Transcription
I choose to run toward my problems and not away from them, because that's what Heroes do. You just don't know when to give up, do you? I can do this all day. [Music] How'd you feel, tler? [Music] [Music] [Music] There is something that I need your help with. I can't wear these Creek colors anymore, and since you are obviously the only person around here with any sense of style, W, how do I look? [Music] Fresh take her down. [Music] [Music] Was my turn. Ah, that's my exit. Ball Room. This is whiplash one. I've got the bogey in my sight. [Music] Flar. Truth is, I am Iron Man. [Applause] [Music] Whosoever holds this Hammer, if it be worthy, shall possess the power of [Music] [Music] Thought brother, whatever I have done to wrong you, I am truly sorry. [Music] So is this how you normally look, more or less? It's a good look. Kneel before me. I said Neil. There was an idea, Stark knows this, called The Avengers Initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people, see if they could become something more, see if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could. There's no Throne. There is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes, and maybe it's too much for us, but it's all on you, cuz if we can't protect the Earth, you going be damn well sure we'll avenge it. [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] Now you see me, brother. You must be truly desperate to come to me for help. What makes you think you can trust me? I don't. Mother, did you betray me? And I will kill you. When do we start? [Music] You can tell us, hey Mr. Stark, when is somebody going to kill, kill this guy? Just saying. Is that what you want? Here's a little holiday greeting I've been wanting to send to the Mandarin. I just didn't know how to phrase it until now. My name is Tony Stark, and I'm not afraid of you. I know you're a coward, so I've decided that you just died, pal. My name's Trevor. Trevor Slattery. What are you, decco? You're a double, right? Well, mean study? No, absolutely not. Don't hurt the face. I'm an actor. You got a minute to live, fill it with words. Just a roll, the Mandarin. See, it's not real. Then how did you get here, Trevor? They approached me about the role, customade Terror threat. Yes. [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] Buy who the hell is Bucky? Falcon status engaging. [Applause] Lucky you, known me your whole life. Your name is James. You Canon Barn. Shut up. I'm not going to fight you. What is your name? My name is Peter Quill. Okay, dude, chill out. Move. Why? Ronin may have questions for you. Hey, you know what, there's another name you might know me by: Star-Lord. Who? Star-Lord, man. Legendary Outlaw. I forget. This, you need all available guards combat. [Music] K, dance off, bro. Me and you. Come on. Subtle. Take it back. What are you doing? I'm distracting you, you big turd blossom. You're mortal. How said it yourself. We're the Guardians of the Galaxy. You feel love? Yeah, I guess, yeah. I feel a general unselfish love for just about everybody. Romantic, sexual love? No, no. I don't. For her? No, that is not okay. She just told everyone your deepest darkest secret. For the first time in my existence, I am truly not alone. But my mother, you said you loved my mother, and that I did. It broke my heart to put that tumor in her head. [Music] What we need to find Peter now and get off this damn Planet. E will have won him to his side by now. He has a way. Let me just go. No, he's our friend. All any of you do is yell at each other. You are not friends. You're right, we're [Music] family. You shouldn't have killed my mom and squish my Walkman. [Music] He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn't your daddy. Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power. Whatever, man, it's a trick. Please be my guest. Come on. I still don't know how you do it. Are you even pulling? Are you on my team? Just represent. Pull. All right, let's go. Come on, Cap. Nothing. You're all killers. Ultron. In the Flesh. This is exactly what I wanted, all of you against all of me. How can you possibly hope to stop me? Like the old man said, together. [Music] [Music] The world sure seems different from down here, doesn't it, Scott? What? Who? Who said that? Here. It's a trial by fire, Scott, or in this case, water. In the right hands, the relationship between man and suit is symbiotic. The suit has power, the man harnesses that power. You need to be skillful, agile, and above all, you need to be fast. You should be able to shrink and grow on a dime. Now dive through the Keyhole, Scott. There you are. Daddy, is that you? Hi, peanut. Why don't you pick on someone your own [Music] size? Now where'd