automatically associated with the perspective dissipates."

"Because they have a new truth now."

"Exactly. So that, when, when I'm working with someone, they could have a story for six to seven decades. The difference is in what you see in the somatic release, and the amount of trauma, and sometimes tears, joys, laughter, shaking, because the body has stored that for so long. That's why it's so profound to witness because."

"So what can you do as a professional versus what other people try to do? Like, if I try to tell my dad, let's say,"

"Dad, it doesn't matter that I don't know, you, you know, lost your money at some point in your life. It's okay. Look at us. We're fine. No matter what I say to him, like I have, I would have never been able to be the independent woman I am to take care of myself, to take care of other people, take care of you, if I was a little princess and you were still like super rich. So I'm grateful that God led us to this point. No matter what I try to say or what truth I try to tell him, his reality is, 'I failed you guys.'"

"So you, as a professional, versus me as just a normal citizen."

"How do you get through to someone that you're trying to show them the truth versus the reality?"

"They first have to be a willing participant in the conversation. Right? So like when I've worked with sports teams, and sometimes I'll come in, talk to the athletes, they have great performances, and then of course, the management, front office, and the coaches are like, 'Dude, you know, we wish you were here all the time. How can we make sure this happens?' I'm like, 'Well, the first thing is they have to be willing. They want to, they, they have to be curious.' So your dad right now, all he's doing, he's addicted to his view of himself. And assuming this is a real story, okay? Yeah."

"So that he feels that he failed you is really still symptomatic of something deeper. And I would say it's something in the arena of like, that he did something wrong, that he's a bad person."

"Yeah."

"Because just because of the pure idea that he lost his money."

"Yes. So I was not able to take care of you guys financially till you guys died, you know, kind of a thing."

"That's symptomatic of a deeper story, which ironically is the precursor as to why he lost the money. Right? So frequency precedes form. Meaning losing the money was not what caused him to think that he's a loser, a bad person, or whatever. But it was the energy that he occupied in that frequency of thinking that's who he is, that meant that he had to transpire, or the events that had to transpire were an extension of that identity. Right? So it becomes really subtle and powerful. That's manifestation 101. People don't know what manifestation is because they're based in an identity. They've got a signature that has got some sort of narrative and limitation, and then they're trying to sort of, through willpower, manifest something that's not in alignment with who they already say they are."

"So we're manifesting all the time. So really, that's the unconscious commitments that humans have to being right about their perspective."

"And when you see that, it's so profound. So that's what I'm undoing. So the difference as to why I do it and why you can't. First of all, you're his daughter."

"Yeah. It's like bias."

"Yeah. I mean, you're, you know, he's not looking at you as somebody to give him the sense of soul liberation, you know. He's looking at you as the victim of his shortcomings, you know. So for me, it's also my ability to listen to language and then intuitively be able to also pick up on what I can see even in someone's physiology, the outcomes of all of their actions, and then I can start to very quickly put together who must they be at an unconscious level. But they have to be a willing participant in the conversation because these sports teams are like, 'Well, what can we do with the players?' I'm like, 'Well, nothing unless they're willing to come to you and really ask for input.'"

"Right. Right. You can't impose this on anybody. They need, they need to want to."

"Because the design of the brain is self-defensive. The ego doesn't want to go anywhere. So, if I went up to anyone on the street, I could probably just even by looking at their physiology have a sense of what they might be trapped in. But if I went up to them and started telling them, depending on where I'm at, they might start slugging at me, you know, 'cause it's like, 'Who are you? Who are you telling me who to be, you know?' Meanwhile, I'm actually just trying to remove their suffering."

"Yeah."

"You know."

"That's interesting."

"Yeah."

"So, um,"

"I don't know how things happen sometimes, but I found, I mean, as I was cleaning my closet three weeks ago,"

"I found something. And I'm not a big, I was never big on journaling. I was never big on writing stuff in the past. But there was that one time where I went to some retreat, they made me write, you know, my feelings down and my thoughts. And I wrote it down, and I found that paper. Okay. It was 10 years ago, longer."

"And you found it just recently?"

"Three weeks ago. Okay. And I, I mean, I literally read it and I'm like, I have to bring this to Peter just to tell because, you know, this idea. It's so embarrassing. I know. But it's okay. Um, this is this idea of reality versus truth. Yeah. Because reading this person, whoever she was 12 years ago, I'm reading what I'm reading, I'm thinking, 'That's none of this is true.' Like, how did you think this about who you were, where you are? So that makes sense to me right now in the sense where reality versus truth, right? Because I'm a very different woman than I was 12 years ago."

"Yeah."

"So, and just to help you to kind of reinforce and refine the distinction. So what you wrote then 12 years ago was real to you then. It's not real to you now. So immediately that helps you to understand the distinction, which is truth is eternal."

"Truth is forever in existence. Reality's changed. Someone might decide that, you know, as a kid, how many kids love vegetables? But then like 10, 15, 20 years later, they become a hippie and they're a vegetarian, you know. So, so this is super profound, but anything that can change can't be true."

"Absolutely. Truth is truth forever. It's never going to change."

"So, it's, it's very much hits that point of reality. This was my reality, and I believed it to be true back then."

"Of course, and that's why it would have had the impact, you know. So again, the person who's lazy, they don't know what creates laziness, but for them, the underlying narrative is the truth."

"Once you, that's why the work I do is I reveal these lies, and that's why it's so profound because something that was previously truth, seen as a lie, that's earth-shattering."

"Yeah. You know."

"Yeah. So,"

"Let's hear it."

"Bit vulnerable. That's okay."

"That's okay."

"Uh, dear Tracy, you need to start looking out for yourself. You need to take care of yourself. You feel betrayed a lot. You feel disconnected a lot from people who are meant to be close to you. People who were meant to love you never chose you. You became indifferent, guarded, angry, cold. You don't know how to love without doubting yourself. You choose the wrong people to give to and to love. You prioritize them over yourself. You need to start taking care of yourself. Stop doubting yourself. Stop allowing others to doubt you. Stop being lazy and stop being afraid. Learn how to take charge of your future. No one else is going to do it for you. You know you need this. Love, Tracy from from the future. I wrote, 'Love Tracy from the future.' Literally, it's me from the future."

"The AI version."

