Transcription
Anytime a relationship fails, the relationship gurus will come out and tell you that it was probably a failure of communication. And inevitably, the implication is that men being poorer communicators from some perspective are responsible for the failure of the relationship, because we don't communicate well.
I've had communication conversations, if you will, with many men, many women, under many different circumstances. All of my conversations with men, good and bad, are basically like playing catch. They're direct. You know what's coming, and you know how to respond. There's a clear understanding of what's happening, what the objective is, and what's going to happen next.
However, with women, it's like getting one of those 1,000 piece puzzles, except all the pieces are exactly the same color, and each one only goes in one single place. There is no way to know which piece goes where by looking at the color of the piece itself. So when trying to interpret what she means about any particular word on any particular day under any particular circumstances requires a degree in cryptology.
So when the relationship gurus point their fingers at men because sometimes we shut down because we know we're looking at this 1000-piece puzzle. So trying to respond to a woman in a meaningful way without upsetting her, pissing her off, turning her into a basket case is like walking through a minefield. So today I want to talk to you guys a little bit about how to translate conversations with women. This is life 2.0. Let's talk about it.
You wouldn't know it, but we share more than 99.9% of our DNA with women. We are almost exactly the same. We were born on the same planet. We speak the same basic languages. When you have English, Spanish, French, whatever. We go to the same schools. We watch the same movies. You would think that we would have the same basis of vocabulary and understanding the definition of words and how they worked into sentences to form thoughts and feelings and express ideas.
But this is not the case at all. In fact, having a conversation with a woman that you're involved with in a romantic relationship is nearly impossible. Trying to understand what she means by anything that she's saying because we hear it at face value and she's communicating in a cryptic way some message that you're supposed to understand and interpret and then apply to your response is nearly impossible. It's like they're speaking a language all unto themselves. It's like, uh, the code talkers. Do you remember when the, uh, in World War II when the Navajo Indians were the secret code for translating or for communicating across, you know, uh, battlefields? That's kind of what it's like in talking to a woman. It's a language that's completely unique. There is no, uh, translation per se.
However, I think that based on my experience and having talked to many, many men and listened to how they responded and what the reaction they received was, I can narrow down some of the definitions to these words and we can better, hopefully, navigate conversations with women.
So, as an example, let's say it's a Saturday morning, beautiful day out. You've had a tough work week. You're sitting down to have breakfast and a cup of coffee and you flip on the TV and you're watching your favorite YouTube creator. You're just enjoying your breakfast and think about how you're going to waste this weekend. And your significant other, she comes downstairs, greets you, and says, "How are you?" You say, "Fine." This is pretty straightforward. There is nothing wrong with that. You are exactly right in terms of giving her an evaluation of your state of mind in that moment. You truly are fine. There is no hidden message in that word. There is no implication of anything other than all your bodily functions are as they should be. They're within normal parameters. Your frame of mind is good. You're in a good place. You are, by definition, fine.
Now, between the moment that you say fine and the moment you ask her how she's doing, she has scanned the environment that you're sitting in. She sees what you're doing. She sees the outdoors and how nice it is outside. And she has a list in her head of all the things that need to get done. And so she asks you, no, you ask her, "How are you this morning, honey?" And she says, "Fine." Now, if you don't immediately follow up with, "Oh my god, what's wrong?" you have missed exactly what happened here. Her fine is letting you know that there is a category 5 hurricane boiling up inside of her. And unless you do something very quickly, this storm front is going to hit you straight on. Fine is not fine for a woman. Fine is a word that she says to cover up the fact that she is pissed as hell. If she's truly fine, she will open up and start talking to you about 10,000 things that have nothing to do with what's happening in this moment. She will tell you about what she did yesterday, where she was when it happened, who was there when it happened. A single word answer from a woman, fine, is a strong indication that there is a huge, huge problem. And if you don't recognize it, you're screwed.
