Transcription
Hello everyone! This is Leila from Bite Size Japanese. 😊 How are you all doing? This podcast is designed to help you study natural Japanese in a casual, conversational style. Today, I want to talk about the theme of "wanting to live a fun life." Are you all having fun in life? How have you been lately? Are you well? Are you tired? What do you think?
The reason I wanted to talk about this today is that recently, I've been feeling a bit mentally tired. Perhaps my heart was tired? The reason is job hunting. Job hunting? Or perhaps changing jobs. About a month ago, I started looking for a job, made my portfolio, wrote my resume, and even had an interview once.
During that process, I initially thought, "Let's try to do this enjoyably." I told myself, "There's no need to rush, let's just do it enjoyably." But somehow, it became incredibly stressful. Last week, I was so stressed that I couldn't eat before an interview. I thought, "This isn't fun, and it won't last long. I hate this," and for my own sake, I decided to talk about the theme of "wanting to live a fun life" today.
Well, I'm sure you all have similar experiences, right? For example, while working or studying, you might realize you're pushing yourself too hard without even noticing. Or you might set strange rules for yourself, thinking, "It has to be this way," and then get discouraged on your own when you can't meet those self-imposed standards. I think that's probably common.
What I believe is necessary to live a fun life is to let go of the idea of "I should do this" or "I have to do this." Of course, you can't completely abandon them, but I think it's truly most important to prevent yourself from being controlled by those kinds of thoughts as much as possible.
When I was a student, I felt a lot of that pressure. To survive in class, I felt I had to conform to those around me, read the room, and not stand out. I had those kinds of thoughts a lot during middle and high school. But around the middle of university, I started to really hate that. I decided on my own, "No more forcing myself to conform!"
But looking back at that time, I realize that by thinking too much about "not conforming," I was acting strangely. For example, for the graduate school entrance ceremony, people in Japan usually wear suits, but I wore jeans and a red shirt. It was a bit odd, wasn't it? Also, when I was a university student, I had an internship interview. I knew that usually, you'd wear a suit and shirt, but I deliberately went to the interview wearing a black knit shirt. I didn't get the job, but I was like that for about five years, with a strong desire not to conform, forcing myself not to.
Have any of you experienced something like that? What do you think? Is it surprisingly rare? What's your take?
But now, I'm 28, and I feel like I'm becoming an adult. Recently, I feel like I can be myself without forcing myself to conform. For example, when I had an interview recently, I thought a normal white shirt would be fine, so I wore a normal white shirt. I was able to follow manners without feeling stressed. It sounds strange, but I think you all might have similar experiences, don't you?
Also, social media. This was really tough. Are you all on social media? I hated Instagram the most. TikTok is still okay, YouTube is still okay. I think TikTok and YouTube aren't really about connecting with people around you. You can use them without worrying too much about others, which is good. But with Instagram, it's really important who you follow, isn't it? You also get a lot of DMs, and you can connect with many people. It's convenient in a good way, but I'm really bad at it, especially in university.
When friends from class or high school posted things like "What are you doing?" or "I'm at Disneyland," or information about getting a job after job hunting, you could see what they were up to on Instagram. I really hated that. I couldn't help but compare myself to others. Even when I tried not to compare, I still did, which was tough. So, I'm really glad I quit social media.
That's why I don't personally use social media anymore. I do use Facebook, but that's mainly to use Messenger. I don't post anything. Recently, I started using LinkedIn, which is an app for connecting with various companies and applying for jobs during job hunting and career changes. But I only use it for applying to companies or connecting with people like you. So, I'm really glad I quit social media.
Do any of you have similar experiences? Comparing yourself to others so much?
Well, recently, my grandparents have gotten older. My grandmother is 87 and my grandfather is 89. Their personalities have really changed. My grandfather has changed for the better. He used to be a very scary person, easily angered, and spoke loudly. I was a bit intimidated by him. Now, he's become incredibly kind and doesn't get angry anymore. He's become more honest.
On the other hand, my grandmother gets angry more easily than before. She often says she's anxious and "really regrets her life." Seeing my grandparents like this, I've started to think, "I don't want to become an old woman like that when I get old."
My grandfather is now in a nursing home. He can't walk on his own, eat, or see. He lives in the nursing home. I visited him recently, and he was quite cute. The care manager was talking to me, and since my grandfather can't see, he asked, "Who are you talking to, Rei-chan?" and "Is it a teacher?" The care manager wasn't a doctor, so she was a bit troubled, wondering how to explain. She thought, "I'm not a teacher." Then my grandfather said, "Teacher, please take care of me."
My grandfather tends to get energized when he meets important people like doctors. He's the type to try and present himself well, talking energetically and cheerfully. He's always been like that, and it was funny to see him like that now. He doesn't say bad things about people, but sometimes he does say he's "lonely." When I hear that, I feel a bit like, "I'm sorry."
My grandmother, over the past few years as she's gotten older, often talks about regretting her life. My grandmother was originally from a different family and married my grandfather, coming to his home. First, she had to take care of my grandfather's parents. She said she was caring for them for 20 years. "Caring" means taking care of daily life, like meals and using the toilet. After a while, my grandfather needed care, and for the past five years, my grandmother has been caring for him. Then my grandfather moved into the nursing home.
My grandmother often says, "It's like I came to this house just to take care of people." She says, "I've never received a single yen from my family. I've always worked and worked for everyone, cared for them, looked after three children, and did farm work and rice paddy work." She talks about these things a lot.
