Transcription
Hey dolls, welcome back to my channel. Thank you for joining me. Really truly.
Um, today's episode of "What I'm Whining About" is the loss of friendship. So, I've talked about this before on, um, other platforms and whatever. I decided to talk about it today because I'm in my feelings and I guess I was triggered, like the children say, because, um, today, this past couple of weekends, two weekends ago, was my daughter's bachelorette weekend. That didn't trigger me. Um, and it was absolutely beautiful. My daughter had a very her kind of weekend. It was "Girls Gone Mild." And they, she rented out a movie theater and they watched "Waiting to Exhale," and they had pottery classes, and then they all, she told everyone to dress up what sexy looks like to them, and they had a beautiful dinner, and they, and they had breakfast, and they just had a wonderful time. And it was so amazing because at one point, there is a video or a reel, a TikTok they were doing, which was so cute. And on one side of the table were my daughter's, like, childhood friends. On the other side of the table were her newer friends. And so they used the sound where it's like, um, "Who are you?" And the, the friends from childhood are like, "I'm the owner of this house." And the other friends are like, "Well, who are you?" And it was just very cute. And it made me just realize that I do not have that.
So, I do have my godsister, who her mother and my mother were best friends growing up. Her mother was my babysitter, and then she had my godsister. So, we've gone through life things, but she lives in another state. Um, she lost her husband. She has children. She has her grandchildren. So, she's very busy. We talk all the time. She comes to every event. Um, but life lives.
So, I did have a friend of 30 years. So, a young lady moved into our development when we were teenagers, very young teens, and literally became like my friend. Like, we were friends for life, growing up together, going through life challenges. Um, and even when she moved away, we still were friends. Like, if, if you need money, here, I'm going to send you a little money. I need money, I'm going to send you money. We, you know, have things happening in life, that's the person that can talk to you. That's the person that knew my secrets. So, this was my friend. This was my friend. Unfortunately, you know, the way friendships do work is that they ebb and flow. And I do know that. Um, and that's okay. And I have to stop saying "um." That's another thing we're going to work on. Another episode. That's another whine. I just, it drives me crazy.
Um, um, this is the story of what happened, uh, several years ago because Eddie was still alive. I, she had had a, a loss, a, a big loss, and it was coming up on the anniversary of that loss. And so I said, "Let's go to Miami. We're going to go to Miami. We're going to have a good time." I contacted my friend who has an Airbnb and I'm like, "We're going to come to Miami." And he's like, "Oh, perfect. You can stay in my Airbnb. He's going to pick us up from the airport, and it's fine. We're, we're going to have a good time." I fly in from New York, she flies in from Atlanta. We meet at the airport. We're so happy to see each other, hug, get in the car. My friend pulls up, gets us in the car. We go, "Let's get some food because you get, soon as you land, you got to get some food." So, we go to a place to get some food, and we're talking, and he's talking, and I'm going to do another episode about the finances because that's one of the things that we really need to talk about, and I'm going to whine about how my finances got all jacked up and how we got them back on track. So, my friend was one of the people that helped me get on track. So, all of this has context. So, we're sitting in the restaurant, and my friend says, um, I say, "I got an offer for a credit card, an Apple card." And he's like, "Oh, take it." And I was like, "No, I thought you said that's, that's not good to have like a lot of credit cards." He's like, "No, I didn't say that. I said that's not good to have a lot of credit card debt, but if you have credit, that's good." So, I said, "They're not going to give me this card." He's like, "They sent you the offer. He's like, "Reply Goldman Sachs, blah, blah, blah, blah. See what happens." So, he gets up to take a call, a business call. We're sitting there talking, and her affect changes a little bit. It's like her whole being started to change as this trip progressed. He takes a business call, comes back to the table, and he's like, and I say, "I got it. They gave me the credit card." And he's like, "I told you." Like, so we leave, go to the grocery store because it's Airbnb. And then he takes us to the Airbnb. Lovely. It's this beautiful, you know, I think three-bedroom apartment, balcony, gorgeous, gorgeous. And he takes his laptop out, and I'm like, "What? What are you doing?" And he's like, "Oh." I said, "No, I'm going to leave a bad review that the host won't leave." Haha. So, a few minutes later, he wraps all his stuff up and he leaves. "If you need a ride or anything, contact me. Let me know. Whatever the case may be, that's fine."