When it comes to translating women's behavior, one of the great resources that I've relied on for the last 5 years is the YouTube channel Marne, your personal wing girl. Marne is the sponsor of today's video and I could not be prouder to represent Marne because her insights into female behavior and relationships are extraordinary. She has been featured on television shows like Dr. Drew, MTV, Penthouse, which tells you that other professionals call upon her for insights into relationships and that's an indication that she's a great resource for you as well.
Breaking the ice with women has always been a challenge for men. Flirting is the critical element there. And understanding how to approach in a manner that is non-threatening, but more than that, actually develops a level of attraction. And her F formula for flirt formula is exactly what you need in order to break the ice. Since Marne has been sponsoring my channel, I've heard from several of you guys who've gone through her F method training and are extremely happy with the results they're getting. Guys that had struggled approaching women in the past now find a whole new level of confidence. Turned around my life and then one person was attracted to me and then another one and now I am dating a very, very beautiful partner and when you have that level of confidence, you're going to go for higher quality women, guaranteed. I think a lot of times what happens to us as men is rather than finding the perfect woman, finding Miss Right, if you will, we'll go with Miss Right Now just because we're just happy that any woman is willing to accept us and then really selling herself short in this situation. When you have the confidence from a coaching program like the F formula, you can approach women with a sense of confidence and really shoot for the stars. No longer are you limited by your self-belief that maybe you're not good-looking enough because that's not what gets women. It's the confidence that you show in the moment.
Because Marne and the F formula is sponsoring today's video exclusively for viewers of this video, you will be eligible to receive a 50% discount on her coaching program. I strongly recommend you give this a shot. Um, if you have ever been disappointed in a relationship that you had and you believe it's because you ended up with the wrong woman, this may be exactly the key you need to unlock the kind of relationships that you want in your life.
"I'm fine." Just the simplest example, one of my favorites is, "We need to talk." Now, if I say to you, "Hey, man, we need to talk." It could be anything like, "Hey, pick up some groceries. Um, my Wi-Fi password isn't working. Um, we need to change the oil. Um, you know, we need to call the HVAC guy. The, you know, the guy that mows the lawn isn't here." Any of those basic conversational topics that it's about conveying information is, um, what we're going to do.
When your romantic partner, when your woman comes to you and she says, "We need to talk." This is like the foreboding of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. This could be, you know, like when you're watching a Vietnam War movie and they start off with Fortunate Son, you just know some bad shit's about to go down. You know, this is going to be a horrific movie. And that's what "We need to talk" sort of indicates. Things are going to get hairy. Um, generally speaking, at the very least, you're going to get a full quarterly review of your relationship. Like that's the least kind of, uh, "We need to talk" you're going to get. It could be, uh, um, a termination of services, like you may find yourself no longer on the receiving end of any affection from this point forward. Like that might be the "We need to talk." It might be, um, "We need to split up the assets," family conversation. You know, "We need to talk" is not about conveying information. "We need to talk" indicates that she's already thought through this whole problem. She's decided that you're it, like you're the problem. And she's going to tell you exactly how you're being a problem and what she's going to do about it. And if you don't do something to change, like ASAP, then she's got plan B already in mind. So, "We need to talk" is, um, like I said, it's like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. You just know the shit is going to get bad fast.
So, now we're going to move on to some advanced level communication. This stuff is hardcore and you got to pay attention because if you don't, this is going to cost you. If she says to you, "Do whatever you want." You may be thinking, "Great, this is carte blanche. She's trusting me. She's giving me the opportunity to make my own decisions. I can do whatever I want." Oh, my poor friend, you are a fool. Because that is not what is happening here. "Do whatever you want" is a test. And there's only one right answer. And there is no way for you to know what that answer is. This is advanced quantum physics-style communication with a woman. So you basically got five choices here. A, you can do what you want, which is absolutely the wrong answer. There's no way that's right. So don't do that. B, you can take a guess at what she wants, which is probably also going to be wrong because you should know what she wants. So don't do that. You can, uh, do nothing, which is absolutely the wrong answer. If you do nothing, you're screwed. You're definitely going to be screwed. You can just hopefully magically through some sort of mathematical equation figure it out and get it right. And even if you get it right, she's going to be suspect that somehow you were just guessing. So there's really no way for you to win in this situation. But you need to be aware that this question is loaded and it's a test and the likelihood that you're going to fail this test is very high. In fact, when she says just do what you want, usually that's an indication that, um, she kind of knows and she sort of lost faith in you as a human being. That's basically what she's saying because if she really loved you, she would just tell you what to do.