"And I'm like reading this now. First of all, I'm just like, how did you, like, I want to slap you first of all for thinking all of these things. It's almost like I want to say that."

"And then it, it brought me to the idea of, I was trying to think of what, what time that was at, what moment in my life. And it was at a moment where when I say, you know, you keep giving, you're loving the wrong people."

"Mhm."

"And I watched one of your episodes where you talked about your past where where you fell in love with a woman, and it came from a place of, uh, loving out of fear versus, you know, even though you were doing everything and you were the perfect boyfriend, which would look like on paper, the perfect boyfriend, because in essence, it was the fear of loss because you have lost in the past, you don't want to lose her."

"Exactly."

"And then I started to realize, [ __ ] that's probably why I always hit a wall when I was in love. Mhm."

"I always had men that loved me very much, but it almost felt maybe I was doing too, like I would remember the things I would do for their birthday, like redecorate the whole house, like over the top, like always over the top. So maybe that kind of love feels smothering at some point. Like, okay, you only, like now my, I just kiss my, my husband, like, I love you, happy birthday, kind of small gift, and it's okay. So, um, just when you go back into the patterns of why you attracted this, let's talk about love, for example, and relationships."

"People always kind of look at at their situation and they keep attracting the same thing over and over again, the same kind of man, the same kind of relationship, um, even the same kind of, you know, the loss of boundaries with people. Like, why do people keep stepping all over me? Why do people keep talking down to me? Like, why do they not talk down to her, my best friend, but they keep talking down to me? Um, so you talked about how people attract that, you know, because of the frequency and the energy that you emit."

"Yeah."

"Let's unravel a little bit about this whole thing."

"Yeah. It's fascinating, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"So, before we go there, I just want to invite you to sort of consider something in the letter, right? Because it was very kind and bold and courageous of you to share that, but also felt that the energy around it is still in your system."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, that's what I'm going to get to."

"Can I pull this out?"

"You, well, so what do you get when you read that? What do you, if that was a friend of yours, not you, a friend of yours, like, what would you see? How would you describe her view of herself?"

"I feel like I'd get mad at her."

"Well, you said that you were going to slap her."

"Yeah."

"But that's one of the things that I want to bring attention to, because it's so not true. You know what I mean? Like, so, so this is, so this is why I want to bring this up."

"Yeah, let's do it. Because what you're denying is like, I get it, but there's something what I'm saying that still defines your system, which is, you know, I'm just going to be straight with you. There's an absence of compassion."

"Yeah, I feel that sometimes."

"I can see that. Like, you're very sharp. You're more of a pitter type in terms of your constitution. So you're going to be intelligent. You're going to have a great eye. Maybe a bit of a perfectionist."

"But what that means is a lack of humanity."

"So, when you read that, what I hear is somebody's in pain."

"M."

"She's sad, she's being betrayed. Why, da da da. And what I heard is energetically, her stories would have been, 'I'm not lovable,' or 'I'm not loved. I'm somehow less than. There's something wrong with me.' These are sort of the main narratives that I would have felt were defining her identity."

"And then you come along as the 12-year-old senior and you want to slap her."

"So I think I understand a little bit about that because I've done some introspection on that. Um, maybe you can help me unravel this as well. Yeah."

"So I don't know where this came from, but when someone is extremely very vulnerable,"

"Yeah."

"I want to say weak, for no better lack of."

"No, that's the word that comes to mind. No, no, but that's, that's the judgment."

"Yeah, it's the judgment. So if, if it's a sibling, if it's a, a friend that comes from a very broken place,"

"Yeah."

"I feel a sense of like, um, I feel resistance."

"Yes."

"It really bothers me, like, and I'm just, I don't know how to give advice when you're this, like this. Um, I kind of want to talk at you instead of help you through it because I can't help you when you're in, when you're feeling so sorry for yourself."

"But then when someone comes to me who has more control over their emotions,"

"Yeah."

"And they're vulnerable with me, I'm, I'm like an open book. A friend is more in control, but she's very open and she says, 'I understand my feelings. This is what I'm feeling, and I know I can talk to her for three hours about it.' Because her vulnerability is not making me uncomfortable."

"Well, no one's vulnerability is making you uncomfortable. It's revealing the discomfort that's already in you."

"Okay, please explain."

"No one can make you feel anything."

"Life, you know my quotes because you've done your research. Like, one of my most popular ones is, 'Life will present you in people and circumstances to reveal where you're not free.' Yeah, I wrote that down."

"So, you're not free in the arena of something to do with weakness is the word that I heard when you were sort of circumnavigating this."

"So, what is it about you that is so disdainful about weakness? Like, where did you learn that? Uh, when you're weak, and this is later, I feel like it came later in life because I was a little bit more vulnerable, I say, when I was younger, but I feel like if I'm the one that needs to carry the ship together, and everyone's so volatile and so vulnerable all the time, that if I'm not in control, then everything, everybody would just fall apart."

"Got it."

"So I think that's where it is, and I just, I'm so tired of the energy of like, the, the, what's the word for it? Like a vampire energy where you feel like it's constantly draining because I have to really take care of their issue, and his issue, and his issue."

"So I have no more room for my issues."

"And the only person that holds space for my issues, is my husband."

"Yeah."

"And that's where I could cry, and I cry a lot. It's not like I don't. I, I actually feel released when I cry. So I have no issues there."

"I'm very childlike with my husband. Very."

"Yeah."

"Very childlike, you know, and he's the only one that sees that. And everybody else I feel can't handle my weakness. So then I have to just hold it together."

"So what's the lie about that particular characteristic and that behavior?"

"I mean, my, the reality is I have to have everything together."

"Yeah. So the way that I put it in terms of the narratives that I, you know, disclose in these subconscious patterns that everyone has is that it's all up to you."

"Right. So what is."

It just, if you stay within that realm? What is it like for you to walk around thinking that you know, in your time, you have to keep it together? What I'm hearing is it's all up to you.

"What does that feel like?"

"It's a lot."

"It's a lot. It's heavy."

"It's very heavy. It's a ton of pressure."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"So,"

"but I mean, there's nothing I can do about it. How do you change people around you? You can't."

"Okay."

"That's how I see it."

"No, I know. But this is just why you also want to slap the 12-year-younger version of you who's hurting."

"Yeah."

