Transcription
The confidence is usually what you have to change first. People, how do you do that? You change how what's going on inside their head. So, you've gone on stage before, probably a thousand or 2,000 people. You were on TV for a while. Even after you've been successful, have you ever even heard a tiny voice that said, "Why am I here?" Or like, "Do I deserve to be here?" Yeah. I mean, doing this is a prime example of that. Yeah. Or, "I'm faking it. People are going to find out I'm faking it."
Well, you feel like that when you're a podcaster cuz you you didn't get any official qualifications and then people started listening and then there's they think that you you know what you're doing or you so I think I contend with that as a podcaster. So, and they never go away. So, the difference between a person who's confident and a person who doesn't have confidence is that they hear those voices as truth and I hear them or somebody with confidence hears them as fiction. They're both listening to the same thing.
So, imagine like as a quick story if I if you and I were going to lunch and I said, "Stephen, I I'm going to come pick you up. I pull up in front of your house, you jump in the passenger side. We're heading off and I'm listening to an audio book about a nuclear bomb going off, but it's inside the audiobook. There's a fake news report about a nuclear bomb going off. Let's say it's a pretend BBC broadcast or something that's going off that it's in the audiobook. We start driving. I'm relaxed. I'm focused on the road. I'm enjoying what I'm doing. Your heart rate's increased. You're fearful. Your amygdala is firing off. You're in this horrible state of like, "Oh my god, what h what's going to happen to my family?" We're both hearing the exact same broadcast. We're listening to the same speakers at the same time, but I know that I'm hearing fiction and you are worried that it's truth. That's the easiest way to to describe it.
And then just fundamentally changing how you hear that voice. And nine times I think 10 times out of 10, that voice was developed when you were eight or nine. A kid do to make friends or keep them. So friends, to feel safe. Now we're in the safety like how did I get to feel safe and what did I do to earn rewards and for some people that might be recognition for other kids who had a bad start in life that might be water or food might have been a reward for those kids. So the way that we keep or earn friends the way that we get rewards as a child and the way that we feel what we have to do to feel safe those develop as little apps in our brain that run in the background of our adult lives all the time and we typically as a kid they're great. They might have kept us safe. They might have kept us alive. They might have held us inside of these social circles, but I'm going to be a dick to people so that they don't get close to me. Or I'm going to kiss up to authority figures like mom and dad so I'll get some recognition and praise. And that becomes an app that we carry into adulthood without knowing it, without our consent, without our awareness. That little kid brings these things into adulthood. And they just modify. So I go from having to kiss up to a narcissistic mother to I'm going to kiss the boss's ass every single day. and everybody knows me as the office kiss assass. So they just translate from child to adult behavior. And if I can start understanding that, then I can start getting that person to understand the fundamental way to change their life. And I make them put those phrases out in the open to where it's so I want them to be pissed off. So I will make them get a desktop wallpaper that says, "I don't deserve money. Money is for other people." just to make their brain see how stupid it is on a regular basis and put it on a motivational poster.
And the second part of that is anybody who's confident has a generalized expectation of positive outcomes. Not specific, but things are going to be fine. Things are going to be fine. So if I can do that, you can fundamentally change someone's life. So the final point of that which leads into discipline is I need to get you to form a relationship with your future self because everything that goes into on in our life has to do with our mamalian brain. this lower part of our brain here and it doesn't speak English. There's no affirmation that's going to penetrate that barrier. There's no like I'm gonna read a quote on a wall or a PowerPoint slide that's going to fundamentally change behavior. You have to change the animal, the mamalian part of the brain. The question I ask everybody that I'm training is how would I teach it to a dog? How would I show my goals? If I'm setting goals for next year, how would I show that to a dog? Because I have to get it down to a mammal.
So, the fastest way to do that is through visual means. So, I have all of my clients download this app. I can't remember the name of it. There's probably a hundred, but it makes you look like 95. Then, you're just covered in wrinkles. It makes a lot of your hair kind of go away. And I make them print it out and put it everywhere just for a couple of weeks. And now we start developing a mental mamalian relationship with our future self which changes how I eat, changes how I spend money. It changes maybe what time I go to bed, how much alcohol I drink, and mostly where I'm getting my dopamine from. If I draw a map of everywhere I'm getting my dopamine from and more than 50% of it is on alcohol or porn or you know all of these things that I don't want that's you have to be very very honest with yourself at that point of where do I need to get dopamine from them in my life and successful people every single successful person that I've ever met has a good dopamine map so they they get dopamine from good sources instead of bad ones.