When he leaves, my friend, I, I am currently seeing Eddie at this time. She knows about Eddie. I have talked to him in the car with my friend, FaceTimed him. You know, we're, we're, "That's my man. My man, my man." So, the Airbnb host leaves, and she's like, "I thought he was staying." Staying where? "No, I'm, nope. Mm-mm. That's my man. My man is in New York. He's not staying here."
The next day, we get up and we decide we're going to go like walk around Miami. It is the first time I've been to Miami too many times to count. It's embarrassing how many times I've been there. And this was the first time it was pouring. Like, when I say pouring, another level of rain is coming down. I've never experienced it. So, and it's so, it's chilly. So, we go into an H&M. Ain't nothing wrong. And we're going to buy something. And she's grabbing some things, and I'm grabbing some things. Mind you, from the Airbnb to H&M, I paid for the lift. That's fine. We're walking around H&M, and she's trying to grab some things because she has like a very, a little thin summer dress on, short summer dress, spaghetti strap. So, she's, she's chilly. I get it. So, we get to the line, and there's like, there's umbrellas on the, like, in bins. You know how H&M has stuff for you to pick on the way out? And she takes an umbrella up, and she turns to me and she's like, "Here, I don't know if you need to buy one of these." I was like, "Oh, okay. I'm thinking you would to buy me the umbrella, but that's not the point. You don't have to. I don't know your finances because I'm not in anybody's pocket. So, before you come for me, I'm just saying it was just odd to me. And again, her attitude is a little, oh, I don't know how to describe it. The weekend progresses. I, we go to breakfast one day. I pay for her breakfast. We go to, okay, we go to dinner, and we're ordering dinner. And this is not, I, I want to be clear. This is not about finances because finances ebb and flow, and they ebb and flow in friendship. I just need to give a context to the way things changed. So, the last night we are there, we, we go to dinner. And so, at this point, I order a ribeye and a cocktail and a thing because I've, I've been paying, and that's fine. I invited you. And when the bill comes, she says, "I'm." She takes the check, and I'm like, "You okay? You sure? I have money." I said, "Oh, okay." I, I mean, you weren't okay. Okay. I said, "Okay, thank you." Okay. Lift back to the Airbnb.
The next morning, we don't have to leave until late afternoon. I'm like, "Let's go to the beach, you know? Let's try to make this because it just got, I don't know what happened." So, we get in a lift, go to the beach. There's beach lounge chairs on the beach, and I say to the guy, 'cause he's like, "You, you got to pay for those." I said, "Can we just use them for like 30 minutes? We just want to get some pictures." And so, we sit on the beach, start taking pictures. I'm getting pictures of her. "Come on, girl. Do your thing. Do your thing. Everything's good." Okay. We're, we're doing the, "Let's take a picture together." Okay, we're doing this. And a young lady, gorgeous, beautiful chocolate stallion, the teeniest bathing suit, is jogging on the beach. I'm not even going to lie. And she says, "Do you want me to help you? You want me to take a picture for you?" And we're like, "Yes, of course. That would be great." So, she comes over, and when she gets closer, she says, "Oh my god, I followed, I follow you." I said, "Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. I, I really..." She's like, "Oh my god, let's, we got to get a picture." So, she takes some pictures of us, several pictures, and then she, "Let's take a picture together." Takes, and then with my friend as well. And she goes on her way. A few minutes later, posts it, tags me.
