Session 5 - Coaching Models (20th June, 2026 Cohort)

I'll just prime you very quickly about what to expect. So, um, as we'll go into it, you'll you'll realize that these coaching, so we have a session on coaching tools. Those are the tools that you bring into the sessions to enrich your sessions. You can use them to work with your clients as well.

Coaching models, think of it more as as um as a way to build your coaching mindset. So, you'll notice the very first ICF competency is coaching about the coaching mindset. um all of the other competencies kind of you know they work when you have the right seeds planted and those seeds are the coaching mindset that you're building. So the coaching models that we're going to be doing today work on different aspects of that mindset that we're trying to create when we're coaching or when we're coaching the ICO way with the exception of the last model that could be used as a tool as well. Uh but you know I I'll talk about the the the subtlety of that.

All right, before we start, you can either come off mute very quickly or put it in the chat if you're not comfortable and complete this sentence. So, really take a moment to reflect and see what is what is the change that coaching is bringing for you. So, I'm beginning to realize that coaching is less about blank and more about blank. Can come off mute and share.

Yes, go ahead. So, I for me personally, I'm beginning to realize that coaching is less about talking and more listening.

>> Very good. That's a good one. All right. Who wants to go next?

>> I can also keep an eye on the

>> Okay, I can go next. My mouth is not full from eating. noise. [laughter]

>> Um, coaching is less about direction and immediate direction and more about giving them the ability to direct themselves.

>> Yeah.

>> Excellent. That's a good one. And Fessel says less about guidance and more about reflection. Yeah, that's a good one as well.

>> Yeah,

>> coaching is less about the destination and more about the journey.

>> Very good one. Yeah, very good. Um, and that's very relevant because and for all of you to kind of put that in your pack that up in your bag when you're coaching because then the pressure is off you to get somewhere or to get to to a solution at the end of the session or to get to a hey did you achieve your goal yes or no by the end of the session because it was never about that and the destination could change as well right so giving that flexibility into the coaching session as well.

Um, who's left? Who hasn't gone? Did we cover everybody?

>> Yeah.

>> Yes.

>> So for me like when I coach I think I I rush like I rush in a sense that I think I am am I applying the tools I am following the rules and regulations. So it's like less about application because it's more about being present and I'm more attuned more present then I guess it's comes naturally. So like when I'm like thinking too much that I am giving a chance to them uh I'm asking the right questions or application of the tools and stuff in my head. So I guess I feel rushed. So I Yeah. So I just need to learn that it's not about application all the time. It's just about being present and then it comes naturally.

>> Absolutely. Brilliantly put. And that I I link that to the mindset as well. So think about it. The analogy I'm going to draw is when when the doctors are working, right? or the lawyers are working any of these professions, they're not constantly checking their notes or they're not constantly thinking about that because they've practiced long enough that everything then that they know becomes part of their mindset and it flows out organically. But when they're new, they do do that, right? I come from a doctor's family, so I love taking examples from there. Um I I have seen my my family members going from checking their notes and ticking things off to now, you know, completely being organic about it. So, it's all right if at the beginning you're going through this process of checking in with yourself, but it would become organic. It's just good to remember that. Brilliant. Did I cover everybody else? Because I don't see all of you on the screen right now. Yeah. Yeah. All right. And if I didn't and you because I'm not going to call out on you, you can put it in the chat. But I think we covered everybody. All right. Brilliant. We're off to a great start. That's a good one. Um, let me just put this up on full screen. And there we go. All right. So, whatever you guys just said, shared about yourselves as you know how you filled the sentence up, keep that with you. Um, let's see what changes about that by the end of the session today.

All right. So, what we're going to do is we're going to get into taps model. That is the essence of what coaching is and what coaching is not. you have been into those conversations, but we're going to deepen that conversation a little bit because uh when you are very clear about what hat you're wearing or what space you're in, it's easier for you to you know follow the competencies. It's easier for you to do what what is required from a coach and not do the things that you did mention today like directing or advising scarf. So we'll cover that part. Scarf model will build on the uh on the space or the equation relationship that you build with the client and at the heart of scarf model is psychological safety. How do we create that? Why is it important to create that? Uh and lastly we'll get a little bit so the first two are more uh the taps is how to do the coaching. The scarf is you know uh or rather taps is what is coaching? scarf is how to create that space or container for coaching and grow is more a more you know taking a more structured approach to what should unfold in a coaching session. So this will build on the agreement session that I did with you. Uh so remember we talked about the 4A uh model. So agreement, awareness, action and accountability. Grow is just that. We'll just go a little bit deeper into that with our questions. And the last hour will be coaching practice.

All right, quick [clears throat] check-in with whoever wants to come off mute. Um, what is the difference between sight and insight? So, we throw this word around a lot, insight, right? Especially in the coaching world, but beyond the dictionary meaning, how do we perceive the word insight? There's no right or wrong answer. So you're safe to come off mute and say whatever it is that is in your heart and mind.

Karen, >> I think I think it's a deeper understanding of whatever the subject matter is.

>> So okay,

>> you may see something

>> and it may be something there and you may feel something but I think the insight is that deep understanding around it.

>> Absolutely brilliant. We we started off our discussion with what we see the sight is that oh maybe Katijah and Baktab look like they have a glow to them but what is the insight behind that that maybe sleeping less creates that glow you know what I mean so that's a funny example but yes absolutely you're spot on uh it's a deep understanding I'm glad you use the word deep so sight is what you see anything that's visible to you but not necessarily what you see is what is going on behind the So eyes are useless when the mind is blind. So what you see as a coach, yes, very important. We'll come to that. But it is useless if you don't see what is behind that. So insight is what you or the client rather the client because the insight needs to come from the client understand about what they see. So it is beyond the behavior or the situation that they're bringing into the session. And which is why in coaching we say coaching is not only about the what but rather also about the who. So not just the what of coaching but also the who of coaching. So you're not only coaching the situation but coaching the person behind that that uh situation insight.

Um, so I I use three different ways to understand really what insight is. It's sub your unconscious thoughts or your subconscious thoughts. So these are thoughts that are there but they haven't been extracted yet. So this is the fish under the water but you haven't kind of fished for it. Um, and now start thinking about it from the point of view of the clients. They those thoughts are there maybe they might be thinking them maybe they might unsurface uh in an un subconscious way but they're not something that they've spelled out. Um, and that is why when in a session we use this terminology aha moments. There's no one aha moment but there any time the client is saying or thinking aha I never realized that I never thought that wow that is news to me it is not news to them it's just that they haven't brought that thought out in into the surface before uh I worked with a very senior leader once and they said that in in my 35 years um of working at this company I haven't thought about the things that I thought about today and it was so interesting and and the things that he shared were some of the most obvious things that wow this is so obvious for example he said I'm I'm not enjoying what I'm doing but he's like it's I never thought I never said it out loud he did think about it he probably felt it in his body but he never said it out so that was an insight and then understanding what is the reason that he's not happy those are all linked to what is as Karen said deep understanding of what he's feeling these are your light bulb ideas so Like I said, they they're there, but because they come out, you go, "Wow, aha, I didn't realize that." So, suddenly like a light bulb is on in your mind. You're like, "Wow." And it excites you. It it creates a certain chemical reaction inside you because you you feel wow, you feel happy suddenly or you feel excited about this new light bulb idea that has come out. Um, it combines like I said there is information that is there but there is also new information something new that you have realize or you're seeing the situation or yourself in a new light or in a new perspective. So when you have all these elements that is when you know an insight is happening.

