Transcription
Module Four: Building Natural Connections
Now, in a previous module, we just had to get you going. And this is like, kind of like the training wheels, the Batman openers, what to say, how to rip off that Band-Aid to overcome the approach anxiety. At this point, now that you've started doing it, let's actually make it feel natural and kind of get rid of the training wheels and start getting using your brain so that you can start conversations in a way that feels authentic and real to you, versus you're just doing what you know, this like, you know, beard sh the guy told you to do, right?
So, this now comes into the art of situational opening. And everybody pretty much gets it wrong when they ask when he or try to learn and implement how to open situationally. What most people are going to do, and it comes down to this three-step process I'm going to teach you in a minute, but most people, they'll see something happening situationally and they'll just point it out. So, for example, they see a girl with a, you know, with a drink and they go, "Oh, you drinking a vodka cranberry, huh?" This is nothing special about this. You're just pointing out key things. "Oh, I see you got a red dress on." They just notice something and they're just stating it. That's not a really good situational opener because pretty much any monkey can go about doing it.
Instead, we want to use this kind of formula to train your brain so you can come up with good openers that are thought-inspiring, could be playful, they could be interesting, they can just get the girl actually want to talk back and engage with you. Now, again, I've said this before, I'm going to say it one more time: the opener is not meant to start building the attraction. It's just meant to get you in those conversations. How to build the attraction, how to actually escalate, how to go into all this kind of stuff, we covered that in our VIP program. If that's something you want help with and are interested in, feel free to reach out to me or somebody from my team and we can, you know, come up with a custom game plan for you on that.
But the important thing is, we got to just get you going in a way that feels good for you. Some of you, you may just want the Batman openers. You may just be like, "Yo, just get me something to say. I'm going to go do it and have fun." And fair enough. But I know from almost two decades of experience, we get a lot of guys who given, "Hey, I want something that's more me and natural." And this is the format I'm going to give to you so you can have something that is more you and natural.
All right, so let's get right into it. So when you're situational opening, the first thing you're going to do is you got to understand the setting. This is the obvious one. What's happening? Uh, am I seeing, you know, a girl dancing up on a bar? Am I seeing two girls and they're wearing similar outfits? Am I seeing the girl with the drink with the cranberry vodka, whatever the case might be? You have to be aware of your surroundings. Most guys can't do situational opening because you're too much in their head and they're not actually aware of what's going on and what's happening in their surroundings. So, step one is following your setting. And by the way, we're going to get more into this later, external focus, but that's step one. You have to see, like, well, what's happening around me? Uh, rule of thumb, I like to look at what the girl's wearing, uh, what she's doing with her body. Sometimes body language can be fun indicators. And then what's happening in our, like, immediate surrounding area. These are the kind of things you should be tracking and watching for.
Setting. The second thing is, you're going to associate off of it. What does it mean? You're not going to just point it out, but what does it mean? So, let's say you see some girl dancing on the bar, uh, and there's another girl next to you. Well, you see the girl dancing on a bar. What do I associate with girls dancing on a bar? Maybe a little, maybe they're being a little too crazy, maybe she's too drunk, right? Not the, not the best in, uh, associations. Or sexy. Maybe you can go a positive spin with it, right? If I see two girls, let's say they're wearing a very similar outfit, what do I associate that with, right? Uh, that is that, well, clearly they have the same fashion coach or something's going in with them together, right? They've either are doing the same thing, they're reading Cosmo, uh, magazine and they have the same, uh, tips or something. I'm associating there's a reason they are wearing the same outfit, right?
And now the implication. That's going to become the opener. That's the thing you're going to say that basically implies what you're associating. So, for example, I see, I see a girl next to me and there's a girl dancing on the bar. I associate that with being, so I want to open and tease her being like, "By the way, you're next up to her, just so you know." All right, that was would be the implication that she's going to be that girl dancing on the bar. That's a good situational opener. The two girls wearing the same outfit, uh, the association is one of them doesn't know how to dress or they have to learn somewhere, right? So the implication, what I'm going to say to the girls is, "Okay, hold on, who copied who? Who's the one that that created this? Who's the one copying?" Right? Again, that's implication based on what I'm noticing from the situation that's there.
