Transcription
I wasn't able to save my mom and my daddy. So, I fell in love with a man I would have to save and raise. And then I felt guilty for leaving him because now I would I have to admit I still couldn't save him either. You're in a losing battle. You've defined yourself as savior. Mhm. What if redefining yourself sounds harsh, but it looks like someone who's willing to let people drown if it means that I myself am saved?
[music] [music] Hey you guys, Britney Noel here and I am so excited to finally be bringing Heart Talks to YouTube [music] as we are getting ready to launch Heart Talks 2026. six. I felt it was no better way than to bring [music] you guys some of your favorite Heart Talks moments. All of the viral videos that you've seen on Tik Tok and Instagram, you're finally going to get to see the extended versions on YouTube. So, kick back, enjoy, and most importantly, let's all learn and heal and grow together.
But I always say that when you find yourself in a place that has something that you need, you do yourself a disservice by not speaking up. And there were many times in my journey where I knew I needed something from somebody, but I was too afraid. And for many of us, asking for help makes us feel small. And I was um I am the middle child of five. And I've always been the one that people came to. So when it was time for me to ask questions, I felt ashamed because I should know I should have it all together. Nobody has it all together. So, I'm giving you permission to not have it all together tonight. And to lean on somebody the way you allow everybody else to lean on you, right?
Okay. Does that make sense? Um, ooh, a lot of what I came here for was I was heard with with that, but I I wanted to get a little bit more clarity on, um, I had a child at uh, 24 with the man that I met when I was 20. Um, he was 10 years my senior and now we are not together because I decided to leave when I was 27. um he was not happy with that. And I'm still trying to um rebuild a relationship outside of the relationship that was once created for just co-parenting sake, right? Um I don't have him on papers. I don't ask him for anything. But when I initially decided to separate, I thought that he would be someone in his son's life because you know he talked a lot about that during um you know us deciding to have a child that he wanted to do something different than his dad. And so I do have sympathy for the fact that like his dad wasn't in his life and he doesn't know what it looks like. Um and I also have sympathy for the fact that I'm a really great woman. So when I decided to leave him I knew that I was leaving with a lot. You know what I mean? So, it's heavy to see him and to see him sad because I really do want the best for him and I want the best for my son. Huh.
But, um, I'm struggling with this tissue. Thank you. I'm struggling with like how to communicate in moments where I do get angry because he's trying to disappoint me and he's trying to like not be in his son's life to disappoint me specifically. Like, he loves his son. I know he loves his son, but he he's so hurt that I don't want to be with him that he's willing to hurt me by not being around at all. So, he decided to move completely across the country and just not be involved. Um, unless it's on his terms. And I'm very flexible. I try to, you know, meet him where he's at and make sure he can see him whenever it's available for him to see him. Um, but it's draining. It's draining especially because I am mothering me and I'm in that chapter now. you know, I turned 30 in a month at the end of this month and so I'm just like this is not we can't keep doing this. You know, our son is getting older. Um, so yeah. Anyway, I'm rambling, but if you have any advice on that, like how do you co-parent with someone who's unwilling and hurt, but then you're in a space of forgiveness and ready to move on, but they're not?
While you were talking, I heard a lot about where he is in his process and how he feels. Where are you in your process and how you feel? I'm very happy with my decision to leave and I feel like I'm doing the best that I've ever done. But it's sad when like I'm doing so well and and I can't express that around him. I have to like [laughter] talk to me. I was looking for it. I found it. Yeah. Survivors remorse, right? I'm [snorts] happy and I'm doing good and I can't fix him and I want to fix him because this is the father of my son and we have history and I genuinely care about him and now you're in a season where you get to be happy and you feel bad about it. You feel guilty and you're overcompensating and because I was definitely gonna get to your lack of boundaries with how you make way more concessions than you probably should to make it easier for him. And this is why he can ghost you cuz he knows, oh, she's going to be flexible. She going to bend over backwards. Mhm. Because you overcompensate because you feel guilty. And I think the guilt even overpowers the mother of I want you here for our son. I think it's I feel so bad that I'm living this great life and you're watching me and you're struggling.