Um, sight shows you what's on the surface and as well but insight reveals the story underneath. You cannot get to the insight till you understand the surface. And you cannot understand the surface of why something is happening till you take a plunge and see what's underneath it. And we're going to cover this in more detail when we do the session on CBC which is cognitive behavior where we understand what is under the behavior. What drives behavior? What is under the behavior and how do we tackle that?

Um, insight is also reading between the lines un so that's why you remember in the agreement session I talked about explore the client's language explore the words that the client is using because somewhere in between there is your inside hiding. So what does that word mean to them? So for example if the client comes in and says and you ask them how are you doing and they say I'm fine. So the fine if you take it at face value that's sight. But if you notice the little pause that the client took just before saying I'm fine or the little drop in energy or the eyes dropping when they said I'm fine. That's somewhere there your the insight of how they're actually feeling is hiding. So as a coach you can inquire that. You can play back the observation or you can inquire that as you said fine I notice your shoulders drop. So you're using the site to extract an insight or you can just say so when you say you're fine, how does that show up for you? How does that look like? When you are fine, how does that play out? So they can really dig into what does fine mean for them.

All right, let's get into a group discussion. Uh get some insight from all of you. So let's see how many people you are. You know what I'm going to do because you're quite so let's let's take a screenshot of this first. The two questions that I want you to think about is what so we've established what insight is what's the reason it's so important in the world of coaching or in your coaching space when you're with a client and what what are one or two strategies each group can come up with for generating insights. So even if you come up with one strategy that's fine because we'll be sharing one each group. All right. So, you can take a screenshot of this and I'll pop you into some groups. I think three groups should be okay. Um, all right. So, I've split you into three groups. So, which means one group has three people and the other groups have two people each. All right, if that's okay for you. All right, there you go. So, yeah, time. Let's take about 7 to 8 minutes on this. Yeah. Right. Good luck. Have fun.

So you would understand when you do your discovery session with them what is the kind of person you're interacting with with who is that person um if I'm talking to a very talkative person a very talkative client uh I know that I can be silent more because they benefit from talking a lot if I'm speaking to a person who does not use a lot of sentences to describe, then I'd be I'd be paying more attention to their other cues that they're giving me, but I'll make my silence um a little bit smaller. I because they want me to contribute. So maybe I'll ask a question that helps them come out of the box, but I'll I will be silent a little bit more because I want to see maybe the reason they're not talking is because they've always been in this space where they're the quiet one, so nobody gives them the opportunity to talk. So the kind of person you're working with, the kind of topic they've brought up. So if it's a very emotional topic, maybe I'd be more silent because I want them to extract their emotions. But I would pair that when I'm bringing that silence in. If I'm just silent, just bang off at the beginning of the session, what is that space doing? Nothing. But if I've asked a reflective question and then I'm silent, then that makes more sense. That gives context to the client to think. Um, then also if the client has just shared something, but I can I can notice from their body language that their their eyes are looking at me, but they're still inwards somewhere. So, I'll just be silent a little bit more. But then, Ela, you were spot on. My body language is very important. I So, I did this training once in the UK where body they they taught us about the the art of communication through body language. And they said little things such as how much do you move your hands? Would you where do you place your hands virtually if you're sitting? Are you sitting cross you know are you have this really serious intimidating expression? What do you do with your hair? Um, how often do you nod while you're being silent and listening to them? Um, how do you place your head? You know, is it tilting a little bit? It's less judgmental. Or if it's like really straight, it's a bit a little bit more judgmental. So little cues like these really help make the silence the silence space more strategic. Yeah. Does that make sense now?

>> Yeah.

>> Brilliant. Thank you so much. This was a great depth into what silence is. And let's go back. Yeah, you've got a question.

>> Just wanted to check like when it's a good time to go for site and eventually go for inside. like most of the time there is no need to go for the insight and we we try to dig deeper and create a confusion.

>> Okay. Uh I'll ask you a question before I answer that. When when could potentially be a moment when there's no need to go into an insight?

>> I'm wondering right now.

>> I was thinking about it but was not able to comprehend. So I'll hold that thought a bit and maybe I'll circle back to that at the end and ask you if you came up with an insight about that. What I'll say right now is

>> if it's just sight and I think I can now explain it during these points. If it's just sight versus you know when it's insight what changes if you understand that I think that would selfans answer your question.

Um, somebody here used the word transformation. I believe maybe it was Elaine if I'm not wrong or somebody else. Sorry. Forgive me if I mixed that up. Yes, there you [laughter] are. Um, when you're just focusing on site, that's observation. So, I notice this is happening. I notice that's happening or this is something that the client is telling about their situation. But at the end of the day, what is the reason any client is coming to you to get coaching? Because something's got to change. They need something to change about their situation or about who they are. That's transformation. And transformation is not about noticing behavior. Transformation is about understanding who is the person behind that behavior. And how does that person start to look at themselves differently? They've been looking at themselves a certain way, which is why they're in that situation. How is it that they start looking at themselves and the situation a little bit differently? Which is why you need to move from sight to insight? Because if it's sight, the client would only describe what's happening to them throughout the session. So Toshene, I see you. I'm just going to come back to you. Just give me a few more minutes. Um, right. So that's one. Second, um, when is and this is why insight is so important in coaching because you don't want to create dependency with the client. You don't want the client to come to you every single time they have a problem or they need something figuring out. Which is why when you're teaching little kids, you don't give them the answers only. So if you're teaching math to your little one, you wouldn't tell them that, hey, just learn that 1 + 1 is equal to 2. You're teaching them the how is it that you arrive to 1 [snorts] + 1 equals to 2. So next time I give you 2 + 3, you're able to arrive to that answer as well and you don't have to come to me your entire life. Correct. Funny story. My little one when I when she started off, she would say, "Yeah, 1 plus 1 is not two. 1 plus 1 and 1." So her teacher would ask her, "What is 1 and 1?" And she would say 11. And what's wrong with that answer? And that became such a slogan in her school that every time the principal would greet her in the morning, she would say 1 plus 1 is 1 and 1 is 11. So you see what I mean? There are different answers to the same way of there different ways of putting the same things together. Um uh the other thing that I want you to to look at is uh the difference between willpower and insight. So willpower can make you do Yes. make you go to the gym. Yeah. I'm very driven to lose weight or very driven to build up my muscles. But over time, what makes it a sustainable life change is if there's an insight behind it. It's going to drive you much more than willpower. willpower is going to burn out, which is why everybody signs up for these gym memberships at the beginning of the year because they're so driven and they have this willpower and then this, you know, their new year resolutions. But but research shows that, you know, a small percentage actually continues that membership of the gym that they've gotten. Insight is when you realize what is the reason um somebody mentioned five W's or what are the the you know peeling the layers. What is the reason I want to go to the gym? Is it maybe because I want to live longer so I can be there longer for my kids? Is it because you know my my gut is linked to my mind so when I work out when I eat better I can function better. So if you get that insight you'll stick to that change or that transformation much faster. Um, and obviously from a coach's point of view when somebody feels heard when somebody so think about the last time you felt like wow this person really understands me. this person's really created the space for me to explore what's inside me. You feel automatically a connection to them. So when insight when you're coaching at sight level is different than insight level is because at inside level you're going after fears, hopes, aspirations. And think about last time anybody took the time to connect with you over those things. you automatically feel a deep sense of connection with them and you want you feel brave to to take the plunge with them and that reveals more about you. So I I go snorkel a lot and now I'm okay. But when I started off it for me it was all about who is this person who's who I'm you know who's my trainer, who's my instructor or who's who's my partner in this snorkeling adventure. Do I feel safe with them? And then sure I can take the plunge down and I can go down and eventually I can be on my own. But if I don't feel the connection, if I don't understand or if I don't see that they understand that I'm scared. If they don't see that, if they don't connect me on that, then I don't feel safe. And we're going to talk about that when we explore scarf.

