Transcription
She had childlike wonder in her eyes. She moved effortlessly, with joy in her heart, with a childlike spirit.
These are the kinds of descriptions I've heard men make of women who would later destroy their lives. Those childlike qualities that we admire so much when we first meet her are frequently the same qualities that make her impossible to live with. Society, and men as a part of that society, do an awful lot to encourage women to emphasize childlike qualities in their behaviors. Sometimes they do it as a manipulation. Sometimes they do it to get attention. But sometimes that's just who they are. And that's what's really scary: the level of immaturity in women is so profound in many women that it helps you understand why they didn't have access to bank accounts and credit cards until the mid-1970s. Because, oh my god, you would not want to give any kind of responsibility to this person because they don't seem to understand the way the world works.
Anyway, so today I want to talk about the childlike qualities of women, how we men contribute to the problem by admiring those qualities in them, and how these qualities inevitably turn around and bite you in the ass. Let's talk about it.
I thought that the days of women going from their father's house to their husband's house were over. I was wrong. I am seeing that more and more these days where a woman, a young woman, is treated as a princess at home by her dad, and he serves her with a great deal of love, but unfortunately, his coddling has turned her into an adult child. And then this man, who admires those childlike qualities in her, takes her into his house where she has had no transition into adulthood. And then, a few years after she moves in, her childlike qualities, her immaturity, starts to rear its ugly head. And that marriage breaks down relatively quickly because, up until that time, her entire life has been a fairy tale. Everything that she's ever wanted has been delivered to her on a silver platter, and she has no ability to deal with adversity, which life will throw at you, and a marriage will throw it at you fast. You throw children in there, and, man, adversity becomes your middle name. That becomes how you identify with: overcoming adversity you discover is what life is all about. And these women who have been coddled all this time are completely incapable of dealing with that.
Just think about your own experience with this. I'm sure there's not a guy that's watching this video who has not witnessed a full-grown woman throw a flat-out tantrum over something completely stupid.
The reason this has come up today is because I spoke to a really good friend of mine last night. Only been married for a few years, but he's been with this girl for a long time, like maybe almost 10 years. Anyway, he makes a ton of money. She doesn't have to work. She used to work just to keep herself busy, like as an aesthetician, you know, where I guess she does like bikini waxes, but for the most part, she doesn't have to work. They've got a really beautiful home in a very beautiful place, a very upscale area, and um, he has managed all the money. He makes all the money. He manages all the money. All the bills are paid by him. She has an account that he funds so that she has spending money all the time. They take lavish vacations. They, um, just a couple of weeks ago, just got on a plane and flew to LA for a concert just because she wanted to go see a concert. He had no interest in it, but you know, just to be a good guy, you know, she wanted to go see this group, and so they went.
Well, recently she's been asking for the user ID and password to his bank accounts. Yeah. Yeah. So, he has said no, that that's not happening. Like, there's no reason for you to have that. You have all the money that you need. He says you can have, you know, all the bank statements. You can see how much money is in there. So, that don't you feel like I'm being non-transparent, but you don't need to have access to that money. Money. That money I earned. That money is for our future. That money, a lot of it was before I even met you. So, you are not necessarily need access to that money. If you need money, you know, we can talk about it, and usually, you know, I'll give it to you.
Anyway, this happened maybe like a month ago, and she threatened to leave him, but then she changed her mind. Now, keep in mind, she's going through some hormone treatments because she is trying to get pregnant. So, that could be what's driving a lot of this behavior. But she was completely taken care of by her father, and then she went—she went right into this guy's house without any real, um, living alone. And I remember when he originally, um, was talking about getting married to her, I suggested that she move out on her own for at least a year and ideally for two years just so that she could get a sense for what it's like to be out there in the world taking care of yourself because I think that that's a valuable skill set, and it gives you a perspective that's really important. But she's never had that perspective. And I think that's what happens to a lot of women is they don't really know what it takes. And so they want things that they have no access to simply because they want them. And I think boredom sinks in. You know, I think that's one of those childish behaviors is they get bored, they get upset, they feel like they're not being empowered, whatever. And um, that's what happened here.
So he called me last night because she's pulling the on him again. And she threatened to leave on Friday unless he gave her the user IDs and passwords to all of his accounts. And of course, he's got Bitcoin, and he's got stock investments. He trades options. I mean, it's his hobby. He loves doing this stuff. So, he makes tons and tons and tons of money on top of the money he earns. And he makes a great salary. So, anyway, I told him this is where the boundaries come in. And first of all, you got to have the boundary. There's no way she can have access to that information under any circumstances, especially under threat. She cannot extort you into this. Secondly, the fact that she's threatening to leave you, that's a whole another level of problem. That's another problem altogether. If she's already threatening to leave you, that means she already has that thought in her head, which doubles down on the idea that you should not be giving her this information. Because this information, once she has it in her hand, she has the power to take that money at any time. And if she's already talking about leaving you, guess what? It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure this out: she's going to take that money and go, and she's going to feel completely justified by it.
