Transcription
Hi everybody. Welcome back. It's now December and look, I have gone all festive. We've got Christmas decorations galore. So now we're off to a festive start, including a festive jumper and festive earrings. I've got little holly. I've also been doing some arts and crafts, which I will bring to you in a video next week. I'm covered in cuts and blisters and just general burns from using a glue gun. I'm not very good at it.
Perhaps I should have watched Megan's show first, which by the way is getting absolutely trashed in the reviews. Completely unexpected. I know. Just a handful of them that I've read this morning. Unendurable, frantic and bizarre, a Christmas nightmare, not fun, enjoyable, or even aspirational, and take anti-nausea pills. Having sat through the entire episode yesterday, all 53 minutes I think it was, all I can say is no lies detected. So, let's break this down and I will give you my personal review on Megan's holiday special.
As we saw in the trailer when it first got launched, it started off in a similar way. Megan was doing some weird bop around a tree farm as she tries to find the perfect tree. In fact, we have a full minute of Megan dedicated to going, "Oh, I like that one. I like that one. That one's so pretty." And that was quickly followed on by Megan decorating a tree for a whole minute. When we decorate our tree, do you know what this actually means? Now, in Megan's speak, we are encapsulating your family's story, building a passage of time through all the chapters of your life. But as for Megan, her tree is covered in lots of gold and well, you know, if the song fits in some more riveting conversations with Megan talking to the camera crew because there's lots of segments in between, not just Megan, with her guests. And in this instance, she is building the most boring, again, we saw this in the trailer, a children's advent calendar. And Megan explains to the audience that an advent calendar is meant to have a small little surprise and delight every day for 24 days right up until Christmas. And she also went on to explain with a tone. Now this tone comes through several times throughout the show. And she says, "You can of course buy pre-made ones with chocolate in them." I was furious. I was like, "Where the hell is mine?" Actually, my husband hasn't done his job. I don't have a chocolate advent calendar on my wall. I've had them since childhood. You know, I think my mom probably had them when she was younger. Advent calendars have been around for a very long time. But it's the way Megan talks. It's like she's the woman that invented the wheel. Did you know you can get an advent calendar that might have chocolate in, but it's pre-made. That's what the peasants buy. We make ours here.
So, on to the first guest and we have Will Gudara. He is the first sacrificial lamb. Sorry, I apologize. The first guest to appear, his wife Christina Tossi, she was in the first episode of season two, which we know was just episode number nine, and she appeared with David Chang, alongside Megan's crying makeup artist, Daniel Martin. So, as she's explaining about the fact she doesn't know Will, but she admires him because he's a restaurant tour and yada yada yada. I switch off at this point. She says, "I gave his wife a ring, Christina, because I know Christina, and I wanted to find out what he would like because, you know, Megan likes to go big, doesn't she?" And strangely, when she discovered that he likes Kacio Pepe, which I have to say she says about five times in the space of a minute, she said it might be a bit much making him that. Now, as far as I'm aware, cacio pepe is pasta, lots of black pepper and pecarino romano, right? And it's very cheesy, very peppery, very very lovely. But it's not something when you think of the other things that Megan cooks that I would say it's it's that hard. But so instead, she says she's going to make a pastry version of it using kacio pepe. Kajio pepe and she's going to make him kacio pepe guier. Right. So I had to look that up. I had no idea what it was. And as Megan actually made it and then put it on the baking sheets, it reminded me of the poo emoji. Quite accurate really when you think about the amount of she talks.
Another thing that Megan brings up throughout this entire annoying episode is she keeps calling things darling. Like she's putting on her best gym, dear darling. Oh, that's darling. That's darling. because Megan is still trying to incorporate Britishisms into her language and she just does everything a bit weird if I'm honest. But oh, that's so darling. It just doesn't work with her or what she's really saying it about.
Now, as Megan's Guier Cacio Pepe pastry treats came out of the oven and thankfully no longer resembled the poop emoji, Megan then took her guest into the back room for the arts and crafts special. So, what delights was Megan going to get Will creating for his family? None other than a Christmas cracker. Now, guys, I actually, hands up here, Megan taught me something. I have finally learned something from Meghan Markles with Love Megan Netflix show after all of these painful episodes. And that is Christmas crackers are apparently a British thing. I didn't know this. Now, I know some of you guys know what Christmas crackers are and some of you probably have them, but they're not as big a thing. They're very, very traditional and they're just they got a little tiny firecracker cardboard thing in them and then you pull them and then inside there's a little party hat. This is where we get the terrible party hats from. If you see pictures of people at Christmas in the UK, little paper hats. There's normally a very, very bad dad joke in there. Always makes someone laugh though. And then you get a little toy. But this is Megan. And Megan doesn't do pre-made stuff. No, no, no. Megan is making Christmas crackers with Will from scratch. Now, this is where I also say about Megan's tone. Remember I said about the pre-made chocolate calendar? Oh, she gets the same tone again because she looks at Will and says, "You can buy them pre-made, like it's something [clears throat] dirty." She has to get that off her tongue afterwards. But this is where she starts cocking it up because she says to him, "You've got to have confetti and dried flower petals and stuff in there." Guys, if you get Christmas cracker kits and you're going to make them, if you think you want to do this, don't put confetti in them. Because what is going to happen if you think about it? You're going to be sitting around a lovely festive table that someone spent maybe days, hours preparing Christmas food, desserts, everybody's got their drinks on the table, and then you pull Christmas crackers full of flower petals and confetti everywhere. You are going to have one very, very irritated host. So, no, you don't normally put confetti in there. I think Megan's getting confused between Christmas crackers and party poppers. Um, so yeah, so she did try and make a British sort of tradition, but also managed to it up at the same time.