Now, Sheen >> uh yeah, I just wanted to add here that uh I also work on beliefs because I just figure it out and out the belief system of a person that why they are programmed to not do something, you know. So, I think that matters a lot.

>> Absolutely. 100%. And we look at that in CBC as well. but beliefs and about how somebody's brain is wired. And now that in this age and time where we're so lucky to now study about different ways that people's brains are wired, neurode divergence, right? If we understand that then we are better able to generate insight from them. We're better able to understand that how does this person think and that is how we can help them extract insightes from them. Brilliant. That's a really good point.

Um, key strategies, you guys were brilliant in covering most of them or even beyond the ones that I have here, but building trust. So, the the snorkeling example I took, if I don't trust the person, then how would I go deeper? And insight is is is all about going deeper and sometimes into very uncomfortable deep waters. Somebody said reflective questions. Yeah, absolutely. Because and Fessel, this builds to what builds on what you asked me. Reflective questions go beyond just telling the story which is site because then it's all about a venting session. It's a venting session or it's a conversation. Coaching is also a conversation but it's a reflective conversation because at the end of it you learn something. You get an insight. So it moves you a client from story to self-awareness or awareness about their situation and at the end of the day awareness is a container which is required for an insight to germinate in somebody mentioned slowing the conversation down absolutely silence but slowing the conversation down can be done through silence strategic silence and thanks to Elaine I'm going to start using this and whoever mentioned silence now I'm going to start using this word even more and paraphrasing So when you are paraphrasing you are this is particularly true for clients who've just shared a lot but as they were talking they you are listening you're doing your active listening and your presence and now you're playing it back for them a technique that I call headlining. So so I'm somebody who it's it's a fun fact about me. I can't I read a lot but I cannot start a book without reading the quick synopsis about the about that book. It's a it's a funny habit I have. I I cannot open the book till I've read the you know the little little blurb that you have about the book or a little synopsis of what what is this book all about. That is what the what the book is doing there is headlining. So when you headline something for the client, it also slows them down. There slows their thinking down. Especially if they've just been talking about this happened and that happened and this and that. And then when they hear it from you, they can start to connect the dots or they can start to realize a pattern that they hadn't before.

Um, creating psychological safety. So like I said, and we look into this in a lot more detail, but here what you need to understand is that helping them connect with you. But that goes beyond building rau that goes beyond building trust. That also has to do with what are my fears? What are my beliefs? How do I belong to this space? what can I add to this space? So all of th those things we're going to look at scarf in a little bit more detail. But creating the right climate of psychological safety is emp it's it's essential for somebody to do that deep work with you. Non-verbal cues like the examples I've already taken to understand nonverbal cues is usually where the insights are hidden and I'd actually add emotions. If you see an emotion, which is also sometimes a non-verbal clue, uh it's a cue if they haven't talked about it, that's somewhere there the insight is hiding. So don't brush by it. Don't rush past it. Hold the hold the space a bit more. Ask a reflective question or be silent or ask them something that that or play your observation back that helps them see what is hiding behind that emotion or or the most likely behind that emotion is a belief.

No, building ownership. So somebody talked about this as well. Uh insight cannot come when you give them a direction or you give them a box or a stencil to operate in because then that's your insight not theirs. Um insight comes when they to take ownership. So questions such as you know um what are you willing to try? What does success look like for you? Or what is this word that they that you use? How does how does who is you know who are you behind that word? that helps them understand who they are without you putting them into a box. Metaphors is a great way to land insights. Of course, very true for for clients who already are speaking in a in a metaphorical language, but even if they're not, questions such as what image comes to your mind when you think about your situation or your challenge. Sometimes I could ask, of course, I gauge if that person is a visual client, then I would ask more visual questions, but sometimes some questions work with all kinds of clients. So if if this was a movie going on, the situation that you just just described, this was a movie going on and you were watching it from your couch, what would some of the things what would be some of the things that would come up for you? It's a instead of just asking what's coming up for you, what happens is that they immediately take themselves out of the situation and look at it from outside in and that helps stretch how they're thinking about the situation. So metaphors is usually a great way and remember that if a client is using a metaphor, then stick with it. That's where insight is hiding. Um, the new ICF competencies does allow you to introduce your own metaphor as well. For example, you can say, you know, with what you just told me, uh, something came up in my head. Um, how do you feel about me sharing it? So, take permission, partner up. And then I'd say, so, you know, I thought of a ship sinking, uh, when you said that, and how does that land with you? So, remember, always pair it briefly. Share your metaphor and pair it with a coaching question. Um, and this is only and only if I know if the client is visual or if I establish rapo with the client. Um, I'd be I'd be more interested in the metaphors that are coming from the client. So, ask questions. So, what's what image is coming up in your head. Um, so I worked with a client once and she was a young on the younger side and she was really into anime and she used to to do her own illustrations and she used to follow all these stories, read all these books about different anime characters. So, and she had trouble opening up. So I picked up on that and whenever I had to ask a really challenging question, I would kind of contextualize it in her anime characters. So I would ask her that, you know, if this was a story you were reading and this was was happening to one of your favorite anime characters and of course I remembered the names back then, very difficult Japanese names. Um, what is something that's coming up for you or what do you learn about this character or what is what is really standing out for you about this character? So it would help her see her life through her anime characters. Um, and of course the way the coaching coaching is is designed it creates a lot of accountability. It's creates a lot a lot of continuity. There's constant follow-ups. There's multiple sessions. There's multiple check-ins. Um, I personally as a coach love to give homework assignments if the client is comfortable. So then the insight is not only happening in the session, it's it's offline as well. It's an ongoing process and not just one Cinderella moment. Uh think of this if I've not taken this example before, think of this as you know workout that you do in the session uh if you're going to the gym and but it the effect that it continues to have on you even after the session. So if you do a highintensity workout, what you lose or the you know the kind of work that your body is doing in that 1 hour is great but your trainer will always tell you that 24 to 48 hours later your muscles are still working. You're still losing calories. So that is the effect the impact of coaching. The insight could also happen offline which is why I love to connect the sessions. So for example, I'd start off my session with saying um what came up for you what you know in this one week that we hadn't connected what has come up for you all this time. So it gives them an a moment an opportunity to reflect and say was there an insight that came up and then they share it with me and if need be I build on that and which is what I did with you at the start of this session as well. Um, what what is something coaching is more or less how do you fill the blanks? If there's an any insight that has happened for you while you have been away from these training sessions, I got a chance to gauge that. All right. Any questions so far? Great.

So, I'm just going to introduce um what I'm going to do uh and then we're going to go on a short break. uh from here on now that we've established what insight is why it's important um how do we create that keep that at the background as we talk about these three models now when we come back uh and again like I told you these models think of them as three different lens these are different lens that you need to put in different time periods in your coaching journey and what it would what it should help you all these models should help you is to notice really notice different things different clients, different ways of being. Uh the other thing it should help you with is to ask questions, better questions, powerful questions, the right questions, the the right amount of questions, the right nature of questions. And then like we said in what what is important for insights to to to to exist to go deep. All these models will help you understand not to coach at surface level but to go deeper. Right? All right. So, off we go for a short break. Um, is 5 minutes good at this point? Cuz then we'll do a longer break right at the middle of the session and another 5 minute break before coaching. Yeah. All right. So, see you in 5 minutes. All right. Okay.

