The Red Flags I Ignored… and the Woman I Became | My Story with Jeremy Miner

Welcome back to the Living Bully podcast. Today's podcast is going to be a little different because I'm going to share a few things with you that I've haven't shared publicly at all, and they're very, very vulnerable, um, from intimate parts of my life. And this is not a tell-all or a bashing session or any way to be mean to anyone. This is not my intention. My intention definitely is though, is to create awareness for women to be able to get out of bad situations that they're in. For women to recognize their worth, for you to learn pattern recognition and be able to see patterns that are hurting you. And for you to never ever hurt yourself in the name of love, and for you to make your own money so that you can walk away from a situation if you needed to. I hope that this episode touches your heart, and thank you for your understanding, and thank you for your ability to listen. I'll see you inside the episode.

Since I was a little girl, I always knew that I was meant for something really big. I just didn't know what it would look like, but I could feel it inside my body. I could feel this quiet fire inside my chest. This knowing that I was supposed to impact people, to change lives, to create something extraordinary. I also carried so many wounds that I didn't realize were there. I was the girl who feared being abandoned, who wanted to be chosen so desperately, who believed that I had to earn love, who thought that if I was just good enough, calm enough, patient enough, or if I just did more than anybody else, people would stay in my life, people wouldn't hurt me. And there's something that I didn't understand back then. The unhealed wounds, they don't just like disappear. They disguise themselves as your type. Because you do not attract what you want. You attract what you believe you deserve. You attract what you are. And the people that you attract into your world are there to teach you things, are there to mirror the deepest parts of you. And because I hadn't healed these parts of me yet, these patterns began way before the relationship I'm going to talk about today. Um, and you're the part of me I do have notes in front of me because this is hard for me to talk about. Um, so if you see me scrolling, that's the reason why. I really wanted to be strategic and and how I communicated this because I wanted it to be really to help you. If you're ever in a position like this, and I really wanted it to be like a a lesson I could teach my younger self, like if somebody could teach me these lessons, they would have saved me so much pain, so much heartache. I wouldn't change anything, but that's the reason why, if you're asking.

I remember the first time that I ever got cheated on, and I remember it broke something inside of me. Had so many different guys cheat on me, and um, some were telling me at the end of our relationship, "Oh, by the way," right? Like trying to get this guilt off their chest, like wanting me to know, like I don't know how that's going to help me at all or help them, but wanted me to know afterwards. Some found in the middle. Some I found when it was not expected. But the first time it broke something inside me, and I didn't just feel hurt. I internalized that I wasn't good enough. I made it mean so many things about me as a woman. I'm not enough. Love always is going to hurt. Maybe all guys cheat. That's just what they do. Maybe like I'm not sexy enough yet, or I'm not, I don't do enough yet, and maybe I'm not perfect enough yet. And I came up with these ideas. I was like, "Man, I can never tell my man no. Like anything that he wants to do with me, anything he wants for me, I'll have to tell him yes. If I'm perfect for him, if I'm pretty enough for him, if I do enough for him, he won't cheat on me. He won't betray me. I'll become the dream girl. That's what I'll do. I will become the dream girl." I was so committed to become this fantasy for any man that got to date me. Like, I'm like, "Man, when they date me, they're going to be like, 'Holy crap, I've never met a woman like her. I'm going to love the crap out of him. I'm going to show up. I'm going be so powerful, but like in the most amazing way, and I am going to love that man with every ounce of my being, and I'm going to do whatever he wants so he won't leave me.'" And instead of healing these deep parts of me that were so frightened and so afraid, I put on this armor. I built this hyperindependence. I built a lot of performance. I built, "I'm going to prove that I'm worthy. I'm going to prove that I'm enough." But inside, I carried this deep belief that betrayal is inevitable because of who I am. I was so obsessed with proving my worth. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be enough regardless of how pretty I was or what I would do for my man. Like, "I'll never be enough." And I wasn't careful. What you fear, what you focus on, energy flows to it. And what you fear, you typically manifest. What you expect, you often attract. What you tolerate, you will repeat. Fear is typically not protection, even though you think it is. Fear becomes a prophecy. Again, what you focus on, energy flows to. And I kept finding myself in situations that reinforced the same pain over and over and over. My deepest fears, not because I was weak, but because there were deep parts of me that have not been healed yet.

Fast forward, I meet. I'm going to try not to like be emotional here, but I met the most amazing man. Or so I thought. So powerful, charismatic, well-respected, influential. All these people know who he is. Very, very smart, extremely smart, charming, a man that people listen to, a man that people admired. And at first, I felt like, "Wow, like this man is literally every single thing I've ever wanted." Like I had a whole list of everything I've ever wanted in a man. And like he literally was like practically everything on that list, except for dancing. Yeah, I was like, "This is the guy." Like, "This is my husband. This is who he is. He's confident, successful. He sees my potential. He speaks my language of impact and legacy." And it feels like so much alignment. It feels like destiny. I'd waited so long to meet him. So long. For my last relationship, I met almost waited almost two years to meet this guy. And what I didn't realize at the time is that like this chemistry and alignment are not the same thing. And I truly believe that people come into your role, especially relationships. Relationships mirror the darkest wounds that you have. And you have a choice on whether to face those dark wounds and heal through it, or to keep dating the same type of partner that shows you these deep dark wounds that you will not heal. And he was such a mirror for me for the darkest wounds that I had. And I, of course, was a mirror for him for the darkest wounds that he had. You know, chemistry can come from trauma, and alignment comes from truth.