The trip is over. We get back to the Airbnb. My friend is saying he's going to be there shortly to take us to the airport. "Thank you so much." So, we get all our stuff together. The, the, the coolness in the air is palpable. Okay. We get in the, the range and heading down the road, and we're, he and I, I'm in the front, she's in the back. I offered her the front. She said she was fine. And he and I are just talking, chopping it up, talking business. He's an entrepreneur. I was just learning how to become an entrepreneur. So, I'm getting some insight from him. She is in the back like this, against the back door, like this. No words. All the way to the airport. Get to the airport. I thank him, hug him. He says to her, "Thank you. It was so nice to meet you." She says, "Oh, it was nice to meet you, too. Thank you so much. We had a great time." Drops our suitcases. He's out. I say, "No." I turn to her and I say, "Okay, what, where's your, what do you know what gate you are?" And I'm like, "I'm at gate so and so." I said, "Let's, you know, do what you have to do. You have to check your bag or whatever, and then let's meet inside and we can get something to eat." She turns to me, pat, pat, hug, and says, "I'm good." Okay. Okay. I go inside, get myself situated, get to the lounge, and my flight is delayed. So, I'm there a very long time. She texts me. She met someone in the airport that she was chatting with. And I said, "Okay, I, I know that's right, girl." I finally get on my plane like 2 hours later than it was supposed to. Uh, get home and send a text saying, "Just made it home. Hope you made it." I have never heard from her again. She never replied. She's never texted me. She's never talked to me again. It is currently March 2026, and I have not heard from her. And that was June 202. Never heard from her again. And I was flabbergasted because since children, since kids are children together, baby showers, you know, acting bad, you know, again, I said, knows where the skeletons are, knows where the bodies are. And that was probably one of the biggest losses, up there with Eddie, of my life because you were my friend.
But as time has gone over these few years since that's happened, there were definitely indicators that she didn't really like me. She really didn't, she really, really didn't really like me. You know, hindsight is 20/20, and you know, there's times when you have a conversation with someone and they're just like, "I don't, I, I'm not really in this space to hear like any more good news." Like, you know, and I'm excited. I'm, I am not a braggadocious person. Even though I, I talked on my social the other a couple weeks ago and I said, "People don't pop their [ __ ] anymore. We're afraid to really celebrate ourselves or say what's happening that makes us feel good because people are think it's braggadocious or they're like, 'Okay, well, it must be nice to go by that, but I don't have it.'" I'm like, "I'm not saying it because I'm, I'm that I'm, haha, you can't have it. I'm saying it because I've, I've through the trenches, through the out the mud, I, I was a single mom with three children. Okay? I was the person where it was like, 'Do I pay the cable or do I pay the electric?' Listen, Mo won't do it. My son's girlfriend saw me one time making my sew-ins, and she was like, 'You do your own hair. You do the things I do on my own. Honey, I will do it.' Okay. To the point that my children now think I can do anything. It's like, 'I think I want to wear this dress.' 'You could probably make it, honey.' 'I can't.' 'I think we're going to have, you know, springtime in Paris for the wedding.' 'We can make it happen.' We, I've convinced them because that's just who I am. And I'm the eldest daughter. That's all I need to say. That's all I need to say for y'all because you know what the hell that means. Back to the story.
So, the loss of that friendship kind of knocked my crown. But I think that was just an indicator because I had another friend, friend, that was very helpful to me. Um, I went through a hard time. I had nowhere to live. I, I, I was in a relationship. The relationship wasn't good. I wanted to leave. She was like, "You know, don't stay. Come. You can stay with me till you get on your feet or whatever." So helpful. I used to make jewelry. She really invested in me making jewelry and stuff. And what happens to people is, I think people want you to succeed, but only as far as their expectations for you, or they want you to succeed, but not exceed them. And so whenever I had these friendships that were, that I've had forever, I, I, it's, it's dawned on me that we outgrew each other because in your feelings, you cannot be happy for me. And so that loss was tremendous. And I spoke about it a lot because losing her as a friend was a big deal for me because I felt like she was the person in my life that knew everything and that I could just be free with, that she could tell me what she did and I didn't judge, and I can tell her what I did and didn't judge, or, you know. But like I said, there were times when you go back over conversations where I was like, "Let me..." One thing about me, I don't put up with [ __ ] in a relationship. If I am with someone and I just, it's not working for me, I don't need to give you 55 chances. I'm not trying to put a square, uh, peg in a round hole. I'm not going to do it. It's just not for me.