you go, little guy? Not just me, go a [Music] [Music] Stand down now, your highness. Underge. [Music] Nice job, kid. Thanks. Well, I could have stuck the landing a little better. It's just a new suit. Wait, it's nothing, Mr. Stark. It's, it's perfect. Thank you. Yeah, we don't really need to start a conversation. [Music] The okay, the still feds. Oh my [Applause] God. I never watched it once. Come and drink. Rise, the workers of Salvation. Family back together again. I have great things to show you, brother. If you're going to take on claw, you'll need the best The Design Group has to offer. Exhibit A, my design. Old Tech, functional, but old. And people are shooting at me. Wait, let me put on my helmet. Enough now. Look at these. Do you like that one? Tempting, but the idea is to not be noticed. This [Music] one. What's up? I never yield it. This is it for you, cousin. [Music] [Music] Hell of a move. It's beautiful. Maybe we can still heal you. Why? So you could just lock me up? [Music] I see through you. You think you know how the world works. You think that this material universe is all there is. Who are you in this vast Multiverse, Mr. Strange? [Music] Have you seen that before? In a gift job. Teach me. [Music] [Applause] [Music] F [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] Yes, we know each other. He's a friend from work. [Applause] [Music] So simple, even a blind man could see [Music] it. Even when you had two eyes, you see only half the picture. I'm not as strong as you. No, you're stronger. Tell me, brother, what were you the god of again? [Music] [Music] So now what you'll see. Hold on. You gave her wings. [Music] [Applause] Ah, uh, what are you doing? Taking your pod? No, you're not. You will not be taking our pod today, sir. Uh, Qu, are you making your voice deeper? No, you are. You're aing the God man. It's weird. No, I'm not. He just did it again. This is my voice. Are you mocking me? Are you mocking me? Stop it. You just Delan. He's trying to copy. To stop. He's doing it first. We need to stop Thanos. [Music] Oh. [Music] [Music] I told you you'd die for [Music] [Music] That. You. You should have gone for the head, Steve. Up. This is no place to die. No, no, no. Grude. No. I don't feel so good. You're all right. I don't, I don't know what's happening. I don't know. Okay. I don't want to go. I don't want to go. Sir, please, please. I don't want to go. I don't want to go. Sorry. No. Trust. We know what it sounds like. Tony, after everything you've seen, is anything really? Quantum fluctuation messes with a plank scale, which then triggers the Deutsch proposition. Can we agree on that? Thank you. In layman's terms, it means you're not coming home. I did. No, you accidentally survived. It's a billion to one Cosmic fluke, and now you want to pull a what do you call it? Time Heist. Yeah, Time Heist, of course. Why do I think of this before? Oh, because it's laughable, cuz it's a pipe dream. The stones are in the past. We could go back. We could get them. We can snap our own fingers. We can bring everybody back, or screw it up worse than he already has, right? I don't believe we would. Got to say, I sometimes miss that giddy optimism. [Music] On your [Music] left. He b b [Music] EV. EV is that everyone? What you want it? [Applause] [Music] More. Avengers Assemble. [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Oh. [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] I am [Music] inevitable, and I am Iron Man. This is a mistake. I shouldn't be here. Hey there, you're probably saying this is a mistake. I shouldn't even be [Music] here. Welcome to the time variance Authority. I'm Miss Minutes, and it's my job to catch you up before you stand trial for your crimes. You enjoy hurting people, making them feel small. You weren't born to be king, Loki. You were born to cause pain and suffering and death. That's how it is. That's how it was. That's how it will be. Also, so that others can achieve their best versions of themselves. [Music] Ah, hello. Which one of us are you? My Army. My Throne. About that, you beef witted halface scrubs. We had a deal. For God's sake, why the hell is there an alligator in here? He's [Music] a. I think you've had enough. [Music] Cap. Oh. Oh, you meant stay put. I sense a domestic emergency. Mrs. Please, don't. You can't. You BL. Our anniversary. Our anniversary. What? Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you. The universe created a sitcom starring two Avengers. W. W. You didn't think you were the only magical girl in town, did you? Help. Look, go. My brother. My Powers work out here. Did you forget? You're clearly in over your little red head. So why don't you surrender your magic to someone who knows what to do with it, and I'll let you keep this pathetic little corner of the world all to yourself. What do you [Music] say? I don't need you to tell me who I [Music] am. Bus driver is down. I'm not going to handle this. Every time I've tried to drive a bus, I get yelled at. [Applause] Hold on. [Music] [Applause] [Applause] What? [Music] I'm sorry. Wait, who are you? Captain America? [Music] Oh. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] Look out. Do I know you? I know what it's like to be on your own, hunted for abilities you never wanted, and I can protect her. You never told me her name, did you? No, I didn't. [Music] [Music] The Darkhold. You're familiar with the Darkhold? I know. It's the book of the Damned, and then it corrupts everything and everyone that it touches. You break the rules and become a hero. I do it, and I become the enemy. That doesn't seem fair. Yo, get in front of them. Oh my God. Trick Arrow. Definitely not this one. All right, you don't have to say definitely like that. All right, how about dang this one? Fine. I'm using this one. Hey, be careful. I was born careful. They're not regular arrows. Okay, b bie m. Come on, come on. Mo. Holy. Oh God. Steven. Steven. I can save us, but I can't have you fighting me this time. You need to give me control. Do you understand? [Music] [Music] She has done it. The blood B. [Music] [Applause] [Music] I understand your rage. Do you? My father was killed also when I was 12 years old. Did. Pain that I felt in the wake of that moment, something that I've never felt again since. Let me help you release this rage in, in a more constructive way. [Music] I've been watching them all night, and then you guys show up and screwed everything up. Jeez, what the hell, man? Still in control? No. Overwhelming feelings of Rage? No. A normal amount of rage. You do revert back to gen form when you sleep. Was the air horn really necessary for comedy? Absolutely. You're going to need two wardrobes, one for Jen and one for your Hulk body. Who's your best friend? Nikki. Spandex. Spandex is your best friend. [Applause] [Music] Over here. We got theor. Over here. Come on, you got to go. [Music] Wow. And I thought that my Captain Marvel costume was going to make people [Music] stare. Oh my God. What are you? Available to book for parties? Do you want to take a picture? I'll tag you. I follow back mostly. Move. Oh my God. [Music] [Music] Real. There. Excuse me. Hello. That's my hammer you've got there, and that's my look. I'm dying. She would have no one. She would be alone. She won't be alone. [Music] I've missed you so much. I missed you too, Jing. Ever since I picked up that hammer, it's like I've gotten an extra life. It was so magical. [Music] You [Music] [Music] Okay, guys, I don't know what you're thinking, but this is not cool. This is private property. Now kindly put down my elf and my candye and gum. I'm calling the police right now. 911, what's your emergency? You're coming with us. That's a Christmas present. Hello. Hi. Hi. Did you drink the Ooze? Why can't I understand you? Oh, great. That's the Ooze. Hey everybody, it worked. Oo [Applause] worked. We can finally be friends. Hi. I am beb. You just drank me. I did. What? Oh, do you need some more ooze? Here, I can pour some Ooze into your. No, I'm, I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. Wow. A big hole. How many holes do you have? He has seven holes. Yeah, that's, that's [Music] right. You were everything to me, and I miss you so much. And maybe, maybe if, if you open yourself up to it, there's a possibility. I don't think so, Quinn. Quill. Quill. I don't think so. Well, what I'm trying to say is, Peter, you know this is an open line, right? What we're listening to everything you're saying, and it is painful. I need an extract fast. Ross, show me your hands. Rook. You Taos. It's me. What the hell are you doing here? I'm chasing him. He was one of you. No, he's, he, he's one of them. That invasion is real. It's happened. And you wonder why you're out. I'm Nick Fury. Even when I'm out, I'm in. What is going on, fam? You're back safely. You're not dead. I've lost contact with Earth. We're officially at Abandoned Ship phase. Spit him out. Spit him out. No, no, no, no. That's the plan. That's the plan. Much easier to transport a family of cats than hundred of crew members. So we're literally hurting cats. Come here, kitty. Attention, saber crew. Stop running and let the Flur kittens eat you. You will be [Music] fine. I'm sorry. [Music] Stop [Music] running. Open the door. L. I know what I want. I know what kind of God I need to be for you, for all of us. No. GOI. I need to get out back. [Music] F [Music] [Music] He [Music] [Music] For