And slowly in this amazing relationship, I started to feel something that I had felt so many times before. That quiet, familiar ache, the feeling of walking on eggshells, the anxiety in my body that I tried to ignore, the subtle fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. And instead of honoring it, instead of listening to my body, instead of respecting my intuition, I would want to communicate through it. I'm a communicator. So, I'd bring that up. I'm like, "Hey, this is going on. Like, this is bothering me. This is making me feel this way." And there was a consistent pointing out that this was my trauma that I brought in from my childhood or from past relationships. "This is my anxiety, and that I need to keep working on myself." And so I would take responsibility. I'm like, "Okay, like that could be true. Like, let me keep working on me." And I would press down this knowingness that I had. I would push it down, and I would keep working on myself. I wanted the fairy tale so bad. Like, I love so hard. I love like, I I'll do anything for I love. I'm very picky about like getting into love, but once I'm in love, I'm like, "Oh my god." Like I love it. I wanted to build something so huge together. Like I've have a vision for my for my life and the destiny that I have, and I I want a partner in my world that like wants to build that with me, that has the same vision-driven impact. Like I want to change people's lives, and I'm like, "Wow, like this guy like he wants to do it too." Like he wants to impact people in sales. Like I want to impact people in sales, you know, and I want to do it for a reason of like giving women their purpose back and being able to have financial freedom and being able to like use their voice and, you know, and it just seemed like our visions were aligned, but they really weren't. I wanted to help so many people, and I wanted to be the power couple. I wanted to prove that love and success could exist. Like I wanted that for so long. It's been such a lonely journey. I wanted this person, and so I chose the vision, even though the reality didn't match. Even though my body felt like there was something so wrong, I kept choosing the vision. I kept believing in what was possible because I believe in people so much. I believe in them and pouring to him and loving them so much. And at first, this relationship was literally everything I've ever prayed for. We had big dreams, big goals, big vision. We talked about impact, changing people's lives, legacy. I remember thinking like, "This is my person." Like, "This is my man. This is it." It felt so powerful. I was head over heels. It felt so magnetic. Like I was on purpose. At one point, we like got married on a freaking post-it note, like Grey's Anatomy, Meredith Gray and Derek Shepard. We got married. He kept calling me his post-it note husband. And we like took vows on paperwork, on this little post-it note. Like we were so corny and like so obsessed with each other. And I think that's part of the reason why I was ignoring so many things because I'm like, "Man, this guy, every time I see him, he's like all over me, like made me feel like so special." And the moments I was with him, it was like all the moments that I wasn't with him where I felt like something was off.

Somewhere along the way here, like something shifted. It wasn't all at once, you know? It was definitely not one big moment that I can point to, but it was slowly and quietly and subtly, like water dripping on a stone until it carves a small hole in it, like an erosion that happens over time. And I began to feel something that I didn't want to feel, which was so much anxiety and so much insecurity, so much disconnection from myself. I started editing my thoughts before I spoke them. I was so afraid of like saying the wrong thing. I was trying to be so methodical on like how I would bring up things to his attention because I I didn't want him to get upset with me that I was bringing another thing up or that I was always causing problems or I was being critical. And he would say like, "Oh, I just want peace. I just want peace." And like, "But I don't feel at peace." And I keep bringing this up to you because I want to fix it. And I started second-guessing my intuition. I really thought, I'm like, "Man, something is really wrong with me. Like maybe I have so much healing more that I have to do. I have so much trauma that I need to heal from." Like I over the past three years, I have invested so much money and time and more personal development going through trauma healing. Um, even getting certified in EFT tapping, and I've been through so much. I've worked with two coaches over the past year alone. Um, just trying to help me heal through stuff because I'm like, "Something's wrong with me. Why am I always anxious? Not trusting my body, not trusting myself." I started to feel insane. Like I was imagining things. Nothing made sense at all to me. I kept trying to tell myself that I was being understanding, um, that I was being supportive, that I was being a good partner, but I was slowly abandoning myself in the name of love, in the name of what was possible here.

And there were so many moments that I felt so uneasy around other women. Not with women by myself, but with women around him. And I'm not normally like a naturally jealous person. I don't look at somebody I'm like, "I wish I could be like her." Like, no, I'm a little possessive, like, "That's mine," you know? But not jealous. And it was so weird because it was normal behavior around all these other women, and I would feel like something was so wrong. Something inside of me just knew. Something in my spirit felt so off, and my body was telling me the truth before my mind has ever been able to accept it. And instead of listening, I silenced myself. I told myself that I was overreacting. I was being dramatic. "He would never do something like that. Just trust, like, like we're in a new relationship, like trust, like he wouldn't be capable." But it wasn't insecurity, or if it was insecurity, it was generated by chaos of what I was in. It was literally my intuition screaming at me then, and stuff that I didn't know, but my body knew. And ignoring your intuition to keep a relationship is the very first stage of self-abandonment.

There were times where, um, I didn't just feel something off. I figured things out. Um, moments where the truth surfaced. Moments where I discovered horrific incidents, things that had happened. Not just a vibe or a hunch, but like actual evidence reading things between other people. And in those moments, like my heart shattered, um, because it it brought back the same pain that I had felt before, the same betrayal, the same, the same damn story repeating. And the first time, I literally cried myself to sleep for four months, every night for four months. Um, I had issues for a year. A year. Um, bad issues for a year with myself, with us together. Like it was really hard. Um, and even then, after this first time that I found something, like I I I stayed, you know? He held me every single night for those four months, held me as I cried myself to sleep. Um, he asked me to move in with him. My thought was like, "You know what? If this was a mistake, what if we didn't know what we didn't know? Like, we hired um people to work with me, work with him. What if this was like my deepest lesson on learning how to trust once my trust has been broken? If like trust is my biggest thing, what if I'm supposed to learn how to trust again, and like this is my healing lesson, you know? And what if this was like the craziest healing journey yet of a woman, of a woman that has so much evidence as to why she doesn't get to trust and then learn how to trust again? Like that would be a very powerful story." I'm like, "Okay." And so I stayed. Even when I saw the truth, I stayed. Even when I knew my heart was breaking, I stayed.

And it's so interesting, like how this happened, because like the more I'd be in this relationship, the more I would find out stuff that I had no idea about. There were so many like little lies here, lies there. Like I remember the moment that I found out about all this stuff because it was a week after, um, a Super Bowl party where one of his daughters was really upset and crying about something and telling me about things that her dad had done in the past, and opened my eyes to a couple things that made me start questioning things where I found out that he, you know, had been in multiple marriages before me, not just two, and things I just didn't even know about. And it's making me question like, "Who am I with? Who am I dating? Like, how did I move across the United States to be with this guy?" Where I I got there and I had no idea, you know? I know he's been going through a divorce now, almost four years. Four years. Um, I had no idea the dynamic of everything until after I got there. You know, I was told that, you know, before I met him, that they were going to get divorced, and she got pregnant, and then they've been completely separated ever since. Like haven't been intimate once, and she was pregnant, lived in separate rooms. And I'm like, "Wow, this guy's like a really good guy. He's a good dad." Like the fact that he would make those sacrifices for for his daughter like that. Like, "I wish my dad stayed around like that for me, you know, and like showed up like that for me and like didn't walk out, like, you know, I I respected it." You, you know, and so I just believed everything you said. And I started seeing like different things that I didn't know before, and I had no idea, you know? I chose the vision of this potential of who this guy could be, and like how everyone saw him, um, over the violation of what had happened. And I chose the potential over the patterns that I was seeing. I chose who he could be over who he was showing me he was, because I loved him so much. I really believed in him, um, and what he could do in this world, and I really believed in us and what we can create together. I believed in it so much. Um, I thought like a deep part of loyalty was forgiving somebody regardless of what they do. Like, really just like seeing them, accepting them for all that they are, flaws and all, and just like and just loving them, like loving the person that they are, loving who they are, seeing the best version of them versus who I was seeing in front of me.