Taking a woman out to dinner to a restaurant is very, very confusing and difficult. So you have two choices. You can either take control of the situation and decide where you're going to go, which leaves you open to all kinds of potential errors. I remember this case where, um, you know, I take this woman back to this place where I go with all my dates and everyone seems to recognize me there. It became clear to her she was not the first woman to go to that restaurant. Not good. Not good.
Um, so you ask her, "Where do you want to go, babe?" Oh, now you have done it, man. You have set yourself up for a potential disaster. Because if she asked you, "Where do you want to go?" and you say, "I don't care." Well, that means you literally don't care where you go. Like, any food from any establishment will do. Any food that goes in your mouth will do the job. You could eat at a gas station, get a hot dog or a pizza, totally fine. Hell, you could have cardboard. If you had ranch dressing, it would work. But if she says, "I don't care." H, you are stuck because there are at least 17 different criteria that are involved in you making this decision. And if you're not accounting for every single one of them, what mood she's in, where she's been before, what food she told you she liked in the past, what restaurant she's mentioned, any, any possible combination of scenarios, you are going to be wrong. And if you select wrong, it's an indication that you don't know who she is, you haven't been listening, you don't love her, you're not paying attention. I mean, this is a nightmare. This is a nightmare on steroids. You have got to never ask a woman. You're much better off going with plan A, just making the decision yourself, going and take her to a restaurant and hopefully she likes it. And if she doesn't, at least you've been masculine. At least you have set the agenda. At least you've moved forward with some kind of a plan. But never ask a woman, "Where do you want to go, babe?" Because if she says, "I don't care." You're fucked.
Let's get into the, uh, social translation matrix here. So when she introduces you to her friends, you think, "Yeah, they seem cool. Would hang out again." You know, that guy seems to know something about sports. You know, like you kind of get a sense for whether you would like to hang out with them again. You know what I mean? Like you're not looking at it way beyond anything other than that. You're thinking, would these people be people I'd go out in public with and just hang out with? And if so, cool. Let's do it. You know, she meets your friends and there's a completely different process going on in her brain. She's evaluating each and every one of them for threats and risk assessment. She's determining whether or not these guys are right for you. And not only that, but where you fit in the social hierarchy. She's trying to determine who's the negative influence in the group. Who's the one that's potentially going to lead you astray? Who's the leader in the group? Who's got, um, are there any women in this group that might potentially have either dated you in the past or might be potential threats to her in the future? There's an entire process that she's going through. So, she'll look at one guy and say, "Well, you know, he's single and he's pissed off about his, um, his ex. Well, he might be a threat level red because he may very well be the one that convinces you that all women are crazy." That would be like me. Like I would definitely be a threat level red in any woman's matrix. Um, there might be a married guy with kids, but his wife looked at her weird. So maybe he's just a yellow. Like, you know what I mean? Like he's just a threat level yellow. If there's a woman in the group, she's definitely in that orange classification just because she's a woman. Because any woman in a group of men probably is sleeping with at least one of them and maybe more. And because there's a level of friendship, any kind of intoxicants that are involved definitely leads the door open to possible, you know, scenarios that your girlfriend isn't going to like. So understand that meeting friends is taking things to a whole another level. And although in the moment she will tell you, "Your friends seem nice," six months later she's going to give you the truth. She's going to tell you, "I never really liked that guy, and I never really liked that guy because of this." And you're going to look back over these last six months, and you're going to realize that every group outing that you recommended or you wanted to go on, uh, with or without her, gets shot down. Somehow there's always something else that conflicts with whatever you want to do with your friends. This is almost inevitable because she doesn't know them. She doesn't trust them and she thinks there's a really good chance that if you are influenced by them instead of by her, that you're going to make some decisions that are not in alignment with what she wants from you.