So, TAPS model, TAPS model is a wonderful way to understand what coaching is and how is it different from other modalities. So, I know you've already gotten into a bit of a discussion of what coaching is, what it's not, but let's just take it into a deeper level. Um, taps means the four quadrants that together come, you know, they come together to make the taps uh abbreviations. So tell ask that's one continuing continuum and then the other one is problem solution. Let's come to coaching in the end.

Um, when you are telling a solution that is when you are in training mode, teaching mode, mentoring mode, advising mode. So if you remember that that is good enough for you to know what space not to be in. If you have contracted with the client such that you are switching hats between mentoring and coaching, sure, then you can play in two spaces at a time. But that's where contracting is very important. So for example, I'm uh I'm a mentor and a coach. So sometimes when I work with clients uh especially corporate clients, that is something they bring to the table that sometimes we'd want you to be both. And that's okay. But when usually with my one-on-one clients, it's I know that this is not the space I'm going. I'm not going to tell them or train them or teach them. Correct? This is the space that I am being when I'm with all of you cuz I am training. I am mentoring you and I am advising you as well.

The other domain is when you are telling but now you're not solution focused. You're not explaining what could work but you're also problem focused. That's when you're diagnosing. By the way, none of these spaces are bad. It's just that what is the requirement of the client? Why are they coming to you? Who are you being in the moment when you're serving them? Consultants, they come in, they look at the gaps in a team or in a company in, you know, in a in HR policies and they diagnose and they tell you, "Yeah, these are the gaps. Now, this is our report that we've generated to help you understand what is not working out for you." So what they're doing is that they're telling you what the problem is. They're helping you identify what the problem is. Doctors also to an extent stay in the space where they're diagnosing. So I think the problem you have is you know you have this issue and you have a problem with your heart and these are the reports we need to to run. So they're in the when they're being that way they're in this domain.

The third domain is when you are asking a lot. So now you've moved to the asking quadrant but you're still the focus is more on the problem side to understand what the problem is to identify what the problem is. That's where your therapists, your counselors, your psychotherapists come in because the belief system is that hey, we need to go back and understand where the what the problem is and where it started because when we understand the problem is then when we can start moving towards the solution but the focus is on the problem. Um, the focus is also on the emotional side of it. Correct? So a therapist would focus more on what is the trauma you had as a child and the the larger focus is also on the past because obviously the problem happened in the past coaching while it does play in the problem ask domain it's very important so again fessel this builds on the question you asked earlier we can't we cannot generate insights we cannot generate awareness on how to move forward if you've not understand where they are, what their current reality is. Correct? We're going to look at that as at grow as when we study grow as well. But to understand where they are, we have to understand the problem too. So we do but the the strategy is asking and not telling about the problem. So asking what is not working out for you? What seems to be the challenge here? What seems to be the problem here? All acceptable questions. But the entire session does not revolve around it. The reason we are playing in that domain is to eventually come into the domain of ask solutions. What do we do about it? Okay, great. We understand this is the problem. This is the challenge. What do we understand about it? What do we understand about you as a person to now start understanding how do we get out of this problem? So the majority of the session is about getting more awareness and generating an action plan or um strategies or um insights to understand okay what do we do about this? How do I move forward? So that is the space that coaching is working in.

Now before I get into the coaching space um when you are in the tell solution uh uh space you're take that person is taking an expert approach. I'm the expert. Let me tell you what the solution is in my experience or my advice is or I think the solution is or the situation is this. Let me just like you know flag it for you. That is me taking an expert approach. Similarly, when I'm telling about the problem, I'm still taking an expert approach. What I see as an issue or what I see as a problem, what I see is not working out is this. when you're counseling again an expert approach because you've studied and you've done all these trainings where you understand human emotions and human trauma and human patterns and I'm bringing that to the table to help them understand and resolve any emotional pain rooted in the past or something that they've brought to the present again an expert approach I recently watched a video of a therapist was in a movie a short clip a therapist was working with the parents about their child and this is the language that they were using. All right. So, let me tell you a few strategies as to how to to uh to handle the situation with with with your child. So, let me tell you uh and if before saying this, they were asking a few questions. Say, how do you do you mind if I ask you a few questions? So, they asked so what what does your child do this and does your child know that or what kind of a relationship you have with your child? Still asking, but eventually the approach was hey, I'm the expert and now I'm going to tell you the solution. I've asked you about the problem, but the solution comes from me because I'm the expert.

Coaching is the only domain that that doesn't play on the expert approach because the expert in this scenario is always always always the client. They are the expert on their lives. You're the expert on the on the process to help them get insights, but they are the experts on their insights. How do you do that? and how what sets it apart from other modalities is that you're open. The questions that are coming from you. So you're open in terms of what direction the client takes, but also the questions that you're asking are very open and they're led by curiosity, not by labeling, not by diagnosing, not by advising. You hold a lot of silence because like I said, the client needs to hear themselves. The client needs to build a narrative rather than you provide it. And which is why client does most of the talking. The ICF rule is that the coaches should only do 20% of the talking. We talked about it last time. It is there's no expert involved. So this is a partnership. And when it's a partnership, there's no direction coming from you. It's nondirective. The exploration of the problem is important like I said, but eventually the reason we're exploring the problem is to separate fact from story to separate observation from from the story that goes behind that observation from just a conversation to understanding what do we do with this? What insights are we getting as a result of this conversation? And hence how do we change? Solutions don't come from you because you're not the expert. you're not wearing the expert um cap. The solutions come from the awareness that you are helping the the client achieve. So you're the expert on the process and it's like somebody said um I think it was no uh with beliefs. So alignment with beliefs, alignment with values, alignment with the context that the coach is bringing in. Your advice is meaningless if it's not because it has to root in the context which is why your advice shouldn't be there because it's going to contaminate the space and also alignment with the capacity and the skills and the potential of the client. So extracting that is also something which is very very important in coaching. So as remember this should be your moto going forward. A solution any solution without insight really I would say never changes behavior. So if a solution is coming from you it's not going to change the behavior of the client which is why it needs to come from them. And again it answers what Fessel asked. Can we coach at site level? Sure. It wouldn't change behavior. It would then just be a wanting session for them to be able to move towards a transformation or any change whatsoever. It has to be linked to something that they've learned about themselves or about their situation aka insight. Any questions with that or any thoughts? What is it bringing up in all of you in the way you coach or in the way you intend to coach?

