Femme Fatale 2025 - Module 12 (Q&A)

[Music] [Music]

She emerged from within me like a goddess from water. She filled her lungs with new air with a sigh that meant everything: relief, rebirth, release. She took in the world around her with an understanding of its fragility and strength. She let the waters of her past run down her face. She took on a new name. She took on a new way. She became whole. She lives in me. She saved me. She is me.

On [Music] [Music].

Hello gorgeous goddesses of the Fem Fatal program. I want to thank you all so much for your kindness and your beautiful comments and messages. But my little ailment that happened, um, I am, I'm on the mend. We're no longer in, um, panic mode, which is good. Uh, I've been able to get myself back together and took some beautiful, relaxing time. Kevin, Kevin took such good care of me, and it was wonderful. So thank you all so much.

Today, we have a Q&A. And some of the questions in there, I think, are just absolutely fantastic. And it really shows a lot of embodiment. Like, it, what I love about the questions that I'm seeing is that they really show that you are taking the program, and through embodying the program, something's coming up. It's a very unique kind of question. So quite a few of them are like that. I'm excited to jump into this Q&A thread. So I'm actually going to go right away and open these up for us.

Okay, so the first question I have is, "Hello Melanie, um, I have, wait, hang on one second. Okay, so these actually came in different times. This is interesting. Let me see. My timeline changed. There we are. Thank you so much for this program. I have realized something huge for me. Every sentence anyone says always goes through the filter for me first. Is she or he saying I'm not good enough? If it can slightly be interpreted like yes, then instantly, baby goddess alert to the badass who has to protect. This has caused so many fights with my husband. Please help me to work through this. Seeing it has been huge, but what can I do now?"

So who here resonates with this? When someone's talking to you and their, their concern or the way that they're saying it, could it be interpreted like, "You think I messed up?" It rises in your body right away. So this is such a huge piece of the puzzle. It does happen so quickly for us because it has become a defense mechanism. So baby goddess has defense mechanisms. Goddess has responses. The difference between a defense mechanism and a response is, with the response, you're actually contemplating, "Is this correct? What am I responding to?" With a defense mechanism, it's like 1 plus 1 equals two. Boom. It's almost like you've programmed an autoresponder in your nervous system. You know how on Instagram you'll write and people will be like, "Hello, thank you for contacting this company. We're not available right now, but blah blah." It's an autoresponder. So we've, we've kind of created an autoresponder in our nervous system where if it looks like someone is attacking us, we send the badass and we're like, "Excuse me, but..." and we go right into the, into that.

So the one thing that really helped me with this is to actively contemplate the opposite side. So whenever you have something that doesn't feel good in your life or something that's not working, and you go to explain that to someone, and they immediately take it personally, like you're telling them that they're not good enough or something, and you're like, "Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not what I was saying." I was just saying, "How does it feel when they right away take what you said and take it on like you're blaming them? You're telling them they're not enough, and they just like..." How do you feel when that happens? Frustrated, misunderstood, rejected, frustrated, insulted. Frustrated. These are good words. Misunderstood. So when I really contemplated how I felt, it was very much these words, like, just at a loss, defeated, frustrated for sure, misunderstood for sure. Like, what's the point? Like, I'm trying to just talk to you. I'm trying to have a conversation with you. Like, why are you, why are you freaking out? Give me a chance to even say what I wanted to say.

And so as I looked at my side of things, and I'm like, "Gosh, this is how I feel when people do this." This means it does happen that when I'm freaking out because of what I think other people are saying, that they're also feeling this. The biggest gift for me is always to look at the flip side, looking at the other side. Like, what happens when this is exactly the opposite? One of my biggest breakthroughs was one of my realizations where, if ever I got into a conflict or with someone, and and you know, someone said, "I'm sorry," I just didn't believe them. Immediately, no matter what anybody said, "Look, I'm really sorry." "Oh, yeah, you're sorry now? You're sorry now that I've had to tell you? You're sorry now that you got caught?" Like, I would not let anyone off the hook with "thank you" or with "I'm sorry."

And then I once said, "I'm sorry" to someone who would not take it, and I thought they were the most immature person. I was like, "What? What? What is the point of not listening to my apology? Like, I honestly am sorry." And it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was like, "Is this what I look like when I won't take an apology?" I thought I, I looked so strong. No, I don't. You can't just apologize and make everything right. You're going to have to do a lot more than that if you want my forgiveness. Then I saw it firsthand as the person who was honestly apologizing and watching my interest in in salvaging the relationship drop at warp speed as I watched the person and all their righteousness make me grovel for an apology. And I was just like, "This is the most immature thing I've ever seen. I almost don't want to apologize anymore. You're handling this so poorly." And I was, "Oh my gosh, I have done this to people. I have done this."

So when we look at the flip side, no matter what it is that you're going through, you're like, "I, I immediately assume that someone says, 'I'm not good enough.'" It's like, "Well, what does it serve me to think that right off the hop? How does that help me respond?" And so if you can actually have a response, you can say to the person, "It's hard for me to hear this because it sounds to me like you're placing a lot of blame on me, and what I can kind of hear here is you're telling me like I'm not good enough and I should have done something better. Is that what you're trying to say?" Even just adding that could be a game-changer. Now, it will happen that sometimes people are like, "Well, technically, yes. Like, I don't like the way you handled it, and I don't like this," and it's going to be hard for you to take. But there will be other times they're like, "No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that we..." blah blah blah, fill in the blank. But just having a response that you have instead of your reactions changes the game.

And the craziest thing is, there aren't like 30 million interactions that human beings have together. You don't have to reprogram a million things here. There's like a few handfuls of triggers in your life that you're going to realize, "If I can just respond like this instead of like this, I'm going to change my life." So if instead of being like, "Oh, there you go. There it is. Autoresponder. This person doesn't care about me. Thinks I'm not good enough." If it's an active response of like, "Look, I really want to hear you. Here, I can tell this is important for you, but it's hard for me to hear because all I'm getting right now is that everything's my fault or that I'm not good enough. Like, is that what you're trying to say?" Get clarity. Just change the autoresponder. Have compassion. "I really want to listen to you. I can tell you're distraught, or I can tell you're not happy. I can, I can tell there's something you really want to talk to me about, and I want to hear you out, but I'm just, I'm having an issue because it sounds like this is what you're saying. Is that what you're saying?" And let's see what happens.

The other part of this is, when people tell you you're not enough or you're too much, what does that mean? What does it mean? So let's say I'm making a recipe. I'm teaching you how to make sourdough bread, and it's time to make the bread, and I say, "Now, make sure you don't make sure you put enough water in it." What does that mean? How do you know what to do? That's not enough water. So you know you have to add water. But how much water? Well, not too much. Okay, so how am I supposed to know what "not enough" and "too much" even means? So we put emotional meanings on those words because really, they don't mean anything. You're not enough for who? To achieve what result? Based on what? In what context? You're too much to who? In regards to what? Because of what? In what context? It's all so relative and it depends on everybody. Like, I'm too much for a lot of people. Too bold, too driven, too philosophical, too, too. Jesus walks on water moments, too emotional, too, you name it. Like, okay.

[Music] Whoo. And for other people, not enough. Not, not rough enough. Not, not, you know, abrasive enough. Like, "Go, she just cares too much about everybody. It drives me insane." Too much. Not enough. Too much. Not enough. So what's the real truth of who I am? Is who I am. So if I'm doing my best, really, and someone tells me, "That was not enough." Well, then I can really take a step back and say, "Not enough for them, or too much for them." So someone tells me, "You're just too emotional for me." I can say, "I understand that. I'm just right for me, though. But I can understand that it's too much for you." What does it mean if someone says, "I just don't find you like streamlined enough?" I'll say, "I totally get that. I'm streamlined enough for me. Like, this is the way that I speak, but I can completely understand that you'd be looking for something different."

What does it mean when someone tells us we're not enough? And why have we connected that so deeply into our nervous system that someone that tells us, "You should be more," or "You should be less," makes us immediately think, "Oh, maybe I should be." What if your recipe doesn't call for more? This is the right amount. Yes, but I think you should put more. But you don't know my recipe. If you don't like it, then I, I, I can accept that. I don't have a need for you to like it. You tell me how you would prefer the recipe. I tell you, "I like the recipe as it is," and you decide whether you want it as it is or whether you move on. I'm not attached. This is the wisdom piece that's difficult for us. It's like, in that moment, you were not, you didn't care enough about me.

Now, this is another piece of the puzzle. Sometimes people say, "You are not enough," in order to express what they did not feel enough of. So let's say someone says, "You, you just don't, you don't show enough care for me." And you say, "Okay, in what circumstance? What happened?" And they say, "I told you this terrible thing that happened in my life, and you basically just were like, 'Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.' Like, okay, what would you have preferred me to say?" "Well, it's not even what I would have preferred you to say. It's just like, it felt like you didn't care." "Okay, so you felt like, like you didn't get what you needed from me in that moment?" "Yeah." "Okay, that's very different than 'I'm not enough.' Can I, can I regulate that? Can I see this person's going through something? The way they're communicating is not on par with their highest intellect. It's on par with their most effervescent emotion. Like, they're not, they're not on par with their best mind right now. They're emotional. When emotions are high, intelligence is low. Like, they're telling me how they feel, and it's coming out all wonky. They're saying, 'You don't care about me,' and I'm saying, 'Why?' And they're saying, 'Because I didn't feel like you did.' That doesn't add up."

And so if I need to make you wrong now and say, "Well, look, that's not correct. What you really need to be focusing on is the fact that I am enough, and you're the one." Like, what does all that matter when you love the person you love, and they're telling you you're not enough? Are you able to see past the words and say, "What would you have needed? And can I give you that now? I care about you so much. I'm so sorry I missed the mark. I always want to be there for you when you need me. What do you need? And I'm so sorry I missed it." Like, do, do you need to be right? Does it need to be true that you're not enough? Or can it just be that that person's going through something? And it's hard to do for others until you flip it and you ask yourself, "Have I done this to myself before? Have I ever said, 'This person's not enough' because they didn't give me enough attention, or they didn't respond fast enough, or they didn't seem to care?' And then I made it mean that they were not good enough, when in fact, I just didn't feel enough of what I wanted to feel, and I put it on them because that was easier than me feeling not good enough."

So when I say, "Give the compassion you pray for," this is what I mean. Any instance in your life where you're judging a person's behavior, if you flip it, you'll see you've probably done something similar in your life. And be like, "What would I have needed at that point?" So if you, in your life, are feeling like your partner doesn't care about you, you've told them you've had the worst day, and they're like, "Okay, that really sucks. Do you mind if we watch the game?" And you're like, "You don't care about me. That was the worst response ever. You don't love me." And they're like, "Oh my gosh, okay." What would you have needed from them? You would have needed, "Okay, I'm so sorry I didn't realize it was that bad. You're right. Like, if, what, what do you need? And I'm so sorry I missed that. Like, I, I really didn't get how how important this was to you. I totally missed the mark. I love you. I care about you. What can I do for you?" Like, you, you wouldn't want, "Well, look, if it's going to be a big deal, you need to tell me clearly. How am I supposed to know?" Blah blah blah. Like, we don't want any of that. We just want, "Focus on me."

So what if you gave that to people when they're going through a wobbly moment, instead of making it about you? And so these are the things to contemplate in your life. Can you change your defense mechanisms for real responses, heartfelt responses? Like, "I'm so sad that you feel that way. That was absolutely not my intention. I'm sorry I missed the mark. I want to be there for you. What, what, what did you need? Or what can I do for you now?" Instead of with, "Let me defend that. I'm, I'm not, not enough." It's like, you're clear that you're doing what you've got to do, but what did they need? So these are all beautiful things to contemplate.

The next question is, "How do I heal my relationship with the masculine for all of my archetypes, especially the goddess and the badass? I want the masculine to create safety, love, and acceptance for my feminine. I want to channel abundance and love and personal power and money. So I feel it's important, it's less important, or it's, I feel it's important to heal my masculine."

