Transcription
Oh, Joo's like kind of beta in this scenario. Watch out for those flags. You don't have to prove how tough you are. You don't have to prove what a dynamic leader you are. You don't have to prove any of that stuff. And in fact, every time you try and actively outwardly prove that, everybody sees it as an insecurity, and it's going to make you look weak because you are.
Have you ever seen those signs on the beach? Have you ever seen a sign on the be legit sign on the beach that said sharks? Yeah, like you got to watch out. Yep, you probably shouldn't get in the water. There's other signs, you know, you go camping and they'll say fire warning, right? Hey, don't start fires; we're in stage red or whatever. There's little things that we got to watch out for in the world, and something I, something you may want to pay attention to, something you may want to put, just make sure you're looking for the signs, is insecurity.
I was with a C-client recently, and I saw an interaction that was it, it, it said to me, I see some signs; they say watch out for insecurity. A particular individual who's in a senior position doesn't have a degree in computer science; no degree, matter of fact, like did whatever, one year of junior college or something, and yet is in a very powerful position and has a has a ton of experience. So, didn't go to school, didn't get the piece of paper, but knows a ton about it. This is like the mechanic that's looking at your car, right? And he's been working on Fords for, you know, 25 years. He's been working on Fords for 25 years, and yet there's a, you know, an engineer from MIT that's going to look at your, you know, that's that, who do you want to diagnose a problem with your Ford? Your Ford's, right? Look, that person from MIT is obviously smart, has a degree in mechanical engineering, but it but the guy that's been working on Fords for 25 years. So that's the kind of scenario that we were in, right? This guy knows a lot; he's been under the hood in the computer world, in the software world, even in the hardware world, but he really knows a lot, and he threw out one of these um, you know, "they don't respect me because I don't have a degree," and that right there, you know, this was in an offline conversation, "they don't respect me because I don't have a degree," and that, that just flagged the big giant, like 8 by 12 flag went up that said insecurity on it, cuz he was so obviously insecure about this.
And the funny thing is, I talked to the rest of the staff, and guess what? The staff thinks he's brilliant. The staff thinks he's got all this knowledge. They staff thinks that he's incredible; what he's done, they're totally behind him, and yet he's insecure about the fact that that he doesn't have a degree in this stuff, and this is just so ego-driven. Um, you know, so now he feels like he feels like maybe he's not good enough cuz he's insecure. So now he's projecting on everybody else that they don't think he's, you know, got it going on. And so then it's like, then what happens is, so there's one flag goes up, then another flag goes up; the other flag is like, hey, we need to do it my way. So all of a sudden we're imposing on people; all of a sudden another flag goes up that's like making people look stupid in a conversation. Hey, that's a completely different engine than that Ford that you're talking about. Did you know? And then it's little snide comments, "Oh, they didn't teach you that in college? You learn that up at MIT? You didn't learn that?" And all of a sudden these, it's just red flag, red flag, red flag, and it gets to be it gets to be a little bit embarrassing. And what sucks is, of course, everybody sees it, right? You, they might not see the first one. You put up one red flag, and you put up a flag, and people, maybe you raise it half-mast, you know, it's a half-mast thing that says insecurity, and people kind of like overlook it because there's a bunch of other flags of, hey, confident and, you know, knows stuff, and so they don't really see it, but then you start putting up flag after flag after flag, and it really starts to leave a mark.
So I'm asking you to pay attention to that. I'm asking you to not do that. Actually, I'm asking you to pay attention um, to insecurity because it can manifest itself in a lot of different ways. "They don't respect me," that's a huge one. "They don't respect me because I'm too old." "They don't respect me because I'm too young." "They don't respect me 'cause I have don't have a degree," or "they don't respect me because I have a degree," cuz that happens too, right? Oh, this freaking college kid coming down here with his degree, or the opposite happens. Oh, they think they know everything just because they've been to college. Did I get did I catch both directions there? I can't tell if I did. Uh, it can go either way, right? Either this guy has a degree, thinks he knows everything, or this person doesn't have a degree, they don't know what the hell they're talking about, or I have experience or don't have experience; that's another one, right? I've been doing this for 25 years; I don't have to listen to Dave, or Dave, you know, he's he has 25, so he thinks he knows everything. We just it either direction; we can find insecurity in either direction. And the thing is, no one cares. The only person that cares, the only person that cares is actually you. I've I've I've had that conversation with at least 20 people where 20 people have pointed out their insecurity of, I don't have this, or I didn't do that, or I never, you know, oh, I never served, so therefore no one respects me. Like, no one actually cares. They care if you suck at your job. They care if you make mistakes repetitively, repetitively, and you don't correct them, but no one actually cares that you don't have a degree. They no one cares. No one cares that you have a degree, by the way.