Yes, Karen. I think it's bringing up something that came up in my first mentoring session. And the word my mentor was using as a client in this situation was the word tell. And whilst you may have had that initial discovery session, you may have had that contracting and you may have talked about what coaching is. >> Mh. even in the first session they still may use the word tell. How would you go about reflecting that back to them trying to indicate again it is not a teaching mentoring session in the coaching >> way >> brilliant great question and if I'm let me know if I've gotten it right that when the client is using the word tell that they're asking you to tell them a solution or advice or maybe something from your experience correct >> okay There's so many different ways of handling this. I'm not going to dump all of all of them on you because obviously the more advanced you get in your coaching journey, you'll get a sense of that. Um, some some techniques I can share at this point is that I kind of, you know, ask a question that makes them forget that they asked me to tell them and they it makes them uh reflect without me scolding them about it that hey, no, you're not allowed to ask that question. I'll just very smartly and strategically ask them a question. For example, I recently said, "Yeah, I want you." So, they were they were really suffering from overthinking um as a senior leader and they said, "I want you to you've worked with so many leaders. I want you to tell me um how can I solve my overthinking?" So, I strategically just asked them when you say overthinking, what does that mean? just got so busy explaining what overthinking meant for them that they forgot that they asked me to give them advice. Then my next question was which also came from the answer that they gave me that what makes it so important for you to discuss this in our session. I'm curious and at the end of the session they did they did tell me they said you know I didn't even realize that I I asked you for advice I just started talking because you were asking me all these questions. So that's one way. The second way, there are clients who are very pushy who will ask you again and again. Yeah, but I want to yeah sure I now that I've answered your question, I really want to know how you do this or how you've seen other leaders do this. The new ICF competencies do give you the liberty to do that. Just have to be a bit careful. So I would say for so

I would still kind of depending on the client, I would still be a little curious and I'd say, "Sure, I'll get to that. But before I get to that, I would love to explore that. What comes to your mind when you think about, you know, coming up with a strategy for overthinking?" Or what, what is, what is the thought behind your motivation to explore that now? I'm not, I'm not brushing them. I'm just exploring a little bit before I share what I have to share because now, what I share will be in context to what the client talked about. And then I'll share it and I'll say, "Okay, so you, um, wanted to know what are some of the strategies that I have seen in my working with other leaders when it comes to overthinking?" And I'll share number one, share very briefly, very concisely, to the point. So I'll say, "Yeah, so the one strategy that has always popped up when I speak with senior leaders is, ta da da da." Or, you know, "I read, uh, I read Timothy Gallwey a lot. And he talks about this tool called the STOP tool that has proven to be very, proven to be phenomenal when it comes to overthinking." So, you see, I'm not talking about my personal experience. I'm just sharing something which is out there in the universe anyways, and they can go access it. I'm just sharing it very briefly. And I'll say, "The STOP tool is about, you know, taking a pause and really calibrating your thoughts and then proceeding." Now, how does that land with you? So the third point that I was going to make is immediately tie it to a coaching question. So now they're satisfied because they've gotten something from me that they were looking for, but now I've paired it with a coaching question. So immediately they go back to thinking on their own. So I would ask them questions. "How does that land with you? How does that resonate with you? The strategy that I just shared, what did you learn about it? What can you, how can you apply it in your life?" So now, before they know it, they're contextualizing that into their own situation. Yeah. Does that make sense?

>> Yeah. I think that will take a fair bit of practice, but yes. Thank you.

>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] But it actually takes the pressure off you for sharing. Um, and sometimes, sometimes, um, there has been a moment where the client is really pushing me to share a personal example. Now, if I'm not comfortable sharing the personal example because your psychological safety is important too, that's okay. You can share that with the client. But if I am, I will not give it to them so easily. I will just ask them, "I'm just curious that how does me sharing a personal example serve you, a client?" So it helps them pause a little bit and say, think about, yeah, what is the reason I asked her anyways? And, um, if they've answered it, I would check in with them. So, um, "How do you, you know, now that you've answered this for me, uh, would you still like me to share my personal example?" And if they say yes again, I would give them a headline. I would say, "Yeah, so in, in my life, what I do is this." Now, "How does that land with you? Or what did you just learn about yourself when you heard me share my personal example?" So, again, back to them. The, the gear is the driving wheel is back in their hands. Brilliant. Great question, Karen. All right. So, with that in, as, as the backdrop, now we're going to move to the SCARF model. Now, SCARF. Now that you've understood which space to play in, the next important thing is to create the right environment. Insight cannot land if you have not created the right environment. So that coach who was being silent and, uh, had a stern face on, did not create psychological safety. So creating psychological safety is essential, and we can try and understand that through the SCARF model. It is one of my favorite models. This author is, um, so David Rock. I incidentally work with David Rock. Um, his institute called NeuroLeadership Institute is the institute that I'm part of. So I love bringing his models in because they're so insightful. So if you haven't read his book, please read "Your Brain at Work." It's a phenomenal book. Um, he has brought this model forward to understand the, how, what psychological safety is. What we're going to do today is look at it from, from a coaching perspective. Uh, before we get into the model, the principle that this model is built on is, uh, that our brain, the, the way our brain is wired, it's always scanning the environment for potential threats and potential, um, or, or let's just say potential threats. That's the essence of our survival. Okay. Now, these threats could be imagined or real, but they feel, as, you know, something that the brain wants to avoid. Um, whenever the, the brain scans the environment, it comes across something that, um, makes it feel threatened, it will, it will, it will motivate us to move away from that situation. Whenever we feel that, yeah, this is safe, we'll move closer to it, or we get something from it, we'll move closer to that situation. The reward is always better, but the threat is always stronger. So, for example, I say, I praise Bakhtavar. I tell her two amazing things about her, and then I tell her something that I don't like about her. She's going to go out of that talk remembering the thing that was negative more than the thing that was positive. And we can all relate to that. So threat is always stronger. Remember that. Based on that is the SCARF model. It gets its name from five different elements. Think of these as five different needs essential to humans. What sets us apart from other living beings. These five things are extremely important for us to have. We are wired that way.

The first one is Status. We all have an inherent need to be respected and valued. Even a three-year-old has this need. You cannot take this away from them. They want to be respected and valued.

Second is Certainty. We all crave information. We always want to know some more than others. But at the end of the day, all of us, we like to be informed. We like to be aware.

The third one is Autonomy. We all are wired to have choices and control. Again, something that sets us apart from animals. For example, uh, even a three-year-old needs to know that they have the choice to choose what outfit they will wear or what food they will eat. So, anybody who has kids here will relate to that. I have a very feisty little one who's seven, but from the day that she turned three. Yeah. Yeah. I cannot enforce my choices on her anymore. So, that is very important to humans.

Relatedness. We're called social animals for a reason. is because we have this really strong need to belong, to be part of something, to feel included, to feel that we are part of that space. Exclusion, think back to when you were excluded when you were little, you know, in school. How did that feel? Of course, as grown-ups, we've learned to deal with exclusion. Uh, but something, it's something that makes us very uncomfortable. But even in work environments or social environments, we are, when we are excluded, it really bothers us. So if I, you know, called upon, and that's why I keep checking, "Hey, did I cover everybody? Did everybody get to answer? But did also everybody get to answer in their own way? Did you have the choice to answer the way you wanted to answer? You could put it on the chat, you could choose not to answer, you could choose to come off mute and answer." So here I'm touching on relatedness, make sure I involve everybody, but also on autonomy.

And Fairness. Again, what sets us apart from animals is we have this really strong desire for, for justice. Everything needs to feel fair. And again, even little kids have that when they say, "It's not fair, it's not fair." It's because it is this, it is wired into their brains from a very early age. That feeling that I get the same opportunities, same credit, same value that others around me are getting, irrespective of gender, class, personality, you know, age, whatever it may you have. All of these become the basis of, um, the ICF competency, establishes and maintains psychological safety. It's very, very core to all other competencies, such as building trust, um, uh, you know, moving the client to awareness stage, but then also moving the client from awareness to action stage.