Just know that the phrase, "I am not ready for a relationship right now." Now, if a man says that, it means that he's really not ready for a relationship right now. It means I'm working on my career, going to school, got other priorities, financially not in the right spot, um, psychologically and emotionally not prepared for it, maybe just coming out of another relationship. It's pretty cut and dry. We know exactly what happened, why we're coming to the conclusion that we're coming to. There is no mystery to this situation. It's not personal. It's just, you know, right now is not a good time for me. I think that I would be better off on my own. I'm going to save you and me a lot of trouble and I'm just going to pull the plug on this thing before it gets too far because I don't want to lead you on. This is what men do. This is the way we communicate. It's very simple, cut and dried.
That is not what a woman means. When a woman says, "I'm not ready for a relationship right now." It's much more personal. It generally means she's not ready for a relationship with you right now. She would be ready for a relationship if the right person showed up and she would immediately drop everything, change her timeline and bend over backwards to accommodate him, but she just doesn't think you are worth the trouble. Yes, women are very cruel in their, uh, interpretations of some of these very simple phrases.
Men are much more direct. If a man is, uh, in a relationship of some kind with a woman and he doesn't like her, um, more often than not, he's probably just going to ghost her. She'll get the message. It'll be pretty straightforward. So, that's not very good either, but that's generally the way a man handles it. A woman will use deception. Through deception, she's accomplishing a couple things. One, she's keeping you around as plan B just in case plan A doesn't work out. So, you become the alternative when she says, um, "I'm not ready for a relationship right now." That means that if you hang around long enough, she's suggesting that maybe at some point in the future, she'll be ready for it. So, if you continue dating her, taking her out to dinner, doing all that sort of stuff, courting her, if you will, there's a chance that she's going to change her mind. That is not happening. She is not changing her mind. You are not her guy. You will never be her guy. Just get that through your head. And if by some weird set of circumstances you end up with her, just realize it's going to be a huge mistake.
Of course, with texting in the digital age, we had this new version of hieroglyphics that you need to be aware of. And the way men and women interpret these hieroglyphics is completely different. So, if a man receives a text message from a woman and responds to it in a relatively short period of time, it just means he was looking at his phone, he felt the text in his pocket, whatever, and he responded. Nothing more to it than that. That's all it was. Like question asked and answered. Done. Don't need to go to it again. Don't need to think about it ever again. It's done.
Um, if a man doesn't respond, it means that he does not have his phone in his pocket. He's really busy in that moment. Um, he forgot phones existed. U maybe the phone was in the other room. Maybe he was somehow otherwise occupied. There is nothing more to it than that. It does not have any other meaning than the actual occurrence. If he doesn't respond, it's not personal. It just means he didn't respond. Period.
Now, if, um, a woman responds immediately, it means one of two things. Either A, she's very excited to hear from you, or B, she's really pissed off at you. Those are really the only two options. If you don't hear back from a woman, which is more oftentimes the case, there's an entire series of possibilities that this could be. It could be A, she's testing you to see if you're going to double text to see how desperate you are. Uh B, she doesn't want to seem too eager, so she's going to play it really cool. C, she needs to check with her female counsel about how to respond. She needs to get some kind of consensus as to what the correct response would be. Um, there's a whole series of possibilities that can occur with a woman that have nothing to do with answering the text. She is just playing a game with you. She's trying to craft her response in such a way that it will be received by you in a very specific manner. She's trying to shape the narrative of the conversation through the timing of the text message.