Anyway, the more he said no, the more tantrum she threw. And I told him, just remain calm under all circumstances. Do not engage with her. She's going to be theatrical. She's going to try to pull stunts. She's going to try to get a trigger. She's going to try to trigger you. The more you don't trigger, the more you don't get emotionally engaged with her, the more you, um, keep your composure, the more frustrating and upsetting it is, just like it is with a 2-year-old. I remember going through this with my kids when they were little. They want something at the store, and I'm saying no. And now they're going to throw a tantrum, which is a form of extortion. Is basically what it is. I'm going to embarrass you at the store until you give me what I want. No. No. I just pick them up, and we leave. I'll leave the whole freaking cart full rather than buy them that $5 toy or whatever the hell it is they want under threat of tantrum. That is not going to happen. But these girls—then I'm calling them girls on purpose—um, that are now grown up are doing exactly the same thing. She's throwing a tantrum, and she wants what she wants, and she's trying to manipulate you, and um, yeah, it's just not, not, uh, something you can put up with. That's that's a toxic behavior.
Recently, I was talking to this man, 65 years old, successful, semi-retired, pretty financially well off. Like, he's got a yacht. Okay, so he's a nice, doing well, but he's divorced. Anyway, he's on a date with this girl, this woman who's in his age group. He's not going for some 30-year-old or something. This this is a 60-ish year old woman who had been a supermodel at one point. So, she's probably still pretty hot, you know. I saw some pictures of her from when she was like 25, and she was smoking. Anyway, he's having trouble with her. And I asked him about their first date and how they met. And he describes taking her out on his yacht and, uh, how she was just enamored and, um, looked at the sails of all the ships on the on the bay, um, with this sense of wonder and the sense of, uh, childlike curiosity. That's the way he described it. And how in that moment he knew that he loved her. Oh, I'm not not laughing at him. We've all been there. We've all had that that romantic fuzziness in our heads where we just go, "Oh, isn't she so cute?" You know, and no, you can't do that to yourself. It's, you know, because it's like a double-edged knife. Yeah, she's cute and wonderful right now with her childlike wonder, you know, and but on the other side, that other blade, man, it's going to be the tantrums and the crying and the not accepting, uh, responsibility for stuff. Yeah, that manipulation that comes with it. You don't get one without the other most of the time. Most of the time, that childlike wonder usually comes with a childlike behavior. So, just watch for it.
What's really funny is in the press a lot when they talk about relationships and the shortcomings of men, they talk about this Peter Pan syndrome where guys are not wanting to grow up. You know, that that's that's what their thing is. They want to opt out of society and just be kids and just play, make money, travel the world, you know, have fun. And they overlook the toxic childlike behavior that comes from women. But there's a huge difference between these two sets of circumstances. So in Peter Pan men, for those who get out of their mother's basement, at least they're supporting themselves, you know, at least they're supporting themselves. These, um, childlike girls, um, that become women are not even doing that. They are using their childlike behaviors as a form of seduction to, um, manipulate the man. And we as men, we feed into this. I mean, yeah, it's wonderful to see and admire childlike behaviors, especially that sense of naive and freedom, but you need to see that for what it is. And if that childlike behavior is pervasive in her personality, then yeah, you don't want to be anywhere near that. I mean, I don't know about you, but, um, yeah, I was never a big fan of that terrible twos, terrible threes, you know, stage in life with my kids. And I certainly don't want to go through that with a 30-year-old or 40-year-old or 50-year-old woman. You know, if they haven't grown up by the time I'm with them, I don't think I want anything to do with them.
Women who are most likely to have these childlike negative behaviors are those who had a poor relationship with their father or who had no relationship with their father. Um, men who understand that their daughters need to be able to stand on their own two feet do not coddle them. They do not put them on a pedestal. At least not most of the time. I mean, I certainly gave my kids lots of nice things, but now they're grown-ups. You know, I'll bail them out on occasion, but I expect them to be able to, you know, make their own way in the world. And um, and they both have healthy, strong relationships with, uh, with men.
Women who have that childlike, uh, toxic behavior will turn the tears on at any moment. You know, anytime that they're not happy about something that you're doing, they're going to try to manipulate you with tears. This is a common behavior. They're also going to blame you or someone else for anything else that goes wrong in their life. They're going to obviously be unaccountable. When you talk about women not being accountable, this is kind of falls into this childlike behavior that they sort of have carried over that we've permitted to to them to to, um, continue to exhibit. And I think that as society and as men in particular, you just got to call it out. So, you're acting like a three-year-old. You need to stop.
The one where they're really going to get you is when they need help. They start being helpless. I just can't do it. I'm just a girl. I just can't do that. You know, can you do that for me? I need a man to help me with that. Yeah, that is another manipulation. And it is just her pretending to be a child in order to get you to do something. What ends up happening then is once you start submitting to this behavior, you start acting out on her behalf because of this behavior, then she's going to start pulling it on you again and again and again. And, um, once she sees that it works, you better believe you're going to get repeated doses of it. So when you see this behavior, you need to call it out. You can't allow it to happen. Um, or just get away from her, quite honestly. I mean, being with an immature woman is like the worst nightmare on earth. I can't imagine, um, spending another moment with one.