"That's why I'm saying there's no compassion. You're in the hot seat now."

"Yeah, it's okay. I don't mind it."

"No, I know. But do you see how quick you get to react? Like, there's nothing I can do about it. See, this is where a reality to you has become a truth."

"Ah, okay. So, there is something I can do about it. You want to tell me what it is? Because I'd love to."

"You could just slow down for a minute and let me help."

"Let's do it."

"Because you think it's all up to you. You can't even allow for contribution."

"Okay?"

"Do you see? Like, it's happening right now. Do you see the energy? It's so slippery."

"So what I'm offering you is this olive branch of like, you know, like freedom and liberation and maybe to give yourself a break from the idea that it's all up to you. And your brain is like, fighting for even, well, I want the answer because it's all up to me and I have to know so that I can keep saving everybody. Right?"

"Yeah."

"You see, it's so slippery."

"But it's so true. It's very spot on what you're saying. I constantly go back to the thing where I have to be in control of it. I have to figure it out. Yeah, which I have actually a question about that later, but let's get..."

"No, it's in control of you. Everybody's identity runs the show. So, even there, see, there's a little bit of breathing right now. That's a glimpse. That's a glimpse of some freedom and some space."

"So, let's just stay with the story that it's all up to you. You said it's heavy. There's a lot of pressure. And it also means that you have no bandwidth, space, or compassion for people that your brain is interpreting as adding pressure. You're under already an inordinate amount of oppression, but it's self-imposed. So when whoever comes, I don't know your family dynamic, but you know, even your dad thinking that he's failed you at some level is a pain in your ass 'cause it's like, get over yourself. You know, I'm trying to survive here."

"Right?"

"So then there's no compassion. You've lost intimacy. There's no affinity. You're not actually with your father's experience because you're too busy living in your reality that we don't have time to feel sorry for ourselves around here."

"Basically."

"Right? I don't even know your family, but I can read the energy. Right? So then what must it feel like? Maybe just use your dad as one example. If that's the way that you are unconsciously, energetically interacting with him, what might he feel like if his own daughter is not necessarily directly, but energetically saying, 'Fucking get over it.'"

"Yeah."

"What must his experience be in the presence of that kind of energy?"

"But I think of it like, for how long am I going to show the compassion which I've done so many times before?"

"I understand. But answer the question."

"Yeah. Yeah. He must feel [ __ ] about it for sure."

"Which then reinforces identity. Yeah."

"Do you see? So, this is how relationships keep each other alive."

"And your energy, albeit well-intended, as his own daughter who genuinely loves him, is only compounding the very story that he's still stuck in."

"Mhm."

"And then you're using him as the excuse for your story."

"Which is [ __ ] get your [ __ ] together. Don't you see that I'm keeping everybody like, you know, sane here."

"Which maintains your story that it's all up to you and no one's actually relating."

"Yeah. So, is it a truth, Tracy? Like, is it an absolute truth that everything's up to you?"

"Not how it feels, not the evidence that you're looking back at in your history."

"Uh, no. But I feel it's selfish if I don't try to say, save."

"That's one of the ways that you justify holding on to the identity."

"You know, like some people do advise me, like, why do you just not deal with this or just say no? I'm like, but then I leave them to drown."

"I know. No, no, no, no. That's the way you hold on to and justify it. You're not recognizing the power of choice."

"For you right now, it's all up to you. Doesn't occur as a choice. It's unconscious and it's wrapped in 'I have to.'"

"So when you have to do something, what does that feel like in your body if you have to do something?"

"It's a resistance. It feels heavy. Yeah."

"Like it just, it doesn't feel, uh, and I think this is where it comes from. Doesn't feel like I want, you know, the wanting. It doesn't pull. It feels like a push, you know."

"Yes. And that's the pressure, the oppression. And that's why there's resistance, no compassion, as I said, no affinity. You're in your own mind being forced to perform."

"And that's where, you know, for anybody, there's going to be resistance. And there's going to be, over time, you're young and you probably take care of yourself, but this is how people get sick."

"Yeah."

"So, is it an absolute truth that it's all up to you? No, it isn't."

"So, just stay there for a second."

"Yeah."

"If it wasn't up to you, what might become available in the way you could feel?"

"I think I could have a better relationship with all of them. Like, it won't always be about talking about scarcity, talking about money, talking about, 'Don't be careful with your money, don't spend.' And I'm just like, stop talking about money. Stop talking about these things. You're bringing this energy into my life, right?"

"So,"

"I feel like I can't change how they think and what they're going to do, but I would rather have a conversation about, I don't know."

"Mhm."

"So, how was your day? What was this? It's not always about fear-based and, you know..."

"Exactly. So, as you said..."

"Have a better relationship. That's that's the answer."

"Which is what I said earlier, that there's no affinity, no connection, no intimacy, right? So that's that's nice, right? With your own family, you, God forbid, that you actually have like a relationship."

"Yeah. And the moments where I catch the relationship, Christmas and whatever people are around, it's always when people are around, it's like a safe zone because if it's only them, the drama picks up again."

"I'm just like, this is what I want. That's all I want. I just want peace and like good conversation. I don't want us to drag into the history and what your dad did to me. My mom would say that, and what we, my dad did, and what, you know, how she never coped and she was depressed and I'm still..."

"Oh yeah. So how would you feel? So you're describing what you could have with them, which is beautiful. Better relationships. But how would you feel if you really got that it's not all up to you?"

"Freedom."

"Isn't that great? Can you feel it in your body? Can you feel the lightness?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Yeah."

"Freedom. Like, absolutely."

"Yeah. So that is the essence of who you are now."

"So we got rid of addiction, albeit temporarily, as you were saying earlier. Oh, but it comes back or how, you know, we'll wait and see."

"But you just tapped into the essence of who you are. Freedom. I am freedom from that place. Now you can make a choice."

"And your choice might mean that you want to help family."

"Now do you see there's a difference? You've been doing it under the auspices of 'I have to.' No choice. I see."

"Oppression. Pressure."

"You know, a few of my, you know, with multiple billionaires, and one of them, I can remember one day he was so pissed. We're in his office and he's like, 'You know what the [ __ ]? Everybody just comes to me. There's always [ __ ] problems, effing and blinding, you know.' And he's like, 'You know, I just have to bail out my ex-wife.' And I said to him, 'Interesting choice of language.'"