Also the emojis that you use in response, which men generally don't use, but obviously we all know what the eggplant is and that's a good one, but, um, women are going to use all kinds of emojis and emojis kind of get in your head. I remember I had this woman who, um, put heart emojis after everything and then suddenly there were no heart emojis and now you're, now you as a man, you're going, "What the fuck? I don't rate a heart emoji today. Like, what did I do? Like, am I am I broken? Have I done something wrong?" H, it's brilliant. And I tell you, I swear to God, this is unintentional. Like, heart emoji, heart emoji, heart emoji, heart emoji, no heart emoji. Now, what happens? It's like the opposite of Pavlov's dog. You know what I mean? It's like, now I'm not getting a treat. Like, the treat's not coming. What's happened to me? What did I do wrong? Am I a bad dog? Am I suddenly the bad guy? What did I do? Now, you're going through your collection of memories trying to remember, did you say something? Did you not say something? Did you, what, what could have possibly happened that would rate you not getting a heart emoji today? Ah, it's brilliant. And I, I swear to God, women do this intentionally just to get in your head.
A common way to affirm that you've received a message is just sending the letter K, short for okay. So if a man receives a message from a woman and he responds K, it's just recognizing that there was a message received. You are in agreement with that message and you're affirming for her that you understand the message. Period. That's it. Very simple, very straightforward.
If a woman sends K to you, that means your relationship is in trouble. That means you might be about to get the big talk of "we need to we need to have a talk talk." You know what I mean? Um, it could mean that there's an apocalypse in route, that there's a storm coming your way. K from a woman is a strong indication that she's pissed, that she's not just a little pissed, like she's really pissed. She's so angry that she can't even talk. That's what that means. If a woman just says K, that's an indication that she can't talk because of something that you have done. And if you've removed a woman's ability to talk, it's like, uh, it's like removing their magic power, you know? Like, like they they can no longer use their magic power on you. She's so out of sorts emotionally and psychologically that all she can do is give you a K. H, dude, you are done. You are absolutely done.
I don't know who thought it would be a good idea to include read receipts on text messages, but this has created an entire new dynamic to the way we communicate. So, if you're in a conversation with a woman and, uh, she's got read receipts turned on and, uh, you've got read receipts turned on, if she sends you a message and she sees that you've read it and then you don't respond to her in some period of time, well, that becomes a problem. Now, if you send her a message and she doesn't respond to you in a certain period of time, you're like, "Okay, so she's busy. No big deal." You could not be more wrong. So, if a man doesn't respond, a woman starts to spiral. She starts freaking out. She starts getting very, very upset.
When a man sends a message, if a woman doesn't respond, he's really not too worried about it. Okay, she read it. Maybe she's in the bathroom. Maybe she's at work. Maybe she's in a meeting. Maybe she's just not convenient. Whatever. She's driving. Could be any myriad of reasons why she would not respond. A man does not immediately go to, in his mind, to this is the apocalypse. However, we probably should because if she's not responding to something that she should have responded to, generally speaking, that is an indication that there is something going on.
Now, this gets elevated to a whole another level. If, for whatever reason, against all your better judgment, you are having a disagreement by text. Text messages were not meant for disagreements. Women love to use text messaging to communicate complex emotional issues, thoughts, ideas, concepts, problems. They want to just dump it all out there into the text message. Really, texting should be about, "Hey, I'm picking up milk," or whatever. You're not, um, trying to communicate a large concept to a woman during this. You're not trying to give her the secret to the universe in a text message, but she's giving it to you. And, uh, if you're not, if you read it and you don't respond to it, you're creating the groundwork for your own execution. Um, if she's given you all that information, she's worked through this whole problem in her head and she's giving you all of her emotional, whatever baggage, and you don't respond to it after she has seen that read receipt, you better believe that there is just a volcano building up inside of her and it's just going to be like Mount St. Helens the minute you see her. Or if you just don't respond at all. Like if you go like 24 hours without responding, oh my god, you better hope you don't see her because there's going to be all hell to pay.
Then there's the politics of likes on social media. So, if you're dating a girl and you're friends with her on social media on Instagram or Facebook or whatever and she posts some stupid shit and you don't give it a like, you're screwed. FYI, if she sees that you're liking someone else's stuff just because you saw someone's picture and you liked it, guess what? You're screwed. No doubt about it.