It was about 10 years into my marriage when I had the conversation with my ex-wife and I told her that she was a child. I said, "You know, I feel like I'm the only adult in this household. I've got four children. I've got three that are under the age of 18, and I've got you." And she agreed. She said, "You're absolutely right. I am a child. I have not really learned how to take care of myself." And I remember being shocked in that moment that she had that sense of awareness. It was an intense little argument that we were having, and she was crying as you might imagine. And, uh, she said, "You're absolutely right. I am a child. I have never learned how to take care of myself. I went from, you know, living at home to being a performer where they took care of me the whole time, and then I came in here, and I was shocked from the very first moment because I had to wake up early in the morning to take your son down to the bus stop." Anyway, my son didn't need, you know, to be taken to the bus stop. He had been going to the bus stop on his own for years before she got there. But anyway, I was shocked that she had that revelation that she knew that was what was happening. She understood it on some level that her behavior was immature and childlike. And yet, it persisted. It persisted. Even to this day, she still is very much childlike. Um, and you know, I gotta tell you, there are times when you see that behavior, you know, on a positive light and you think, "Oh, isn't that cute? Isn't that sweet?" And then when it flips over to the negative side, it's like, "Oh my god, how on earth did you make it through this far in your life with that skill set? Why are you acting like a three-year-old?"
Anyway, women acting like children is one of those things that no one in society likes to talk about because it happens so commonly, and it doesn't fit the narrative of the empowered woman, and nobody wants to come to terms with the fact that a large percentage of our female population really still does not know how to take care of themselves and quite frankly probably should not have access to bank accounts or credit cards for that matter. But we pretend anyway. We go along in the name of equality, equinimity, make sure everyone's treated right. Um, but we just don't expect anything out of them in return. You know, we don't expect behaviors that are, uh, that of an adult. If a man acted like that, he'd probably get his ass kicked, but he would be humiliated. No man would do that. At least not any normal healthy man.
So what do you do if you have a woman in your life, you know, a partner or a daughter or a friend who is, uh, exhibiting these behaviors? You've got to intervene. And the best way to intervene is to not give in to their childlike demands. Um, don't help them with these little inconveniences. Don't rescue them from situations that they should be able to fix themselves. It's not that you don't care or you don't want to help. It's that they need to learn to do these things themselves. When a woman is faced with a problem that she can't solve on her own and she turns to you to do it for her, you're just creating a pattern that makes her more and more dependent on you. And this dependency is not healthy at all at all.
One of the great things I enjoy about, u, my kids is they are really good at solving their own problems. Now, I don't think that's because I was intentionally teaching them to solve their own problems. I think I was just lazy and didn't want to do it. So, Julia, my oldest daughter, she fixes her own car. She builds her own kitchens. Oh, I think she could build a house from scratch, you know? I mean, she is that handy. And she, it's not that she's a carpenter. She just will find ways to get it done. She's not a car mechanic. She just finds ways to get cars fixed cuz she doesn't have the money to fix them. Like, she likes collecting all these old cars and and, um, refurbishing them and bringing them back up to life. She's got like this old RX7 now. She's got an old Miata. She's got an old Ford pickup truck, and she loves working on them. She loves the creativity of it. You know, I can't dedicate that much time to helping her. I mean, I'll do what I can, but she's the one who's learned to do this on her own, and she's made a living out of it. I mean, she's doing great. And my youngest, you know, she's got to refix and redo the whole basement, she cuz she lives down there, and she's moving out pretty soon, and it requires a lot of work cuz she had tons of little animals running around down there, and they chewed up all the baseboards. So, she's going to have to paint and putty and replace baseboards and stuff like that. She hasn't asked me for any help at all. She's just doing it.
Anyway, if you want to have a healthy relationship with a woman with childlike behaviors or you have a daughter or someone else in your life who has these behaviors, the only thing that you can do to change those behaviors is to stop, um, enabling them. You can't allow them to continue down that path cuz it will eventually destroy them. Whether it's in a romantic relationship with you, it destroys you and them. But if it's your daughter or your sister or someone else like that, well, it's going to enable them for the time being, but they're going to continue to use this tactic in the future, and that's going to inevitably cause them enormous amounts of pain cuz they're not going to be able to get it done. They're going to try to manipulate a man into doing it. The man doesn't do it, she's going to think that he doesn't love her, and their relationship's going to blow up. So, you can't let it continue.
Being human requires overcoming obstacles. It doesn't matter whether you're a man or a woman. It's just part of the game that we play during this lifetime. And if we as men prohibit or prevent women from overcoming these obstacles by stepping in to help them all the time, well, we are diminishing their ability to live a full and happy life. So, don't do that. You you're going to be doing them a big favor if you just let them figure it out on their own. And in the long run, you're going to have a better woman on your hands.
All right, you guys. That's all I got for you today. I certainly hope you've enjoyed the video. If you have, please like and subscribe. If you know someone who might benefit from this video, please share it with them. Anyway, until next time, stay healthy, and if you can, stay single.