"And he's like,"

"'Have to, have to, have to.' Yeah. As opposed to just, 'I want to be there for them.'"

"'I get to.' 'I love to.'"

"'I get to.' Even, yeah."

"Now, how does that feel?"

"Much nicer, isn't it?"

"Feels more pleasant."

"And it taps into the energy of abundance. 'Have to.' You're no different than the fear that they're espousing that you're pissed off of, which is why you have a reaction to it because it's revealing the energy you're stuck in yourself. Yours just looks more auspicious, you know, and a little bit superior 'cause I'm the one keeping everyone together. No, you're coming from fear and oppression as well."

"But when you go, 'No, I'm free.' And it might mean that they scuffle. They might fail. That, you know, if you can take the worst-case scenario, they're still going to be okay."

"Mhm."

"My, my joke is, you'll always survive until you don't."

"Yeah. Exactly. And then you deal with that later."

"But then you wouldn't know. You just..."

"Exactly. So for you now, you go into freedom. You went from oppression and 'have to' and all of this resistance, which creates the rage, the lack of compassion, so much judgment about people you love. So you're a you're a fraud."

"Yeah."

"Right. And these are ugly things to see, but it's no fault. But it's like liberating. It's like, holy [ __ ] when I come from freedom now, I get to choose. I love my family."

"And it would make the a bit more space. You'd be more playful in the interaction."

"Yeah."

"Because right now, it's sort of more like it's a it's a prison sentence, right? Like you, I have to, and this is, I know when I go over there, you've already..."

"Next time when I get there, if I hear this thing one more time, it's going to piss me off. It's like, and I, I already go with this energy of like, I know they're going to say the thing and I know they're going to do the thing and it's really going to annoy me and they don't learn and I keep telling them to stop and they do it anyway."

"And you go with the bad energy. So yeah, you're right. If I go..."

"But you do."

"Yeah."

"See, even in language there, that's a safe way. You said, 'you go with the bad.' I've never met your [ __ ] family, right? Do you see? But it's just..."

"Yes, I know. But that's a way that we mitigate responsibility. Now you're tapping into power and it's like, holy [ __ ] So, do you know categorically that when you go and see your folks, that they're going to have the normal story? Do you categorically know that?"

"I mean, history is..."

"Yeah. But that's why you're stuck."

"Yeah."

"Everyone's being defined by a history. When I work with this NBA guy who had the worst free-throw shooting average in the league, 37%, and the, the average is 78%. Some of the best players. I don't know how many people watch basketball, but it's like 90%. 'Cause it's a relatively easy shot."

"So, the delta between him, you know, getting three out of 10 versus seven, eight out of 10 could be the difference in the game. So I went to his house. He's getting paid 19, 20 million a year, embarrassed 'cause it's him that's letting the team down, typically. And I said, 'So when you stand at the line and you're making your shot, what are you thinking?' He's like, 'Well, I'm trying not to miss.'"

"Being defined by his history."

"Mhm."

"And I said, 'That's a self-fulfilling prophecy.' I said, 'What if I told you for the rest of the season that you shoot league average?' He looked at me like, 'Fuck that.' I mean, he probably would have written a check for any amount. He's like, 'You can do that?' I'm like, 'Well, I'm just telling you a different future. You're trying to avoid a bad future that hasn't happened yet, which is a reflection of a history that you haven't been able to fully accept.'"

"He's like, 'Holy shit.' Like, he just wanted to go and play right then. He's like, 'I feel amazing.'"

"So, you feel this in sports. I mean, like you're mentioning now, even with workouts, even with paddle. I pay paddle..."

"When I talk [ __ ] about myself, like, 'You're such an idiot, Tracy. How'd you miss the shot?' I'll miss like 10 after. But then if I start saying, and I would practice that, like, 'You got this, Chase. You're going to hit it. You're going to hit it.' And I would hit such a perfect shot. And I'm like, it's crazy. Like, just the words you say and what you tell yourself, it would really redirect, no matter how many shots I missed in the past. If I just change the narrative I tell myself, it would it would fix the game."

"Oh, like the narrative, 'It's all up to you.'"

"Yeah. But now I'm getting it now. Like, I just use it in sports, but I don't use it here. So, it's it's interesting."

"Yeah. Nor does anyone who's listening right now. I promise you, every single listener is being defined by unconscious commitments that they made as a child in language that's creating their suffering."

"And there's nothing more liberating than breaking out of that. As I tell people, the most costly way to live is to stay within of your limitations."

"So, you on that note, let's let's get to that one. You said that."

"So juicy and I just want to wrap this up. It's so beautiful."

"I really, really just thank you for letting me contribute here because right now you're sitting with me in a studio having this conversation. You know, we're nowhere near your family, but you've changed the dynamic of your family."

"Yeah."

"That's power. Now, I'm not saying that when you go over there tomorrow, later, or whatever, yeah,"

"That they aren't going to say the same things."

"But you'll have a different perspective on it."

"You'll have at least a a little bit of a space, a sound bite, and you'll be able to see from a different place, not through the lens of 'Tracy, I, it's up to me,' where you're now in damage control. So, that's the power of manifestation. And so, we can, because you said earlier, we can't change other people just by the presence we bring and the way we view them. Every relationship, and this is a very advanced teaching, exists inside of you."

"Because if I went to see someone who grew up with your dad, went to school with him and has known him for 60, 70 years, he'd have a different view. True."

"So, which one is accurate?"

"Right? So we carry the view of people inside of our lens of our life and then we relate to them based on how we see them."

"Which then perpetuates the very dynamic that we often will complain about."

"Yeah, that's so true. I mean, you see this with, let's say, I don't know, a a a son with his father. The dynamic is so different to when he's with his friends."

"'Cause what he, what he mirrors towards his friends is very different to what he's mirroring towards his father. I totally see that."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"So, you just became a great gift, ironically, in not having to think it's all up to you. You became actually more influential for your family because you get to mitigate some of that legacy of suffering and limitation and scarcity."

"Just by you realizing, 'Wow, I'm so abundant. It's not all up to me. I can choose.' And going back to the billionaire story when he was like, 'I have to do this,' and I said, 'Interesting choice of language,' and you got it very quickly."