So the beautiful thing is, and this is the big picture of this work, when you heal the feminine, you heal it all. Because ultimately, the reason our masculine is out of balance is because of things we don't want to feel in the feminine. If you think about it, what would be the reason that you would not actively do a thing? Like, why would you not go live on Facebook when you know it's good for your business? Like, what's the reason you don't do the masculine energy thing? You're afraid you won't be seen. It feels bad. It feels scary. You're afraid it won't work. You're worried you're going to feel judged. What are those things? Are those masculine things or feminine things? Mostly feminine things. So the thing that stops the masculine thing is often the feminine thing.

So what happens is, even when you look at the, the strongest man you can think of, like, why would he not be truthful with his girlfriend if something's not right? Like, why would he lie? Like, it seems simple, tell the truth. Like, that is a trait of the masculine. We expect, like, an honest man. Okay, why would he not do that? Why would he not tell the truth? He's afraid of being judged. He's afraid of the consequences. He's afraid he's going to lose her respect. He's worried he's going to get in trouble. He's worried. What's all that? That's the feminine.

When you think about, you know, a conversation being able to have a conversation, we're going to sit down, we're going to have the conversation, we're going to do the thing we keep procrastinating. "I don't have time. I don't have time. I don't have time." Why do we procrastinate doing the masculine thing, which is having the communication? Because I don't know how it's going to go. Because I don't know how I'm going to feel. Because I don't know what they're going to say. Because I don't know how I'm going to respond. So what do we often see the masculine do? "No time for communication. No time for that stuff. No time. Can't. We're not going to sit all around here all day just talking. Like, we don't get anything done." When we do that, "Pick yourself up. Get up. You know, you're not a [ __ ]. You don't need all that. We don't need any of that. Like, get up and go back to the..." What is all that? That's all fear of the feminine.

So the beautiful thing about this work is that as you heal the feminine, you empower the badass to actually do the right masculine things. Everything that that people say is hard is not hard because it's physically hard. Like, when, when I'm building this business, it's not like it's hard like I'm, I'm heavy lifting weights at the gym. It's hard like it's scary. It's hard like, "Is this gonna work?" It's hard like, "Oh, negative feedback hurts my heart." It's hard like, "Oh, someone betrays me." It's hard like, "Oh, I made a mistake and I feel really guilty about it." It's hard like that. It's hard inside. And when people fail, they don't fail because they couldn't hold a heavy weight. They fail because they couldn't keep their cool, because they said something just to get it out because it felt good, because they had a loss of power, used force instead, because, you name it. It's an internal thing that goes wrong.

So when you can actually make peace with the feminine, your masculine becomes so much more empowered. How you heal the masculine is by not fearing what happens when you fail in the masculine. It's our fears of failure or success or whatever it is in the actions we're going to take that stops us from taking them. Because really, what is success or what is masculine success and failure? Accomplishments, taking action, doing the thing. So what are we afraid of? Failure. It doesn't work out. Looking bad. Looking silly. Our pride. Our ego. All those things, which all come back to feeling ashamed, feeling embarrassed, feeling hurt, feeling silly, feeling judged, which are all in the feminine.

So how you heal the masculine is you heal the feminine. And then you manage to take leaps in your life from a place of your own desire to grow. Like, every move that I, I'll make, you know, in the Alpha Fem brand, I'm able to make because I know I'm building something. Alpha Fem's an ecosystem. I can't mess it up. Those are feminine energetics. Masculine is, I do the thing. Feminine is all the energy that surrounds it, the trust, the faith, everything that holds it together. How you heal the masculine, you heal the feminine. Because ultimately, the masculine is, is much easier than the feminine in the sense where you just have to do it. But our resistance to doing it is in the feminine. "I don't want to hurt." If it were as simple as just do it, then we'd just do it.

And some people do just do it, and then they have a really tough exterior. So people who don't face the feminine, who are just like, "Look, I, I just have to do it, no matter what." And we hear about women who burn out, women who are in states of absolute exhaustion, who are short-tempered, who really don't let one ounce of pleasure. And even if you tried to push in with all of your heart, they wouldn't let it in at all because they, they've just got to do what they've got to do, and they don't have time to feel anything. Just go, go, go, push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push, hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle. Don't even think of it. You're afraid? Go through it. Who cares about your feelings? Push harder. Like that.

But in the feminine, it's like, heal feelings. Do it because you're brave. Heal the feelings. Do it because you're brave. Instead of, "Don't think about the fact that you're afraid. What are you, some sort of [ __ ]? Push, push, push, hustle." And that's where that hustle culture comes from. It's just like, "Close your eyes and push forward and don't think of the rest."

Why some people are feminine but not badass if feminine is taken care of? So the thing is, you can be an absolute feminine and still not know what you want to be when you grow up. So it happens sometimes that let's say someone's like, "I am in the feminine, but I don't have anything in the masculine that drives me. I don't have a desire. Like, I don't want to write a book. I don't want to start my own business. I don't want to become a CEO. I don't, I don't have any of those desires." But you'll see it somewhere else in their life. They go to the gym. That is the badass. The goddess says, "I don't want to go. People will stare at my butt. I don't want to go to the gym because I'm not going to be good enough at the beginning, and people will make fun of my flabby arms and my weird little belly button, and I won't be able to do anything, and they won't like me, and I feel weird and awkward, and I don't want to go." The badass is like, "Gym, 6 a.m." You know?

So you can either go, "I don't care about my body. I don't care about how I look. I don't care what people think of me. I don't care about anybody." Or you can say, "I heal the things. I'm okay with judgment. It doesn't matter. It says more about them than it does about me. I'm emotionally strong, and I go to the gym for me, and I'm a badass, and I show up at the gym at 6 a.m." The badass shows up either way. But the quality of life of one is dramatically higher than the quality of life of the other. You know, the person may not be at the gym, but they might be building a business. They might not be building a business, but they may be raising kids where it's like, "Okay, kids, I have slept three hours, but your lunches are made, your uniforms are ironed, and you're ready to get on the bus. You got this." How does she get the energy to do that? She's a badass.

But is she a badass like, "I don't care about anybody. Everybody shut up. It's early mornings. I don't have time for anybody. I haven't had a coffee. Here's your uniform. Don't complain. Here's your breakfast. Get out of the house." Or is it like, "Good morning, children. Here are your lunches. Here are your things. I did it. I did it. I love you. I'm happy. You're all set for the day, and I'll see you when you get home. Be good at school. Mah, mwah, mwah. Goodbye. Wave at you at the school bus." One's the badass, and she gets it all done and is like, "Energy." And the other gets it all done like Cinderella, or Sleep, what's her name? The one that walks through the woods and all the animals come? Snow White? All the birds are flying and the deer just jumping by, and she waves off to the kids after she's made them homemade, made wheatgrass toast for breakfast. Like, where do you find the energy to do that? I'm a badass.

So the badass can show up in so many different ways. And then there could also be that you are the badass mom, the badass at the gym, the badass at work, the badass, you name it. You can be the badass everywhere, and you regulated your nervous system. Like, "Oh my gosh, you're able to carry yourself through all the things, all the fears, all the judgments, and you do what you've got to do everywhere." Or you're half and half. You're like, "This kind of pain I can handle. This one I can't. This kind of pain I can handle. This one I can't." And you're selective with where you're a badass because the other places you just rather not do them. And there are other places where you might be where it's just like, "I don't need to be a badass. I'm just a goddess. I just receive. I don't have kids. I don't, I don't, uh, go to the gym. I don't have a business. I don't do any of those things. I am just in full feminine mode." But then I get nothing done in my life. Like, we find our balance.

Okay, let's see. This resonates so deeply. Still, can you be in balance to the feminine instead of being in balance to the masculine? We can always be in balance because the fact is, every human being has a different balance. Like, some people really do have a very high desire for masculine tasks. Like, they really, really, really want to have a structured day that makes them feel super accomplished. They want regimens. They want, they want, uh, plans. They want meal preps. They want six-figure months. They want this, this, this. They're like clockwork. But they're not willing to compromise the feminine. And so they're also working on the feminine. Others are like, "I don't care about the feminine right now. When I have a six-pack and $100,000 in my bank account, I'll worry about being feminine." Like, it's, everyone has a balance.

But what's important in these discussions is that we actually contemplate for our own joy, "What's my balance?" It's okay if you have more of a masculine side. You love winning. That's awesome. But do you love winning so much that you cut off your feelings so you don't feel when you're losing? Or can you love winning and regulate your nervous system at the same time? Can we get the goddess to at least show up in your life? And for some of you, you'll be like, "Gosh, I don't have any of that. I have a soft tummy. I have a nanny that helps me with the kids. Like, I'm, I'm happy with all of it. I don't need any of that to feel like I'm worthy of anything." It's like, "Okay, perfect." So you have more of a feminine balance. It's, it's not about the measurements and the metrics. None, none of it is better or worse. It's like, what is your unique balance that makes you feel like you're you? Because that's ultimately what we're thriving for. Who am I? And who am I is the things I want to achieve and the way I want to feel when I achieve them. Some people, like, there's nothing I want to achieve. Some people are like, "I want to achieve everything." But then the quality of life that you have, that's that's available through this work.

It was a badass this morning until 8:10, then straight to baby goddess. Sarah, great effort. Snow White and Shrek. How come then when hustlers are successful in business without being feminine at all? Because it's not just about being successful, it's about being successful and happy. You know, I can work 20 hours a day. I can be on every single podcast, every single live stream, master class every week, writing an email every day, heavy, heavy hitting on marketing stats and like, where are numbers and like, I can totally do that. But the question is, in my life though, do I have a healthy relationship? Do I have time for me? Am I able to take time off? Or am I like, "I would never take time off. Time off is for losers. You lose. Make, I, I will make more money working than I ever would taking time off. I would never take time off." Like, what's my balance? What is the balance?

And so if you measure success in life only by financial gains, and it's possible that you might really have more masculine energy in you because what really makes you feel successful and happy in life is money. It's just for a lot of us, that's what we think because of what society says. You should make more money. You should be more this. You should be more that. But ultimately, what we really are craving is this, like, the money is unlimited, and I can go where I want, when I want. I have, I can say yes. I can say yes to things. And that's the feminine that I want. Um, the definition of a high performer, they have it all based on their own definition of success. I love that, Aaron. And that's really what it is. That's what it boils down to. But a lot of people's definition of success is, "I have it all," but then they compromise all and give up happy, regulated.

I think it's normal to be angry all the time, on edge all the time, picking fights all the time, annoyed, frustrated. They think it's normal. "Well, yeah, it's normal. I have so much on my shoulders." Well, it's not. You get to have a beautiful quality of life, but you've got to bring the goddess and the feminine out to heal the badass. Because this is what I said before. The hustler is more the one who's like, "Don't feel your feelings. Don't be a [ __ ]. Just work, work, work, work. Get on it. Get on it. One more lead. Don't worry about the nose. Go, go, go." You know what I mean? Like, you're not going to fail doing that. You're going to succeed at selling. But will you succeed at life? That depends on what your, your thoughts about success in life is.

I used to build skyscrapers all weekend, get manicures every Friday at 5 p.m. I love that. I have, I have so walked that talk. I wish I didn't want money so much because it really does make me happy. The thing is, though, I love making money, and like, I'll make, you know, four, five, six, six, seven figures in a day, and I love it. But if I'm not happy outside of the money, then I don't let the money be enough. Like, I don't let money be enough to carry my joy. Because the thing is, and, and there was a time where I didn't make a lot of money as well. But what I would look at is, what are the, what are the things that you might be like, "In order to make money, we have got to be..." This is what I found for myself. In order to really make money, I have got to be open to receiving money beyond what I think I'm deserving of. And so my beliefs about money for the longest time were that if I worked hard, I could make money. It was all about hard work, or how many hours I worked. And so there were people I knew that were at work, at work all the time. They're just at work. It's like, "What do you, what is being at work?"