All right, I'm going to get you into this now. Help you think about it a little bit deeper. Take a screenshot of this and just keep as simple as this. You don't need to go deeper than you know how you understand these five elements. Status: Am I respected or valued? Certainty: Do I know? Autonomy: Do I have the choice? Relatedness: Do I belong? And Fairness: Does it feel just? Now apply that to a coaching context. Okay, I'm going to, uh, split these. So group one, it's the same groups. So group one can have status and certainty. Group two can have, I'll read out the names of the group two as well. Uh, can actually, let me just take a screenshot of this and then I'll, I'll read out the names. So before I go out of it, and the question I want you to answer is, now you think of psycholog, uh, of SCARF as coaches. How do you make sure that you activate these, the rewards of each of these in a coaching conversation? And you can go one step further and ask yourselves, how, what do I need to avoid doing in a coaching session so it doesn't, um, you know, compromise each of these, um, uh, markers of SCARF? All right. So, let me read out the names to you. What's happening? Stop share. All right. So, same breakout rooms. Vessel, Karen, and Sana. You can have the first two elements only, status and certainty. Oh, somebody just left. Bakhtavar, who is your, um, who is your partner?

>> Nshin.

>> Okay, so Nshin has left. I'm just hoping that she'll come back on. If she doesn't, I'll send you to a different group. Things to get you started and to, for you to start thinking about. Ah, there you are. So, the core question always with status is, "Am I respected here?" So that is when you're protecting the client's sense of who they are. So learning can happen without the brain being so busy scanning threats. Okay. Some of the basic one here is, is have you gotten the name of the client right? Do you even know the name of the client? So, I, I was in a coaching session once with somebody else coaching me, and, uh, midway the session, they had forgotten my name. [laughter] It was hilarious. And they're like, "Uh, I just forget what your name is. Just remind me." And, okay, human mistake happens. But it just made me feel so psychologically unsafe that I'm, where are you in this session that you, you've not, you've forgotten my name completely. So, as somebody who struggles with remembering people's names, that's it. It's all right. A human mistake happens, but just an example of what you could feel if you're at the receiving end of it. Then, um, of course, understanding the cultural nuances that somebody's bringing into the session. When the client is in a reward state, to put them in a reward state, um, your active listening comes into play. So we talked about it. They feel respected when you know, when they know you're not only listening to what they're saying, but also listening to what's happening behind their words. So acknowledging and validating their strengths and achievements makes them feel valuable, valued, not only by you, but just, you know, enriching that conversation within themselves. Um, use empowering language such as, "Here, you're not cheerleading." So let's say they've shared something that they've, that has worked well for them, and you can flag that, "You've already made great progress based on what you just shared," and then you can ask a question, "So where, where else can you stretch yourself?" Because the brain will be in a reward state. You, when you challenge them, they'll be able to, um, uh, you know, respond to that much more effectively. Um, ask strength-based questions that makes them feel, uh, they can increase and enhance their sense of worth. So, "What skills helped you succeed in similar situations? How do others recognize your contributions? How do you recognize your contributions?" And also invite a lot of self-assessment. "What have you done well here? What strengths have you tapped into here? What strengths can you tap into here?" Uh, towards the end of the session, I, one of my favorite questions to ask is, "What would you like to appreciate yourself for, you know, for the work that you did in today's session?" What could put them in a threat state is challenging them too early or too much when they're not ready. So, which is why challenging them with a question needs to come after they've, they've shared, they've become a little bit more aware, and being corrective rather than curious, because like somebody shared, puts them in a, "Hey, I'm being judged" zone, and asking a question, "Why?" because it makes them defensive. So they will then be defending their behavior rather than going deeper and finding out what is the reason that they do this behavior. And this is why coaching is against the "why" question. But the philosophy of "why" is something that comes in because you're asking what is behind it. I put a name of the book in the chat, which is the book I'm reading right now to understand the "why," but just the use of the "why" is what we avoid.

Um, Certainty. Just give me a minute. Uh, Nshin is trying to enter, but I think there, there she is. All right. Certainty. Uh, the core thought behind that is, "What's going to happen?" You know, a lot of times clients, especially who are new to coaching, they are, sorry, I'm going to reshare. They're, they're thinking, what, they're confused about what to expect, and sometimes they're very, very nervous. Uh, or even if they're, they're not new to coach, coaching, they're still nervous what to expect in a session. Which is why certainty comes into play very strongly. Can you see the, the full screen of this? I just want to. Yeah. No, you're not seeing the full screen because I'm not seeing the full screen. Just give me a minute. Yeah, there we are. Are you seeing the full screen now? Yeah. All right. Great. So, which is why the agreement piece is very important because early on, you're clarifying the goals and expectations that they have from the session and from the coaching relationship. So the discovery session becomes very important. You also help them as coaches to narrow down their choices and options because it gives them more certainty as to where to put their cognitive resources in. So this is why when I shared in the agreement session, they bring, if they're bringing five different topics or three different topics into the session, you help them narrow down, "What is it that you want to discuss in today's session?" Then when they've brought vague, big challenges, you ask questions that helps them, you know, use the funnel approach to help them understand, "What is it that I want to focus on right now? Or what is it, this is a big overwhelming challenge, where do I want to begin my self-reflection? How do I break it down into digestible action points?" So, "What do you know for sure right now? What you know, you're, you're saying that this is too much to take. What would, what part of it would you like to talk about to make it easier? What's the next small step you can take on this?" So it can also be used for action planning in that way. Um, when the client is talking about things that are so many things that are beyond their control, a question around, "What's within their control?" also helps them get more certainty onto their own journey. Uh, future pacing is a great technique here because it helps them break down their goals. So instead of asking them, "What does success look like?" I would ask them a more specific question. "Okay, so what would s..." So, let's say if a client brings in, "I want to establish my business." Great. "In terms of establishing your business, how does it look like in the next three months?" So, break that down so they have more certainty and it becomes a step-by-step process. What could put them in a threat zone is pushing for answers too early. So that's why I always keep saying, "Awareness before action." So creating the pressure to decide or act really fast when they've not really become aware of the situation. So they can, because it puts them in a situation where they feel that they have to come up with the solution, and they don't know how to do that. They would feel psychologically unsafe to have that pressure that, "I have to decide what to do, but I don't know how to do it." So, "How do I decide what to do?" And like I said, jumping to solutions too fast because they don't know what to change. So how do they tell you what, how, how they will change when they don't know what to change?

Autonomy. The core thought is, "Do I have a choice?" So you guys were spot on supporting the client's sense of control and ownership, giving them the, the steering wheel, uh, asking them choice questions, even with agreement, that "What is it that they want to do in the session?" reinforcing ownership and agency throughout. "What is it that you can do? Uh, what becomes possible for you? What options come up for you?" Uh, whenever you want to introduce a metaphor or, you know, an observation, you use permission-based language. You don't always have to do it. Your gut will guide you when is the right time to get permission because it's always, think about when you're introducing something that, that your gut is telling you that it would help move them, but it is still coming from you and not from them. So it is a good idea to get permission for that. For example, "This is making me think of a metaphor. How do you feel about me sharing it with you?" Um, because they could, it gives them the choice to say no at this stage. No, maybe at a later stage. So that is where the choice is coming in. Uh, and inviting the client to design their actions rather than you introducing the actions or telling them what to do. So, no advice. Um, the opposite is what puts them in a threat zone. Giving them advice, giving them advice without consent or without their permission or without their choice, and telling the client what they should do because you're the expert or you know better.

