Transcription
When most people think about distraction, they think about all the pings and dings that come from their cell phones or their computers. But it turns out that studies find that only 10% of the time that you check your phone is because of some ping, ding, or ring.
So what's the other 90%? Studies find the other 90% of the time that we check our devices, we're not checking them because of external triggers, things outside of us, but rather because of internal triggers, something that's going on inside of us. What are these internal triggers? Internal triggers are uncomfortable emotional states that we seek to escape from, and it is the cause of nearly all of our behavior. This desire to escape discomfort. For example, when you're feeling lonely, check Facebook. When you're uncertain, Google it. When you're bored, oh, lots of solutions to boredom. We can check stock prices and sports scores, the news. Let's tune in to what's happening with someone halfway across the world so we don't have to think about what we're feeling right now here at home.
So what we have to do if we are about to become indistractible is learn to master these internal triggers. That overwhelmingly, distraction begins from within. So let me give you one quick tip that you can use right now to help you start mastering these internal triggers. This is called the 10-minute rule. When you experience that urge that might lead you to do something you'll later regret, what I want you to do is to not tell yourself no. Okay? This is a very important lesson. We know that abstinence, that telling yourself a strict no, "Don't do it," actually makes you want things more. It's like pulling on a rubber band. If you pull on a rubber band, it goes tighter, tighter, tighter, tighter, tighter until you can't pull it anymore. And then when you finally let go, it doesn't go back to where it started. No, it ricochets across the room. The relief of giving in to whatever it is you're trying to not do is registered in the brain as a reward. We see this with smoking. We see this with obsessive device checking, all kinds of behaviors. Telling yourself a strict no is not actually always useful.
A much healthier technique is to not tell yourself no, but to say, "Not yet." Specifically, telling yourself that you can give in to any distraction you please, but in 10 minutes. So let me bring this close to home. I've written two bestsellers. I've written thousands of articles that have been published in the Harvard Business Review, the New York Times. And let me tell you, writing has never come easy for me. It is a slog. And all I want to do while I'm writing is go Google something or check email or scroll a social media feed because it's very uncomfortable. It's boring. It's stressful. It's hard work. And so I'm full of these internal triggers that I just want to escape. But I know I need to get my work done. So here's what I'll do. I'll set a timer for 10 minutes. I'll put my phone down. And now I have a choice to make. I can either get back to the task at hand, get back to the writing, or do what psychologists call surf the urge.
Surfing the urge acknowledges that these internal triggers, these uncomfortable emotional states, they're like waves. They crest and then they subside. And if we can ride out those waves, those cravings, like a surfer on a surfboard, this is one way that we can master those internal triggers so they don't become our master. So many times, I'll just sit there for 10 minutes and I'll try and talk to myself like a good friend. What is it that I'm experiencing right now? Where are these internal triggers coming from? Oh, it's because I really want this article to be great. I really want to do good work. So this is a good thing that I'm feeling this way. And I teach you how to do this self-talk in the course and in my book about how to talk to yourself like a good friend so that you can ride out that urge like a surfer on a surfboard.
And here's where the miracle happens. If you wait out just those 10 minutes, you'll find that 9 times out of 10, by the time that timer goes off, you won't even have that urge anymore. And if you still do, it's okay. Give in to it. Because over time, what you're going to do is make the 10-minute rule into an 11-minute rule, and then maybe a 15-minute rule, and then a 20-minute rule. And by doing this, you're going to build up your ability to fight distraction and master those internal triggers so that you can become indistractible. Sign up for my free Mindvalley masterclass right now to learn how you can start your journey to become indistractible.