All right, uh, if I'm in line and a girl's in front of me, right? So the setting, I see a girl in front of me. The association is, uh, she snuck her way in, she's, you know, using hot roll privilege to get up to the bar first, whatever, right? The implication, what I can say to show the association is be like, "Hey, I, I see, I see what you're doing. You cut me online, but it's okay, you're cute. I'll, I'll allow it. I see that you're cutting me online." I didn't cut you. Either way, we're now doing a situation opener based on a specific set. And you can do this with literally anything and everything.
Um, if they've got a basic drink again, so the setting, I see them, uh, and they have a, I don't know what's like a basic drink. They're doing a green tea shot, okay? What do I associate with green tea shot? College? Maybe that's the implication she was in a sorority or whatever. So I go, "Green tea, okay, let me guess, that was your sorority drink." She goes, "No, I wasn't even in a s." It doesn't matter if you're right or wrong, by the way. "No, I wasn't in one." Or, "Yeah, oh my God, how did you know?" You're just implying the association because now it gets natural, genuine conversation to start flowing based on the first thing you say, versus you're just pointing out some, you know, random thing. You have an opinion on it, you're making an application on what you're noticing.
Now, what is the con with this? The con is it takes some external focus. It takes you being out of your head. It takes you actually having awareness and real realizing, "Okay, what's going on in my environment, in my surroundings?" versus what most guys are struggling with, especially when you have the anxiety, which hopefully we rewired based on the previous module, right? But you have to get out of your head and focus on what's going around you. The good news is, when you are out and you're trying to build a natural connection, especially if it's like night game, your environment naturally tries to stimulate you for that. Listen to the music, look at all the pretty lights, look at what kind of dress she's having. If you're thinking more about her and what she's doing, you're worrying less about yourself. And when you worry less about yourself, that's what's going to come off as confident, attractive, you know, all these insert good adjective here. That's kind of like the secret sauce.
The guys who are really good with women, they're not worried so much about how they're coming across. They're kind of sizing the girl up. "Is she cool? Is she worth my time? Is she fun? Let me like mess around and see like what she gives back. If she actually is like, 'Okay, you're impressing me now, I want to give you more.'" Versus most guys are like, "Listen, you've got big tits, you're pretty, I will do anything and everything just to talk to you." This comes obviously a little bit later than just starting the conversation, but it's good to have that mindset from the get-go. It's good to have that mindset of, "I'm coming up to you not to hit on you immediately, not and not worrying about every little thing I'm doing because you're not going to be able to micromanage every little thing you're doing." Instead, your focus should be, "What is going on around me? Out of my head, what am I noticing about her? And what can I get her to bring into the conversation that's going to start the natural connection?" That's what's going to actually get her to see you in a different light.
Most guys, and by the way, it's not your fault. This is taught by every dating coach I can think of, and they just dead wrong, unfortunately. And I used to teach you too. So, in their defense, I used to believe this as well. But as we've evolved, again, two decades of experience doing it, we've seen what really works here. What most guys think is value equals attraction. They have to build the value. And if you're worried about the value you're presenting to the girl when you approach her, when you come in, then you're always going to be trying to impress her. You're always going to feel like you have to do more. You're going to feel like it's never enough. You're going to be insecure about how hot she is and how many options she has and her value, etc., etc., etc. Not to say this isn't important. There's lots and lots of ways we go over my program how to build up your value exponentially, both in terms of your communication style, your lifestyle, you know, we talked about pre-selection in an earlier module. But this isn't the secret sauce. Funny enough, the secret sauce is this: is getting her to invest.
So, when you approach a girl and you're overtalking, you're you're talking too much, you are doing too many trying things, you're trying to be funny all the time, you're trying to crack every joke, you're trying to be super interesting nonstop. In in small amounts, yes, we do want to raise the value because that's is what's going to get her invested. But most guys don't create that space and allow her to invest. Let's, let's put in simpler terms, just so you can kind of get where I'm going with this. What is everyone's favorite topic? Chances are, you've probably heard this before. It's themselves, right? So you want the girl opening up, you want her talking, you want her investing, you want her putting effort in the interaction. So the name of the game when we're trying to build a natural connection with the girl, then, is not to try to perform. It's not to be like, "Oh, let me do this, you know, monkey on a unicycle juggling kind of routine." Yes, you do want to be charismatic and you do want to be the life of the party, and we can, you know, go into that. But it's not that mindset of wanting to perform. It's the mindset and doing just enough to see what she's going to bring.