Now, in another moment that's got people talking on social media, Guy. Oh, poor little guy. He makes an appearance. And of course, this actually just reminds everybody that Guy sadly passed away in January. So Megan must have filmed this segment as far back as last year. So after Megan ruined the fun of Christmas crackers for everybody, she then invites her actual friends around. We do get to see two friends, not as long as she does her celebrity guests really. But she has Kelly and Lindsay. Lindsay has been friends with Megan since they were at uni or college together. And Kelly has just filled in the space that Jessica had. and they look very similar as well. But yes, Kelly is there and they decide to get their hair the same and they wear matching pajamas and it's all very cutesy like a sleepover. I'm surprised that Megan didn't give them a Christmas pillow to beat the crap out of each other with. I know at that point I would be tempted myself. But of course, the cocktails come out and then the ladies again briefly are then whisped off out into the back room because now it's their arts and crafts turn and they are making Christmas wreaths. Kelly said that she had not actually made a Christmas wreath before. So Megan said, "Oh, well you can start a new tradition." This is the way that they talk, a new tradition. [laughter] Does my does my head in. Sorry. Anyway, back into the zone. Megan and her friends are making these lovely Christmas wreaths and Kelly does something that Daniel did. She got a compliment off of people and I don't think Megan liked it that much. At this point, I honestly wonder if the crew were deliberately winding her up knowing that Megan doesn't like it when the attention is on other people.
Onto the next segment, we have Megan. She loves these segments of herself. We didn't see enough of Megan gift wrapping before. Now we've got Megan holiday wrapping. It's honestly the most exciting thing you've ever seen in your life. No. Um, it's also not practical. Megan likes to wrap presents and she likes wax seals and she said, "Do you know what you can do? You can make lots of wax seals and let them cool down and then she's got them in a little tray and then when you make the presents, rather than using a candle and a wax seal as you do it, you know, hot wax, you then get a glue gun with a wax stick and then stick that on there. You've made the wax seals, then you've got a glue gun, and you've got the wax stick to do that to stick it on. I mean, seriously, are many people going to be fanny assing about with a wax glue gun, making their own wax seals? No. Nobody's going to be doing that. Next, I'm surprised Megan's not actually imprinting her little uh signate ring with her insignia, you know, her royal insignia into it. Like, yes, don't forget that this wax seal came to you from a duchess.
Another practical idea that came from Megan's wrapping segment is people don't know how to wrap a bunny rabbit. So, she makes it into a giant Christmas cracker. I mean, my mom taught me that trick many, many years ago, not for wrapping rabbits, but a lot of awkward shaped things. Get a bit of cardboard, make a tube, and then make it into a giant Christmas cracker. Again, Megan acts like she's invented the wheel. But she says, "Another thing that really like gets to people is how do they present a bottle of wine or a bottle of, you know, alcohol? Nice gift bag will do." No. No. Megan trying to sound relatable again. One of the people says that you could go into a vintage store and apparently they have bins in there full of scarves and you can pick out silk scarves for like a few dollars at a time and then you wrap it and then you make it look really pretty. And it's a Japanese form of wrapping where you make a little blossom at the end of it. Well, on the one side, Megan, it means that when that gets smashed in the car ride over to wherever you taken it, at least you've got an expensive cloth to wipe it up with. Thankfully, Megan's wrapping was over with as soon as it begun.
