Transcription
Hello. Um, I've been online a lot, and I'm going to be online a lot more, uh, interviewing whomever I in my life. There's so many people I've, uh, I've got in my life that want to tell their story. And I encourage if you want to tell your story, too. Reach out to me. If you want me on your show, reach out to me. I'm happy to share mine. Happy to sing wherever I go. And, uh, what the heck am I starting this without music for? I was going to just talk. I'm going to do a be quick here. The Lord's [Music] Prayer.
Our Father, who art in heaven, be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others who trespass against [Music] us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory. [Music] Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever. [Music] Amen. May his kingdom come, his will be done.
So, I'm going to read, uh, three poems. One is called "My Prayer," one is called "My Story," and one is called "My Amends." Um, "My Prayer," it says this when lust and other stuff, too. I wrote this at the Red Deer Dream Center when I was there in rehabilitation on, uh, June 18, 2024, last year at 11:40 a.m.
My Prayer.
I caved to my transgressions and lost my good intentions.
I once was lost and broken. I truly was a heathen.
I'd look with lustful eyes, then put on my disguise.
When the devil tempted me, I gave into his lies.
My flesh got the best of me. My spirit it deceived.
But I cried out to Jesus and fell down to my knees.
I said, "Lord, I'm really trying and I'm sick of all my lying.
I really need your help. I feel like I'm dying.
I need your spirit's intervention. I long for your affection.
Oh Lord, I really let you down, but now my heart is repentant.
So, Father, please forgive me all my sins so I can live.
Forgive me. I know I won't be perfect. I know I will slip.
But now I feel your grief and I'm fixed in my beliefs.
I was completely blind, but now I fully see.
Father, keep me on your path so I never feel your wrath.
I finally turn I finally turn to wheat and I won't get burned with all the chaff.
I want to remain pure, Jesus. For you I'll endure.
You are the Messiah. I am completely sure.
You are my Lord and King. So I'll forever sing.
To live my life for you, Lord. This is my offering.
Now I'm weak. When I'm weak, you are my strength.
God, I give you all my praise. I vow to live for you every single day.
When battles come my way, they'll be defeated when I pray.
I have nothing left to fear because your angels keep me safe.
I've learned right from wrong. I've learned wrong from right.
There is no evil in your sight. So I'll turn away from darkness and run into your light.
My spirit is free. You've granted me release.
I feel your love and joy and and unending peace.
I see you everywhere. You're in the clouds up in the air.
The lion and the lamb have defeated all despair.
For those all who don't believe, all is vanity.
Their eyes are fully open, but the spirit cannot see.
Oh Lord, it breaks my heart. For those who will be apart from your mercy and grace into hell, they will depart.
I'm not a single soul I want in hell, Lord.
So, Father, hear my plea as I cry out to thee.
Help them find your love so that they believe.
I'm so done believing lies. My heart has opened up its eyes.
You are my everything, God. You are my prize.
In my heart is where you dwell. I found heaven through my hell.
Now my life is great and everything is well.
I'll fight iniquity with your spirit inside me.
I've traded in my sorrows and replaced them with your peace.
Your army keeps me safe in every single way.
The devil has no chance when I unceasingly pray.
So I will unceasingly pray in Jesus name. Amen.
That's my prayer. This is called "My Story." I wrote this June 19, 11:57 a.m. at the Dream Center.
My Story.
I lost myself three years ago. I was a slave to my addictions, a plant that wouldn't grow.
I thought I knew better, but oh, how I was wrong.
I ignored the ones who loved me and ran away from home.
I left my wife and children for a woman for a woman at a bar.
I was already manic when I gave her my card.
We were codependent, very and we were codependent and very sexual.
We did drugs and drank as I watched my pain unfold.
I ignored my family and put them through hell because I thought weed and psychedelics would help get to get me well.
I did my own research and believed a lie I thought was true.
Now when I look back, I see my sins starting in my youth.
I let the devil in and fell away from God.
I had demons in my closet who invaded all my thoughts.
I couldn't put my poison down. I did more wrong than right.
My mind was filled with clouds that blocked out all the light.
I landed in the psych ward where I picked up my pen.
I started writing music and about life now and then.
I processed my emotions and turned them into songs.
Poetry defined me until all my pain was gone.
I used to be a cheater. I used to be a thief.
I lived a life of lies and caused so much grief and so many grief.
I longed to make amends with every single one of them.
I'll apologize. So, we are friends again.
And if anybody who's done wrong to me, just know that you're forgiven. I love you.
I found beauty through the ashes. I found a rainbow through the storm.
I found so much more peace than I ever had before.
I have become honest. I'm open and transparent.
I have nothing to hide. And any pain now, I can bear it.
I still have a dream, and it's larger than before.
All things are possible when you knock on heaven's door.
I I'd love to change the world one song at a time.
So I will do my best with Jesus by my side.
He'll never forsake me. He's only shown me love.
So I'll take all my passion and I will rise above.
Right now I'm in rehab. It's where I meant where I need to be.
They've taught me many skills and now I can finally see.
I pried out the log that was lodged in both my eyes.
Now I live for God. Now that I live for God, I'm no I no longer have to hide.
I long to help others through challenges they face.