For instance, instead of telling her my interesting stories about how cool I am, right? Because again, I'd rather show, not tell. You can do this with Instagram, you can do this with pre-select. I can go more and more into that. I'd rather hear her story. Instead of me saying this, you know, amazing joke, I rather she tried to impress me by being funny and telling me like, joke. Instead of me trying to show her how cool I am, I'd rather see her bar trick. I'd rather have her put time and energy, invest and do tasks for me. In fact, literally just like last night, all right? I was out. I met this, you know, I met this really, really cute girl out at the bar. And I could have easily talked her ear off and done whatever. But I challenged her. And she wanted it. It was, it was Santa Con. And I was wearing some silly Santa outfit. And she's like, "I want the hat." I'm like, "No, you have to earn the hat. And I don't think you've got what it takes to get this hat right now." I'm, I'm not trying to impress. I'm not trying to give it to her. She's, "I'm just challenging her." She goes, "What do you mean?" I'm like, "I tell you what, I'll give you five minutes. You got five minutes to go out and find a hat from some loser from some CH or some random guy. And if you could bring a hat back, I'll get buy you a drink. But if you can't do it in five minutes, you owe me a drink." Either way, it's a win-win. I'm telling her to do something, invest. I'm challenging her, which is a form of value. I'm telling her to do something. She now runs off, goes away. I don't care. Let her go do her own thing. Within five minutes, she comes back. She found another guy who gave her a hat, aka some loser guy trying to please her, which I wasn't. I'm like, "You can't get my hat. I love my hat." Right? But instead, she found a guy to give a hat. She goes, "Look, I got the hat. I got the hat." And then I'm like, "All right, fine. You deserve it. You get a drink." Whatever. She goes to the bar. Some other guy wanted to head on her. And I'm like, "Hey, she actually did get the hat. So she does deserve a drink. If you want to go talk to her." Like, "He seems like a cool guy." I push myself away. Again, not trying to get with her, trying to showcase that I'm like, I'm like not even that interested. And I start walking away, letting this other guy try to buy her a drink. She turns around, grabs me, goes, "No, no, no. The bet was you. You've got to do it." Cuz again, if she just wanted a drink, she can get a drink with anybody. And I'm literally pushing her to go talk to some other guy. But because I, the challenge, I'm positioning myself in the right way. Because she invested for me, not random guy being like, "I would love to buy you a drink and try to impress you and try to do stuff." Now she's working for me. And that's what starts building real attraction.
Now, again, this, I mean, it turned out, I will say, it turned out she's talking to a guy and, you know, has some guy she's, you know, dating, whatever. But she wanted to be around me the whole night. And in these situations, by the way, most guys find a girl with a boyfriend and they're like, "Let me get rid of her. There's no point to it." No. Instead, I'm like, "Give me your Instagram. Let's talk." I sent her that text. You, you know, you really impressed me tonight, whatever. And now, uh, she's going to be coming out with me and my girlfriend, maybe we can double date, whatever. It's just more girls I can add to my social circle for pre-selection. And the more girls I have around me that are attractive and fun, the more natural connections I'm going to build with other girls that I meet out.
Long story short, let's some all this kind of stuff is look, situational opening, it is hard, especially at first. That's why we have the Batman openers, we have the easy training wheels. But when you get to this point, the name of the game to build a natural connection again is in a style that is you, that is authentic and real. Not trying to impress. Keep your mind on them. So you're seeing opportunities on the girl, on her, what makes her good, interesting, unique, fun, whatever. And what you have in your environment that you can use to your advantage. And then finally, yes, value is important. I'm not going to say it's not. There's a lot of ways you need to be building your value, both lifestyle-wise, like superficial, like I got a yacht, I got a boat, whatever. But also just the emotions you make her feel. But the whole point of value, the entire reason we do this, is to get her invest. The guy that's got the girl investing the most into him, putting the most energy and effort into the interaction, he's going to get that girl every time over the guy that's just throwing value at her because she cares, she wants a return on that investment. And those are the best and most natural connections and real connections you're going to have with a girl. You just can't force it. And you got to stop trying to impress her up the instead be that challenge.
So, hope that makes sense. And in the next module, we're going to go a little bit more deeper in how you can start building real attraction and actually moving the needle.