And then we then got on to guest number two, and she had tennis player Naomi Osaka. And in preparation, Megan went back to the thing that she loves the most, a crude board. Again, we saw this in the trailer. The most boring crud tape board I've ever seen in my life. Made up of everything green cuz it was meant to look like a Christmas wreath. She had broccoli, asparagus, she had some peas. Megan likes to pop the peas because she thinks it makes it look exciting. Oh, yeah. So excited. Look at those pop peas. I bet we all look for that when we go to a friend's house. No. Where's the bread sticks? Where's the cheese dip? It's Oh, look. She's done pop peas. [laughter] How exciting. Megan, of course, tells the camera crew that she's very excited about Naomi coming around again. They've never met before, but she knows that Naomi has recently welcomed a child. And that was something that Megan says, "I'll be able to connect with her over because Megan, if you didn't know, is a mom." Now, of course, with Megan's shows, there's always those awkward moments where there's like an awkward grin. They don't really know each other and they're trying to have conversations and it never quite flows. But Megan asks Naomi what's the most important thing for her, you know, in the holidays. And Naomi says, you know, she travels away a lot. She just wants to spend time with her family. Megan just stands there grinning because really, what can she say at this point? Yes, Harry's her family, her mom's her family and stuff, but she is the destroyer of families. is this is a woman who at Christmas wouldn't even think twice about getting on the phone and giving her alien father a phone call. So, this was one of the ones that I think if she did say something, Netflix probably edited it out. It's one of those moments we think she should really sit this one out there. But she just manically grins like Yes. Yes. Have you guys seen that horror film that's out called Smile? That's what her grin reminds me of.
Now, lucky Naomi didn't just get a cruded hayboard and a big hot mug of mold water. I might have had cider in it. I mean, Megan does like to drink throughout every episode, but I really, as I said, I struggled to stay focused throughout this. But then Naomi then got taken into the craft room. And what were they crafting? Well, they were painting plates and cups. Megan, you could tell, was not very happy with the things that she was creating. Naomi made a nice one for her daughter and then Megan just reverted to doing her chicken scratch writing. It's not calligraphy. It's cursive writing joined up and she goes back and then she puts those weird little swivels on it. And Naomi at one point says something that could have earned her a little bit of a black spot against her name. She said to Megan, "Well, that's that's kind of cheating because Megan's not actually painting or creating something. She's just writing." And Megan's like, "But I said I liked yours." So that means Naomi, you are only to say that you love everything that she's doing. Do not ever say anything that Megan could perhaps deem as not a full 100% gushing sugary sweet compliment.
Now Megan clearly not done with painting because she was having so much fun. We get another Megan Mimi segment and this time she's painting cookies and she says you can do this with your children but it's also very therapeutic when the children are in bed. She drinks another cocktail and she says you know you can get into the spirit of things. You can pick your spirit. So funny. And it's just the fact that she's talking about the children like them decorating cookies would be an annoying thing. I mean, [gasps] I don't have children myself, but I've got memories of me being a kid. I'd make cookies for Santa. You'd do decorating together. You'd do all this fun stuff together. But Megan talks about the children like, "Well, I wouldn't let them paint the cookies because they [clears throat] do it wrong." You know, Megan can find a way to take the fun out of everything. But again, this is the sort of vibes I get from her, the narcissistic mummy dearest. You know, Fay Dunaway in that film. It's that sort of don't use wire coat hangers.
Then thankfully we are on to the final guest which is American chef and TV star Tom Kio. And as Megan's doing the normal introduction over the top, she's fangirling. She's talking about how much that she's always admired him, the book that he's got out that she read and it changed her perception of what it's like to be in the kitchen and just all of this stuff. And you know, it's complete and utter because she never said any of this or praised him on her TIG blog. This is a way that Megan, I think, has got some of these guests on the show or Netflix has. They said, "Look, if you come on the show, if you make an appearance, we'll plug whatever it is you're selling at the moment. Raise your profile a little bit. Probably these people didn't realize how badly that this show was going to flop." But Megan says that this is the man that changed the world of cooking for her. I think she's been saying that to every single person that's come on the show. But this is Tom's turn. And Megan goes up to him when he comes out on the set. And it is a set. And this is what I find weird. She is chewing. She's eating food as she goes over to him for a full body hug. And I find that gross. I find that bad manners. But the fact is that she must have done it deliberately because it's a film set. He would have been waiting around the corner until it was his moment to come onto stage. You know, lights, cameras, action. So, she chose that moment to put something in her mouth. Was this Megan trying to be relatable because she thinks, you know, this is what chefs do in her brain because everything with Megan is like a dress up box, isn't it? And she thinks, "Oh, that would make me look normal and relatable." I'm sorry. If I had someone coming over to me that I don't know, coming in for a full body hug and they were walking towards me like can't wait to, you know, meet you properly, I'd be like, you can wait to meet me from over there. Thank you very much. And maybe swill out your mouth.
One of the dishes that Tom makes is salted cod. And even then, there's a moment where he's testing the cod with his fingers to see if it's cooked because it needs to flake. Well, Megan takes that opportunity to yum yum yum yum. And then two minutes later, you can hear her going yum again. And Megan, as I said, she does this thing where she puts food into her mouth. She doesn't just put it there or plop it there. She goes right the way in. She deep throats her fingers. Okay, there's a visual for you. So, she's got her spit all over her fingers, and then she's back to touching things again. I just I would be horrified if I was any of her friends watching this going, "You know what? I think we'll get take out tonight."