I realized later, it's like, what makes the money is what makes the, the result, kind of. It's like, I make money when my clients get what they want. I make money when I, I communicate in a way where someone's like, "You get me. I want this." I make money when I get a referral because someone's like, "You need to hire this girl. She's amazing." I make money when someone wants to upgrade to something like, "I've been loving this so much. I want the next thing." So the income-generating activities really put my heart on the line. I got to be really strong because when people don't like the, the thing that makes people want what I'm selling is my all-in kind of energy. And it, it does hurt sometimes. Put yourself all in, and then people don't want it. I've had people like, I thought would be my clients forever, decide, "Well, I'm complete," you know, and go somewhere else. And I'm like, "Oh my gosh, that, that broke my heart." Like, I, I was so ready for more. I, I thought this was just the beginning for us, and you're complete. Like, I, I want, I gave everything. Like, I put everything on the line. I thought we were going so far together.

But would I ever give less to not get hurt? A lot, a lot of us do. And in the beginning, I did. Well, what's the point in giving so much then if it's possible they won't stay? Or I don't want to be too much, or I don't want to be not enough. And so only when I actually found out who I really am fully and said, "Look, I can handle the rejection. I can handle the pain. I can handle someone saying I'm too much. I can handle someone saying I'm not enough. I can handle someone saying I'm done. I can handle, I can handle all of it." That's when the money started coming in. Like, I don't need to be working a million hours a day. What I need is that the work that I'm doing is landing. And for that, I need to not worry so much about the work that's not landing. And I can't sway away from something that didn't land because just because it didn't land for one person doesn't mean it won't land. The exact same thing won't land for another person. Sometimes it's just so much fear of being rejected that we pivot too soon.

So if you can imagine, I do a master class, and you know, 25 people decide, "Okay, I want to come into the House of Oath Mastermind." But then there's a bunch of people who say, "I don't want to come into the master class. I don't want to come into the Mastermind." Do I change my master class to try to get more people? Or do I trust that's the master class I wanted to give exactly the way I wanted to give it, and every person who applied that I said yes to was the perfect person? Can I have hundreds and hundreds of NOs to get to the perfect 25? It's a lot of nervous system work. That's a lot of rejection. That's a lot of, "Should I change? Am I not enough?" And people pivot too soon. Okay, well, it wasn't enough. Maybe I need to do this. It wasn't enough. Instead of, "It was perfect. Keep going. It was perfect. Keep going." Yes, but what about the people who didn't? "They weren't supposed to be there." How do you know? "Because, or else they would have been in there." Trust, trust, trust, trust. And that's what a lot of people don't want to do. They pivot too soon.

So you have to be open to being paid for the value you bring, and not the time that you take or the hard work that you're putting in. It's a softer reason for receiving the money, which is all in the feminine. And you've got to be willing to hurt and for things not to make sense, which is all in the feminine also. If not, you got to hustle your tailbone off and work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, all the hours until you, you know, stack that cash. But what kind of life is is that? And that's where, as soon as you start doubting that you love the life, it's a lot harder to hustle, and the whole thing falls apart. I used to make a lot of money in a job I wasn't happy in, so I went fully the other way and lived a free life without a lot of money. Now it's finding out finding out how to have it all. And a lot of beliefs to unwind. This is, this is usually the story for a lot of us. Even people who start, I've seen this so often. I've been doing this work for over a decade. People who don't make a lot of money and who think, "When I make the money, I'll be happy. As when I make the money, my life's going to be all set." And then they come in, they make a bunch of money, they make a hundred thousand, two hundred thousand, three hundred thousand, and next thing they're making a post on the internet saying, "Money isn't everything. I hate it, and I'm quitting my business." Because it is not, not having the money, and it's not having the money that's not it. It's got to be more than that. And that's the job of the feminine.

The thing is, it's not that no one came because it was not enough on your part, but that they were not ready. It's about them, not you. Not you. As I see it. Well, the way I, the way I'm saying it is that when you do it fully in your power, for all the right reasons, exactly the way you know it to be, then the people that are a match for that, or the people that are a match for that. Like, let's say I would have said, "Oh, I, I could have sold a hundred people into my Mastermind if I would have really pushed, used a few manipulation tactics, and out of a sales team." But I don't want to do any of that. So I have to be willing to have the results that I have as a match for who I am. But then my entire delivery, my clients, my life, who I speak to on a daily basis, is far more enjoyable for me. So I win in the long run. And you know, people from the beginning told me that this way, I would make less money. From the beginning, they told me, "Well, you'll do that until you realize everybody's crushing life goals around you, and you're going to feel like you're going to want to play. Call me back when you realize you make less money." I make more money than all the people who told me that. When you find your way, you'll make more money than anybody else that's telling you another way. Because our unique signature, our truth, and exactly our balance, it's like, we, we find our sweet spot. And so it's having the maturity to go and find out without calling it good, bad, right, wrong, judging it. Like, you go, you go all in.

Money came to me easily this month, 12K so far, and I feel like it's 10 bucks. Why does this not land in a grand way from my system? Because I'm telling you, it's not the money. I like, I hold my clients through, like they had a $760,000 month, and they need to work on their mindset about it because it wasn't a million, and they're wobbly. $760,000, they're having a meltdown. You know, like, it's not the money. It's not the money. It's not the money. It's not the money. It's not the money. It's not the money. Like, I don't know how often I can say it. We want to have so much, but ultimately, it doesn't represent anything when it's not in the right energetics. It's so easy to get so caught up in this stuff. It's wild. You'll see a billionaire be unhappy with numbers if they're less than last year. Like, it doesn't matter where we're at. We, everything becomes normalized. So I want to make sure I normalize joy and money at the same time. I want to make sure I, I normalize fulfillment and success at the same time. So that one doesn't, isn't ever meant to support everything that has been one of the wisest moves I've ever made for my life.

Okay, next question. "You have mentioned to let go the past emotions and experiences that shaped you so that you can move forward and love yourself. How do you release those past experiences and emotions? It's like they're a part of you. How can you erase them?"

So the language here is really important, okay? And this is how, this is how I can usually tell someone has some sort of a block around something I'm saying is they'll just leisurely replace the words that I said with very different words that have very different meanings. So "erasing," like, I, I have never said the word "erase" in this entire program. So that means that your experience of what I'm saying is, "I'm telling you, you need to erase your past." Whereas what I'm saying is, "You have got to regulate your emotions about it." I don't, I haven't erased any part of anything that I've been through. I can recall any story just like that. I call back up sleeping in the front seat of my car. I recall up the pain and sadness with my parents going through the bankruptcy. I can call back up being bullied at school. None of it was erased. However, they are not leading characteristics of my current identity. Instead of leading my life from the fear of those things replic, instead of leading my life with those memories at the core of my forefront, like, "This is who I am, and this is what might happen to me." I've released the emotional charge.

So the breathwork, the tapping, the portal drop, they're not meant to erase the things that happened in your life. They're meant to let the charge go. It happened, and now what? And not even before you've even felt it. Like, a lot of the times I've said, "If you want to, if, if you're sad, be sad first. Cry for seven minutes. Have a long bath and cry into the bath. Go scream in the bathtub. You know, go and dance and scream on top of your lungs. Like, feel your feelings." But then for the rest of your life, are you going to carry your pain from the thing that happened in the past at the forefront of your identity? Or can you drop the emotional charge?

So for example, I, my parents went through a bankruptcy, and it really changed my dad, and that really broke my heart. Do I erase the fact that my dad and my mom went through a hard thing? Or do I let go of the emotional charge that I didn't get what I needed, that my dad changed, that my childhood was changed, that things were hard? And do I instead say, "Okay, this is what happened. And now in my life, instead of being worried that I'm going to go bankrupt and everything could change and people in my life are going to change and I can never trust," I let all that go. And I say, "What I do know is I'm okay. I survived it. They survived it. We're triumphant now. Years later, it's all okay. I actually created life skills I may have never created had it not been for those difficult times. Our bond now is stronger than it's ever been. Life is good." And I'm still, and I can still call up the sadness about that if I want to feel it, but it doesn't lead my life at the forefront. It's where it should be, in the past. And if I ever want to recall it for anything, an example, or just to remind myself of how far we've come, I can pull it up and I can feel it. I don't erase anything.

But you'll notice in this program, when you want to change words that I've said with a different word, if it were possible, if I would have wanted to use that word, I would have used that word. This came up in another training where I had said something like "exquisite," and someone had said, "Isn't asking us to see our life as perfect all the time actually bad for us?" And I said, "If I wanted to say perfect, I would have said perfect. Perfect. I said exquisite. Exquisite is magnificent. It's beautiful. But you can have a magnificent sadness. You can have a beautiful, heart-wrenching scene, a beautiful moment that's actually just magnificent and exquisite, but it's sad, you know? Like, it's, it's."

Exquisite, it's not perfect. Perfect is not the word I chose, and so erasing is not the word we chose. Words really do matter, and I really want to be clear. Like, I don't want any, anyone here, erasing anything of their past. I want you to be able to live with your past with peace. That's so different.

But thank you for asking this, because I do think that this is an important distinction if anyone may have felt that.

Do you find you need to reprocess emotions from the past, or is there a time and it's done? I don't, but that doesn't mean that someone wouldn't need to. Like for me, when I've really decided it's in the past, it's because I've put it down. Like, until I've put it down, it's still very active in my, in my nervous system. I think about it often. It's my reason for not going for things. It's my excuse for playing smaller. It's my fear. It's active.

Once I've put it down, usually not. When, when people need to, let's say, reprocess, is usually because they've completely bypassed it or repressed it. So they've said, "We'll deal with that later," and then later comes. "We'll deal with that later," and then later comes. And that's where the reprocessing feels like it's coming from. But if you've actually processed it, I've, I've rarely seen that.

I love the way you value your words and use them wisely. Thank you so much for that.

Um, I needed to do a portal drop right before our session because someone triggered me five minutes before the module, and I had to quickly call the badass. I didn't have space or time to regulate. I'm very...

But you see, like a month ago, you wouldn't have said that. Like, this is a whole new opening, a whole new world, a whole new language, a whole new awareness. And a month? It's mind-blowing.

I'm walking away from a group because you said, and I knew you were right, that I could talk to people who already want the transformation instead of spending years convincing the people they need it. And it's feeling so right, even though I will lose the income. I'm ready for the next people because I'm 77 and I want to transfer what I know and what I live.

I think this is the masculine responding to the goddess, right? So, imag... yes, like, what's the tough move?

The tough move is you've got to fire the clients. The tough move is you've got to, you know, move on to this other department or this other phase in your business. That's the badass move. You've got to do it.

The goddess is like, "Don't do that! No one will choose us! We'll be alone forever! It'll never work! What if this?"

So, badass is like, "Never mind," or the badass says, "Shut up! I'm doing it anyway, and I don't care about my feelings or my fears," ra... you know, one or the other.

But if you can actually say, "Let me see the truth. Let me feel my feelings. Okay, okay, I'm empowered. I can make this move from an empowered place," and the badass says, "I'm making the move," that's, that's such a different experience of life. So, thank you for sharing that.

Okay, the next one. As, as I was writing my beautiful memories in my life, like they were a Blockbuster movie from Module 2, I came across a beautiful memory of childhood playdates with a friend of mine.

That friend is a grownup too now, and she's a mom with her own life, and we don't even talk anymore. We live in different countries and just see each other here and there on social media.

While writing the playdate memory, I had a thought in my mind saying, "Here you are mentioning her in your best memories, in your movie, remembering her and cherishing the moments, whereas she is somewhere in her own world, probably doesn't even remember those playdates and wouldn't give much, wouldn't give much of an 'f' about you or them. So why are you giving her so much special place in treatment? How would you address such thoughts and feelings?"

So, you know what? I was reading that so differently until we got to that place. So I'm going to give you a reframe.

If I had a person that I found out was going through a program like this, and they were thinking about their best memories, and they thought back to my childhood playdates with them, and that was in the highlight of their movie, no matter how busy I am, no matter how successful I am, no matter what, I for sure would feel like, "Oh my, my God, that is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard! I'm so grateful I'm part of your most beautiful memories!" That's so beautiful.

There's no way that my response would be like, "Well, I don't even give an 'f' about you. Why would you be thinking about me?" You know, like, I would never... there's just no way I would think that. And so I wonder what the part is in you that imagines that you don't matter or that those moments weren't important to your friends as well.