Have you ever seen anything that you couldn't unsee, but convinced yourself to stay anyways? Have you ever felt betrayal in your body so deep, cutting so deep, but accepted the apology instead of the truth? Have you ever chosen someone over and over again that wasn't choosing you? Have you ever called it love when all you were doing was abandoning yourself? Have you ever ignored your intuition because the fairy tale, the relationship, love itself meant more to you than your own peace? If you have, let it be a lesson. A lesson that, you know, you're not a bad person, you're not weak, you're just a human being and you're learning things, that you're loyal. Um, and that your heart really wanted to believe in the best in this person. You know, no one, no one forced me to stay in this relationship. I stayed. This whole thing is my fault. This whole situation that I'm in right now is my fault. I take radical responsibility. I'm the woman that attracted this type of man in my life. I'm the woman that wanted something so bad that was willing to hurt myself to get it. Why? I know now. I didn't know at the time. I'll go into that in a little bit. But this is all my self-generating. Like I created this, and no one forced me to be quiet. I silenced myself. No one forced me to shrink. I made myself small. I told myself that if I if I just love this man harder, if I just make myself better, heal myself more, become more, um, he'll realize that like I love him so much, like he'll realize that we're supposed to be changing the world together. He'll get his [ __ ] together. You know, if I just work on myself, he will eventually meet me there. He'll eventually have to face the truth. I was fighting for somebody who wasn't willing to fight for me. And I was choosing him over me and choosing him over my daughter. I was choosing him because I wanted love so bad. I was confusing endurance with strength. And the most powerful realization of all this is that I was trying to heal this guy when I was the one bleeding. Like I really, I was bleeding. I was bleeding, and I kept trying harder. I did not stay in this relationship because I'm a stupid girl. I stayed because I'm so loyal. I love so freaking hard. I didn't stay because I didn't see the truth. I stayed because I saw his potential more than I valued my peace. I didn't stay because I couldn't leave. A lot of times I see women in a situation like this, and they can't leave because of finances, and like I could have left because of finances, but I wanted the love so hard. I wanted I wanted my fairy tale so hard. I wanted the dream so badly. We were supposed to do these big things. We were supposed to help all these people. We're supposed to impact lives, change the world together. And I held on to this future so tightly. And I tolerated things in the present that were killing me quietly. It took me a really long time to understand this, but a relationship that's built on potential is going to starve you in reality. And a relationship where you have to abandon yourself or hurt yourself in any way is not love. Choosing someone who is not choosing you is the deepest form of self-betrayal. You have to fall in love with who's in front of you now, not who they could become.

And it's in this moment where I had to ask myself a question I can no longer avoid. I said, "Kayla, if you keep hurting yourself to love this man, is it really love? Like, are you sure this is it?" Like, and I was like, "God," I kept praying. I was, "God, if this is my husband, make it very clear. If not, you need to show me. Reveal things to me that I'm not seeing." Like, and I would keep praying. That's my gun. Something feels so off, like you need to show me. But I believed in my whole heart that this guy was it. Like I really did. However, you know, I didn't even recognize myself anymore. Any woman around him, forget it. Forget it. The trust had been so broken at this point. Like, I became so controlling. Like, I was in my masculine again around him. Like, my heart was in fight or flight around him, around any woman. And we walked into a conference together. Man, if he, if he was on a podcast, if you're on a podcast, man, I shut those down. Any type of woman on a podcast, like I was not okay with it. I'm like, "Absolutely not." Cuz I didn't trust him. Especially if you were a blonde, blonde woman around him, forget it. Nah, no, no, no, no, no. Red flag. Red flag. Like my heart would be screaming. Like he knew. He knew probably why he had so many things. It was just absolutely not. And I've never been like this before. I want to personally apologize to any woman that I ever made you feel intimidated or I made you feel bad about being around it. And it had nothing to do with you. Nothing. Nothing to do with you. I just, my trust was all gone. And the monster that was created, um, was a very scared little girl. Very scared little girl. And I thought if I can control it, um, I would be good. I I would delete, I would delete girls off of his Instagram that he would follow. Of course, he would come up with some BS thing saying like, "Oh, his content team was following these girls in bikinis or whatever," but I would just, anything I would find, like I would delete it. Like I I found so much stuff. I just, I literally lost myself. I don't know who I who I became, who I became. I would go into this frantic, like fight or flight mode, and I would become super controlling. The problem is is that I found something every time. There wasn't like one time where I went to go find something and I didn't find something. I always found something. And I'm like, "If I can just remove it from his presence, maybe won't do anything." Again, I I want to apologize for any woman that I made feel small or bad, like it had nothing to do with you. Had nothing to do with you. Um, this was something else entirely. And my trust was completely broken. I was working so hard to gain it back. And literally was in a constant state of hypervigilance all the time from everything that I've been through. And then this on top of it, my body was in fight or flight. My God.