"And I told him, and he's like, 'What do you mean?' Like, 'I, I'm the one with the money.' I said, 'Yeah, but does that mean you have to?'"

"He's like, 'Well, no, but what are they going to do without it?'"

"I don't know. Maybe they'd find some. Maybe you'd actually empower them to get their [ __ ] together. And he's like, 'Well, I never looked at it like that.' And I said, 'But that's not my point. You get to. You choose to.' And he started to smile. Like it found that sense of contribution, service that he actually loves his family, even his ex, you know. So rather being in the story of 'I have to,' he suddenly found this sense of self-worth that he gets to contribute."

"Yeah."

"So he went from pressure to actually being of, you know, contribution, love, because he can choose to, and he loves to help people."

"Yeah. Shift his whole dynamic of his day. And then..."

"It's true. It's true. I mean, I think of it, it's not the help that I, that bothers me. It's when they don't accept it or when they're victims. When they have all the help they need, they get, that is a thing that it's like, it's not the fact that I don't want to help. I have to help them. It's more like..."

"Just stop talking about the past. Stop talking about things we can't change. Let's move on. Let's move past. Let's move, flip the chapter."

"Yeah."

"Uh, and I think a lot of people go through this, especially with family, because you can't pick your family. You're..."

"You, your family is an extension of who you are. And at least in my culture,"

"Your family will always be there. I think in the West, it's a very common thing where you like detach. Okay, I'm not talking to my mom anymore. We don't check out in my culture. So we will always be there for better or for worse, through the pain and through the bad energy."

"Yeah."

"But..."

"It's just the dynamic of, you're right to say like..."

"How I show up. I mean, a trigger that I can get from a thing my mom would say would take me back to a 14-year-old. Like, I won't know how to respond other than how a 14-year-old would respond. Yeah."

"That and I could respond beautifully in a very different context with somebody else who doesn't trigger me on the same point."

"But it's because she's not letting go of a past pattern that it brings me back to that 14-year-old girl that I don't want to be anymore, you know?"

"Which means who else is not letting go of the past pattern?"

"The trigger is what brings me back there."

"Right? But you're saying she's not letting go of the past, but you're doing the same."

"By becoming the, by reacting."

"It's still in your system. That's what I'm saying. Even the letter you wrote right now. So, we can start to bring that back to the 12, you know, year older version or younger version of you."

"Yeah."

"You know that you're having this feeling of like, I just want to slap her."

"She's suffering."

"Yeah."

"Yeah. I mean..."

"The normal person, a normal person would say, 'I just want to hug her.'"

"But I'm just like, why are you talking?"

"But you don't have time to do that. You're trying to keep everybody alive."

"Yeah. Right? Do you see? So now we tap..."

"And more than anything, I realize how untrue it is. Like, why do you think that? That's so untrue. But it was my reality back then, you know?"

"And that's why I'm bringing it up now because you're living in a reality that if we meet in 12 years from now, you're like, 'Oh my god.'"

"Yeah. Probably. That's why it's so important to journal. It made me see like, [ __ ] like if you just write things down and you go back and you can say how much you've grown from there, you know? But that's why I'm asking you to consider to have the softness that you started to feel in your breathing when you let go of the idea that it's all up to you because then that compassion is love and that's what the world needs more than anything without sounding cliche, particularly your family. The energy you're bringing to them is more tyranny. You know, I know that's a horrible word, but it's like you're trying to control them all, which is oppression. And then they have defiance because they want to hold on to their own beliefs of inadequacy, scarcity, or whatever. So everybody's maintaining the same friction."

"Yeah."

"Versus when you soften, obviously you're a pivotal leader in this family and so they're looking to you and if you're in a state of fear, albeit you think it's like helping them, it's quite the antithesis. Yeah."

"Whereas now, it's like, it's okay. You know, you just, the demeanor, the energy that you bring is itself transformative."

"I'm glad we brought that up. Um, so I want to talk to you about a lot of things. I'm just realizing time is flying. So, let's quickly jump into this."

"I'll come back in 12 years and..."

"We can have another one. Um, so a lot of my work and I mean, you can obviously see this now, but everything I talk about and what works for me usually is in the productivity space. To be disciplined, you need to be consistent with what you what you're after so that you can reach your goal."

"Mhm."

"And then I find that it's it, it sometimes you can, you know, be the machine that always works and does your thing and whatever, but other times you're not in a place where you have control over certain things."

"So you have to surrender. You know."

"I'll give you an example. I'm saying this on the podcast for the first time, but by the time this comes out, I will announce it, but I'm pregnant. Okay."

"Okay."

"So, um,"

"I found this to be so true for me when I, when I, when I got pregnant. I'm now four and a half months pregnant."

"But I remember feeling, 'cause I've done the IVF process 'cause I wasn't getting pregnant naturally."

"And I had to surrender to the hormones and surrender to, you know, Western medicine, which I [ __ ] hate usually. Like, I always do things in a functional way. And and I realized like, now I'm a, you know, I have to succumb to this. There's a lot of surrender that comes to your body changing, the hormones, even the productivity. Like the Tracy of four and a half months ago, I was on top of my [ __ ] all the time. I could do things very differently to how I do them now. Yeah."

"Now I need more breaks. Now I get tired. I don't want to do [ __ ] sometimes. I just want to chill."

"And there was a whole resistance and a fight with myself of like..."

"Feeling guilty and shame because I know what, you know, you don't have control over your, your stuff anymore."

"Yeah."

"And then I realized that you do coach high performers. So they probably, a lot of them are probably like me in the sense where..."

"If you want to be a high performer,"

"You have to have consistency, discipline, do it even if you don't feel like it. You have to have kind of this mindset."

"Mhm."

"But then how do you do the work and surrender?"

"Mhm."

"When you also have to keep up this persona?"

"Great question. So first of all, the lie is that you have to, right? Still the same language."

"Still using the same language."

"Yeah. Do you see how insidious it is?"

"And also, without getting into, but because you've been so, you know, courageous again to share and congratulations."

"Thanks."

"One of the reasons you couldn't get pregnant is because of that mindset. So I'm four for four with women who couldn't get pregnant. One of whom was 52."

"And it's the energetics. So if you were to look at it in terms of masculine and feminine, when someone is super driven, they're in this state of oppression, they feel they have to, and they're highly disciplined, which one is that more of?"