Like in the group here, if you found out someone did a program like Fem Fatal, they were right, they were thinking about their best memories of life, and one of their memories was playing with you as a kid, how would you feel finding that out? If you ever, if it was possible for us to find out what people think about, like if you could get a notification of that, "This person just thought about you in their highlights of their life."

So what I like to think of instead is, every time I have a beautiful thought about someone in my past, I, I tickle their heart in the quantum field. They're somewhere liv... living their life, being with their kids, and when they least expect it, they get a good feeling in their heart 'cause someone's thinking about them for all the right reasons. That's what I, I believe, instead of, "Why? They're probably not even thinking about me. Why would they care?" It's like, "If they only knew!" And maybe they do. Maybe they feel it. Maybe, maybe they felt that. And so I would, I would really contemplate the thought you had versus this, this thought, thought, and see which one you want to keep.

Okay, dear Melanie, I have a 2-year-old boy, and I often react from my baby goddess by yelling at him when he has a tantrum because it triggers all of my inner rage from being raised as a good girl. My question is, how do I manage these emotions at the moment when he's having a tantrum to avoid overreacting?

So this does become really difficult, and there could be so many things. You know, it could be because you were raised in a family where there was a lot of screaming, but it's also like the last time you were in a situation with a 2-year-old, you were very young. Like, the last time I lived with a 2-year-old, I was eight, and my sister was two, and her screaming used to drive me crazy.

So it's normal that you will be brought back to a childhood nervous system when you are met with another child that's screaming. You know, a lot of, a lot of parents come to me, especially through Falon, are like, "I get so mad at my 10-year-old!" And I'm like, "When's the last time you had to have a real conversation with a 10-year-old?" And they're like, "20 years ago!" And I'm like, "And how fun was that? Not!" I would fight, they'd drive me crazy, my cousins, my friends, the kids at school. Like, you're right, of course it's going to bring back not just, you know, coming back thinking about how you were raised, but also the last time you were around kids that age, they were also hard to handle. And so it, there really is a, a reaction. This is, this is the programmed reaction of saying like, "The tantrums just disregulated me," but it is.

And it is harder for moms because usually your basic human needs aren't being tended to just as much. Like, you're not sleeping your best, you're not eating your best for yourself when you need. You're eating around your kids' schedule. Maybe you're not drinking as much water as you should. Your bathroom breaks are interrupted. It's like, "This would have been a good time, but it's not a good time for the kids, so you're going to have to hold that in for however long." Like, all of your bodily functions are no longer about you. They are about when it can fit.

And so sometimes it's just basic regulation. It's like, "My body's out of whack." So, can you prioritize really putting the right nutrients in your body, sleeping the amount of hours that you can, getting a nap in when the baby has a nap? Like, can you prioritize your health? Because sometimes just that will make it a lot harder to stay in the focus.

The second thing is being able to see them as a baby goddess, or, you know, "little chicken nugget in the making," and saying like, "I was that. I was this small before, and then I became this. This is, these are formative years." Seeing yourself getting triggered as baby goddess, like, it's so wild. But using the archetypes and seeing yourself, like, if you were the goddess in the forest and this two-year-old was screaming, how would you be feeling inside? Can you reconnect with the goddess? Can you breathe? Can you do some breath work? Can you do some tapping? Like, there's so many tools now that it's just being like, instead of just, "I'm triggered," let me, let me try some of the things. Put the song "She Lives In You" and, and listen to it full volume and imagine yourself running freely with your goddess, breathing deeply. Put on a tapping thing, a breath work thing in the background. Like, you have the tools, it's just prioritizing them.

Okay, the next question here is, uh, is it, "It's a very masculine thing to do," uh, is it a very masculine thing to do or a wrong approach to keep revisiting the notes of this program every week or every other month to fully ingrain the teachings in your identity? I easily forget what I even ate yesterday, so I literally need to bathe into this to become this.

So what I would suggest, and it's not that it's a masculine thing, but what, what makes it a masculine thing is if you're like, "I could succeed or fail at this program," in, instead of seeing it like, "This program will help me evolve for the rest of time."

And so it's more about deepening and living by the concepts than reading the notes and remembering the notes. So really understanding and being able to see like, "Oh, I'm having a baby goddess moment. Let me bring back the tapping. Let me bring back, back the breath work. Let me practice a portal drop." You know, "I'm having a, I'm have, I'm having fights, fights are coming up in my life. Let me listen to the mother wound, father wound, sister wound, authority wound. Let me listen to that module again," or, "Let me remember, let me remember that this might be it."

It's not even some, so much remembering, as it is living by it. And so if it's re-listening to one module a week and being like, "Gosh, I've been on par with this. I've been really doing good with this," celebrating yourself in your growth more than, "Can I succeed in fail or fail?" That's what makes it feminine versus masculine.

In 2021, I lost two brothers, had two surgeries, was hospitalized, and had a medical procedure. Up to that point, I had been healthy, weighed 110 lbs, was physically fit, and felt amazing.

On his deathbed, my oldest brother cursed me and said, "You wait, you wait, you'll get sick, you'll gain weight, and you'll be just like Mom and me." My mom passed in 2018; she was always sick. And of course, I rebuck... but this was a rebuked, but it, but it's laid on my conscious since.

In August 2021, weight snuck up on me. I ended up hospitalized with diver... diverticulitis, no symptoms prior. By the end of 2021, I'd gained 30 pounds. To this day, I've tried everything to release the weight. I'm healthy as far as blood work, strength, etc., just holding on to stomach issues and fat. How do I reconnect with my baby goddess to release this? I say I don't believe I'm cursed, but I doubt this, and I fear it's the cause, that's, that's the cause of my concern, concern.

So I think a big thing is that in a moment where, oh my gosh, like in a moment where you're so emotional and someone you love so much is having basically an authority wound with you, like that is what happens, the brother-sister wound of, "It's not fair, I'm dying and you're fine," and "That's not fair," um, and it was just like this emotionally disregulated comment to make in that moment.

It became almost like all of your life it had felt safe to just be healthy, and with what he said, it felt unsafe to be healthy. It's almost as though it was like, un... being unhealthy is coming. And so out of fear of becoming unhealthy and of gaining weight and whatever it is, it, it feels like it, it, you gained it out of fear. Like, it was no longer safe to just be thin. It was no longer safe to just be healthy. It was no longer safe to just be carefree. It, it became an obsession of "what if" and "what if" and "what if" and "what if."

And so I think it does really help to have different mantras and different outlook on life, which is like, you know, "I, I, it's safe to be healthy. It's safe for me to be healthy. I'm safe to be healthy. I'm safe to be thin." And, "I forgive my brother for what he said in his last moments of fear and of small child that triggered my baby goddess with the, the brother wound or the authority wound." Like, "I, it's safe to be thin. It's so safe to be thin. It's so safe to be healthy." I took it on like it was not safe, and it was scary, and I had something to worry about. But really, I've carried that for him, and I can put it down. I love him, I forgive him, and it's safe to be thin, and it's safe to be healthy. And to really feel that and think about that as often as you can and see what happens, because that would change the, it wouldn't just be changing the, the problem, it would be changing your, the entire environment where the problem is breeding. So I'd be really curious to see how that goes for you over time.

Okay, let's see the next one. We know the archetypes now, like the baby goddess, the goddess, the badass, the boss. My question is, how do we know which of these is supposed to show up when, and do you need to have a dominant archetype that would be in your identity most of the time?

So when you think about it, whenever you've got something that you've got to just be doing, that's the badass.

So think of all the things you need to do on a regular basis. You need to get up, physically get out of the bed; badass is going to get you out of the bed. You need to go, you got to wash your face, you got to fix your hair, you got to take your shower, you got to put your clothes on. The badass is going to do those things. You've got to get on a live stream, you got to go to work, you've got to lead your stuff. Like, that is the badass.

When you... it's about your life experience. So the way you wake up in the morning, "Gosh, I slept so well!" That's the goddess stepping out on the floor, putting your feet on the floor, but saying, "I love my life," or, "I'm so grateful to be alive," that's the goddess.

When you go in the shower and you do the badass thing, but you let the water flow down your skin and you're so grateful for the morning and you feel in a good vibe, that's the goddess.

When you eat your food that the badass made for you, but you chew it consciously and you're grateful for the food in your belly, that's the goddess.

So the goddess is the way that you do it. It's, and it's the emotions.

If you get into a conflict with someone and the badass wants to go in and fix it, that's the badass. The goddess wants to feel the feelings, that's the goddess. Baby goddess is the one that just throws a tantrum over it. Like, ideally you're the, you're not the baby goddess. Ideally you're the goddess. Ideally you're not the badass, like the mom, "Come fix this for me!" You're the badass that's a, a team with the goddess, and that's what creates the boss.

So the boss is an archetype that gets created when the goddess and the b... the great... the goddess and the badass work together.

So if you can imagine, if you have a man, you have S, that's gorgeous, talented voice singer, and you have Ril, her manager, who's the badass. Together, you build this multi-million dollar artist. With the goddess and the badass, you create a boss. This boss artist that's taken the world by storm has made more money than so many other artists, right?

So what you want to see in your own life is that if you only have the badass and the goddess and they work not together, you'll have a beautiful quality of life. You'll go to work, you'll do what you've got to do, but those two identities don't ever come together and form this CEO archetype, this boss archetype.

Ultimately, to have a business, you need to be able to do all the things in Boss mode, which means the badass does what the badass has got to do, and the goddess is tapping into the energetics, making sure it's all done from a place of alignment, picking up on things, using her intuition, and so that creates the boss.

So for me, when I'm on, when I'm in my CEO mode, CEO day, I'm in Boss mode: goddess and badass. I do what I've got to do, and I regulate my feelings. On goddess weekend, I'm a goddess. I let Kevin be the badass. He does everything, he does all the badass stuff, and I just lean back and love my life and have two incredible days off. And on the days where I'm showing up in mentorship for you, I'm doing what I've got to do, which is doing the call, but my heart is wide open in the bad... in the goddess mode. And so I'm creating this boss archetype over and over and over again.

When the goddess and the badass work together, you have a boss. When the badass just goes to work, you have a badass. When the goddess just feels, you have a goddess. When the goddess and the badass comes together, you get a boss.

Okay, next question. You mentioned in one of the mod... modules that another way to find joyful experiences in life is by challenging negative identities. Can you explain this as well as give examples?

H, for this I would have to know exactly the context, but what, what I would say just based intuitively on this, this question that you're answer, you're asking, is that in order to have, let's say, okay, let's imagine, imagine I'm going out on a first date and I want to have a beautiful experience about this first date. I want to have a joyful experience, but I have this identity that I suck at first dates, that I've never chosen, that I'm awkward, that I never know what to say, and that it's probably going to suck.

The chance of me going to that first date and being like, "Let's see what happens," are very low because I've got all these identities that I'm walking in with: "I suck at first dates," "I'm awkward," "I make terrible first impressions," "I never know what to say." Those are all identities that I've picked up over the course of my life in like my, my self-concept, which are not in alignment with me having a great time.

But if I can just put those down, and instead of them being pieces of my identity, they're emotional experiences that I've had where I process the feeling. They exist in my life, but I put them down. I can go into that date with a fully open heart and say, "Let's see what happens."

The only reason I don't do that is because the badass wants to protect me: "Don't look like a fool! Don't mess it up! Don't do anything wrong! Don't look weird! Don't be weird!" This is all the badass commands, where then I'm like, "I don't know how to feel free and feel feminine and flowy when I'm am all connected to all these things the badass expects me to be."

And the only reason the badass is telling me this, "Don't be this, don't be this, don't be this, make sure you don't do this," is why? So that I don't feel bad, so I'm not embarrassed, so that I don't get my heart broken. So it's all back to the feminine again.

So ultimately, if I can regulate my strength and like, "If a first date doesn't go well, I'm going to be fine," so why don't I just go have the time of my life? I'll either be the one or the one who got away, and that's it. Let's go have a good time.

And if the badass says, "What if you fail?" I'll say, "Well, I'll be fine. I'll learn. The next date will be better. I'm get... I'm practicing for my husband. Send me into the date. I want to have a good time, but don't mess it up. You might end up alone." You, that's all the badass.