Relatedness is all about, "Am I welcome here? Do I belong?" So building the connection early on is what, you know, strengthens this. Being transparent about the coaching process so they know what they're expecting. Um, creating a non-judgmental space, showing a lot of empathy. It, because nothing connects to humans better than empathy. And, uh, this is not sympathy we're talking about. Sympathy is when you feel sorry for them. Empathy is when you, you don't have to relate to them. Empathy is when you're creating a space where you're telling them, "Your emotions are welcome, your thoughts are welcome, your beliefs are welcome, and I'm not going to judge any of that." And constantly ask them emotion-based questions, and that is how you give them permission or give them the idea that your emotions are welcome in this space. Sharing relatable experiences when needed and if appropriate. So, we already talked about that. And networking questions are when, so relatedness is not only about how they relate to this space, the coaching space, but also who else do they relate to in their own life that could be relevant to the topic that they've brought to the coaching? So when we ask questions such as, "Who in your life could support you in this? Or who do you get inspired by when you think of this?" Those are all questions around relatedness that helps them understand where else do we belong? What other spaces can we tap into? What puts them in a threat mode is rushing past emotions too, too quickly, because it gives them the feeling that their emotions are not welcome. So, we, I love using this terminology, "permission to feel." Everybody should have that permission to feel and emote the way they want to. Interrupting or, um, filling the silence when they're using that silence to think. Uh, or as we, we keep mentioning that coach again and again, that coach was very distant and mechanical and scripted, and being that way when what was needed was presence and empathy.

And the last but not the least, Fairness. "Am I being treated justly?" So it is, yes, about how you treat the client, but also about the empowerment that you're creating for the client. So being non-judgmental, Dell talked about that, constantly bringing back the focus on what choices they have, what influence they have, rather than what influence you have. Asking perspective-shifting questions because in the, the client's mind, they're thinking, "My life is so unfair, everything is so unfair." So when you ask perspective-shifting questions, they move from a, "This is so unfair" victim mentality to a growth mindset. "What is possible for you? What feels right? You said this is unfair. What about this is unfair? What about this does not sit in well with you? What about this does not feel right?" And asking them questions around their assumptions and biases that might be obstructing their, their viewpoint or their perspectives. Uh, threat, anything where you feel like, "Ah, that is not correct, and that you shouldn't be thinking like that, and that is not the right way to, to believe or feel or think." So you're minimizing or dismissing or ignoring the client's experience or perspective. Um, arguing with their perception, "This is not the right way. Let me tell you what the right way to believe is." Yes, sure. But I've worked with so many leaders. I've, I've coached so many people. Trust me when I tell you that this is not going to get you far. So I've actually seen coaches do that. And also when you tell them or affirm for them that, yeah, when they put themselves as a victim in a victim stencil. Yeah. Correct. That is how you should be. Yeah. That, that is terrible. No wonder you're feeling so unfair. Your boss treated you so badly. That is not your place to label anybody else and to affirm for them that, yeah, their life is miserable, or yeah, that sounds terrible. Your life is miserable right now. So remember, always shift guests to perspective-shifting questions without judgment. So hear them out, hold space, but shift their perspective by asking them, "What, what is possible for them?"

All right, given you a lot to go with. Any questions? And we're right on time for a break. So we'll take two minutes. If anybody's got questions or thoughts, we'll, we'll take a thought or two. How is the SCARF model changing the way you're now thinking about, uh, coaching or creating the right environment for coaching to happen?

>> Um, uh, so like I can relate to my experience of, uh, taking therapies and not feeling satisfied, not even satisfied, I guess, barely treated. So, so they will be labeling my feelings or they be coming, jumping and giving diagnosis. So, I guess they were not only taking my autonomy, but also like not treating me fairly. So, I guess it's like when you said that fairness, it sits at the bottom. So, it makes sense like how it trickles down, right? So you're not valued, and then, and then I guess it's the therapies are way different than coaching, but still, you know, um, I expect something, I work well with some kind of therapist, and I don't really work well with other kind of therapists. So, some can be really, like when I'm very emotional, and the other one is very logical, and then labeling that, "You have to look in that direction and perspective where I'm like, still fixated where I am, so stuck kind of feeling." So, I guess it's, it's very insightful.

>> Yeah. Brilliant. Take that into the coaching space as well. If you are a logical person, then you might not be holding space for the client's emotions, and you need to remember that that is not, that is, that is where the client will feel psychologically unsafe because your, the way you are, whether you're logical or emotional, does not matter. You just need to be curious about what is the state of mind of the client, and how do I tap into that. Brilliant. That's a great observation. All right.

>> I have a question. Can I please ask?

>> Yes, s go ahead please.

>> So in one of my practice sessions, uh, this question that, "What assumptions might be affecting your views?" Or your, we structure ICF.