"Masculine."

"Totally."

"Yeah."

"How, you know, I mean, it's changed nowadays. Men can have babies apparently."

"Apparently. So..."

"Right? So, but if you look at it energetically, that's why..."

"And this is precisely why for me this is such a beautiful conversation because I'm helping you to tap more into your feminine, which couldn't be a greater timing in terms of what you're about to prepare for because your child right now is imbibing the energy of this sort of masculine dominant disciplined sort of 'have to.'"

"And I would encourage you to consider that's not the greatest environment for a baby to grow up in."

"Mhm."

"They might become a high achiever, but to what extent, right?"

"So for you right now to be able to recognize and have this conversation, I think is very timely and probably no coincidence."

"So that you can recognize and you said like, 'I [ __ ] hate this,' and like the way that you speak, there's a lot of resistance. That's the antithesis of the feminine."

"So you having this conversation, not only for your family, but also for the family you're about to give birth to, whenever, is embracing. It's not surrender so much as really, I would say things like grace and harmony, which is more the feminine qualities. There's a, there's a serenity about you that's wanting to be born."

"And that energy is much more abundant than the forced 'have to.' One of my greatest performers, he's, um, first baseman for the New York Yankees. So, a real stud. And four or five seasons ago, he won the biggest accolade in the major league baseball league, which is the MVP of the National League. They have two MVPs, American League and American National League. And, um, he got the National League. And early on in the season, he's, you know, being one of the better players, just like you described, uber disciplined. And he was scuffling a bit, like, so he was getting strikeouts and not doing so well. And he's getting very frustrated, which you can imagine is typical for especially a man and particularly a man who's being paid, I don't know, what his contract was, 250 million or something for, you know, 10 years, not too shabby. And he..."

"Was then perpetuating the frustration of, you know, him striking out because when you're in a state of resistance, anger, annoyance, you're you're not performing naturally. There's not an effortlessness like you were talking about with paddle, right?"

"So, we had an amazing conversation and I said to him, you know, you're missing one point about your attribute of skills, of which he's got many. And he's like, 'Well, what is that?' I said, 'That you have the capacity to suck.'"

"And he's like, 'What the [ __ ] are you talking about?'"

"'Is that as part of the suite of you as an athlete, as a human being, you have the capacity to to to suck, to be [ __ ]?'"

"He's like, 'Well, yeah, but I don't want to.'"

"And I'm like, 'That's precisely why you're losing. That's precisely why you're struggling because you're not embracing your humanity.'"

"'You're paid a lot of money to perform, but you're still human.' And in a sport that is defined by failure, the best in the world in baseball are three out of 10, bat 300, and they go into the Hall of Fame. Like, so if you're mediocre, you bat maybe two out of 10, but you're still getting paid millions of dollars. You're good enough to be in the big leagues."

"And when he really got it, I could feel, we're on a phone call. I could feel his whole body just relax. And he he started laughing. I'm like, 'How many other guys in the league strike out?' He's like, 'Everyone.' Oh, but you're not supposed to."

"Yeah."

"Do you see? You have to be okay with the human part of you that won't succeed in order for you to..."

"Are you telling me or yourself?"

"Yeah. Well, I need to be okay. I need to find better words."

"I'm okay. Yeah."

"Do you see?"

"I get it."

"So then he went on, just like the free-throw shooter, to actually have the best season because he was the MVP. But the access to it wasn't through discipline. It was actually the antithesis. It was the opposite. It was the removal of the pressure that itself is resistance. You know, if you look at down anatomically, you know, if people aren't watching, I'm I'm grabbing my fist, right? And squeezing. Where is there room for contribution, receiving, you know, any kind of like uh an offering if you're so tight, right? Even physiologically, the blood vessels are are squeezed. There's higher blood pressure. And most of the athletes and high performers, they're practicing in a completely different state. They're chill, they're joking around, they're, you know, so they're practicing their craft in one state. I mean, I had an LPGA golfer once, you know, who was considered one of the best players and on the range, everyone would watch her. Her ball striking was beautiful, but she wasn't getting the results when she competed. And she's like, 'I don't understand what's going on.' I said, 'Well, you're literally a different human.' She's like, 'What do you mean?' I said, 'Well, on the range, you're goofing around with your caddy and you're talking, you're relaxed, and on the course, I don't think I've even seen you smile.'"

"I said, 'I might as well give your [ __ ] golf clubs to somebody else.'"

"And she's like, 'Oh my god.'"

"Like so again, to see that one of the biggest obstacles actually to the greatest performance of any human being is to embrace your humanity."

"The greatest golfer of all times, Jack Nicklaus, said that, you know, he's he's got all the accolades, even more than Tiger Woods in terms of more majors and wins. He said that one of the most important parts of winning is being okay losing. He didn't say I want to lose. He didn't say I'm trying to lose, but I'm okay with it. And as soon as you're okay with that outcome, guess what happens? It doesn't define you anymore."

"I think tennis players have to feel that on the court every second."

"Yeah, I might be working with a couple for that reason coming up. But yeah."

"Because, yeah, I see it."

"Yeah. So you..."

"And it's also a different, I mean, even if you're thinking in the context of discipline, it's also, I started to learn this when I'm like doing my version of introspecting, like it's a different type of discipline where I need to learn now the discipline of surrender. Just..."

"Let it surrender to whatever is happening, to whatever, I mean, and it is exhausting to always feel like you need to control every outcome. What if this doesn't happen? What if I lose this contract? What's going to happen in six months when I have the baby? What's going to..."

"Yeah."

"And it's just exhausting. So..."

"That is the predominant state of every human being on the planet and especially those listening right now. People are exhausted."

"And that's why disease, sickness is so prevalent."

"And why, you know, I'm speaking at these big events here in Dubai and Abu Dhabi, and I always tell people, you can't access true health until you free your mind."

"We can fill in health with abundance, love. You can't access true wealth until you free your mind. You can't access true intimacy until you free your mind. It all stems, like the the number one access to living a potential, uh, living your potential or living a beautiful life is is is freeing your mind."

"And I think I pray on that every morning. I mean, when I do my meditation and my breathwork, and I pray, whether I'm praying or whether I'm doing the meditation, it's always, 'Teach me how to let go.' 'Show me how to surrender to it.' Like..."