Uh, "Why have you dropped the masculine word in favor of the boss?" I'm not sure I understand the question. "Why have you dropped the masculine word in favor of the boss?" I'm so sorry, I'm not sure I understand. If you can write it a different way, I will absolutely answer.

Okay, next question. Is it possible that I have no access to Baby goddess at all, or is there a form of the baby goddess when she's always very mature and focused on others, not herself at all?

I'm asking her questions, but she doesn't behave as a child, nothing like, "It's unfair! I want that! I want her to feel the same pain as me!" She always tries and finds the reason why she feels what she feels.

Um, I started to use Alpha communication with her, but she's too mature for her age. She always focuses on the good. Um, she became a parent of her parents, not because they would not give her what she wants, but more because she felt they couldn't.

I use a lot of modalities to come back to my childhood and understand why I was a baby that didn't want to be held in the arms. I wanted to be left alone in the crib. I really cried. I was very obedient, so kind of explains all the things.

And then when you talk about baby goddess, it's confronting for me. I would actually want her to speak up for herself, focus on herself. I actually would like her to finally stop people pleasing on the deep level. I do that with my kids now, stopped tuning in emot... turning emotions against herself, which resulted in blood cancer I went through. Is there anything I don't see? I have a different kind of baby goddess, or is it the same but a different form?

So it is very possible that you have different things about your baby goddess than the ones that I've shared, because obviously I'm sharing from my experience what my baby goddess says and from, you know, some clients and what they've shared with me, what I've seen, but I, I didn't cover everything.

So some things that the baby goddess might do is people please, want to be a good girl, want, want to be the one that people are proud of, do everything in order to get the, "You're such a good girl!" Like, that's stuff that baby goddess will do. Not doing the thing that she knows to do in her power, but do the thing that she knows people are going to be proud of. It's the people pleasing. It's saying, "There must be something wrong with me." Anytime something goes wrong, "It must be my fault. I should of been able to do better. I'm, it's me, it's my fault. Nobody loves me." Like little kids that think their parents' divorce is their fault, you know? Like sometimes that's the baby goddess thing that goes inside.

The other thing baby goddess can do sometimes is, "I don't know. I don't know how. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how. I'm not, I'm not, I can't do it." You know, like when you see little kids trying to open a jar, "I can't open it! I can't do it!" Like sometimes it's things like that, very self-deprecating. So it's not always outside geared to other people. Sometimes it is a very internal experience. So I would maybe look at it from that angle.

Okay, this is my second route of Fem Fatal. It lands more deeply the second time, even when last year's was a masterpiece. So thank you, I'm so happy.

Last year I posted a lot about the consistent friction in my romantic relationship, and last month that relationship ended.

When I look back in hindsight, many things were telling me he wasn't the man for me. I knew at the time I was deep in Fatal and really working on strengthening my goddess, trying to respond to his rooms... wounds from a compassionate goddess place and trusting that the relationship could and would get better if I held myself in goddess more than baby goddess.

I recognized that in my past relationships my baby goddess gave up too quickly on people, so I wanted to honor him in the relationship and put the time and effort.

I also can't help but feel dishonored by my intuition a bit. Where is that line of acting on our intuition and wanting to be sure we've given it our all? Thank you, and I'm so happy to be in this container again.

So, so I think the big piece of it is that you can't mess it up. Like, even in life, when people think like, "I had the love of my life, that was the one person, and I messed it up," that's probably not true. There's, there are so many compatible suitors for us on the planet. There are so many different people that could be a good match for us. We can't mess it up. We've got to make the choice and we stick to the choice.

But what tends to happen a lot of the times is if we didn't do our best in a relationship and it ends, we end up asking ourselves, "Would it have been better had I have given more of me? Could I have made this better? Could I have, did I sabotage it? Was it my fault?"

And so why I love really going all in and saying, "I've given my all," is that you give a relationship your best, and when it ends, at the end you say, "It couldn't have gone any better because I gave it my best. This was the result of my best, so I knew it was not the right one for me." And then there, no, there's no need to be tons of resentment and fighting or guilt or any of the feelings. It's just like, "We, we both gave our best anyway. I know I gave my best, and it just couldn't, it just couldn't work."

And so if you would have preferred to say, "I'm trusting my intuition, I'm breaking up here," and even if my mind tells me, "I could have done better," and this and that, "I'm not going to get affected by it because I'm trusting my intuition," you can totally do that. It's just most of the time when women break up, it's a question of weeks, months, sometimes it's even faster than that, that the pink colored glasses come on and then it's like, "Did I make a mistake? Was I too hard? Should I have been more this or more that?"

And so I feel like the best way to end a relationship with completion is to give it your all, and then, "You know, I gave it everything, and it didn't work out."

Alpha communication, I've heard. Okay, I have a hard one. Let me see here. I have a hard one.

My big brother and me, we have four younger brothers after. We live 1600 km apart, over 16-hour drive. It seems that he has a pure resistance on taking responsibility for himself.

Long story short, he has a lot of resentment for the past about me amongst a lot of things. He expects me to find what to do or say for him to forgive me. He expects me to win him over. I know, and it's clear to me that there's something that I can do or say that could change that.

A bit of backstory: as a kid, when I was with my friends, I felt strong and not alone, so as a sister I would tease him and say not so nice things to him that seemed to have hurt him really bad. He holds it so much still today.

The first time he mentioned it, I felt like he was talking about someone and something I had no part of. Yes, that's how surprised I was.

He didn't want to tell me hints and ideas as to what he wants me to do or say to take it back. "If I cared, I should figure it out on my own what to do or say for him." Long story, "I should fix this again." I honestly don't know if there's something I could say that can fix this.

So my question is, how would you alpha communic... alpha communicate? Basically, what I want is to have a relationship with him as my brother, no strings attached to me having to win him over. And it's hard to put this in writing, but I guess I hope you get the picture. Thank you so much.

So this is difficult because when we hurt a person's feelings, and we, we hurt a person's feelings, they don't necessarily have the capacity to just, just for, just be okay. And in the same way that you may not have been able to just be okay in your life when something doesn't go right, it's like, "I am hurt. I feel like you hurt me and you don't care." Like, that's, that's usually the fundamental basics of, of conflict is, "You're hurting me and you don't care." Because if you hurt me and you care and you feel really bad about it, I feel different about it. But if I feel like you hurt me and you don't care, I have a really hard time forgiving you.

Now, part of this is that we feel guilt and shame sometimes for things that we've done, and we want to be left off the hook. Like, "This was forever ago! Are we really going to rehash this forever? I don't want to constantly have to feel bad about something that I've done, and if our relationship is going to be me constantly apologizing for something I did in the past, I don't like that. I don't like to constantly be reminded of the worst parts of me."

So there has to be like a real, a real "come to Jesus, walks on water" moment where you look at it and you're like, "Look, this is, is my brother. He's a grown man, and still the pain of being a little boy and me not being nice to him in his grown adult years still causes him pain. I don't know what that feels like. I can't decide whether that's he should or he shouldn't. I can't decide whether it makes sense or not. I can't decide that that's, that's his feelings." So what can I really say as a, as a sister that loves my brother?

Like, I'm, I'm putting myself in this situation. If my brother had said to me, "I've got to tell you something. When we were kids, you said this or you did this, and I have been feeling this way ever since," I'd be like, "Oh my God, Tom, I am heartbroken to hear this. If there was a way that I could go back and, and be a different kid knowing that it would affect you this much in the future, I would. But I just can't go back into the past. I've got to, I've got to deal with this with you now in the present. Are you open to us talking about it now?" Because I can't go back. I can tell you, "I'm so sorry. I can tell you that I feel so guilty that I made you feel that way. I love you so much. I want a relationship with you." Like, just the thought that, that I caused that, I feel embarrassed. I hate all of it. But can we have a conversation about it now? Are you open to us working through it now? "Well, I don't know. It depends what you're going to say. I'm still upset about it." It's like, I, like, first of all, I'd tell... this is probably how at Alpha communicate I'd say, "I, I love you so much. You are my, one of my favorite people on this entire planet, and my vision for us as brother and sister in the future is just so much laughter and playfulness and light-heartedness and joy. Like, I want to be there for you in all of the tough things and the good things in your life, and I want to, I want you to be there for the things in my life. I want a friendship with you. Like, I am so clear how I love you with all my heart, and I want you in my life forever. You're so important to me. And I, I want to, I want you to feel like you can put this down. Like, I want you to know that is not at all a representation of how I feel about you. I don't know what the little kid in me was going through that I thought that was a cool move or a good move, but it was not cool at all. I never would have wanted to hurt your feelings. Like, now we're grown adults, and I'm having to face the fact that I've really hurt your feelings, and I hate that. Like, I want you to feel like you could, you, you were getting closure from me. I don't want us to sweep this under the rug. I don't want you to feel like you've got to pretend you're fine. Like, I want you to get closure from me, and I, I really want to be able to feel like I, I got my apology through. So, you know, is there something more that you need from me? I'm, I'm 100% here. Like, is there anything more that you need from me?" Because I feel like that's the kind of all-in you give when you're all-in.

But if I'm like, "Okay, whoa, [Music] whoa, look, I, I love you. I obviously want us to fix this, but like, we were 10. I'm sorry, I apologize, but I think that at this point in our lives, we either move on or like, I don't know what to tell you. So like, what do you want me to say?" One comes from my feelings, "I'm insulted. I think this is ridiculous. You're really holding me accountable to something I did when I was 10 years old. Like, I don't even know what to say to you. This is ridiculous." You know, it's all about me. Like, "I think it's ridiculous. I think it's ludicrous." And obviously there could be a middle, like, "Okay, well, I'm really, listen, I'm, I'm so sorry that you felt that way. I, I feel terrible. Obviously that's not, I would not do that to you now, you know, and I would really love to move on from this. Can we move on?" That's still kind of me, "I want to move on. I kind of don't see, see why we should still be talking about this, but I'm sorry." And like, "Oh my God!" But it's like the first one is, "I'm all in with you and your feelings and what can I do?" And so it's just looking like, where's my resistance to jumping in the pool with the person sometimes and just being like, "Holy [__], I sucked back then! I can't believe I did that to you! That really sucks!" Like, what else do people want? Why would he bring it up 20 years later just to have an "okay, well" conversation? Like, he wants, he wants [to be] able to feel like you love him and you care about him and you'd never do that again. You can't believe you did that, and it was awful. So if that's how you feel about it, might as well give him the closure he needs, you know?

But if it's non-stop, and even after having done that, it keeps coming up, then you can say, "You know, I love you, and I'm willing to be in this with you and to talk about this with you. I'm willing to apologize. Like, I'm, I'm very clear that that was not a good move that I did when, when I, when we were little. Like, I'm really clear that that was not right for me to have done, and I really do want a relationship with you. But I feel like we're not getting any progress because I've put my heart on my sleeve. I've told you how sad and embarrassed I am about the whole thing, how much I love you and care about you, how I wish I could take it all back, how you didn't deserve that, how I want to be in your corner and I want to show you how much I care about you for the rest of my life. Like, I'm, I'm in it with you, and I feel like it no matter what I'm saying, I'm not, I'm not managing to get to the core of your pain. And so I, like, I want you to get closure from me, but I do eventually want to be able to turn the page on this because I was a kid, and I have to be able to one day move on from things I did when I was a kid, especially when I apologized this, this deeply. So like, are we able to move past this? Do you, what do you need from me for us to move past this? Because I'm not, we can't just keep talking about this for years. I don't think it's healthy for either one of us." Like, that becomes a secondary Alpha communication.