I kept getting more help though. So that was one thing that I do want to honor myself for. In the past three years, I've gotten more help for myself than ever before. Like I literally after the first time I found something, like hired like a deep trauma breakthrough, um, person, like somatically helping me re-release stuff that I had in my body for years. I went through certification to get certified in how to do this, and I had like deep trauma. I was doing like three-hour sessions on myself, finding things that I found out about like when I was a kid with my dad and my mom. And I I remember I doing this one session, and I went back in time, and I I realized that I made some subconscious decision as a child that I will never become my mom. I would never become my mom. I remembered a moment where like my mom was sitting there with like tissues all around her, and she was crying, and my dad would leave all the time. And in my mind, as a little girl, I believed that every time my dad would leave, that something wrong was happening, something bad was happening. So as an adult, what I realized is that every single time that there was a lie, something changed, or or if there wasn't communication, I would freak out. Like he would tell me, "Hey, I'm coming home at 8:30." It'd be 8:45, 8:50, he's not there. And I would call him, "Where you at?" And that probably was not fair to him. But I literally, my body felt like something was wrong. And I didn't know that that was happening until after I was doing this work. So it was like a combination of things. Like a combination, which he has a very busy schedule. It changes all the time. Things change all the time for him. And so he would tell me one thing and then do another. And like there was a consistent inaccuracy that would happen all the time, or he would white lie, um, to not get me upset. Like tell me that they're going to, um, we were supposed to go to some type of swim meet for his daughter, and then I found out that he wasn't there because he sent me his location when we were in Europe together. And so I knew that he wasn't at the swim meet. I knew that he was at his ex-wife's house. And I'm like, "Where are you at a swim meet?" And he's telling me how amazing it is. I was like, "I know you're not there. I know you're at her house." Which he freaked out about because I had his location, but he gave it to me originally. Uh, probably should not have done that. But I would find these little lies, and he was like, "I didn't want to make you upset because we had to leave the trip that we were on to come home early for this, and I missed it." But it was little things like that piling up over time. Something would change. He wouldn't tell me that something would change. And I'm just like, "This guy, like all he does is like avoid conflict. Avoid conflict." And we discovered really fast that we have two different attachment styles. Me anxiously attached, him avoidantly attached. And when you have two people like that, I we crave intimacy. Avoidance, intimacy is triggering for them. I bring up something to talk about, he sees it as criticism, you know, and and something goes wrong, my body's in fight or flight, and he avoids, which makes me go into more fight or flight. Like, it was such a a freaking roller coaster, but it was so beautiful because I got to heal through so much stuff. Like going through all of this like deep trauma work, like I healed stuff that I figured out as a child subconsciously deciding like, "When I don't know everything, that means something wrong." Like I healed through so much stuff, like it was so beautiful doing all this deep work for the past 3 years, so beautiful. And I get certified in this, and I started doing sessions on myself every single day, like a deep session once a week, sessions on myself, many sessions once a day. And even though I was doing all this work, I felt so good. And then I would get around him, and I would feel unsafe again. I'm like, "Why is nothing working? I keep bringing up like all this stuff. And I'm like, this is all my fault. Like, I'm obviously I can't heal." And then I I got to a place where I was so grounded. I finally trust him again. I was like, "I I finally trust you." It took me over a year to be able to tell him this. So much work. And finally, I'm relaxed around him. I'm playful. I'm in my feminine energy again. I'm like, we're having the best time. Our chemistry is so great. And like we're flirting and like just acting like we just met each other, like like little school kids. And then I'm in Europe with him this summer. I find more evidence. [ __ ] Like the biggest betrayal, like more heartbreak blindsided me. Like didn't even see it coming. Like he had just asked me to move in with him again. More promises of tomorrow. After I find out like he has all this vision of like, "Hey, let's move into a big house together. Like we're having a future together. We would like make videos talking to our future son together." There was like all this promises of tomorrow, promises of like combining our companies again, which is interesting because he was always talking about this. Like, "I want you to run the like the women's version over here on our side, but I need you to understand like if we're a power couple, like let's say we're Tony Robbins and Sage Robbins, like you need to understand that Sage Robbins is not the main character. It's Tony. It's not Sage." Or with like Alex and Leila Hermosi, like he'd be like, "Leila's not the main character." Do you understand that? And make it very clear to me, like that I'm a supporting role in his thing. And I'm like, "What are you talking about? Like I'm your cheerleader. Like let's go. Of course I'm going to support you. Like I'm not trying to be the main face here. Like we have a vision. I'm trying to help more people. Like whatever we need to do to help the most bound to people." But I was thought it was very interesting that he would say something like that to me, cuz I didn't recognize it. Like I didn't recognize like that's not normal, you know? Like he made this promise. We went and looked at houses together. Had my daughter pick out her room. I fell in love with his kids, man. His kids are the most awesome, awesome, beautiful, intelligent kids. You know, at the end, they, his older kids wanted nothing to do with me. I didn't understand why. I found out why later, which I'll get into. But I was so confused because I advocated for these girls. I advocated for their dad to show up in their life. I'm like, "What are you doing? I would wish my dad, like, like you're going to miss it. You're going to mess everything up." And I would advocate like I advocated for them to have a job. All of them at work, like, "You need to hire her. You need to do this. You need to, like, what are we doing? Like your kids." Like I I just advocated for them so much. Anytime that he didn't understand, I would try to sit there and get him to understand because like they were so, so beautiful, so smart. Like they're going so far in life. Like the most beautiful falling in love with his youngest. Like in love with that little girl. So sweet. Big hearts. All of them. Big hearts. Big hearts. Going so far in their life. And had this vision. I'm like, "Man, like I want to be part of this big family. Like, I wanted to be a part of their family." And so I forgave him again. Push forward. Keep trying. Keep going. Three years of this, and I was hurting. I was confused, and I was exhausted for fighting for something that was fighting against my soul. And I kept remember thinking like, "I can't keep living like this. Something has to change. He has to change, or I do."

And so I really sat with myself because I'm about to move again to Arizona. I'm about to move in with this big house. And I sat with myself and I sat with like one of my mentors, and I'm like, "You know, I don't know what to do. Like, should I move back? I feel like he's giving me breadcrumbs. Like, I see him, and he's so amazing. But then the two weeks in between I see him, he barely speaks to me or makes excuses as to why he can't talk to me or whatever. And I just, I don't deserve this. This sucks." And he's like, "You need to be all in or be all out. Like, you need to pick one." And so, I really sat with myself. I'm like, "Okay, well, ever since this summer, like I've been so angry with him. Like how he had the audacity to do this [ __ ] again. And I'm like, man, I've been withholding my heart. Like, I haven't been as loving. I've been upset. I want him to prove to me that he's all into this relationship." And so, I take responsibility again. I send him this long message, and I'm like, "Man, like it's like our three year, our three year of knowing each other. And I send him this long beautiful message about just like how like I've realized that I've been withholding my love and my heart's been hard because I've been angry at him, and I'm so sorry, and like I'm all in. You're my person. I love you with every ounce of my being. Like you're you're the guy, you know?" And that's when this moment comes that like I never see coming. This moment that like shatters my soul, but again sets me free. And this is the part of the story that I really wish that I could tell you. This is when I stood up for myself, and this is when I said, "I choose me. I walk away from this [ __ ]. This is when I took my power back." But nah, that is not what happened. That's not what happened at all. The truth is, I was still choosing him and believing in us, and I was fighting for this version and this vision of what he could and what we could become.

Okay, I just want to interrupt this podcast really fast. If you're listening to this right now and you have a story and you are understanding what it's like to be in my shoes, I want to hear your story. Or if you know of another woman's story, please comment it here. Like, let's join together and let's see how many women have gone through something so similar. I've heard so many stories from even women that I've met at an event recently that have been through something that's even worse than what I have. Please comment below so that we can see you, so that we can stand together, so that we can rise. And send this podcast to another woman that you know, a woman that's going through something similar, a woman that just got out of a bad breakup, like whatever. Send it to her. Inspire her. Let her know that she is so important. Let's get back to the episode.