So to prevent, so by the way, this is your ego, so this is your ego that gets your ego gets very reactive to this stuff. Your ego's super sensitive. Your ego's nervous. Your ego doesn't like people looking at it; always thinks everyone's looking at it. Your ego thinks everything is looking at you when reality is, no one actually cares. So what can you do about it? When you start to feel when you start to feel this, when you start to feel the insecurity come out, just freaking take ownership of it, and know you probably thought I was going to say that, but take ownership of it. Own it. And the way you own it is by saying like, yeah, you know what, they might have learned something in college that I don't know. How hard is that? So you're a computer science, you're you didn't get a computer science degree, but you know all kinds of stuff about computers because you've been working you've been under the hood of computers for 25 years, but you got some other person that rolls in that has their their computer science degree from MIT, and instead of being like, "they think they know everything," instead own it and say, "Oh yeah, you know what, that's pretty awesome. They probably learned some stuff that I don't know. Good, I can utilize that knowledge." If you understand that maybe someone has more experience than you, instead of being like, "well, that Dave thinks he knows everything just because we," no, actually be like, "Hey, you know, Dave, you've been doing this for long with me; that's awesome. I really want to learn from you." Take ownership of it, and take ownership of it internally and externally, right? If you only take ownership of it externally, but you really hold the internal grudge, everybody can see it. So watch out for that one; everyone can see how insecure you are. And all you, this is the crazy thing, when you're this is pay attention to this: when you're hiding your insecurities, everybody can see them. When you open them up, they're not there anymore. Isn't that a wild thing to think about? When you hide your insecurities, everyone can see them. When you open up and show everyone your insecurities, they disappear. Isn't that amazing? Boy, it takes some courage to open up and show everyone those insecurities. It takes so much courage to do that. Everyone can see your little petty behaviors; everyone can see them. Those little snide comments that you're making, everyone can see them; everyone can hear them. Respect levels go down, and then what's scary is you end up with a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? It's like when you um, when the police start watching a guy who's paranoid because he's acting paranoid, so the police start watching him, and then all of a sudden he's like, "you see the cop watching me?" It's downward; it's a downward spiral. That's what happens with your insecurities; you hide them, people start to notice them, people start treating you differently, all of a sudden you become more insecure; it's a freaking problem. Whereas if you go, "Oh yeah, you know what? I didn't even go to college, man, and I know I know there's a lot of stuff I probably missed out on, and that's why I'm glad we brought you on board, cuz I know you have a really good formal education, and I'm looking to learn from you." All of a sudden there's no insecurity there; it actually becomes a security. You actually look like a confident, squared-away person that's willing to learn and be humble. What'd you write down, Dave? What I wrote down was how humbling, and and I really think how liberating is it to accept nobody's thinking about me? Nobody's paying attention. I mean, nobody cares about me or my background or my resume. And it gets to the counterintuitive nature; you talk about this all the time. Counterintuitive things are, the more you try to hide it, the more visible it is. The more my ego gets in the way to try to prevent what I'm afraid of, the more likely the thing I'm afraid of is going to reveal itself. It's just like, nobody cares about you. That's such a good place to start, man, and it's it's hard; it's an you have an egocentric view of yourself and the world, and you think everyone notices you, and they actually freaking don't. They don't. They don't. There's not one person that went home after that meeting and was like, "Gee, I wonder what Dave Burke got his degree in." No, no, no one did that. Actually, I take that back. You know who did do that? You know who did that? Someone that's insecure, someone that's insecure about Dave Burke. Really did a good job in that meeting, but I wonder what he got his degree in. And that's so that's you're just dealing with insecure people, and everyone can see that they're insecure, so don't join in with them. Everyone can see that they're insecure; don't join. When when when Dave Burke leaves the meeting and I lean over to Leif and say, "What's his freaking degree in anyways?" You know what that means? That means Dave Burke just crushed that meeting; I'm insecure about it, and I'm trying to pick apart, and you know what Leif thinks? Leif like, "Geez, Joo's insecure; he must be intimidated by Dave's kind of a badass," right? That's what's that's what's happening. Don't fall into that. Yeah, yeah. Ekko talks to me about this. We like another big guy comes into the Jiu-Jitsu gym and it's like immediately like Ekko gets the feeling of like sizing him up and stuff, but he doesn't do that with like some little guy because, you know, Ekko's 200 whatever, 215 lbs, so some little guy doesn't really pose a threat to him, so therefore he's not insecure about that person, all but when he starts seeing someone, all of a sudden he's sizing them up. So if you start feeling insecure, it just means that you met someone that's hopefully comparable to you and is going to kick ass, and the worst thing you can do is be insecure about that because everybody can see it. So if Dave Burke comes in and briefs Leif and I, and Dave walks out and I go, "I wonder what he even got his degree in," da Leif knows, "Oh, Joo's like kind of beta in this scenario." If Dave Burke walks out and I go, "Man, that was an awesome brief; that guy's smart as sharp as a tack," Leif goes, "Oh yeah, Joo's assessing; you know, that's cool." Don't be the insecure; watch out for those flags. And as you just pointed out, the way you do that is you just you just put your ego in check and be humble. Stop trying to prove to everybody what a smart, dynamic leader you are. Don't TR you don't have to prove that to everybody every second. You have to prove to them how smart you are. Have to prove you don't have to prove how tough you are. You don't have to prove what a dynamic leader you are. You don't have to prove any of that stuff. And in fact, every time you try and actively outwardly prove that, everybody sees it as an insecurity, and it's going to make you look weak because you are. So there you go. Don't let insecurity manifest itself, or it will manifest itself.
If you want to dig deeper in this stuff, uh, check out the Extreme Ownership Academy, extremeownership.comom. We have a bunch of courses on that. We got we got two free courses right now, one by Dave and me, one by Jamie and me. Um, Dave and I you talk about the framework of extreme ownership and how to how to utilize it pragmatically; there's some protocols you can follow that'll help you. And then Jamie and I talk about the obstacles to extreme ownership, of which there are many. We got some other courses on there; we got a bunch, well actually, we have a ton of courses that you can sign up and take to learn leadership; most important skill there is because you can't do anything by yourself. You can't we can't do anything worth doing by yourself, so you're going to need a team; you're going to need part of a team, and that's why we teach leadership because if you're part of a team, no matter where you are on that team, you're a leader. So check that out, extremeownership.comom. If you want if you want help inside your organization, go to asamfront.com. We have a leadership consultancy; that's what we do there. Also a bunch of books about leadership: Extreme Ownership, Dichotomy of Leadership, Leadership Strategy and Tactics. Check those out now. Go lead.