Certainly, hearing that, I know I could never have done that. But I don't want to live a life filled with regret like my grandmother when I get old. Perhaps in my grandmother's era, that was the only way to live. If my grandmother hadn't done anything, there would have been no one to look after the children, cook, or do the farm and rice paddy work. So, my grandmother worked very hard and did her best for the family, but now, at 89? 87 years old, she feels like she couldn't enjoy her life. It's a bit sad.
But then, what could my grandmother have done? Even if I think about it, I don't think there was much she could have done. So, I think life is difficult. When I think about it, I have so much freedom now. I'm truly free. I decide who I want to be with, where I want to live, and what job I want to do.
However, in that sense, I sometimes wonder if this is truly the best choice. "Choice" means selecting. But because I can choose so much, it means I can do anything. Conversely, when I think about it that way, I start to wonder what the right thing to do is, and I can't find the answer, so I end up thinking about it for a long time. That happens quite often. But compared to my grandmother, I have a truly free and easy life.
However, when I listen to my grandmother's stories, I feel that the reason she regrets her life so much now and feels anxious is probably because she has lived her life with the mindset of "I have to do this" or "I should do this." I think it was an era where she had to live that way. "I have to take care of my husband's parents." "That's natural," "It's common sense," "It's manners." She probably lived her life making all her decisions based on "I should do this" or "I should do that." That's why I think she regrets it so much.
When you think that way, when you look at other people, you tend to think, "That person isn't doing this," "They aren't doing that, so they're no good." Do you understand this? Do you all think so too? If you've lived your life bound by society, by what others do, by manners, and by established rules, and you've lived by conforming to them, then when you look at other people, you'll judge them by whether they're doing "this" or "that." For example, you might care about their educational background, or think they're not good because they don't have good manners. You'll look at people for those reasons.
This is exactly what my grandmother does. Something surprising happened. A while ago, there was a boy in my extended family, maybe in middle or high school now. He was a really good kid, but one day, he couldn't go to school anymore. He couldn't go to school for about a year or two. I heard about this from my grandmother, and she said, "What a pity." I said, "Yes," and "What a pity." When I said "What a pity," I meant it out of concern for his feelings. I thought, "He must be going through something difficult at school, or maybe his family relationships aren't going well. So, he must be suffering, it must be tough." That's why I said, "What a pity."
Then, my grandmother said, "He can't go to school anymore, he can't go to university, and he won't be able to work at a good company, so it's a pity." So, that's why it's a pity, I thought. My way of thinking and my grandmother's way of thinking are completely different. I realized that when she looks at other people, she doesn't consider their feelings, but only judges them by whether they are doing what society expects. I was a bit disappointed. I thought, "That way of thinking is wrong. It's pitiful. Because you think that way, that boy is suffering." I really thought that.
Well, the reason I'm struggling with job hunting now is, I think, because I have a strong feeling that I "must do interviews properly." I consulted my younger sister and told her, "I'm so scared of interviews, I'm practicing English for interviews for about 10 hours a day." My sister said, "You don't need to worry about it." "It's an interview, so even an interview with bad English is fine." She told me, "Try taking it as practice."
That's true, but I have this idea that "it's an interview, so it has to be a perfect interview." I'm raising the bar for myself and making myself miserable. In the end, I didn't get that job. So, I truly believe it's important not to conform too much to others and not to be controlled by the idea of "I should do this" or "I should do that."
There's a book and a movie I really like, though they're not very famous. It's called "Life is Fruity." It's about the daily lives of an elderly Japanese couple. It's really wonderful. The grandfather has passed away, but this couple worked hard together, supporting each other, with little money. When you think of grandparents, you might have an image of old-fashioned values, right? But these two were at the forefront of the times, leading the way. They didn't have much money, but they were incredibly cool.
First, they don't believe news or newspapers. They only believe what they've experienced and seen themselves. They value their own senses and experiences very highly. But nowadays, we hear all sorts of news and information on social media, right? They don't pay attention to any of that. Also, they decided not to have strange relationships with relatives. They don't go to relatives' weddings or funerals. In Japan, there's a custom of sending sweets to relatives in winter and summer, but they decided not to do that either and don't do it.
So, if you live a normal life, you think, "I have to maintain relationships with relatives," "I have to send sweets in winter and summer," "There's this news, shouldn't I think about what I can do?" They live their lives without being controlled by the idea of "I have to do this" or "I should do that." They grow various vegetables and fruits in their garden and eat them every day. I think they are incredibly cool.
When I'm busy and occasionally read their books, I actually shed tears. I'm so easily swayed by small things. "I have to do this," "If I don't do that, it's bad." "I can't find a job, what should I do?" I overthink various things and create pressure for myself. But when I hear the stories of this grandfather and grandmother, all that becomes irrelevant. What's important is to eat well and live healthily. It's a very simple way of thinking. When I hear that kind of thinking, I feel incredibly happy. I think it's wonderful.
So, if I could truly live like them, without being controlled or swayed by the idea of "I should do this" or "I have to do that," I think I could truly live a fun life without regrets. What do you all think? Are you having fun in life now? How is it?
I'm having a pretty fun life. I think I'm happy. Well, I've been a bit busy and stressed lately, but life is fun, so please don't worry too much. I'd be happy if you all could stay well.
So, I think that's about it for today. Thank you for listening until the end! If you'd like to study more Japanese with me, I'd be happy if you joined my membership on Patreon. I'm creating review episodes for the phrases and expressions used in this episode. The review episodes are called DEEP DIVE. For each regular podcast episode, I create one DEEP DIVE review episode, which is about 10 minutes long. If you want to review Japanese a bit more or want to remember things, you can listen to it and quickly review. I think you'll be able to remember Japanese better. I'd be happy if you could use it in your daily studies.
So, we'll end here for today. Thank you all for listening until the end! See you again! Bye-bye!