You'll just see like there's a different thing when you genuinely care about the person you're talking about and you're all in for their feelings versus when you're still kind of trying to protect yours. If you can regulate yours, you don't need to keep yours in mind. In the alpha communication, you do the work on your feelings. The alpha communication's for them, unless you're putting down boundaries. You know, and that might look like, and this is a totally different setup, but let's say you've done this a bunch of times, it might look like, "Look, I love you so much. You're my brother. I want to have the most beautiful relationship with you, but I've got to put some boundaries down because I realize whenever things are a little prob... in your life, you bring up stuff from our past, and, and it, it's feeling like I'm the scapegoat for things. Like, something goes wrong in your life and all, all of a sudden we're bringing, we're hashing back up things from 20 years ago, you know? And I can't be that for you. I want to be your friend. I want to be your ally. I want to be your partner. I want to be your, your, your friend. I want to be, I want to do life with you. I've apologized so deeply for everything that's happened, but I can't be the person you're mad at for the things that happened 20 years ago every time you need an emotional release. Like, I won't be that. So I want you to be able to feel respected by me, loved by me. I want you to be able to get closure from the past, and I want to be able to be respected in our relationship and not, and not be the one that gets the anger every time you're mad at something. Like, that doesn't work for me. So what I'm asking is that you find healthier ways to process your anger so that we can stay friends and so we can build a future instead of constantly going back to the past." Now we've got boundaries. But ultimately, no matter what the alpha communication is about, you're processing your feelings before the communication ever happens. That's why doing it backwards is so powerful. You're working through your feelings every step of the way.

Okay, can you give examples of a high right of passage that would bring a person into adulthood? We are giving rights of passage, especially in culture and religion, like Bat Mitzvah, Catholic Confirmation, Quinceañera, but these don't necessarily, um, these don't necessarily arrive with being taught how to grow up. For women, the arrival of their menstrual cycle is supposed to be a right, a passage, but certainly Western culture doesn't embrace that as such. It's rarely properly explained to us, which I believe is often the root of why so many of us have difficult symptoms. Thank you so much.

Well, the way I see it, I see Fem Fatal as a right of passage. I feel like this is something that, you know, when we're ready for it, we find it. I feel like women find this work when they're ready for it, and hopefully in the future there, there is more of a cultural aspect to it.

But can you imagine what it would have been like if, when it was time for us to have, have, you know, to move into womanhood, of our first period, like when that happened, if instead of it being this, we really weird, awkward thing, if it felt like, "Okay, you're, you're having your first moon cycle," and to have women, like women of your generation, come together and have a celebration of a beautiful thing, and you're the main goddess in the middle, you know? And you, you, you get all these beautiful letters from your aunt and your mother and your grandmother for your journey into womanhood, you know, things to remember about your feelings and other people, letters of apologies or, or, or constructive like endings for things like, "You're now being released. You're, you're a woman." Anything from the past, any rules are being changed. Like, conversations, apologies, a whole thing, a right of passage. "Here's we, I will be here for you if you need this. I will be here for you if you need that." Some sort of teachings like what we're doing right now. Like a, you know, rituals, learnings. Like what that would be like? It would be incredible.

But we don't have it, so I don't think anything exists like that now. The real right of passage where it's like, "You are, you've become a woman, and you've got to understand your body and your emotions and how life is different from you then to before," you know? Like something that this, all this information that we're talking about now, the baby goddess versus the goddess, understanding your own emotions, you know, gosh, I would be extraordinary.

And ultimately, maybe some of you will bring this into your family after Fatal. You, you maybe will have a right of passage for the young girls in your family, and it's going to, and you talk to them about it when they're young, and you'll say, "One day you'll be a woman, and we'll, we'll have a ceremony for you, and we'll talk about really important things, and it's going to be a beautiful time." And to, to normalize the body changing and to normalize, and maybe you gather together in a beautiful box some of the teachings from this program that you would want to pass down to your daughters when the time is right, and you open these letters and you read them to her and you share things. Like, it's our job to create those rights of passage. And so, you know, who knows, maybe one day I create like a right of passage for teenagers, kind of course or something like that, that you self-pace, that you purchase for your child when you're, when they're moving through it. And but it would, the culture would need to change because you can't just go from, "You don't talk to your child about anything about what's coming," and then all of a sudden it's like, "Oh, you've got your first period! Sit down and watch this! You're a goddess!" Like, "Uh, what?" Like, it has to be, "One day you'll be a woman, and one day this is going to happen, and this is what's coming." Like, it needs to be almost something you look forward to, a deeper understanding of your life as it transitions. And hopefully we're able to build that, you know, from this space and more and more into the future.

Nicole's like, "Yes, let's do that!" We have to feel in order to pass it on, otherwise it's confusing and superficial. Rosalyn, like, what important thing that you just said! Because this is the other thing: if imagine that just because it sounded like a good idea, your grandma exactly as she is, your mom exactly as she is, and a couple of your aunts exactly as they are, completely awkward with anything that has to do with sex or emotions or anything, you're just like, "All right, uh, play the tape, uh, let's get some crystals out, uh's some..."

Soft music on, or something, and let's talk about periods. Like, let's not. You really don't need to, ladies. This is so weird. Like, no. Uh, no. But if it's part of your way, you, you are a goddess, and you're like, one day you'll be a woman, and we'll talk about the greater things in life. You know what? And it meant something then, it would definitely land more.

But what makes it that the teenagers don't want to hear is it's like, "Okay, so now you're a woman, so you're going to need to learn how to use this, and you're going to want to learn how to use this." And it's like, "Don't tell me anything. I don't want to hear anything from you. You don't know nothing." So it's building that connection also where we're, we're the goddesses that, that passed down the information.

Amanda says, "I am now through menopause, and no one ever talked to me about moon cycles until I came into your world." Such a gorgeous honoring of the way you teach it. You know, the first time I ever heard this term in my life, I was with Nicole, and we were at a, I think it was Tar Veer's Warrior Camp. Either either Warrior or Wizard, I can't remember. And they had us go into these sweat lodges and do this really deep, intense, like, breathwork. With it was one of the most, like, insane experiences I've, I've ever had. Um, but before we went in, they asked, "Is anyone on their moon?" And I was like, the only thing I'd ever heard was "in the moon," meaning, "Is anyone lost or confused?" I almost raised my hand. But no, that's not what he meant. "Who's on their moon?" And it was like, the women who are on their moon got honored. They got in first, or they went in last and came out first, so they didn't get to be in the heat for as long as everybody else. Like, they were honored. They got the best places. They got to. And I was like, "Whoa, are these women just being honored because they're on their period? The thing that I have been most embarrassed and ashamed about, hiding a tampon off my sleeve, going, 'Sorry, I've got to just, can we stop? I need to go to the bathroom.' Like, the thing I have been apologizing for my whole life, these people are getting preferential treatment because they're on their moon? What is this world?"

And I just love that it's "your moon cycle." Like, "You're on your moon. You're connecting with the divinity within you." Like, how is this not a beautiful thing? How is this, like, "H, like, what a waste of an incredible, empowering piece of womanhood." No more. Well, my mom and aunts have time to redo it. When it's time for my menopause, it, I learned everything from an encyclopedia. The thing I was a Warrior Camp. Okay, most insane experience. I had no idea about, about the moon. The moon. I've never heard it named the moon. I love it too. "I'm on my moon." Like, that just, it also feels so much more regal and meaningful because that's what it is. It's the way that your body links up with the, with the moon cycle, and which days on your, on the cycles of the moon that you release. It's so beautiful. Like, why do we have to call it something? I don't know. Like, I literally had, what, what was it that I had a friend of mine whose mom was trying to be cool? And I think that there's only one thing that's worse than not talking to your kid about anything, and is when you try to be cool about talking to your kid about something. Like, those are the two opposites of worst. And I remember being at, at this friend's house, and her mom bought her, you know, lady hygiene products and gave them to her in front of me, and she was so embarrassed that her mom gave them to her in front of me. And her mom just did the weirdest, she was just like, "That's how it goes. You become a teenager and you start bleeding out your UA, you're hooa or something like that. It's like, it's not a big deal." And my friend was mortified. Like, it was the worst thing. And mom was like, "It's all natural. It's normal. Happens to all the ladies." And she like walked away. And she was like, "I'm so sorry for my mom." And I was just like, "My mother would not address this ever. Like, there's just no way. It would have been like, 'Okay, I bought you. I've put them under the M, and they're in the M for whenever you need M.' Like, we never would have said any of the things. Like, none of that would have happened." It's just watching how it's either like, "This is so natural, let's be cool about it," or like, "Let's give it code words." Your is in the under the. Whenever you code word for everything. So it's like honoring it would be such a different. And there is no right or wrong because ultimately, that's what they got too. So it's not like they're choosing to to be obnoxious about it. They got just exactly that or less. So they're doing their best. We're doing our best. But I think that there is a grand opportunity that's that's being shaped as we go in our, in our deepening of this work.

Thanks for the opportunity to ask questions. My question is, how can I feel good and continue with my life when there is a very big worry? In 2018, I sold a restaurant that I owned for 11 years. When I sold it, I couldn't get my name off the rental contract because I had already signed it until 2022. The people who bought it, the restaurant went bankrupt in 2020. When COVID happened, the owners of the place sued me. The lawsuit is for the rent and is between $250k and $1 million. The lawsuit is now 3 years old, and my lawyers are trying to reach an agreement. But it's a concern in which I feel very worried, sad, and angry because I feel that it's not fair. I tried to do everything I have learned to handle this situation. Bigger, but it's bigger than what I can handle. What can I do to feel better?

So first of all, I absolutely hate that this is happening, 'cause that is so stressful, and you, like, so, so stressful. But there's two angles I want to respond about this. In life, it's not always about feeling better, it's about getting better. It's about growth and evolution. I know that you're stressed. You can actually absolutely grow your capacity here and and learn to hold bigger, more stressful things and breathe. Like, you can definitely feel better. But I think the big picture here is realizing this is probably going to be the beginning of your business life in a whole other way. Whatever it, whatever happens. Because first of all, the way that you'll make decisions now will be really clear with contracts. Like, contracts are something women need to learn. This is one of the number one things women fail at in business is contracts. They think they can, you know, figure it out after they do their best, or they think people are just good people. And it's like, "Well, you know, I, I never thought." But it's like, if the contract says, then the contract says. Like, I now have a legal team when I never thought I'd ever need a legal team. But we need a legal team. So really making sure whenever you make any business move, that the contract is, is, you know, squeaky clean in your favor, for me, for you, for us. But that there's no chance that you might get a mistake. Circle back up. Now, there's another thing. I know that $250,000 to a million feels like a lot. But in my knowledge and comprehension of money, I can make that in a day. And so in this, in the fear of, "How am I going to pay for this money?" You're also not considering how much more money that you can make in your power. You're thinking about the money you owe more than you're thinking of the money you could be creating. And I have a feeling that you have probably, and a really big gift, things that you could be creating in the world right now that could make that money back faster than you could ever possibly imagine. And so the hard thing sometimes is to not get so caught up in the loss that we don't see the pathway to abundance. So I don't know how much of that is helpful for you in this moment. But this is, this is that it's stretching your capacity so that you can handle the stress in your body. It's learning from what happened, knowing that you'll be a better, better businesswoman going into the future. And third of all, knowing that one day, that amount of money, you might make in your sleep overnight. So work on building something instead of worrying that something might be taken. That's actually a really beautiful way to look at it.

Okay, uh, another question. What do you do to not revert back to old behaviors and habits after implementing this amazing program? Like, my goddess shows up, and I feel, "I got this." And then my husband says something that pings my heart, and I immediately feel rage and I shut down. How do I remind myself that, that I'm a goddess and not a baby goddess in those moments?

You're not always going to nail it in the moment. You're going to have moments where you go into baby goddess mode. But after that, you'll have an awareness that you didn't used to have before. Before, if you had a moment like that, it would have been followed by righteousness and anger. Whereas now, it might be followed by, "Oops." And that is one step in the right direction. And it's realizing, "Okay, I totally acted in baby goddess. What would I have needed? How do I regulate this?" Which might go to your husband after and say, "Hey, you know, I really didn't like what you said. But my reaction is something I'm wanting to work on, and I don't love the way I reacted at all. Um, here's what I wish I would have said. This is what I really want for us." You know, and and being able to go back with a solid attitude. So not because you slip that the program is just slipping through your fingers. It's changing years of behavior. So it's like, this becomes a filter that you can see life with. But you'll still need to go back and course-correct quite a few times. But it's like anything in life, progress. You know, practice makes progress. It's like, if I go to the gym once and the trainer shows me perfect form to do a squat, and I nail it while he's right there coaching me, that's great. And then when I'm by myself next time, I kind of go in a different form because it's more comfortable. And then it's like, "Whoops, wait, that's not the right form." Like, you got to practice, and you got to bring yourself back to the, the core principles as often as you can. But what this program will do is it will make you aware where before you were not aware. And that is completely life-changing within itself. Where we have awareness, we have a gateway to change.

