Transcription
I wanted to record a video about how non-dual philosophy and non-dual insights can be actively harmful, even if at the absolute level they are true. So, there is this paradox. And I have people come to me, pairing clients, I'm talking about pairing non-dual insights, things like, "I know there's no one here. The past doesn't exist. We're all one. Everything's love." But I don't feel that way. Why am I still suffering so much?
And the reality is, whilst non-separation is true at the absolute level, if that is not your experience, or if you haven't seen that directly, leaping ahead to that place is not helpful. And it's so clear, you have to meet people where they are at. And there is this, the relative level and the absolute level, the human and the being, the small self and the big self. And as I've said in a previous video, it's about having a foot on the bank and a foot in the flowing river.
Now, this really came, one of the times where this became very clear to me, was I took my wife, Alex, to a, a day, should we say, non-dual event, where there are lots of people. And they were asking questions. And in an event like this, obviously, you can't work with someone directly one-to-one. And so, you know, there's only so much you can do. But long story short, during the Q&A, there was this young man, who couldn't have been much older than 20 years old. And he put his hand up and started asking about how he would, or talking about how he was really reaching the end of his tether. He was clearly in distress. He was suffering. He'd tried all sorts of things, or he felt that way. And he felt like he had no way out. And he felt like nothing he would do would ever shift the needle.
Now, the reply given to him was, "Investigate the 'I' who is suffering." And it was not landing with this, this young chap at all. And eventually, it was just wrapped up and moved on. Now, I was there with Alex. Alex is not as interested in non-dual philosophy as I am. She is more on the energetic healing side of things. So she does Reiki, Rahani, sound healing, all of that. Now, she has had a non-dual experience. She had a non-dual experience before me. Well, actually, no, that's not true, because I had a non-dual experience on Ayahuasca, which is, does that count? I'm not sure. Um, but she had one during an out-of-body experience. I had, obviously, an awakening more recently. So, she has, she knows the truth of this, but she's not as interested in the philosophy as I am.
And Alex is incredibly empathetic and open-hearted. For example, you know, if we watch the news, like, she has to turn it off. It, it goes straight to her heart. And when we were at this event, she really cottoned on to this interaction with this young man. And afterwards, when we left, cuz I had taken her, I wanted her to sort of see and experience what I was really interested in. I asked her about what she thought of the day. She spoke about this, this young man. And she said, "I found that really, really hard, like, really even upsetting to watch." Here was a young man in distress, and the answer given to him was sort of bypassing his human experience. That's not what he needed. He needed someone to say, "Look, you know, get therapy, get help, do some shadow work, revisit your trauma." He needed to be met on the human level, not to really have his, what was going on for him, dismissed by saying, "Investigate the 'I'." Of course, there's value in that, but that was not what he needed at that time.
Now, I sat with that. And over time, it became absolutely clear that Alex was spot on. And certainly since I've started doing coaching, and I meet so many people who are drawn to awakening as a way to avoid the messiness of being human. And a lot of people, for example, have a spiritual practice, maybe they meditate, self-inquiry, whatever. [snorts] But then it's like, life is separate from spiritual practice. But if it's non-dual, you can't separate one from the other. And life is where the rubber meets the road, in relationship, in dynamics, [snorts] in how we feel. And life is showing us where we're not free. Life is showing us where we have shadows. Life is still showing us where we have work to do.
And I've said time and again, for me, the most important work I've done has been learning to love myself, learning to take responsibility for my feelings, being willing to feel my feelings, being willing to speak up for my needs, being willing to set boundaries, being willing to change unhealthy dynamics and stop unhealthy behaviors. That has been the most important work I've done. And I've been doing that consciously for 13 years. I had an awakening less than two months ago. And I've said before, I'm so pleased that my view of this work has not changed at all. The reality is, I know people who have had shifts, who've had awakening shifts of varying degrees, let's say, who still abandon themselves. I know someone who has absolutely experienced, in a very profound, deep way, the truth, the illusion of separation, and still has some self-abandoning patterns going on. And so it's so important that we embrace our humanity and turn towards it.
Now, as I said, for me, this has been the most important work. And since my awakening, it's been interesting because I actually had an experience in the last fortnight where I was in a situation where a dynamic surfaced, and I had to firmly express a boundary, or point out where my line was, what was okay, what wasn't, and eventually walk away from a situation. And what awakening does is, it, it makes acting out of alignment with truth impossible. Impossible. Is that right? No, that's probably not right. Hard. It hurts if you're out of alignment with truth. And so it was easy for me to make this boundary very clear. But this is as well, it's made me realize like, dark night does not have to be internal and emotional. It can be situational. Dynamics, relationships can collapse because of your commitment to truth.
Now, this is much easier for me, for example, since awakening, but I've been doing this for 13 years, and I absolutely am adamant. It's, it's the most important work you can do. Um, yeah, and I'm still seeing where my edges are. So it's not like my work on, on this front has done, my work with the small self, the cleaning up of my patterns has done. I'm still finding out, even through some coaching consultations, where my edges are, where I'm slightly out of alignment with truth. So this work is so fundamental. And I think the, the thing, thing is, if you've not seen truth, if you've not had a direct experience of non-duality, if you have not seen through the illusion of separation, then it's really easy for the ego to co-opt ideas like, "There's no one here. There's no doer. You know, time is an illusion." It's really easy for the ego to co-opt that as a way to avoid the messiness of being human.
But as I've said, like, we are human and being. We are having a human experience on Earth, as in heaven. So the way I see it is bringing the truth, which is non-separation, which is love, into this human experience to the best of our ability. And yes. Okay. When I had my awakening experience, I clearly saw that it was just happening. And someone asked me this about free will in a comment under one of my videos. What's my view of free will? Well, yeah, I saw very clearly during my shift that it was all just happening. So, it is just grace dancing. But now, Simon's back. I still feel I have to play my role. The beautiful thing is, I know that it, everything is as it should be. Everything is in its place. So that's just removed worry and fear. But I'm still playing my part. I'm still finding out where my edges are.
And so this is why I say to people, do the work. Learn to love yourself, not as an idea, but come into your feelings. Tuning into where you're out of alignment with, with your true nature, where you're not acting in a loving way to yourself, to others. And, and loving does not mean submissive. Loving can be hard. Like, if you are, if you have a child, as we do, we have two. Setting boundaries and saying no is absolutely loving behavior. If you're just completely, yeah, do what you want, that's not being loving. So loving does not mean submissive. Loving can be firm, as I found out in the last couple of weeks, very clearly.
So don't co-opt, or be wary of co-opting non-dual insights as a way to avoid your patterns, as a way to avoid the messiness of being human. We are having a human experience. And as I've said, the most important work I've done is facing my patterns, loving myself, etc. And, and I did a really lovely interview with Susanna Marie, which I'll be releasing soon. And she said something really profound about awakening, which is that, what, be honest with yourself. What do you want awakening for? Do you want it for your own gain? Do you want it to avoid messiness? Do you want it as an escape? Or do you want to find out the truth for its own sake? Because if you want truth for its own sake, you're more likely to experience it. You're more likely to see it. But if you want it as a way to avoid, so you're trying to control truth, it won't come. And that's such a valuable insight.
See where you're abandoning yourself. Learn to love yourself. Learn to express this loving behavior. And then, certainly for me, even if at the absolute level it was all just happening, that was the most important work I did before my shift. And I was at it for 13 years consciously before that happened.
Get in touch if you have any questions. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments. And sending you lots of love. Bye-bye.