"'Take me out of this and let me,' as opposed to, 'Give me the answer.' 'Show me how.' 'Let me know.' I always try to rework it."

"Yeah."

"And try to go back to it in my mind throughout the day. Like, what were you praying on? What were you meditating on? So that..."

"I don't have to feel like I'm the only one that has, I have to control everything. I could surrender to the universe. I could surrender to God. And maybe I could find answers there, too."

"But it's so hard when you don't see the outcome yet, when you're still waiting. Like, hello. That's..."

"We're waiting. Can you just show me?"

"That's the impatience. That's the fear. That's the control. So what I hear you describing is that you realize, you know, with the surrender, with the prayer, with God, that maybe it's not all up to you."

"I would prefer it not to be. That's the truth. Like, I wish it wasn't all up..."

"But it's not."

"That's what we discovered today. So I'm I'm playing with you, but now you can see there are other forces at play."

"Yeah."

"Let's talk about manifestation a little bit, just so I can understand."

"Um, you know how you say surrender and..."

"Be in the present."

"Mhm."

"I manifestation in that in that context feels almost like egotistical."

"Because you think that you're lacking. That's why you're asking for abundance. That's why you're asking for, you know,"

"Whatever."

"Whatever you ask for, from health."

"So, how do you differentiate between manifestation where you're speaking from a place of 'I don't have. I want abundance. I want health. I want love.'"

"Yeah."

"Versus being okay with the self and who you are?"

"Yeah. Well, that's why I said earlier, most people don't understand what manifestation is because you have, during the course of this conversation, seen that you've been manifesting exhaustion."

"You've been manifesting conflict in the family. You know, you've been manifesting trials and tribulations to get pregnant that were costly. They were tiresome. They probably hurt, right?"

"But you weren't praying for those, were you? You weren't manifesting, 'I can't wait to be exhausted later today.'"

"No, of course not. It's because of what you're living in the present."

"Well, it's not even the present. It's based on the way that you're coded. It's based on your programming. Your wiring is manifestation. If I pick up a pen and it's got red ink in it, manifestation is red."

"The the pen isn't going, 'I'd really love blue.'"

"Yeah."

"You know, so a human being, that's why I was saying the most costly way to live is to stay within your limitations because manifestation is an extension of your current limitations. So when people want things, usually wanting, as you said, is based in 'I don't have.' But the 'not having' is the current extension of your manifestation. Do you see?"

"So how would you do it?"

"How would you suggest people manifest then?"

"Well, they have to work with me and do my mastermind and and get out of their current wiring. And no, it doesn't have to be with me, but you have to recognize what is it that you're currently conditioned to manifest."

"But this is why it's so slippery because these are the blind spots. Until we had this conversation today, you were really under the impression that it's really up to you to take care of everybody in your family."

"And now you can see it's not. It's a choice. So the manifestation led to conflict, not listening, not having affinity with your family, judgment, being triggered by your mom because of what happened when we were 14. Exhaustion, not being able to conceive. That's manifestation."

"Right?"

"All based on a lie that it's all up to you that created oppression, resistance, stress, frustration, judgment. Now you get to step into this new world and it's going to take a minute. You got to practice. You're going to revert. You're going to go over there. Mom's going to say the same thing and your body's going, 'Oh, fuck.' Like, 'Oh, wait a minute. She's just saying something. I don't have to react.' Right now, you have introduced choice."

"So, when you introduce choice and you start to come from different wiring, you start to manifest differently. It's an integral, like cascade of how things come into creation. Manifestation is really looking at an outcome and a result. Prior to every outcome and result is always the actions you take, right? That's just it's obvious. Most people have whatever it is that they have that they don't want. So, they go to see an expert in the realm of, 'What should I do differently?' Right? They're trying to change actions and behaviors."

"But prior to actions and behaviors, you're being driven by thoughts and feelings. But what most people don't get to is the level that I deal with is what's before thoughts and feelings. The the you that you are for yourself, your identity."

"Mhm."

"You know, for a woman in, you know, wherever like I used to live in LA for my sins, but you know, she might be on Raya and all these apps and she's like, 'There's no good men in LA of 22 [ __ ] million people.' It's like, 'Yep, you're right. No, that's her belief,' which is based on. And so she feels resigned, cynical. What are her actions? She might smoke, drink, you know, try and manipulate her body to be more sexy to try and get an outcome and manifest a relationship. But her thoughts and feelings as 'no good men,' which creates this sort of sense of cynicism, is all being driven by the deeper thing that she can't see that she's unlovable."

"And then if we go back to when she was five and realize that her sister would get always the attention at school 'cause she was in the pageant and da da da and she had the first boyfriend, you know, it's all a story that she made up, but she's manifesting."

"Yeah."

"And then all of a sudden, you know, if we break out on that and she realizes, 'Oh, I'm not unlovable.' How would I feel? Oh, I could relax and da da da. Oh, and then all of a sudden, you know, of those 22 million, you know, it's like you've got [ __ ] 10 Sudas next weekend, you know."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"So, we are collapsing time and the quantum has got every possibility in it, but based on the way that we see things, we will literally collapse time into the unconscious programming that we're oblivious to that is nonetheless confining us."

"It's madness. And then you wonder why people [ __ ] drink so much or need medication."

"Yeah. It's the behavior that they resort to when they just need to numb it."

"Yeah. Which is part of the same wiring."

"Yeah. Because people don't want to suffer. And that's why I said freedom is the antithesis of suffering. So why I joked at the beginning, 'What am I doing? Liberating souls,' you know, no big deal."

"Yeah. That's it. It's a tiny job."

"Yeah."

"Um, so, uh, there is no greater addiction than one's idea of oneself. The addiction to identity. You said,"

"Which is what we've been talking about all morning."

"What we've been talking about. So, um..."

"We just broke part of your addiction."

"Exactly. So, you say that, um, your own, your addiction to your identity is your biggest limitation."

"Yeah. So if someone were to, I mean, I know it's a, it's a whole work, like a whole series of things they need to do, but if someone were to say..."

"To identify with being something, I mean, do you not feel like there's a a version of you that you can identify with that's only going to bring good? If I identify as someone who, you know,"

"Is a philanthropist or I identify as someone who helps people, who who works hard, who gets what she wants, is that also..."