Okay, let's see. In module 9, you discussed family archetype wounding. I've worked through a lot of that through the years with you. But something new stuck with me this time when you were talking about how you had to share with your brother and your grandmother's love for him. Maybe early in module 10, a big piece revealed itself for me around money and resources. I've always had trouble holding wealth. I could earn that part. I know I'm capable of, and I've worked through a lot of self-value and self-worth and deserving things. But I still struggle. And I realize when you mention the dynamic with your brother, that is it for me. Someone always takes it away, whatever it is, and I'm stuck. A few things from my childhood came to mind when I explored this. One, my dad has been married six times. So every four years or so, I've been ripped away from my family, home, school, friends, and have had to start new. To my brother, he was a year younger than me, and I was the golden child. I had to share or give him everything. Nothing was just mine if he decided he wanted it. There were significant double standards, as you mentioned, gender-related. He could do things I couldn't do things because he was a boy. And because we were so close in age, my friends weren't even mine because he would date all of them, and then they would break up, and then they wouldn't be able to come over to my house anymore because my brother was there. And then we would just kind of grow apart. I can see two issues that I've developed from this. One, I have a lot of anxiety around the money I earn. And when I start to accumulate some wealth, someone else, typically now my adult children, will have a financial crisis and need help and take my savings. I give it to them, of course, but it feels very similar to my dad making me give up my toys, my food, etc., to my brother as a child. Or if it's not the anxiety, it's more pessimism. Like, if I did have a million dollars, it wouldn't matter anyway because someone would just take it. My question is, okay, so now that I see the problem and it's the underlying belief, what do I do with it? How do I rewrite this? I don't want to feel like like this belief for the rest of my life. I have a dream and plans to make it happen, and I want to be able to hold it and spend and direct and feel less anxious around it, large amounts of money, but I'm having a tough time trying to entangle this one.

So this is a perfect example of what we were talking about before when someone asked, "Am I supposed to just erase my past?" Like, the goal here with Sam is not that she erases her past. That will always be. But does she want to live the rest of her life with those fears at the forefront of her life and those expectations at the forefront of her life? Even if I made a million dollars, it wouldn't matter, someone will need it. So what we want to do is move the emotional resentment from all the times that has happened out of your body through the breathwork and the tapping as often as you can. You would go through those forgiveness modules, the forgiveness, the, the breathwork, the tapping, the releasing of the, the lock that that emotion has over you in the present moment. Because the problem is not that it happened. The problem is that it happened, and you made it an expectation that it could keep happening. That's the thing we want to drop. The next piece, and this is actually quite special, but when I realized that I was the path of least resistance for people in my family, instead of using it like something I was trying to run away from, I leaned into it and I fully embraced it. I thought to myself, "What if instead of thinking, 'If I make less, they'll take less?'" I thought, "What if I made limitless, like, limitless, unlimited amounts of money, and there was never, it never felt like they could take it all because there was just too much, and I was just a limitless well of giving?" Like, "Would I still feel this way?" Like, "No." And so instead of trying to fix something, I made peace. I did the whole breathwork, tapping, all the releasing of all the anger and resentment that I had felt about the things, all the while deciding, "I'm the path of least resistance, and I will always have an unlimited supply of resources." And when I started playing in the God zone with that, "I have unlimited supply, and I am willing to give and to share and to give to wherever it's needed because I'm an unlimited supply." All of my fear years went away, and I've been able to supply in incredible ways in my life, and it has not felt like I've overgiving. It's felt like I have an unlimited supply. And so those are the two things I worked on: the beliefs and the feelings that caused the block, plus, "If I had unlimited supply, would it matter? They could take as much as they wanted, and there'd still be an unlimited supply." And so I think those two things together might go a very long way for you.

Okay, let's see. See, my question is about cultivating energy. When I'm in my masculine energy, I feel energized. But when I'm in my feminine energy, I feel more tired and blah. How do you cultivate energy in the body without having to shift into masculine to do so?

So it is true that the feminine is more so in the being. And so you, you would have the energy that you have, but you wouldn't necessarily be generating energy unless it's in when you're receiving. So in feminine, I can see generating energy when you are receiving gifts, experiences, pleasure, joy, intimacy. Like, that's when you would generate energy. Whereas as the badass, you generate energy every time you do something, when you have a win. And so the idea is to find the balance between the goddess and the badass. Because it's not always about feeling energized. We want to feel energized in life, usually to do things. If you want to just relax and lean back, you don't need to feel energized. You just feel grateful and relaxed. So it's either in the receiving of the goddess, or in the beautiful balance between the goddess and the badass, that all the magic happens.

I'm definitely a highly sensitive person and empath. My only open center in my human design is my emotional center. I experience waves of big emotions quite regularly. Every time I experience an overwhelming wave, I find myself asking, "What if none of this is really meant for me? The dream, the business? What if it's never going to happen?" Please, please share your thoughts on how I can process this so I don't believe these thoughts in the future.

So the thing is, the only reason we would think this, "What if this is never meant for me?" is so that we can justify our feelings. Because if I want it, I can have it. That's the belief for me. It's not even about like, "Is this really meant for me?" It's like, in what world would I be born from all the odds that I was born in? Am I this one in a bajillion person? Like, how, how is it that I come here on this planet and I'm not meant for the things I want? Like, I don't think that works. But if it's like, "I want this, and I'm willing to forge my emotional strength around it so I don't go to this place where I'm willing to give it all up when I don't feel good." If I can actually just trust myself, like, "If I want it, I've got to just build myself to be able to have it over time." Like, this is what I want. Like, what I would really look at for you is there's something about what my intuition is coming through for you specifically. Do you serve the people you work with in your business at a super high level? Do they, when they work with you, say, "This is the best thing I've ever had in my life"? Do they say, "You've changed my life"? "This product changed my life"? "What you do changes my life"? Like, are you getting incredible feedback? If you're not, I would really make the center and the focus of your work right now to serve your clients at a level 1,000. Because only when we're really serving our clients at the peak does it make sense for us to really explode and for people to know us. If you're like, "Yes, they all say that," then I would look at where you're placing, you're hiding your gifts and underplaying them and not shouting it from the rooftops, not self-promoting, not clapping for yourself. And it's not clear that people are actually getting their results. They're not talking about you, and you're not talking about you because nobody's knows how good you are. I have a feeling it's one or the other. Because usually, if you're excellent at what you do, the word gets out unless you're blocking it. So I think there's some contemplation there.

Okay, this one. Romanticizing your life. Melanie talked about in the beginning. I really like the idea and concept, but I have a hard time grasping really how it does look like in my life. Can you please talk about it more so I can get clarity on it? Thanks in advance.

So my clearest way of explaining this is, if you were to see a very regular thing happening, but in a movie, how would it be happening? So let's say I decide to go and have a picnic on the weekends. There's the way I would do it where I shove a bunch of things in a bag and we grab whatever's in the fridge and we go. Versus there's the way they would show it in a movie where it's like, the, they are sitting under the perfect tree. They choose the one that's like, the shade of this tree makes me feel amazing. I brought a book that means something to me. The blanket means something to me. I've really thought about everything that's coming on the picnic with me. I've made little snacks. It looks beautiful when I put it out there. There's music playing in the background. And it's like, "This is a picnic." Like, this is not just a picnic, this is a picnic to remember. Romanticizing your life is like, I could take a bath, or I could light every candle I have in my house all around my bath, close all the lights, play soft music, and just let myself be there in the bathtub for a moment. Like, what's the scene in the movie going to be? You know, romanticizing your life is taking little pieces of your life that could be done so normally and asking yourself, "If this were the movie of my life, how would I cast this scene?"

Okay, baby goddess. I think mine is very clever, hiding behind a lot of things. How do I know I feel like I don't have one? Can you please tell me aspects or illustrations of her that you didn't talk about in the bonus module?

So I did give a few on this call that you can absolutely tap into. Um, but, you know, even just like, "How do I know? Like, I don't know exactly. Can you give, tell me exactly? Explain to me more." Like, the, instead of like, "Okay, let me figure this out." It's like, "What if I don't get it right?" Or the stress when we're not sure we understand. Those are baby goddess parts. You know, "Can you, can you show me? Like, my, I don't, I don't understand. Can you show me? Can you illustrate for me? Can you?" Like, sometimes that panic, and I don't know if that's how it feels to you, but the stress of not understanding can be a baby goddess thing. "I don't understand. I don't see it. I can't find it." Those are baby goddess things. Like, instead of just like, totally owning your, your womanhood and your power and figuring things out. Like, I know for me, one of my baby goddess things is not being able to find something. Like, "I don't know where my, this thing is." Is a very baby goddess thing for me. I remember, I very remember saying, "Mom, where's my, this? I'm going to be late for school and I can't find my thing." Baby goddess. And I can very remember being like, "Kevin, I can't find my rings and my calls in five minutes." Like, it's a very similar panic. You know, and I gave a few other examples in this, in the Q&A as well.

Okay, I'm curious to get perspective on Melanie talks about the villain. What do you do if the villain is illness, cancer, things like that, when it isn't a person?

So why I chose the word villain is because when we have a villain in our lives, we tend to hold the villain responsible for the things that aren't working. So it's not just that something bad is happening, so it's not just that there's a bad guy. It's that there's a villain because there's an emotional attachment to the bad things that the villain has done. And so you will see people have cancer, and it is the gateway to their greatest self. You will see people have cancer and say, "You know, because of my cancer diagnosis, I found the meaning of life and I became everything I was supposed to be." And then you will have people who say, "Everything was going great in my life until I had cancer, and it stripped everything away from me and it took everything away from me." You know, or you'll have people say, "My, my family member got cancer, and their passing was a huge eye-opener for me," or "Their journey made me realize the beauty of life." Whereas someone else would say, "You know, cancer destroyed our family." And so it's the way that you interact with the circumstances, the people, the things in your life that decide whether it's just like, "This is difficult, this is hard, this is bad," or "This is a villain in my life. This is one of the things that's responsible for me not becoming what I wanted to be. This is one of the things that's responsible for me not doing what I wanted to do. This is something in me. This is responsible for me not having what I want to have." That's the villain. And so you can vilify people, and you can vilify illnesses, and you can vilify the economy, and you can vilify, you can vilify anything. Or you can use things as catalysts for change and growth. And it's not about bypassing. It's not about being like, "Oh, I'm not allowed to be upset at this cancer. It has to be a positive thing." But it's also saying like, "I'm going through this really difficult thing. I'm feeling my feelings around it. It's such a process for me." Versus, "Everything is ruined. My whole life feels like it's falling apart. Nothing's going to work because of this." Like, is it a villain, or is it just a really difficult thing you've got to regulate yourself through? But I love this question. Thank you for asking it.

Susie's like, "I deleted my question because it got answered in module 11. I love it when that happens." My question: Some people are more emotional than others. From my experience, men are less emotional than women. For instance, when I have an argument with my husband, I almost 100% of the time end up acting as a baby goddess, while my husband remains calm. I've always been amazed how he handles discussions with calm and tact. But on the other hand, I feel that sometimes he's completely shut down his emotions. How can you say the difference between having an alpha communication after having processed the emotions and having a discussion with no emotions involved? Is the difference the empathy you could feel towards the other person when you have processed the emotions?