Now, of course, because this is the end of the show, we finally get the big buildup to uh Harry's appearance. And it's because Megan is going to be making gumbo. And in pops Harry for a couple of kisses with his wife, who acted surprised. Oh, hi. Oh, this is H. This is Tom. And then the guys talk for a minute and then Tom has also prepared this beetroot salad. There's a whole conversation over this beetroot salad when Megan was getting it ready with him. Apparently it's got everything that Harry hates in it. So she has this long conversation talking about he hates this, he hates this, he hates this. Now bearing in mind Tom has just told her it's his family recipe. His family absolutely love it. He has to create a massive batch of this every Christmas. So this is his signature dish. Yeah, Harry hates that. He hates that. Harry comes on and he's glaring at the bowl and he's like, "Oh yeah, no." Oh. Megan tells him what's in it and he's like, "No, that's like everything I hate." Again, I find that bad manners. You don't have to eat it, do you? If you don't like the look of something, you know, someone has cooked something for you and you go around. You can, if you're lucky enough and you're an adult, you can turn around and say, "No, thank you. No, no, I'm good. Thank you very much. I'm allergic. No, sorry." But it's the way that Harry's like, "Oh, no. That's everything I hate." after Megan did it. I was like, he's literally just given his family dish, something he's very, very proud of. And these two are like, it's that level of immaturity, I would say, to not even have that tiny bit of decorum to think, do you know what? I'll just say I'll stick to the cod. Thank you. Or in this case, Megan's gumbo. He then says that he doesn't want any fish added to the gumbo. So, not only is he not trying Tom's beetroot salad, he's obviously not going to try the fish. And it's just the look that Harry had on his face as well. These two both have terrible manners. Megan, of course, finds a way to put down her husband because she says of him eating her gumbo, "Oh, I'll get him a towel because he's going to sweat." Oh, that's a charming thing to turn around and say about your husband on the TV program. I mean, Harry does get his own back cuz he says it's not as good as your mother's gumbo. This was clearly Harry's comedy moment. And Megan seemed all shocked. Wow. What? Oh gosh. Yes, it's so funny. But we all know it's fake and staged and scripted because the way the camera crew just batted back and forth between Harry and Megan. And we all know that Megan doesn't have [clears throat] a sense of humor.
Now, thankfully that was in fact a wrap. What they do now is they did this at the end of every other episode. They show you a flashback of everything that we've just had to endure for the last 50 odd minutes I think I sat through. And then it's the big sparkly finish of Megan in her green dress [laughter] that she procured one way or another and that's open to debate. And then she's sat in a table and then she says cheers to all of the Netflix crew who I'm sure made their excuses and didn't want to stay and eat at that table, but they did the quick cheers and plunk and yay. That's a wrap, folks. I can only hope it's my Christmas wish to Netflix that that is indeed a wrap and they stop making these. They're awful. They really are awful. Megan in every episode finds a new way to make things less fun. And this one was no exception. All of the fun things that people would do with their children, like making cookies for Santa, decorating the tree, even picking the tree out. People tend to do that with their kids, but not Megan. This is all about adult time and of course having a drink or five. Megan should have done a cocktail special. She should have done a show all to do with alcohol. Stick to what you know. And it's clearly obvious that Megan really does enjoy a drink. Any type of drink. As she said, pick your spirit. To be honest with you, I think anybody watching this could do with a drink just to sit through it. And I'm not too certain that Megan didn't have a fair few herself because there's another thing that she did earlier on. I forgot to mention it with Will. And this is when they're making the Christmas crackers. And Will came out with one of the most cheesiest lines. You'd think it would be something that Megan said. And he's talking about tying ribbon around the crackers. And he turned around and said, "What attaches it is the love that we feel for people." And Megan starts banging the table. And it sounded like the scene. And when Harry met Sally, she was so excited that someone had matched her level of cringe. And what makes it really worse, truly worse, is you know, you know that that was probably scripted. So, it's not just Megan that makes this show bad. It's the writers. It's some of the guests. It's everybody that's come together to make such a contrived staged fake show. There isn't a tiny bit of authenticity that comes through from Megan at any point with the exception of the old mask slip when she doesn't feel like she's getting the best compliments or perhaps someone's got a bit more attention than what she has. Someone's got a bit of praise. Old Daniel and Kelly. I bet that didn't go down too well.
But anyway guys, that's it for me on this video. Hopefully, fingers crossed we'll get a Christmas miracle and Netflix will say, "Do you know what? It did so bad with Love Megan is officially over." But hey, we can all dream. So on that note, guys, I will be back with you very soon and we will of course be talking ball gowns and tiaras. Bye for now.