And so, as the, as this, that last year, the, the trip was the culmination because I remember having a conversation with her, and one of the things I talk about was the ex I had before Eddie, and in the relationship with Eddie. Eddie let me be the star, even though he was actually the star. He played his position. If we went anywhere, Eddie was in the cut. He was holding my coat. He was pulling the door. But he was just like the finest fine. My man, my man, my man. That he was okay with being in the cut. But when we walked in together, don't do that, okay? Don't do that. And my relationship prior was a gentleman that was used to being Norm wherever we went, a, a big fish in a very small pond where he lived. And he used to do things to put me down, say things that put me down. Like, I've talked to you all about other people about that I have a GED, that I had to go to school, leave school and work and do all the things. I ain't ashamed. GED is hard as [ __ ]. And he would say things like, we would be out, and people would be with, see us and talk and be very nice, and later he'd come and be like, "Oh yeah, when you went to so-and-so Billy's girlfriend was like, 'Oh my god, is she, do I know her? She famous, whatever.'" And he's like, "People think you're somebody, [ __ ]. I am somebody. Are you crazy?" But those little dings to your psyche. So, when I would have a conversation with her, as the, as the time was waning in our relationship, when I would talk to her, like I've talked to her for 30 years, it would be like, "Oh my god, what did he, what did he do now? What did he? Oh, okay. So, I'm, I'm clearly I'm annoying you, and that happens in friendship, and that's okay.
But the circling all back to my daughter's bachelorette, I realized that, you know, she's what rich looks like is when you do have people who've been in your life that have stood the test of time. And it's not always great. It's, it can definitely be rocky. It ebbs and flows. And I was lucky to meet a, my friend that I have now 20 years ago. She walked into the office where I was working, and we became friends. And the, the dynamic with our friendship is, she's 10, 11, nope, nope, nope, nope, 13 years younger than me. So, she's in her 40s. But she is the most ro, at least I'm going to say her name. She is the most ride-or-die friend. And when there is no envy in a friendship, I believe the, the maybe the relationship can flourish. And by that, when I say no envy, is if I'm on social media, we, she, we always would send each other pictures of a couch and be like, "When you're on the couch with talking to Oprah, and there's, and there's only a few seats, I'm going to be one of the people sitting on the couch, 100%." Life was bad. We're there for each other. When the night Eddie passed away, before he passed away, I'm getting ready to leave to go to the city. And when the, they call to say he's in the ambulance, I pick up the phone and I call her. I FaceTime her, Lisa, and it's about 11:30 at night. She's, she knows I'm asleep. So, when she answered, she's crying. I'm like, "What? What's the matter?" And she said, "I don't know. Something's wrong." And I said, "Something is wrong." And that man went, and she drove from Virginia and was there the, the next day. And that's who she is. Like, shows up for anything, down for anything, cheers me on, supportive, there for my children, and like a wonderful friendship.
In, in comes a friend and snuck in a friend. So, in '24, Eddie's gone. Um, I leave the job, and I am going to be doing an event with a fellow creator, Nancy, and it's for Kendra Scott, and it's a speaking engagement, and we're super excited. I'm meeting all the women in person for the first time, creators that I followed, creators that I've like really adored, and, um, I'm super excited. So, we get to this event, and the first night was our friend's retirement dinner, and she invited several of us. And one of the people was my friend Tanja, who's now my friend. Now, Tanja and I had a car from Cadillac. I was shooting a campaign, and Cadillac sent me a car to do it. So, I ended up being, being recruited to drive three other women with me around in a car I never drove before in DC, that I don't, I don't know what I'm doing. But they all got in, keyed, had a ball, we're laughing, we're having a good time. Something about Tandra. Something about Tandra. We're sitting at this dinner together, and something about us. You know when we can talk with our eyes, we started doing that. It was just very interesting. And that whole weekend, we gravitated towards each other. And later it came, we, we joke that we're trauma-bonded because unfortunately, Tandra lost her best friend of a hundred years tragically, and I had recently lost Eddie. And Tandra and I are almost the same age. And she came at the time that I needed. And I say that because of this, because my friend Lisa is still there. God knew. He took my man. But he knew that I was still in need. And Lisa had just met the love of her life and is now getting married. Remember, she's much younger. So, she's in a different phase of life. And so, God's like, "Listen, I know you, I know you, and I still tussle a little bit about Eddie, but I'm going to try to make it up to you." So, TJ and I have become very close. And what she always says to me is, "God says, 'I'm going to give you double for your trouble.' So, I have Lisa and I have Tandra." And, you know, in some aspects, it's the quality, not quantity.