I often blame my husband that he's not empathetic. So we did talk about this a little bit on this call, which is that the masculine energy of, "I just do what I've got to do, but I don't face my feelings," is not the same as, "I faced all my feelings, and then I do what I've got to do." Like, "I'm listening to you. I'm not getting emotional because probably this is going to end up in a fight if I get emotional. I'm just listening to you. Yes, I get it. Yep. I got it. Yeah, I'm listening. I'm hustling my way through it. I'm not getting involved until we get to the end. Okay, I'll tell you what I think. Okay, this is what my thoughts are. Okay, we made it through the discussion. Okay, I didn't let myself go into my anger. I didn't let myself go into my pain. I didn't let myself go into my sadness. I just stayed. Did the badass thing. Listened. Sat in front of you. Nodded my head. Did what I need to do. But look at the end, we're not fighting." So it's not that the masculine way is wrong. It's just that it tends to have a lot less, like, depth. So probably your partner has not had as many emotional releases as you have. If I were to plug him into a machine and see how much vitality and vibrancy he has, and I plugged you into a machine, it's probable that you would be like, a, you know, a rainforest full of exotic flowers, and he would be just a very well-kept garden. You know, like, you would be overgrown with flowers and and rainstorms, and he would be like, perfectly watered grass at 10 p.m. So it's, it's just a different experience. And, you know, sometimes choosing a partner that is more masculine so that you can flow is a beautiful mix. Because if he's able to hold solid ground while you go and paint a jungle, and you can come back, and he's there with his arms wide open, that might be the best thing for you. If you got a super emotional partner that went into the, the storm with you, you might both need, you know, a week break from each other just to set the record back after a big fight. If you were both stoic, there would be no creativity and and magic in the relationship. So sometimes you find your perfect match. And yes, there are some little things like, "I wish you were a little bit more like me." But in the big picture, I'm grateful. Different. So I would just see where you find yourself on that spectrum.

Okay, we have two last questions. I have some confusion around emotions I experienced during PMS. I'm perimenopausal, and the feelings that I feel lately before each month cycle are intense and negative, which is quite unlike what I am usually. I've done quite a little bit of inner child work over the years, so I'm wondering if this could be hormones or still some unprocessed emotions of my baby goddess, and I'd love your take on this.

So, so this is so important because for me, I will always go with the, like, chemical stuff first. Although I am very woo-woo and I, I, I'm all about the deep work, I will not jump to the deep work as that's the first issue. And Nicole and I were actually laughing about this the other day. We were chatting, like, texting back and forth, and she was asking me about something, and I said, "Well, maybe we just go with this first and go with the surface level thing of what it might be, and then if it's something else, we'll go in the deep." And she was like, "Yeah, I, I tend to love to go in the deep." And so it's like, you've got to see with yourself, what, what's your calling? Like, do you want to go into the deep and go research what's the deep meaning of all this? Because you can, and you might find something super powerful. But also, with hormones changing, is it possible that things are different? Are, is your sleep as good? Are you, does your diet need to change? Are you lacking certain nutrients? Is there something there? Like, it is crazy how different a person is when they're well-rested, well-nourished, well-sexed, well, all the things. Like, everything is fantastic and knocked on the head versus have not been intimate in months, eat, eat things that lack all the basic nutrition, doesn't sleep properly, doesn't drink properly, is backed up, hasn't been to the bathroom properly in days. Like, those are two different people, even without the deep work. And so I would just check and see, like, "Am I completely good to go with everything?" And if I'm all in order, then let's go into the deep stuff. But sometimes we go, we go digging for grass. It's like, it was right there at the top, just had to grab it. Like that.

Okay, last question. Hi Melanie. So I have four questions regarding wound healing. And I'm sorry, it's a little long, but I literally have nowhere to go to ask for help in this regard except for God and this group. Let's see. Number one, is this wound always from early childhood years, or could it be developed later? Can you have wounds from when you were 18, 25, 28 years old? I'm 30 right now, or is it those old childhood wounds that keep resurfacing and get more ingrained within me?

You can absolutely have new wounds. You can absolutely have new wounds. It's just that when you have a wound when you're 18, 25, 28, technically should have been given tools to work through those wounds at that age. Like, when we are 18, 25, 28, we should have tools to regulate trauma at that point. We just don't have them. So we go through our pains and our emotional pains at age 20 to 30 in the same way that we would as small children because we haven't figured out how to move through our stuff. That's, that's why it ends up that we have new trauma and new pain and new things that we don't know what to do with. So it's not that your recent stuff isn't real. It's real. It's just had you had all these tools when it happened fresh, you would have had a gateway, you would have something to move through it. Where instead, you probably kept it all inside, pushed it down, reminded yourself of past stuff, amplified it, made it hurt more. You know what I mean? So it's, it, you definitely can have new wounds. And this work just helps you let go of those a little bit and untangle them and give you better tools for if anything new happens later on in life.

I can't spot the times for childhood when those incidents happened that's causing all of this. How can you find out? I don't remember how much from early days.

You don't actually need to remember. This is why for me, in this program, there wasn't really like, "Write down all the things that are your triggers," or "What? Write down all the things that happened to you that caused you to be baby goddess." It's just the archetype itself. Like, it wouldn't, it wouldn't really matter what it is. It's just knowing like, "This is childlike behavior. This, this thought, this feeling, it is something a small child would think." And just acknowledging that, like, "How do I show up to parent myself in this moment? How do I raise myself?" Instead of just really feeling those feelings from early stages of life and and feeling them like, "This is it. This is true." And, you know, going at them this way. But you don't actually need to remember your childhood in order to do the things that I'm, I'm sharing in this program now. There are things that you can do. There are so many modalities if you wanted to go back, like hypnosis to remember your childhood, if you wanted to go through, like, you know, past life regressions, and like, there's so many modalities. But I don't actually, I have not needed any of those in my healing. And so I don't, I don't present them. But it doesn't mean that they're not valid and that that might not be something that's that's important for you.

My trigger in trauma is, I'm not magnetic, I'm not loved, they don't value me, I feel left out, I'm made fun of, I'm not chosen, I'm seen as an odd one out. What category of wounded are these, and how do you heal it?

This is all baby goddess. This is all baby goddess. Although my love life is exemplary, loved and pampered by my spouse and I, and loved by people usually, but when it comes to girls and boys of any age group, mainly I feel I repel them. Literally repel them energetically. Either they, they don't include me in things, or I have friends. Although I'm an introvert and not a shy person, my whole world revolves around this trauma. That's the reason I got fatal. My late mom loved me, but still never gave me, um, much. Same goes for my brother. And even though they really love and give me all the material, um, the love material, or material love, I'm in the chasing energy always, and not chosen. Whereas my brother doesn't care about anyone, and he's everyone's favorite human ever. Me, on the other hand, would pour my soul into loving others, yet treated like a doormat. Luckily, in my, in my in-laws, everyone respects everyone's boundaries, and no one taunts you or makes fun of you, and I feel so much more safe and happier there. I'm hurt, and I'm done with these everyday triggers and constant feelings of not being worthy.

So the big thing in this is that you are born worthy, and nothing has changed. And there is no way that anyone can relate to you, talk to you, or treat you that actually changes the fact that you're worthy. Nothing can change the fact that you're worthy. So this is all about, "I feel, I feel unworthy when they talk to me like this. I feel unworthy when this happens." But it's not, "I am unworthy." It's, "I feel unworthy." Which is so different. So what I have found is that it's easier to feel good around a person who doesn't need much validation, like a person that's always secure in their own self, and that no matter what you say, it's funny. No matter what you do, they take it light-hearted. You can't upset them. They're just like, easygoing people. Feel better about themselves around those people because, "I didn't mess up. I, I'm always enough. No matter what I do, they're grateful. It's always a good time. I feel good about me." Whereas when we're around people that have deep emotional feelings like, "I'm not enough," it can sometimes feel like, "No matter how much I do for this person, I always mess it up. No matter how much I love them, they never feel chosen by me. No matter how much I do for them, it always feels like I messed it up and they're not happy. I always make a mistake somehow. I'm always walking on eggshells." And so as difficult as this coaching is, what I would look at is that it's easier to be confident about myself when I'm with your brother than it is for me to be confident about myself when I'm with you because there's way more chances of me hurting your feelings than with your brother. He's just happy. He didn't care. He's just happy. So it's, it's kind of a lazy behavior that people have where it's like, "I like you based on how I feel about me." You could be the, the nicest, most overgiving person in the world, but if I feel cheap next to your overgiving, I feel less good about me. You know, like, I feel better about myself when I'm with you because of the dynamics between us, not because you're a better or worse person. And so what I would contemplate is, is it difficult to really land with you in a relationship? Is it hard to feel like I'm nailing it? Is it hard to feel like we're clicking? Is it hard to feel like today was a great day? Is it hard to feel like what I gave was received? Is it hard to feel like, you know what I mean? Because that's ultimately what people want in relationships. More, more than, "Am I being good to you? And am I nice to you? And do you like being with me?" It's more like, "Do I like being with you?" And so this feeling you have of not being chosen could literally be a vicious loop of the, the less they feel they can nail it with you, the less they choose you because the less they feel they can nail it with you. And it's this vicious circle. Whereas if you actually accepted, "I was born worthy. Nothing can change that. I don't need anybody's validation. I don't need anybody to pick me or choose me. Like, I choose me." And I want to give people the benefit of the doubt that they're doing their best, and I want to see the best in people. I want to see how they're trying, even if they're wobbly, even if they're not excellent at it. My brother sees the beauty in everyone, but he doesn't care. It's easy to please him. He'd have anything and anyone. You know, and so can I just see? Can I have more simplicity in my life? Can I, can I see the good in people easier? Can I not imagine first that they're not liking me or choosing me? Can I see their effort before I see their lack and see what might start to change in your heart from there?

Um, and then the next part. Could such trauma cause money blockage? And the reason that you're not making money? Yes, because ultimately, this, to me, and how I read it, is a lack wound. And so when I feel like I'm never chosen, I'm not enough, I'm not the one, what I'm ultimately feeling is lack. Lack of what I want to be feeling, lack of being chosen, lack in other people's behavior. And most money blocks are lack blocks. There's not enough, or I'm not good enough to deserve it, or whatever it is. And so these are very often correlated. And I've, I've so often said, "Fatal won't isn't the program where you're taught to make money, but a lot of times people have told me after I took that program, my money stuff unblocked." Because we attach meaning to stuff, and that meaning becomes not just something that happened that we release, but like our self-concept. "I don't make money." That's a self-concept. If I don't let that go, and I carry that, I carry that. I had to stop carrying, "I'm not good with money. I'm terrified of going bankrupt." Like, I had to put those things down and pick up instead, "I'm building a movement. You know, I'm building a net worth. I'm creating something so meaningful, and I deserve to be paid for the, the beauty and the power that I bring to this world. And I deserve limitless income, and money comes to me always, always." And like, I needed to start changing the things I felt about life. And so I feel like if you let people love you, even if they don't do it perfectly, if you enjoy their love, you enjoy their kindness, you enjoy the, the, whatever it is that they give you, without feeling like it could have been more, if you don't compare, if you actually just let yourself receive and feel grateful for what you're receiving, instead of noticing where the lack is or where it could have been more, something is going to start to change. Because this is all very baby goddess stuff. It's not fair. It's not enough. They get more. They don't really love me. They don't really choose me. But if you think about your beautiful, powerful goddess, what she would say to this version of you is, "You're more than enough. You don't become more worthy just because someone says you are. It's something that you know on the inside. You and you know all these things when you're in your goddess mode. So spend more time connecting to that goddess and building your own beliefs up about yourself. And then let anything else that anyone gives you be sprinkles on an already perfect Sunday. Let it be the cherry on top of the exquisite Sunday of your life. Let it be the hot fudge sauce on top of the delectable day you've already had, because you're in charge of your day, and everyone else is extra if you desire to receive it."

So this was a very full Q&A. We made it all the way. We answered all the questions that were on the thread. I look forward to our next module together. Let this sink in. I look forward to our next call. Thank you for your questions, for your participation. I appreciate you so much, and I shall see you tomorrow.

[Music]

She emerged from within me like a goddess from water. She filled her lungs with new air, with a sigh that meant everything. Relief, rebirth, release. She took in the world around her with an understanding of its fragility and its strength. She let the waters of her past run down her face. She took on a new name. She took on a new way. She became whole. She lives in me. She saved me. She is me.

[Music]