Where did your pattern of saving people begin and who did you feel you have to save when you were younger? [laughter] My mom passed away from cancer when I was nine and um my dad turned to alcohol so I felt like I had to save him. Yeah. mama. And he was a great dad. He still is a great dad. I love him to death. [snorts] But yeah. [laughter] And the father of your child, what was he suffering with when you met him? [snorts] Who we You don't have to say it, but yeah, that's your pattern. Yeah. I wasn't able to save my mom and my daddy. So, I fell in love with a man I would have to save and raise. M and then I felt guilty for leaving him because now I would I have to admit I still couldn't save him either. You're in a losing battle. You've defined yourself as savior. What if redefining yourself sounds harsh, but it looks like someone who's willing to let people drown if it means that I myself am saved.
And it's funny cuz when we were in therapy together before we broke up, she literally asked me, she was like, "Are you willing to let this die to to find yourself?" And I said, "Yes." In front of him and [snorts] wow, that's deep. Yeah. Thank you for that. In your season, because you're in a good season. She's in her summer. Okay. It's the summer season where things are growing and things are sprouting and and when you are out of alignment with who you're supposed to be, meaning we're in relationships we're not supposed to be in, we're in jobs we're not supposed to be in, it looks like your life is in a season of winter, like everything is depressed, everything's dying, nothing's really vibrant here. But the minute that I release those things, things start going up because now I'm back in alignment. Right. You're in alignment with who you're supposed to be and where you're supposed to be going. And releasing that relationship was evidence Yes. of that. Definitely.
In this season, you're going to be redefining who you are to the world. I myself I don't consider myself a savior. I'm a whole therapist and I'm not here to save you. [laughter] Okay? That's not my function. The world benefits by the way in which I've learned to love and mother myself. The world benefits from the way I've learned how to live in alignment with who I want to be. And so the world benefits. And keep in mind, most times the people that we're trying to save are not the people we're assigned to save. Okay? I'm not everybody's therapist. Mhm. There are people who are assigned to me and then there's people who are attached. Mhm. [laughter] Okay. Yes. If you know, you know, right? Yes. In the course of time, you learn the difference between the two. Okay. And when I'm operating from my lower self, I pick up a lot of attachments because I pick up people trying to be for them what I didn't have or I pick up people trying to fix my insecurities or to prove my worth. They were attached to me. And once I get in back in alignment with who I'm supposed to be, they fall off quickly with the hurry. Some of them ran away. Mhm. [snorts]
I want you to continue. Every time guilt comes up, I want you to understand guilt only shows up because I feel responsible. So if you release responsibility, your guilt will be lessened. I'm not responsible for who he was supposed to become. I'm also not responsible for what time what what type of father he becomes. He gets to write his own story. I'm only responsible for the mother I am, for the co-parent I am, and the woman that I am. And that is what I will hold hold fast to and that's what I build my boundaries around. So every time I got to stand on my boundary, I may feel guilty. I may feel shameful, but guess what? It's in alignment with who I am. Yeah. So you sit in that emotion. Okay. Go running, go hiking, quilt something. I don't know. Get a hobby. Oh, I have so many. But what you what you don't do is apologize. Okay. Okay. [snorts] When I started owning who I was and I started telling people no and I stopped saving, I would I'm sorry. I'm I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so Stop apologizing because I didn't owe you that from the beginning. You just got used to me being available. Make sense?
Hey you guys, I hope you enjoyed that clip. [music] I want you to head on over to thearttalks tour.com and get your tickets for the 2026 tour. Just like in these clips, we [music] are bringing nothing but the real, honest, and relatable truth. You want to be in the room because there's nothing like feeling the collective energy of healing and growth. Heartalksour.com. I'll see you soon.