I remember I dated this woman once and I don't know why she was into my social media, but she was. And she saw that I was following all these, uh, girls, these hot girls on Instagram because they were hot girls and they were wearing bathing suits and working out and doing all kinds of fun stuff. And so I, uh, I liked them and they were liking me back. So it was fun. It was kind of like, uh, you know, we were sharing likes basically. You know, I think it's something that social media content creators do sometimes is you get followers by following other people. I think it's totally normal. So, I'm following all these cute girls. Oh, she lost her shit. She lost her shit. She said, "Why are you following this girl? I think she's a prostitute." Like, I don't think she's a prostitute. She is. She hasn't offered me anything. I'm not getting a coupon in the mail or anything like that, you know? So, I don't think she's a prostitute. Um, but yeah, she lost her shit. And she saw that I had been liking their pictures. This is before I even met her, you know. This is truly even before I even met her. So, she's condemning me for behaviors that had nothing to do with her. She was not in my life in any way, shape, or form. And, uh, I'm just a single guy. I was after my divorce. I'm just a single guy out there in the world trying to make friends, you know? And I'm liking hot girls. Like, what else am I going to do, you know? I am a fucking man. I am a man. This is what I do. This is what men do. But man, there's a price to pay for being a man. I'll tell you that.
And then there's the whole politics of changing your relationship status on Facebook or whatever. Oh my god. So, if you're in a new relationship with a woman, um, and she changes her relationship status from single to in a relationship, it's basically letting all of her followers and of course women have tens of thousands of followers. They have tens of thousands of friends, you know. I think I have like 20. I swear to God. Like on my personal Facebook page, I got rid of all those people I stopped talking to from years ago. I think there might be a handful of people that I used to work with. So maybe maybe 50. But not that many people are on my friend list in Facebook. But for women, there's thousands and thousands of them. So the minute she changes her relationship status to in a relationship, now there is a worldwide investigation into your past. She's going to learn stuff about you that you don't even know yourself. I swear to God, they're going to dig into your stuff. They're going to be all in it. And, uh, you're going to have some answering to do. You got some questions to answer now. She's going to be saying, "Well, my friend Julie told me this, this, and this about what you said to her at some point in the past." It's like, "Holy shit. I don't even know who Julie is. I don't know what you're talking about. I have no idea what you're even referring to." But somehow you're going to be held accountable for something that someone else said that you had something to do with from years and years ago that has no place in your memory. And you have no idea who she's even talking about because now all of her associates, friends, people that she's, you know, run into at a coffee shop are all going to be working on her behalf to vet you for a relationship. Congratulations.
Oh, and then if it goes the other way, like if you, if she changes you from in relationship to single, now it's an international incident again. Now everyone wants to find out what went wrong. She knows it, too. She's going to get texts and questions and, um, you know, DMs asking her about what went wrong with this relationship. You know, we guys got all blown up over that whole, uh, spill the tea app from last summer. Yeah. The whole spill the tea app thing. That's been going on since the very beginning. We just didn't know about it. So, when she changes from in relationship to single with you, there's a whole network of women that are going to find out some version of this story that you don't know. And then she's going to spread the word about you. Whether or not it's true or not is inconsequential to her. She's just going to make some kind of story up about what an asshole you are and why this relationship is over and why no one should ever go out with you again because you're a terrible human being.
All right, let's talk about some crisis communication. This is when you know your relationship is over. If I say to you as a woman, "We need to take a break." It means we need to take a break. I need a little bit of space. I need some time. I'll even work on the relationship in that time. I'm going to give some thought to how things are going. Um, doesn't mean the relationship's over. Not at all. It means that I just need to readdress, reassess, and decide where we're going with this thing.
She says, "I need a break." It basically means, "We're breaking up. I want to see someone else. I want to keep you around as a backup plan. Um, I really do want to break up with you, but I don't want to be alone. If I can't find someone else in the meantime, I'll come back to you. Um, I just need some space and, uh, that space involves putting someone else in your space. That's basically what it is."
Now all along I have said that women frequently are like adolescents. They are extremely emotional. Their behaviors are irrational. It's really kind of like having a girlfriend who's 16 or 17 years old, no matter how old she actually is. It's like there's something in their relationship growth model that stops when they're a teenager. And so there's all these insecurities, all these fears, all this crap that goes on. So they are constantly trying to test to see if you truly love them because on some level most women feel unlovable. I don't know why that is. Like they had this huge insecurity. Nevertheless, you've got to break it down so that you don't fall into the traps of being the test model for her insecurities.