"Ego."

"Yeah. Anything that you can identify with is not you because you're the person, the being with whom, you know, is creating the identification, right? Meaning any idea, like I said, anything that can change, like your 12-year-younger self that you were reading that letter from, it's changed. So anything that can change. So if somebody, like my athlete that I was talking about, he could identify as a great performer and then he doesn't..."

"You know, so that becomes more. So really, the opportunity is to recognize your, your, your pure possibility, which is, you know, um, a much more liberating state to live in. But then you also collapse time based on the choices you make. Now, most people aren't making choices because they're being driven by their conditioning. So, you're fighting truly the wiring and the programming got established from childhood, which goes even deeper as far as I'm concerned. I say that you actually incarnated with these constraints. That's the human journey is that we arrive with these constraints and the opportunity is to transcend them and break free to realize the soul that we are beneath it all."

"Mhm."

"So, there's no, in terms of trying to discover it. You just have to look at your life. What is it that you keep creating? What is it that you get triggered by? This is when people say, 'Oh, well, how do I break free?' I'm like, 'Just live your life and see who pisses you off.'"

"That's your opportunity, you know?"

"But why can't you identify with an identity..."

"And also be okay with if that identity doesn't come to the forefront, you're also okay with the opportunity?"

"Because the way you're describing it, it's a compensation. Most people are trying to, like, that's affirmations, right? People feel like [ __ ] They look in the mirror and say, 'I love you. You're amazing.' Right? So that's whipped cream on [ __ ] is the expression I use. Right? So they're saying that they are something that they don't like. Create suffering, constraint, limitation, and suffering. And so now then they try to create an identity on top of that as a compensation. So if someone's not good enough, they don't know that, but that's who they are for themselves. That's the the the addiction, the identity. Then the compensation is typically something like work harder, like you disciplined, or become a people pleaser or a perfectionist, of which you obviously have no traits."

"Zero."

"And so now you've already based on the identity that you are oblivious to, but nonetheless defines you, you've created compensation patterns. And then you might realize, well, I'm super tired and this is exhausting. No one gives a [ __ ] anyway. I'm not getting promoted at work. I'm not finding love. So now I'm going to create another identity. But it's still on the fundamental foundation of the fact that you're not enough."

"So for me, why I say I don't solve problems, I dissolve them is dissolution of the identity, which then leaves you with pure possibility and freedom."

"Then you get to make conscious choices. But that's a whole different undertaking. You know, most people's identities they're trying to choose is really pretense. It's a facade."

"You know, I mean, how many people do you know like just in this town or around the world who are pretending that their life's together, but underneath it they're a [ __ ] wreck?"

"Of course. I mean, especially in the world of social media when you..."

"Present your personal brand. Yeah."

"All of a sudden, you have to live up to this identity or personal branding."

"And then it's so much more exhausting than when you weren't telling anyone about it, you know? So, it's just like, but I don't want to [ __ ] do anything today. I just want to chill. I want to sit on the sofa and I want to eat donuts and that's all I want to do. And you don't want to have to be the disciplined person all the time. And it's just, it's tough. I think a lot of people out there will relate to the idea of having yourself, like, I'm sure with you as well, like you always have to put yourself out there. No, I don't have to. I, I'm very happy being me. That's the difference. That's why I'm so chill and I'm my my..."

"But don't you think people perceive you as someone else?"

"They perceive me how the [ __ ] they want to perceive me. I can't control that. What? Like, as I said, people are like, 'I'm so worried what people think about you.' I'm like, 'No, you're not.' They're like, 'What do you mean?' I'm like, 'You're worried what you think other people think about you.'"

"Yeah. It's about how you, your ego. Yeah. Yeah. That's true."

"I'm like, 'Let people freaking think whatever the [ __ ] they think.'"

"Yeah."

"Like, who, who am I to discern like what they think about me? I, that would be exhausting. I'm going to be me. I do the best I can. I'm not perfect. And typically that seems to be quite liberating for people and refreshing."

"Yeah."

"You know,"

"And of course, I love what I do and I'm very passionate about helping people to get out of this crazy loop of suffering, which then leads to more fear and disease and dysfunction and scarcity. And that's why people seem to gravitate to my work because they're like, 'I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired.'"

"Yeah."

"You know. So, yeah."

"So tell me about how people can find you and a little bit about your work as well. Um, so just my name in terms of Instagram, Facebook, website, peterone, you know, .com, peterone, all of that. Um, and then if people are interested in going deeper, as I mentioned earlier, like I have a three and a half month mastermind. So depending on when this comes out, that starts on 21st of February. It'd be great if this comes out before then, but I don't know if it will. Um, where I lead 30 plus hours of both theory, breaking down all of the stuff we've talked about today. I coach people kind of similar to what I did with you, which is the part that people love 'cause everyone can relate to it. I mean, I, I don't know how many, especially women out there who I'm sure is the majority of your audience are like, 'Holy [ __ ], I'm doing the same thing. I think it's up to me.' And so right now, people in their cars, in their beds, sitting by a pool are like, breathing deeper and the world just became healthier courtesy of your courage. So, you know, that's what I do in the mastermind. And it's so fun and inspiring to see someone who might have for 50, 60 years thought that they were a mistake until now they realize they can't be a mistake 'cause they're here. And then the sobbing and the release, it's just so beautiful. So, that's that's what I encourage people to do if they're really committed to breaking free."

"It's online, the mastermind. Anyone can do it."

"Yeah. They can do it from anywhere and around the world. And, um, you can access it for over a year. And, yeah."

"And the lineup to all of your events, are they listed somewhere?"

"Uh, life events, we're starting to work on in terms of having a schedule. Typically right now, I get hired like this festival that I'm speaking to or the World Government Summit, which is a big deal and fun, um, or corporations that hire me for keynotes, you know, so I do a lot of that. We do live events periodically. We don't have like a, you know, a rockstar calendar yet for the different cities I'm going to, but we're working on it. Yeah. Exactly."

"I'm sure it will come."

"Yeah."

"Um, last question."

"Yeah."

"The show is called What They Don't Tell Us. If you can leave people with the one thing that you wish they would know, they would know that people don't usually tell them, what is it?"

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with you."

"I love it. Thank you, Peter."

"Thank you. A pleasure to be with you."