Living with without poison is the only way.
I have no more fear. I've completely been set free.
I've evicted all the demons that had a grip on me.
I'm no longer lost. I am I am a prodigal son.
I I I was a prodigal. That makes I was like the prodigal son, I guess.
I've lost so many battles, but my war has been won.
I've planted I've planted many seeds and now I get to watch them bloom.
I should be dead, but my Lord got me through.
I should be dead over and over again. Over and over again, but he kept me awake and alive with his purpose to my life and his purpose to your life.
Just say seek it.
Last one is called "My Amends." This one's about, uh, it says about divorcing Andrea. I wrote this June 17. This would have been the first one actually at 1:30 p.m.
My Amends.
I'm alone with the spirit of God crying out to Jesus, begging for the strength to do what I must.
The hard choice I have to make to leave the one I to leave the one I loved.
So I set my trust on the power up above.
I truly tried my best to fully reconcile with the mother of my babies when I who I once walked down the aisle.
I was met with rejection. So was so now so it's time that I move on.
The intimacy we shared is now fully gone.
It has been three years that we have been apart.
It saddens me deeply that I broke her heart.
But I know I'm forgiven and I know I'm redeemed.
So I'll continue living and chasing all my dreams.
All of my addictions I have overcome.
My life was insanity when I was stoned and drunk.
Life taught me many lessons as I trenched through all the valleys.
I was walking blind, but now I've opened up my eyes.
I've been given mercy and I've been given grace.
I climbed up the hill and now I am embraced.
I once was a prodigal but I ran back home and the ones who called me child wrapped me in their robe.
My mom and dad amazing. My mom, she that was the lost sheep and she was my representative of Jesus.
Came out twice across the country to rescue me 7,000 km away.
I don't deserve their love but it's unconditional.
They are my inspiration. To be like them is my goal.
You know the good side. My dad's we got a bittersweet relationship and there's a dark side that is stemmed from alcohol.
I can see past that and see his heart.
I long to see my children. So, I'm putting in the work to restore my sanity and heal the ones I've hurt.
I get to see these babies face to face May 9 this year.
So excited back coach daddy again. But I get coaching with music this time. God is so good.
When they're back in my arms, I'll cry a jar of tears.
I'll be a loving father for the rest of my years.
I'll teach them wrong, right from wrong. And I'll tell them all I've done so they learn from my mistakes and the pain that numbed my fun.
I pray for them every day and have their pictures on my wall.
I stare at them and smile knowing soon I'll see them all.
I have a daughter I get to meet. Louisa Rose, three and a half years.
I've, uh, held her for five minutes, five days after she was born.
My got them on my heart. Lucas John Lucas, John, Isaac, Carl, Noise, Rose.
And I'll never forget their birthdays cuz I never would.
Anyways, I have found my I have found my peace and my soul is set free.
For three years, I was blind, but now I can finally see the love inside my heart.
I yearn to give again. this time with somebody new who will be my best friend.
I have that. I moved on. I found my Amy M. Nicole to finally love like Christ loves to the best of my ability to love like him is probably is impossible because it's it's but I don't know.
I get to maybe do my best. take it. I get to love that way, too.
I've learned from my mistakes and and each day I get stronger.
I'm finally doing what I love and I'm no longer bothered.
I have gone through hell, but I no longer complain, but because I can see the sunshine through all of the rain.
I'm filled with gratitude because the pain's behind me.
It made me so resilient and I've learned to be happy.
Now I can finally help many others through their pain so they defeat their demons and learn to live again.
I am so much better than I was before.
I still have my battles, but I've overcome the war.
My vow is to refrain from the drugs that did me over.
I'm done kicking that dead horse that only got me nowhere.
I finally found serenity, and I'll never give it up because love, joy, and peace overflowth from my cup.
That's my prayer, my amen, my story. My prayer, my amends, and my story. My prayer, my story, my mens. [Music]
For some reason I feel like singing, uh, I was going to sing "How Great Thou Art."
"Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, bright and true. With thanksgiving, I'll be a livinging sanctuary [Music] for you. Prepare me, Lord. Prepare me, Lord. Prepare me, Lord."
All right, last one. You could just play and sing all day. Our father. No, I sang this already.
"Oh Lord my God, when I in awsome wonder, consider all the world thy hands have made. I see the [Music] stars. I hear the rolling thunder. Thy power throughout the universe displayed. Then sings my soul, my savior God to thee, how great thou art. How great thou art. Then sings my soul, my savior God to thee. How great thou art."
Trying to be too fast. How great. How great thou art. How great thou art. How great thou art.
Help me deny myself and take up my cross. Fill me with your spirit so I never get lost. I want to be the suns. I want to be the light. Reflecting your glory so that others just might see your love in me and ask me about it, helping them find you, Lord. This is my wish. You keep me safe from the fires of hell. Father, will you help me deny myself? Father, will you help me deny myself? Father, will you help me deny myself? Father, will you help me deny myself? Father, will you help [Music] me? Help me deny myself, God. Help me take up my cross and follow you. Help me be the salt. Help me be the light. Help us all be the body of Christ. Help us come together in unity. Help us, not judge. It's just love instead. I love you all and God bless. Thank you for all you do.