Transcription
I thought I was following Jesus. I really did. But what I didn't realize is that I replaced him with information about him. I was learning everything about God, but I didn't actually know him. I want to tell you about one mindset shift that completely changed my walk with God and how I found freedom from a version of Christianity that just felt dry, intellectual, and honestly quite lonely.
But first, let me take you back. There was a season of my life where from the outside, I was doing everything right. Bible reading, check. Podcasts, all of them. Theology books, couldn't stop. Debates, love them. I was hungry to know the truth. But that hunger became something else. It wasn't just about God anymore. It was about being right. It was about being the smartest person in the room and having all the having all the answers. I was chasing knowledge about God and not actually talking to him. And if I'm honest, my faith started to feel more like a research paper than a relationship. And the worst part is, I didn't even notice. I thought, hey, I'm doing all these things right. So, I wasn't out partying. I was reading scripture. I was thinking deeply. I was growing. But what I didn't see is that my version of spiritual growth didn't cost me anything. I could go days without prayer and not feel anything. I could talk about God with passion, but not to him. And I started to realize something that hit me pretty good. I loved the idea of Jesus more than Jesus himself. That sounds harsh, but maybe you've experienced it, too. You're doing all the right things maybe, but it feels flat and cold and powerless. You're checking the boxes, but your soul still feels empty. Like something is just off. That was me.
Until one question changed everything for me. I was sitting there one day just feeling frustrated about all the things that were going on, everything in my spiritual life. And I wrote this question down. When did following Jesus ever cost me anything? And that moment was like a dagger that stuck right into my heart because honestly I don't really feel like it has in the last couple years. There's been suffering and tribulation and all those things. But my life has basically been the same just with better habits and some better theology mixed in. I hadn't died to myself really. I just given Jesus room in my house. I realized I wasn't following Jesus. I was just kind of adding him. And it was in that moment that everything just started to come into focus for me because the Bible isn't just about being moral or nice or well read. Jesus didn't say learn about me. He said follow me. He said take up your cross, lose your life, die to yourself. And when I looked at my own life, I had to admit my walk with God did not feel like dying. It felt like managing. What I had done is turn Christianity into a system of tasks. Pray, read, serve, tithe, repeat. I turned my faith into a formula, into a checklist. And it hit me that I was treating God more like a boss and not necessarily a father. I'd ask him for help. I would report to him on my good behavior, but I didn't want to sit with him, be near him, or even honestly at times know him. It was like being married and then just sending a daily text. And that counts for intimacy. That mindset is exhausting. And unfortunately, I've started to see it everywhere.
So here's the mindset shift that finally changed things for me and maybe it can help you too. Instead of asking how much of my life am I going to give to God, I started asking what part of me still thinks that my life is my own. Scripture says that if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away and then all has become new. And that doesn't mean slightly improved. That means dead to pride, dead to my ego, dead to my seemingly comfortable life. Not perfectly, not instantly, but intentionally. So when I wake up now, I remind myself the old me didn't just sin. He died. And the new me isn't here to just impress God with my spiritual routine. The new me is here to walk with him, abide in him. And that means praying when I don't feel like it. It means I read the Bible not to just get some points that I set up for myself. But because every line of the Bible is him saying, "Here I am. Come closer." It means I'm not serving to earn favor or whatever that looks like, but because I've already been loved more than I can ever imagine.
And the crazy thing about all this is that when I started to give up this intellectual control that I had, when I stopped obsessing over being right or even having the most perfect theology and started caring about being close to him, that's when everything changed. The pressure lifted. The joy of being a follower of Christ returned because I had lost that. The Bible became more alive than it ever was before. Prayer was no longer a chore. It was an actual conversation. And that's when I knew that I wasn't following any of the rules anymore. The rules that I arbitrarily set up for myself. I was following a person, Jesus. He didn't come to just make me a smarter person or more intellectual about the Bible. He came to make a dead person like me alive.
So maybe you're feeling dry or numb or maybe even feeling that God is distant. Can I just challenge you? Ask yourself, do I talk to God more than I talk about him? Do I love being right more than being righteous? Am I chasing theology or am I chasing intimacy? Because I've learned the hard way. You can still be right and still be far away from God. You can win the debate and still feel like your soul is dry. But this is the good news is that God is not just waiting for you to be smarter or perfect or even impressive because honestly, we're not. He just wants you. So, if you're tired of checklist Christianity, if you felt that emptiness, the I'm doing everything right, but something is still wrong sort of thinking or feeling, it's not because you failed at something. It might be because you've truly never died. But the moment you do, when you actually surrender, not just your sins, but yourself, that's when your relationship begins. And that's when Jesus stops being a concept and starts to become your everything. You thought you were following him. Maybe you were, maybe you weren't. But today for sure one thing is true. You can. If you have felt this way, I encourage you to watch this video because this all boils down to spiritual warfare. And I think we need to understand what exactly is going on in the spiritual world in order to have a better idea on how to fight it. It might not be you. It might be what you believed. Thank you for watching.