Um, I'm going to get through a video without crying because, uh, please. So, losing friends in life changes is, I think it's really hard. Uh, someone gets married, and now you're not that close, or now they have babies, and you don't have babies, or you're taking up a new hobby, and they're not, or you're on social media, and when you go places, people are like, "Oh my god." And so, I'm, I, that experience was so interesting to me that day on the beach because subsequently, when I'm out with Tandra, or I'm out with Lisa, and someone does it, and they do it, and I'm, this is not a flex or anything. This is just the reality of it because people see you. So, we're in Jamaica, and we're in the, on the resort in Jamaica, TJ and I, and we are walking through the, get a little, little dinner, and there's ladies at a table. And when people sometimes see me out in public, they do a like a, "Oh my" kind of thing. So, I'm thinking the lady knows Tandra, and so I'm like, and I'm just, wellooploop the loop. And Tre is like, "Is her you?" And I said, "Oh, oh." And I turn to, I'm like, "Oh my god, you know, you know, so nice, whatever." Tandra automatically, "Do you want a picture?" She takes a picture. We're at the pool. I'm in the pool. I get out of the pool. She's talking to a lady, telling the lady, "This my friend, this Selena Sincerely." I'm out with Lisa. Somebody comes up to Lisa, does the same thing. "Do you want a picture?" Like, I think that because there's no competition with us, that there's no, Lisa has a very amazing government job where she's very intelligent. I couldn't tell you what she did, but she does this top secret, and she had to have special clearance. Tandra is an educator in her soul. She don't give a [ __ ] what's going on social media. She'll look a little bit. She posts a, every now and then, then she'll be like, "Friend, I'm tired." They. And so, I think the hardest part of it in this long rant is that they, Lisa met me when I was transitioning to Selena Sincerely. Ta knows me as Selena Sincerely, but she, she calls me Saucy because we were in the mall in DC that time for that event when I first met her, and I was supposed to go over to Akira for an appearance. I was supposed to go in Akira. They wanted me to do some shop, some film. I don't know this lady, but I said, "You want to come with me?" She's like, "Let's come with me." So, we're walking in the mall, and as we're walking, again, we're friends like a day and a half. We're walking in the mall, a lady comes towards us. She's walking next to me, and she does the thing. She's always scoping the scenery. She's like, "Here's some, she's coming." And the lady comes, and she's like, "Saucy Selena, Saucy Selena, I love you. I tell my girl about you all the time." And I don't care what you call me, just call me. I don't correct anybody. I'm like, "Thank you so much." You know, I, I do every person that I meet when I'm out in the street. Anyone that knows me can attest. If you, you say you follow me, I say, "Please let me, let me make sure I'm following you." And I pull out the phone or whatever. Tanya says to her, "Do you want a picture?" The lady, we take a picture together. So lovely. She's been calling me saucy since that day. She calls all the kids, my children. She has nicknames for them. And that's just who she is. But there's no competition. And I don't know, I don't, I don't, I don't want to, I'm not saying that my friend was in competition with me, but I think who I was to her for so many years shifted. And I just don't think that she, we could relate to each other anymore, you know? And I think that that's the one of the hardest things, like losing, um, long-term friends, or, you know, being comfortable to let new friends in because sometimes you're like, "Who sent you? What you?"
So, today's whine was about the loss of a love in a different way. You know, I, I loved her. I still love her, but I knew that the bond was irreparable, irrevocably, irrevocably broken when Eddie died and she didn't even call me. So, I knew that if somebody wants an in, I'mma take it where I'mma get it. That could have been it. But she doesn't want it. She doesn't want to end. But I don't wish her ill will. I wish her the best. I, you know, hope life is going how it has to go for her, and, and she has all the happiness she deserves and finds another love. And, um, I'm hoping in my heart she's wishing me the same. Um, I wouldn't bet on it, but that's the story. Again, I just want to say thank you so much for tuning in, joining, commenting, and, uh, on to the next one. Bye, guys.