So, we have plans to see each other to celebrate three years of being together. We planned this trip this summer, um, in Europe together, and I had all my things ready. I've been sending him like good morning messages and like cute little selfies in the morning. Like sending him pictures of things that I was going to wear for him, you know, like all this stuff, right? And he was like distant. I felt like something was off. Like I didn't know what it was, but I could feel something was wrong. My heart's so open. I'm hopeful. I'm like all excited. I have like a present for him in my bag for us to celebrate. And something inside me definitely felt off. And it wasn't like this panic or drama. It was just like this quiet knowing. Have you ever felt that, like as some deep inner whisperer that something isn't aligned, and I just can't explain why? I just, I try to ignore it. I like had to do tapping sessions on myself for the past like two days before this, cuz I felt like something was off. I told myself I was overthinking, and I remind myself to focus on good moments, to be in gratitude, focus on the future. Like I believe that we can build together. And, um, I'm getting ready that night, like my bags packed, my body knew. And the night before I'm supposed to go, he facetimes me to break up with me over FaceTime, which is a lot better, cuz the first time he broke up with me, we lived together, and he just left in the middle of the night, and I woke up to a text message. We like went out for a date and then came home, and he told me he was going to meet me in bed, and then I woke up and he was gone, and I just got this long text message breaking up with me. Should have paid attention to that pattern. This one still not in person. Like he could have done this to me in person, you know, in three years, but not on a on FaceTime, just telling me some [ __ ] about, "I don't believe our destinies are aligned anymore." And it was just over, like just like that. It was no big conversation. There was no repair. There was no like, "Let's work on this." It was just over. And I was balling on the phone. I'm like, "Don't do this. I love you so much. You're breaking my heart. Don't do this. Like, what are you doing?" And I was so angry, cuz I'm like, "Dude, like how many times have I forgiven this guy?" I was stunned. Not because relationships don't end, but because like I truly given every ounce of my being to this relationship, to this man. I stayed even when it hurt me. I had forgiven over and over and over again. I had believed so hard. I chose him over myself. Kept choosing him over myself. And when this ended, my mind spun with all these questions, like, "How could he walk away so easily? Like after everything, like I'm like, where, where is he? What is, like, it makes no sense. Something's off. Like, what are you not telling me? How do you be with me two weekends before this and tell me I'm the love of your life and you can't wait to spend your life with me, and then this? I'm like, it's so hot and cold. How do I go through all of this pain for nothing? How can you let go when you're supposed to be my husband, technically making vows to me on a post-it note? You know, promising me that you'll never leave. Promise me that you'll stay no matter what. You'll fight no matter what. How are you doing this?"

And then a deeper realization hits me. I'm so hurt. I was so angry. But underneath all this anger at him, there was something so much more painful, which was I was so angry with myself. Angry that I had ignored my intuition, that I had seen so many things, um, and stayed. Angry that I had already experienced betrayal and convinced myself to move past it. Angry that I believed in his potential so much that I forgot to look at his patterns. Pattern recognition, which is literally what I do all day long, teach pattern recognition. And I was ignoring these patterns because I was hoping for something else. Angry that I kept hurting myself in the name of love. You know, Tony Robbins, I went to his event. I've been to so many of his events, but went to UPW recently. I'm about to get into that. And we talk about the six human needs. Every human has a core two needs. So, the top human needs are certainty, like the need to feel safe, uncertainty, the need for variety, love and connection, significance, growth, and contribution. And my top two human needs are love and contribution. They've changed over the years. I'm really grateful that they're there. Love and contribution, but the way that you meet these needs are different. And what I realize is that any person will compromise their values to meet core needs. They will. And I'm like, "Why is it that I hurt myself so long? I'm like, 'Oh my god.'" Because this relationship met my two core needs, love and contribution. I wouldn't walk away. I couldn't physically walk away from this because the love that I had with him, like amazing. Every time I'm with him, like so amazing and so great, and he did so much for me and taught me so much, like was so amazing. To love and the contribution was like, "I can't leave because I have to hurt myself in the name of being able to help more women, being able to help more people learn how to sell, being able to help more people transform their lives." I was like, "I'm going to stay in this relationship because I want to contribute to the world." Crazy. I didn't realize that until afterwards. But that's like that was my aha. I hurt myself in the name of like meeting a need versus meeting it in a different way that didn't involve hurting myself. I was so angry that I chose somebody else instead of myself. I was never really choosing myself. You know, have you ever done that? Have you ever wanted to work on something so badly that you ignored what your soul was trying to tell you? Have you ever seen the truth and stayed anyways? Have you ever believed in somebody's potential more than their actions? Have you ever called it love when you were just abandoning yourself? If you have, it's okay. Like, just learn the lesson and don't repeat the pattern. You're not broken anyway. Like, you were hopeful. You were loyal. Some of us have been raised on these Disney princess movies that this man on a white horse is going to show up and save the day. And I wanted that so bad. I was so tired of working so hard. I really wanted somebody to come rescue me. I wanted this perfect life. Loyalty without self-respect isn't love. It's betrayal.

And when this relationship ended, I thought I was breaking. But something so much deeper happened. I wasn't breaking. I was waking up for the first time. I saw a real pattern. Like this was not just about him. This was about me. A version of me who keeps choosing somebody else's needs over my own. Who keeps believing that love requires pain. Who keeps hoping that somebody's going to choose me without me even being willing to choose myself. And until I had the ability to own that, like I don't have the ability to change it. And this is this moment where for the first time ever, you know, at the end of a relationship, I don't say like, "Why did this happen to me?" I start asking like, "What is this here to teach me?" The truth is is that I attracted this man into my life. I ignored so much because of the potential, because of the hope, because of the dream. And this broken version of me wanted this. And that's my fault being here after 3 years. That's my fault, you know. And maybe this wasn't rejection. Maybe this was redirection. Maybe this was protection. Maybe this was God removing what I would never have been able to let go of on my own. And maybe the ending I thought would destroy me would be the very thing that could possibly set me free. And when this relationship ended, I literally thought like I was going to fall apart because last time it did. I literally couldn't go a day without crying for like 30 days. I've like balled myself to sleep at night. Like I had so much anxiety in my

chest. It was so bad. Um, and for a moment, like my body did go there, but only for like 3 days. I couldn't eat real food for 3 days. I ate applesauce for three days. My nervous system went into complete shock. My body was processing trauma that my body couldn't catch, or my body was processing trauma that my mind couldn't catch up to.

And what surprised me the most, I think, is that I didn't stay in this like broken, pathetic state. Like, I found the clarity that I needed underneath all this pain was deep, undeniable clarity. And I was like, something inside me whispered, like, "Okay, this is enough now. You see, you see what was there the whole time." In this moment, like, I woke up. Like the rose-colored glasses come off, and I didn't feel crazy. I didn't feel confused. I didn't feel like a victim. I felt awake, as if like the fog lifted and everything became clear where I had abandoned myself. Every single time I ignored my intuition. Every single time I called this dysfunctioning act like love. Um, where I mistook potential for partnership in a relationship is not supposed to feel like that.