>> So the 4A model that we talked about, I'll revise it. Agreement, Awareness, sorry, Agreement, Awareness, Action, and Accountability map on to GROW very, very nicely, and I'll show that to you in a little bit. But before I get into GROW, think of GROW as a guide to how your session looks like when it unfolds with a client. Uh, it's not meant to, um, what's the word I'm looking for? It's not meant to restrict you or the client. It's meant to just make sure that it, it is not just a conversation, but a coaching session. So think of it like that. You would be touching all four boxes in a, in a coaching session, just as you would be touching the 4A model. Um, sure, some might require more, uh, time in a coaching session, and that's okay. So GROW gets its name from Goal, Reality, Options, and, um, I don't like using the word using the word Will. Think of it as Way Forward. And I'll tell you in a little bit why. Goal is similar to Agreement. The client brings it, um, upfront. What is it that they're trying to achieve? What is it that they're trying to achieve in the session as well? Reality and O map into your Awareness because the client is becoming more aware of what the situation is right now, and what, what needs to change, and how do they get there? What options, or what potential opportunities are in front of them? So, "Where are you now? What's happening right now? And what options do you have?" So Awareness kind of circulates all of that really well. Bulk of your work would be around this area. But I, I like GROW as to, I think of GROW as an extension to the 4A model because it helps you understand that while Awareness happens in both of these regions, there's no, there's no defined boxes. So there's a dance that you're playing with the client, which is back and forth, back and forth. Reality, Options, Reality, Options, more on Reality, more on Options. And you would often see clients go back and forth on these as they become more aware of a reality situation or any, any aspect of their situation. Then think of an option. Then you ask them a question that takes them a little bit deeper into their situation, get another insight, and then link the insight to, "Okay, so what, what becomes possible for you now? What transforms for you now?" Way Forward is ANA. The last two, Action and Accountability. It is the last five to ten minutes in a sixty-minute session. But basically understanding, "What will you do now? When will you do it? Who will you do it with?" I often get asked that if the, the client is getting a lot of awareness, then can we just not stick with that? And I think I did answer it last time as well, that just as you would, you know, when you're cooking pasta, um, and sometimes, and especially if you cooked it in a chicken stock, I want to keep that stock because that's going to add flavor back. But if I drain it without putting a container underneath, all that precious broth is gone. So you need to put a container underneath for the client to understand that, "Hey, this is the insight and awareness that I got from this session. Where is it going to go?" So you have to preserve that. Is when they realize when you ask them questions, it doesn't have to be very loaded questions, just simple questions as, "What insights did you get from today? Based on those insights, what will be different for you now?" Just two basic questions. S kind of capture the essence of Way Forward or Action and Accountability. And then I kind of tie the knot, uh, you know, close the ziplock a little bit deeper by asking them questions around accountability. You don't have to ask them, "How will you hold yourself accountable?" You don't have to ask that directly. I will just ask them, "Okay, so you just shared with me what you, what will change now. Um, when you shared that, what are some of the things that you need to watch out for? What could still come in the way as you made this plan? And when will you do it? What is the next step? When will you do it? How will you make sure that it gets done? What will you remind yourself when challenges come up?" So these are some of the questions that kind of really seal the deal for the client. In coaching, GROW helps you, the, the coaches, to keep the session focused so it doesn't derail, it doesn't go into a different direction, so that by the end of the session, the client says, "Huh, what did I even get out of this session other than talking?" Um, talking is good, though. Um, and that actually, I'll add something here. Sometimes the client comes in and says, "You know what? I want to use today's session to just talk." Then that is your goal, and that's okay. That is the client's goal. And then I would ask them still, "So what does talking get you? Um, how does it support you in this session? What would, what needs to happen in today's session which makes you feel that, you know, a, what did, what, what do you want to get out of when you want to talk about your problem? What do you want to get out of that?" Then whatever answer they give me, I will ask them a measured question that, "What needs to happen in today's session that would make you feel that, yes, that's what you got?" So, let's say if they said that, "Yeah, talking helps me brainstorm." And what is the reason that brainstorming is important for you, client? "Well, it's important because I'm really stuck in a difficult situation right now, and brainstorming will help me get more clarity." The minute they said that word, I know that's what they're after. Okay. "What needs to happen in this session today that will make you feel that by the end of the session, you've got clarity? Or what does clarity look like for you in our session today?" So that's how you're measuring it. Um, it avoids problem dumping. So it's not a venting session, then it's a session of a journey between awareness and transformation. It moves from insight, moves them from awareness, which is insight, to actually taking an action on it. That action doesn't have to be physical. That action can just be a shift that has happened for them cognitively. Uh, and the, and a tip for you, whenever you're using the 4A model or the GROW model, the idea is not to be rigid that, "No, we've talked about Goal, and now we're going to talk about Reality. If we've talked about Reality, now we need to talk about Options. You can't go back to Reality." So it's not rigid. It's a very organic, free-flowing session, but it's for you to, it really helps me as a coach to understand, I've got sixty minutes, and if I touch on all of these, how is it that, you know, for example, I make sure that when I'm at the last ten minutes of the session, then I'll gently, I've asked my Option question, I'll gently start asking my client Way Forward questions. So, "All right, we have ten minutes left into our session. Uh, thank you for sharing about your options, and that, you know, and from that point, I'm curious, what have you learned?" So gently tying them into the action stage. And that is the action, what they've learned, the insight. And at the minute they, they share it, I said, "Okay, so based on that, either depending on if it's a logical client, I'll say, "What is, uh, what are some of the actions that you would take this week to support that, those, you know, whatever you just shared with me?" Or, "What will be different now from that point of awareness? What would change now? Or what would be different for you now?" Brilliant. Any questions here? Because I'm going to take you into breakout rooms for you to make sense of the GROW model. Any questions? Any confusions? All right, I'll change the groups a little bit again. You have this case in front of you. So, um, this client, as, and I'm, you're free to construct the, the case if you want to, a little bit, but this is the basic information that I'm giving you. He feels stuck because the job is not him. So, he's, he's come into the session and he's, he's shared with you maybe in the discovery session or the intake session that he feels stuck. He feels unappreciated and blocked by peers and bosses. He has another job offer, but he's confused because it requires relocation for him and his family. He sets up his coaching. The overall arching goal that he set is to resolve his stress, negativity, and confusion. Okay. What I want you to work as a group is, so I'm going to make, uh, two groups. Uh, there's going to be a lot of you in the group. And the first group will take G and R, and the, the last two groups will take O and W. Okay? I want you to think of specific questions or over generic questions. There's no limitation on that that you might ask at every stage. Okay? And then we'll, we'll share our notes. So, let me just, you can take a screenshot of this.

>> Uh, Marian, can you please also put the GR model so I can take a screen?

>> Yes, there you are. So, take a screenshot of this, and then I'll take you back to the, the GROW model.

>> Thank you.

>> Most welcome. All right. So, um, let's recreate into two groups. All right. So, we've got Nshin, Bakhtavar, Dell, and Karen. You have G, G and R, Goal and Reality. And Elaine, Fessel, and Sana, we have lost some, no, yeah, Ela, Fessel, and Sana, you have O and W. All right. So, you are free to come up with specific questions given the case that I've presented you, or you can come up with generic GROW questions keeping the case in mind. You're free to do that. I also understand that there's a limitation for room two because you don't know what questions were asked in G and R for you to, uh, to come up with O and W. But that's okay. You can, you can make an assumption or you can construct a case or an assumption. That's okay. The idea is to practice, and then you come back. I will share some questions from my side as well. So, the, the goal here is to build up our coaching, uh, bank for questions. All right, good luck. Because on this session, if the client brings multiple topics, then what are they? What is the significance? How do we measure it? How do you want to feel by the end of the session? So they all pertain to, uh, the two core ICF competencies of establishing agreements and me cultivating trust. So think of this back to the SCARF model as well. Right from the start, G helps them feel they can, they belong to the session. They, what they're bringing in is valued, and they have more clarity for themselves in their minds, as well as to what's going to happen in the session, and all of that is set by themselves. So they have autonomy as well. Um, Reality is again, like I said, the what's and the hows and the ws and the war, where's of their current situation. So different ways of helping them expand their understanding on where they are right now, and this is all, this all, like I said, falls into Awareness stage. More awareness of their situation will help them see it from different perspectives, and only then can they can stretch their perspective. Uh, what is possible for them? Again, Awareness stage, but you, you were spot on, what helps you move from what you understand about your situation to what? Because in G, you've established what you want, so what, what you want is the transformation that is required from where you are right now to where you want to be. That is the missing, missing piece, which is Options. And let's try and understand what that is by understanding what options are available, what makes sense, what doesn't make sense, how would, when you applied it, what would actually, you know, change, um, and who or what you need to be to, to get there. So remember here now, you're moving away from situation. So it's not only situation, but now who as well. Who do they? So one of my favorite questions to ask in a coaching session is, um, "Who do you need to be?" etc., etc. So, let's say, "Who do you need to be to solve this? Who do you need to be to achieve this? You said you want to get this done by the end of the week today. Who do you need to be? What strengths do you need to put into, into place to be able to get there?" So now they're not only thinking about situation, but they're thinking not only about the answer, one plus one equals equals two, but, "Hey, how do I put them together and arrive at a situation?" Because then I can solve any problem. And finally, the last one, um, Way Forward. "What will you do? When will you do it? What stands in the way? How are you feeling now? Um, what do you need? What is the next step?" All of those are encap, what do you learn? All of that is encapsulated in Way Forward. So this is tied to the last competency, which is facilitating client growth. Brilliant. We all did so well on that, and great on timing as well. Let me know if you have any questions for GROW. Um, any additional questions based on the questions I shared, and if not, we'll do a very small break just to make you more present for the coaching that is about to happen. I'll give you the instructions quickly before we get into the coaching. So we have, I think, time permitting, we'll do about twenty-five to thirty minutes of coaching. Um, we, Kata, if you're there, you can pop in or just write it on the chat. I think Fessel is coaching and Dell is coaching today. So, and we are seven people. So we need two clients. Katija is saying yes. So Fessel, you're coaching, you're the coach. Um, I will be observing you, and Dell, you are the other coach. Katija would be observing you. We need two clients for them. So, anybody can volunteer to be a client if you can. It would be in the breakout room. So, you'll have that safe space for you.

>> I can be a client.

>> Okay, Karen. So, Karen, you can be Dell's client.

>> Right. And we need a client for Fessel. And, okay, Basav, you would be with Fessel. And now we have, um, Sana and Noshin. Is she here? Noshin, are you here?

>> Yes, I'm here. Yes.