So, when she says, "I'm fine," and you clearly can recognize she's not fine, then you just need to stop right then and there and say, "Honey, I can see that you're not feeling well. Please tell me what's going on with you." And then just prepare to sit down and get all that's going on in her head. If you allow the "I'm fine" to just sit there and fester, it's going to blow up into something that you're not going to be happy with in the long run.
If she says, "Just do whatever you want," rather than just doing whatever you want, or playing the, you know, the guessing game from Apocalypse Now and trying to figure out what you're going to do, just say, "Hey, I want to make a choice that's going to make us both happy. Tell me what's in your head. What do you want? What do you want to do? What do you, what's in your heart for today?" and then let her tell you, you know, don't fall into the trap of being the test dummy because if you do that, you really will be the test dummy and she will find one excuse after another after another to either torture you or kick you to the curb or make you feel unworthy, um, emasculate you. There's all these things that come with it if you don't guess right in any of these questions. So rather than absorbing all of this punishment for a game that she's playing as an insecure teenager, just stop and talk to her like an adult and say, "Honey, I can tell there's something else going on here. Please help me help you. What do you need from me? I want to be of service to you. What do you need from me in this moment?" You know, if she's, um, saying about the restaurant thing, "Where do you want to go?" Say, "Honey, I know you have all kinds of very special needs when it comes to going out, and I want to make this a special night for you. So, please tell me what's in your heart. What do you want to have for dinner tonight? Is there a special restaurant that you have in mind? 'Cause I just want to make you happy." Just cut through the shit. Get right to the core of it. Dismantle her bomb before it goes off. And you'll find that your relationships are going to be a lot healthier, a lot more enjoyable, and she'll stop pulling these stupid stunts on you. But if you continue to be the dumb guy who doesn't know how to respond or doesn't know what she's actually doing or can't decode her craziness, her adolescent, um, insecurities, then you inevitably are going to pay the price for it.
Once you understand that women live in a world where their general level of fear and anxiety is much, much different than ours, that they are at a much higher level than we are. Not saying that they are completely neurotic, but there is a certain level of neurosis that you and I don't experience on a daily basis. And they experience every single day, every minute of every single day. And because of that neurosis, they communicate in ways to affirm some level of security. And through that need for affirmation from you, they inevitably sabotage themselves by creating situations that make it impossible for you to meet whatever it is that they need, which, in a weird, twisted way, reaffirms their initial fear and neurosis that maybe they're unlovable. This is honest to God what's going on in their heads.
The only way that you can outsmart them here is just try these few words. You know, "What do you mean?" "What do you mean?" If you just ask those, that one sentence, "What do you mean?" You will disrupt so much of this process of self-sabotaging and neurosis because you'll give them the opportunity to communicate with you in a different way. You'll force them to turn on their rational brain for a second. When you ask, "What do you mean?" They now have to explain themselves. You're putting them back on the, um, the defensive a little bit rather than you being the one on the defensive. If you start to interrogate her about what it is she's actually after rather than allowing her to interrogate you about what you're going to do for her or how you're going to prove your love to her, then you change the dynamic of this thing completely.
No, Shelby, it's okay, buddy. It's okay. All right, you guys. That's all I got for you today. I certainly hope you've enjoyed this video. If you have, please like and subscribe. By the way, YouTube and their infinite wisdom and their algorithm will not honor your subscriptions unless you turn on the notification bell. If you turn on the notification bell, you stand a relatively good chance of actually seeing my videos in your feed. But if you don't do that, YouTube's going to decide what you're going to watch. FYI, they're taking control of that. I don't know why they even have the subscription button anymore because they're going to basically tell you what you're going to watch anyway. So, please hit the subscription button and the notification bell. That way, you'll be assured of being notified when my videos drop. And until next time, stay healthy and if you can, stay single.