Men want peace in a relationship, but they don't realize that they're the person that creates your nervous state. Like, they contribute to you being able to give them peace. If your girl is feeling like this, it probably has something to do with you, 'cause you're not making her feel safe. Real masculine energy allows safety. It's supposed to feel calm. If you come to your man with a problem, they're not supposed to get upset with you or make you feel bad or belittled. Like, they're supposed to hold space and make you feel calm. Like, that's what masculine does. If they get emotional, they flip into their feminine, which means you flip into your masculine, and they start to resent you, which was happening over and over.

And, you know, instead of like this relationship like ruining me, I really feel like I was able to rise up. You know, it's only been what, like a month. I feel like a completely different person from even a month ago. I'm so much more happy. I'm so much more clear as to what I want, what I don't want. I made this decision. I'm like, "Okay, Kayla, like, I choose you now." Like, almost like numb. Maybe my body's in shock still. Maybe my body still just feels numb of what happened. But I feel so done with betraying myself in the name of it. Betraying myself in the name of love.

Instead of me asking myself like, "Why did he do this to me?" I'm starting to ask like, "Why did I tolerate this?" Not to blame myself and be mean to myself, but to free myself. Like, where did I silence my voice for three years? Where did I abandon my needs? Where did I make somebody else the source of my worth? Where do I have to prove myself over and over in order to be enough? Like, if I can figure out my patterns of what I did wrong, then I can end the pattern and I can also give insight to other women so they can see these patterns too.

You know, just days later after this breakup happens, I fly to Sedona, Arizona, which was hard 'cause like I didn't want to fly to I didn't want to fly to Arizona after this happened. Um, but I fly to Arizona to Sedona to facilitate a retreat, a trauma breakthrough retreat for 27 women. And you would think like my emotional state would not be ready for something like that, that I would need more time, that I would need to get myself together, but it wasn't true. When I stepped into that space, I showed up. It was like a fire awoken in me. I showed up in a more powerful way than I had ever had before in my life. Like my heart was wide open for these women. My walls were down. I wasn't performing. I was so present, so me, so in my feminine, so raw, like fully in this just like unleashed power. I held those women with every ounce of love in my soul. I stood for their breakthroughs. I saw their greatness. I fought for their possibilities. I poured into them. And something holy awoken in me. Like I was able to start playing the drum. I've never played the drum before. I bought a drum. I didn't feel broken. Like I felt so purposed. I didn't feel empty anymore. I felt so full. I've never felt full after a breakup. I've always been so crushed, devastated. But I didn't feel like this lost little girl. Like I felt so found. I felt God moving through me in this deep, profound way. And in this moment, I realized like that fire has been forging me for my whole life.

And I didn't tell anybody what's happening. In fact, a lot of my friends, my parents don't even know what happened. My parents don't even know. Um, I got a message from him like a week after this whole thing. And he was like, "You need to tell your parents to start to stop calling me." Um, I didn't respond to him. I'm like, "They're going to call you because they know something's wrong and I won't tell them what's going on." So, they know it has something to do with you. Like, what do you think was going to happen? Of course, they're calling you. My parents don't even know what happened. Like, they're going to find out through this video. A lot of my friends don't have it. Don't know what happened because I just don't have the capacity to say anything.

On the last day of this retreat, all these girls don't know what I'm going through. During this very powerful exercise, I shared this truth of what had just what I had just gone through and how I just went through one of the most painful experiences in my life and how I had every single reason to shut down, but I chose instead to push through it and show up. Not for sympathy, not to make it about me, but to teach a lesson. I told them like, "Hey, like this is what committing to transformation looks like. Like this is what emotional mastery looks like. This is what happens when you are utilizing the tools and you show up. This is what it looks like when you are taking the time to regulate your nervous system. This is why this matters." And I wanted to show them like life is going to life at you. Life is like the wind. It blows on all of us. The difference is the set of the sail. Having the tools in your tool belt to where you can figure it out. You can dig yourself out of a hole no matter what.

And I've hit rock bottom so many times and it seems that every single time I do, I get up a little bit faster. I definitely don't say that to brag. It sucks hitting low points in your life. It sucks. But your ability to get up faster, your ability to have the trust in yourself to be able to know what to do to get through it, that can never be taken away from you. You get to choose the meaning of things that happen in your life. You get to choose your response. You get the opportunity to rise up. And I see 27 women there see themselves differently. Not because I was perfect, but because I chose to show up and I chose to heal. And in Sedona, I met the woman that I was always meant to become. Facilitating these girls, these women, these powerful women. It was so powerful, but it was it was a softness. I was open, but I was grounded. I was heart-led, but it was unshakable. I wasn't in a place of performing or trying. I was just being who I am. And they were having the most craziest breakthroughs I've ever seen. This was our third retreat. We're about to do our fourth retreat in January. Like the amount of breakthroughs of these women. I had women that had been in therapy for 10 years, another woman 15 years and said, "Never have been able to experience something like this." Completely changed her life because of the willingness I had to show up. I had every excuse not to. And I showed up.

I made a decision for myself like, "I'm never again going to silence myself or abandon myself for love, regardless of how amazing I think it might be." And I'm not going to choose somebody else's comfort over my own soul. I get to choose me all in. And I thought this story was complete. Like I never was going to do this podcast. I was like, "This man does not get one more ounce of my energy. I'm so done. You don't get a freaking post. You don't get a freaking message. Like, you get nothing. I thought I was free. I'm done."

And sometimes I think that God waits until you're strong enough to show you what he's been protecting you from the whole time. I went to the Tony Robbins event where I see one of his old sales reps, you know, somebody that had been really close to him. And I'm walking into the event. We saw him on our drive-in and and I was walking into the event and I'm like trying to get the courage to ask him something because I remember there's a time in our relationship where something felt awfully horribly wrong. Like numerous of times I had confronted him about it because I had found stuff. He gave me some story about whatever, and then I found something else that was like, "Whoa." And I was crying because I thought I found another thing. And, you know, he didn't get defensive. He didn't get angry with me. He didn't even deny it harshly. He laughed. I brought this thing to him and I asked him like, "Did you do it again? Like, is this what happened?" Balling. This was like right after we got back together. And I couldn't believe I found this thing. And he looked me in the eye. He laughed. He was so charming, so calm. It was so confident, so cool. Like, guy's a great sales guy. Freaking great sales guy. You have nothing to worry about. Like, if if you don't believe me, you can ask him yourself. Like, this wasn't mine. This is his. I just remember how smooth it was. How safe it sounded, how easily it was for me to believe him and how I convinced myself like, "Oh my god, like thank God, like it wasn't that." I even brought it to my therapist like with him like, 'cause we were working with the therapist together. Um, and then we talked about the situation, how I found something and like how it really wasn't that and I felt so safe that he finally told me the truth that it wasn't what I thought it was.

"Oh, you can ask him if you want to." "It's funny. I heard this line." "Oh, you can ask him if you want to." Or, "Oh, like we were just getting so good. Like I wonder if you'll ever trust me again." Like, I heard those two lines so many freaking times. "Oh, you can ask him." And standing here at the event is the guy, his old sales rep. And I'm like, something in my spirit, something inside of me told me to ask. And so I did. And I didn't lead with anger or anything. And I know that this guy like didn't leave in the best terms with with him. So, I wanted to make sure like when he told me like if he told me something, I wanted to make sure like he was telling me the truth, right? So, I didn't lead with like anger or anything. I walked up to him and I was like, "Hey, can I ask you something? It's going to be really uncomfortable." I was like, "I found this." He told me it was it was XYZ. Is that what happened or did he do something else?" And he was like, "Oh, no." And he went into explicit detail. Horrific explicit detail of what he decided to do on a trip in front of people. He knew details that I knew because I found stuff before. Like, I don't want to give into too much stuff, but like he knew details that he wouldn't be able to know if he was just making the story up, if that makes sense. Like he knew details that I knew about. Like he big [ __ ] Not only did he go into detail about that, he went into numerous stories of all these other things I had no idea about. What he shared was so much more than I was ever prepared to hear. It wasn't just a couple incidents. It was many. It wasn't in the shadows. It literally was pieces of it were seen even by people around him while I was at home in our place that we live together, in front of members of his team on numerous occasions. And he went even deeper into things that I had never even heard. Like things that finally made all the stuff about our relationship make so much sense. Like the inconsistencies, the anxiety in my body, the way I felt around other women with him, the confusion, the distance, like the lies, disguises, reassurance, the charm that was used as cover. Like, and it wasn't just betrayal behind closed doors. He had spoken poorly about me, about my character, saying that I was crazy, that I was insane. I'm like, man, if I was that the whole time, why don't you just break up with me? I don't understand. Like, I don't believe like in a relationship, when you are in a relationship with someone, you never speak poorly about the other person. Not even with your closest friends. Like, that's a rule. Not even with your best friends, you can't speak poorly about the other person because then they have a negative connotation about that person and they'll never be on their side. I never understood. I'm like, so many times I would go to events with him like, "All these people don't like me." It was the weirdest thing. Everyone on his team didn't like me and I didn't understand why. I'm like, "Why didn't they like me?" And I thought like, man, like, am I giving off like resting [ __ ] face, like what am I doing? And he and his sales told me he's like, "He constantly talked about you all the time. Talked poorly about you. Had bored me and saying how annoying you are. Saying this, saying that. Talked about your daughter." I'm like, "I'm sorry, what? My daughter?" "Yeah. Talked poorly about her all the time. Talked bad about you to his kids all the time." I'm like, "Wait, what?" I'm like, "The same kids that I'm fighting him to show up for that I'm like, I'm fighting for his kids." There was a level of of disrespect that cut deeper than what I ever could imagine. And when I heard this, I felt so numb in my body. Like I was like, "Oh my god." Like almost like a calmness. Like it gave me peace in a weird way. Like I'm like, like, thank God. Thank God that I'm not pregnant right now. Thank God that I didn't move Claire to Arizona again. Like, thank God. Like I had no idea. Like I thought I literally been insane this whole time and my intuition had been right. My whole body had been right. My body had been telling me the truth. My spirit, like God knew all along. I wasn't weak. I was so loyal to a fault. And now that the truth is here, I was finally free. Like in this moment, like everything freaking clicked for me. God didn't let him leave to hurt me. He let him leave to protect me. God saw everything. Every your character is who you are when nobody is watching. And I believe that loyalty in a relationship is like you behave the same way you would behave no matter what when you're at home by yourself, on the phone, like in public. You act the exact same way you would if your partner is right next to you. That's what loyalty is. And all these little moments, like every single thing, like I could see the patterns now, like now that I'm looking from the outside in, the patterns. Every single, like, I found so many things. And and I was made to feel like, "Oh, well, like I hid this to you be from you because you're insecure." Like, I found so many things. It all makes sense now. If I had stayed, if I kept defending him, if I kept believing in this fantasy, I would have built my life on a lie. I would have tied my future to someone who did not value mine and I would have continued shrinking myself for a love that was not even real. Like somebody that loves you won't do that to you. They won't talk about you poorly behind closed doors. They will fight for you no matter what. If you're hurting, they'll be there for you. I thought I had my greatest heartbreak and this has been like my greatest wakeup call, my greatest rescue.

I don't like doing this podcast. My my ego like hates this right now because I want everyone to think like, "Oh, I have the perfect relationship and this was amazing and like, oh my god, fairy tale land and la." Like I would have girls message me like, "Hope this love can find me one day." I'm like, "Yeah, babe." No, it's not supposed to feel like you're in fight or flight all the time. You're not supposed to feel like something's wrong all the time. If there, if you're listening to this and there's like an ending in your life that you don't understand, you're still asking yourself like, "Why did this happen?" What if you asked it differently? What if you said like, "What is this protecting me from?" Because you may not even know it, but the things that God saw, the conversations that you were not in, the betrayals that you were shielded from, the versions of you, the versions of them that you never met. Sometimes the doors slam shut, not because you're being punished, but because you're being protected. And when this truth all came out, like I didn't feel devastated. I felt delivered in a way. Delivered from illusion, from the manipulation, from a future that would have destroyed me. I didn't lose love. I lost the illusion of it. And for the first time in my life right now, like I feel complete with who I am as a woman. I feel feminine, grounded, wild, free. Every single revelation that I've found, every single little thing that I've been finding over the past few weeks, like my purpose has gotten so much louder, like a roaring inside of me. Like I feel this like fire burning in me with every single confirmation, like my clear my calling got clearer. Every single truth, like I've been more anchored in who I am and what I want to do. This wasn't just healing for me. Like I really believe that I'm healing for every single woman who's ever loved somebody so deeply that she forgot to love herself. Every woman who can't walk away from something like this because of finances or not being able to pick up on patterns. Like I literally do this for a living and I couldn't pick up on it or I was blinded by what I wanted to see. I knew that this didn't become a story for me. This is now an assignment. I want to lead others out of this fire, too.

And I'm proud of myself because I didn't sit there out of after this breakup and being like, "What's wrong with me? Like, why am I not enough? Why doesn't anybody stay? Why does everybody cheat on me? Why can't anybody just love me?" Like, these questions have never crossed my mind since this happened. Not once. First time ever, I see everything so clearly. Like this wounded, broken version of me that attracted an emotionally unavailable man, not because I was unworthy. Let me repeat that. A wounded version of me, a broken version, attracted an emotionally unavailable man. Not because I was unworthy, but because I didn't know how worthy I truly was. A version of me that tolerated breadcrumbs, confusion, potential. She hadn't learned how to fully choose herself. And I'm not the same woman that I was when I first met him. And I will say that I am really grateful. I am very grateful for this man coming into my life. So grateful. Thank you. Like, you've taught me so much. So much. And I've had some of the best moments of my life. I've learned so much. Taught me so much. Not just like about sales and business. Not really business, but sales, but about myself and about like who I get to become.

Over the past three years, my deepest my deepest fears have been triggered. Cheating, abandonment, betrayal, being left, being lied to. Like the the things that the little girl inside of me was so scared of got ripped and out of me in front of my face. And I had a choice every time that one of these things happened. And I had a choice to let it destroy me or a choice to face it and work and do the inner work and heal through the deepest. With I would have not I would not be here today as healed as I am right now, like as full as I am right now, as grounded as I am right now. Like I wouldn't be able to experience this type of joy and this type of love that I have for myself without doing the deepest work that I've ever done in my life over the past three years. And and he allowed me to do that because he was the mirror for all the areas I felt unworthy. I let it completely transform my life. Like the woman I am right now, I'm so proud of the woman that I am. It forced me to heal the deepest parts of me that I didn't even know were wounded. All my patterns for me to take radical responsibility to grow into the woman that would never tolerate something like this ever again. Because I get to love myself so much that I wouldn't and even entertain it. I feel more sovereign, more grounded, more feminine, more playful and free than I've ever felt in my entire life right now. And I and I don't hate him. I don't hate him at all. I love that man. And I love myself more. I see him through a very different lens right now. Um, I see the wounds that drove his behavior. He's just a human humaning. The insecurity underneath the arrogance, the pain, underneath all the performance. Only somebody that's truly deeply unhappy would be able to sabotage love this way. And I also see like it was never my job or responsibility to save this man, regardless of how bad I want to do. It was my job to save me, to rescue myself, to create safety from within myself. That's not bitter. Like that is full clarity. Healing is not about making somebody else the villain. It's about reclaiming your own power.

And the way I really wanted to do this at the very beginning, I wanted I always got to have screenshots. I'm like, "I'm going to show you everything." Like, because I've saved everything for the past three years. This and this, you jerk. Like I was going to go off and I'm like, that has not helped me and that does not help anybody else. Healing is not about making somebody else the the villain. Healing is about taking responsibility. Like, this is my fault. It's my fault that I stayed in this. It's my fault that I attracted this. It's my fault. And and having appreciation for what I got to learn. Like, I wouldn't go back and not meet this guy. I became the woman I am right now because of this man. I'm so grateful.

How somebody else treats you is a reflection of their own self-worth, not yours. Cheating is validation seeking from insecurity. Manipulation is control born from fear. Disrespect is a mirror for how somebody feels about themselves. And the way that you show up in one area of your life is almost how you show up everywhere else. If somebody cannot be loyal in love, they are likely to be out of integrity in multiple areas of their life as well. And that's not my job to fix. That's theirs to heal. My only job is that I get to ask like, "Who do I get to become because of the situation? And what patterns do I get to break? What standards do I now refuse to lower? And how do I choose myself more deeply than I ever have before?" I'm so grateful for this heartbreak because this relationship forced me to grow in the most I ever have. I really believe that this is helping me with my mission with women because I stand for two things with women. Number one, financial power. That's why I teach sales. I know what it's like to have nothing. Every woman must know you have a responsibility as a woman to be able to make your own money. Every woman needs a way to take care of herself because too many women stay in unhappy, unhealthy dynamics simply because they can't afford to leave. Sales gave me deep freedom and options and safety. And every woman deserves that. I've never been broken up with with so much money in my bank account. That's for damn sure. Right now, I'm moving into a new place. I'm going from the 12th floor to the 48th floor, corner unit, full frontal water view. I have a bathtub, my own bathtub. I'm very excited about it. Two walk-in closets. It's incredible. If I didn't have skills, like I wouldn't have been able to do that for myself. A woman should be able to get out of any bad situation with her skill set and be able to make her own money if she needed to, be able to walk away if she had to.

Number two, in addition to financial power, I believe women need to have internal power, inner power, which is self-mastery and healing and pattern recognition. Money without self-worth just attracts better-looking pain. We must as a collective learn how to heal. We must be able to recognize manipulation, even if it's dressed up really pretty as charm. We must learn how to walk away with our soul intact. And whenever our soul whispers no, we must learn how to listen to ourselves, listen to our body. We must love ourselves so deeply that we wouldn't dare any we wouldn't dare entertain anything that misaligned with what we wanted to create. When a woman has money and self-mastery, she's untouchable to the [ __ ]. She can sniff it out a mile away because she's not desperate for the intention and she's not desperate for somebody to choose her like she chooses herself.

Here's what I know now. When a woman remembers who she is, she doesn't just heal. She ignites. The flame was always inside of her. It was never gone. It was just dimmed by survival and conditioning and silence. And the moment that a woman chooses herself, that flame bursts into a wildfire. She burns so much brighter. She speaks louder. She stands taller. She loves deeper. She walks in purpose. And her light, her flame, it sparks the flame in another woman and then another and then another. We do not rise alone. We rise together. A blazing wildfire of women who know their worth, who trust their intuition, who make their own damn money, who refuse to self-abandon, who refuse to shrink, who've refused to settle, and who lead with love and with power, who stand with truth, who walk in purpose. Like, this is not just my story. This gets to be a movement. And if you're listening to this, it's not an accident. It's because a flame already burns inside of you. It's ready to burn. You are ready to rise. You're ready to heal. You're ready to walk away from anything that keeps you playing small. You're ready to build the life, the love, the legacy that you were born for. And you do not have to wait to be chosen. You can choose yourself right now. I didn't become this version of me by luck. I became her by choosing myself over and over and over again. Being willing to do the work, being willing to heal, being willing to take responsibility, being willing to be forged by fire. And now it's your turn. You get to choose you. You get to light your own flame. Let's become a wildfire together.