Transcription
I was a voice inside the red pill space for almost a decade, and now I can't stand anytime I hear stuff like “high-value men,” “sing beta male,” or any of that other red pill terminology that messes dudes up into thinking that life is only about their ability to not get played by women while somehow, at the same time, sleeping with a bunch of them. I'm also making this video because I see too many men getting stuck in a mindset that's costing them peace, growth, and real connection. And I've got a son now to raise. And the more I think about a lot of the characters I've met in the space and some of the dudes who are heavily subscribed to the red pill terminology, the more I'd consider myself a failure as a father if he ended up thinking like that.
Now, before we go any further, I've got to lay out my cred so you don't think this is just another blue pill, beta scent video hating on the true nature of women. I've had dinner with Andrew Tate as a guest at a War Room. I've been on Fresh and Fit, sat next to Rolo Tamasi, and met him several times. I've sat down with Rich Cooper, entrepreneur and cars. I've spoken at Donovan Sharp's CME convention, and I gave a talk at the 21 convention, the title being “Red Pill in a Blue Pill World.” And that speech has got over 170,000 views. I met a lot of high-profile names in the space. I made a lot of friends. There are some solid dudes in the Red Pill community. Make no mistake about it. But there's also a lot of nonsense. And unfortunately, that nonsense is what gets the spotlight.
Now, at first, I chalked it up to the loudest voices drowning out the most thoughtful ones. But over time, I realized something bigger. Those abrasive, extreme voices aren't the fringe; they're the ones with the most influence, and that's a problem.
Now, before we go any further, let's define what I mean when I say “the red pill.” I think the red pill is a loosely connected online movement made up of men's self-improvement and dating content, really built on the belief that modern society lies to men, especially about women, relationships, and masculinity. And to be fair, that part isn't wrong. I embrace the red pill because I saw how much confusion and suffering men go through trying to navigate today's world. But the way the red pill community delivers that truth and what it demands from men in return is where things get ugly.
Unlike a lot of people who throw shots at this community from the outside, I'm an insider. I've shared meals and stages with the biggest names. I know them as people. So, I'm not here to name-drop for clout or beef. I will be naming no specific names. If I've had a decent conversation with someone, I'm not going to blast them online. That ain't my style. I'll block you before I bicker. Some guys already know that. I argue against ideas, not people. But when the space starts to look more like a street gang than a place for growth, we've got to talk. And here's what I mean.
See, street gangs work because they promise safety and protection in a hostile environment. And it's not just the rival gangs they offer to protect you from. It's your mom who doesn't understand you and the loneliness you feel because your pops ain't never been around. A school that says you're a problem. So, on top of worrying about the ops, you're also just an emotional mess who wants a little reassurance, and gangs feed off of that. Then you start to see the big homies who are banging despite coming up in the same hood as you, starting off with even less than you. And somehow they got money, girls, cars, and respect that you don't have and so desperately want. Maybe you don't even want to fly a whip; you just want to be able to buy something new and be the man at something, or at least get a cute girl to smile at you every now and then.
Now, you probably already see where this is going. Before we get there, I've got to drop a stat on you that blew my mind: The average age a young man joins a street gang is 13. That coincides with puberty and boys starting to get interested in girls and also no longer being treated like a little kid. I'd imagine this is why gang recruitment skyrockets at that age. Clicks form, and many of those clicks might attack you. Society stops seeing you as a kid. You feel misunderstood. You want girls, and they don't want you. And life is hard. Guidance at this time is most important. And if a boy ain't got it, he'll find it elsewhere. The difference between the red pill and street gangs in this regard is whether you're in the hood or not. The other big difference is that the red pill hits guys of all ages as long as they feel like society has screwed them over. And there are big homies who promise that if you join the gang, you'll get everything you want.
Now, I don't have a problem with the emphasis on self-improvement that comes with a lot of the red pill content. I think that a man trying to make himself as attractive as possible to gain the attention of the opposite sex generally, though not always, works out great for everyone. The man typically gets in shape, learns some interesting skills, gets out of a socially isolating bubble, and overall becomes a more engaged member of the community, and in theory at least, the girls end up with more options to date more quality men. These are good things and necessary for society. And if the manosphere only stuck to self-improvement and teaching men how to vet women, we wouldn't have a problem. But it ain't all good because that ain't where the music stops. It spirals into paranoia, bitterness, and fear because the red pill hustles backward. It tells you that unless you become some jacked, hyper-masculine player who never trusts women, you're weak. It tells you that vulnerability makes you a simp and that relationships are a trap and connection is a liability. And so, ironically enough, the red pill turns you into a slave to what you claim to hate. You don't trust women, but you can't stop chasing them. You don't want to love, but you're terrified of being alone. And that's not freedom; that's just another kind of prison. So much of it is complaining, bitterness, and vitriol without any real actionable steps to solving the problem.
And before any folks in that space who watch this video say something like, “Teaching how to get laid, paid, and never trust women is a solution,” no, it isn't. Look, I'm not going to be the dude to tell you that you just have to be yourself and all the game you learn isn't necessary. If it wasn't clear before, I'm a big believer in becoming better with girls. But very few dudes found the red pill because they had issues with women. By the time any guy with odds and a working brain reaches his teenage years, he understands what girls like and don't like. At least on a superficial level. Men have always known that being a leader, being cool, being in shape greatly increases your chances of getting laid. We know that you have to eventually make moves, and eventually we all learn the pain of heartbreak. Most of the dudes who find the red pill are like me; they got burned when a girl cheated or smashed them up in divorce court or something like that.
My red pill origin story is that at 23, I was dating a girl who got pregnant by a bum she worked with. Even after she knew the baby wasn't mine, my mom still moved her in, hung up pictures of the kid everywhere, and somehow acted shocked when I wasn't coming around anymore. I was angry. And that's how most men find the red pill. We felt rejected, let down, and misunderstood. And some bros on the internet come along who claim to have the answer to all of our problems, but most of it is just talking about the negatives of women.
Now, every red pill guy apparently goes through something like the five stages of grief when it comes to the red pill: denial that the world works this way; anger that it works this way; bargaining that some of the world might be this way, but still denying some truths that are too bitter to swallow; depression after they see that some of this stuff is true; and finally, acceptance that all of it is true. I keep coming back to this because it's a really clear idea. The red pill sells you clarity, but only if you stay angry. It offers a sense of control, but keeps you dependent on bitterness.
At this point, I feel it's important to tell you that I, for the most part, think there's a lot of truth in the red pill ideology. But without digging too far into the specifics, I think that truth only applies if you're operating at a certain level in a certain environment. In my video about being street smart, I talked about how you only gain street smarts by being in an environment like the street and suffering along your way to learning how to survive. And then once you're out, those skills can help you flourish, but they come with some serious downsides. I've linked to that video in the description. The red pill is a lot like this: supposed to wake you up, but now it just keeps you asleep, angry, bitter, and stuck in the same cycle. The red pill is just like being street smart. It will help you navigate a certain aspect of the dating world and the women you meet in it, but—and take it from someone who not only knows this firsthand but has also talked to many men who have had depressingly similar experiences—those skills come with some serious downsides that will make it difficult, if not impossible, to start a relationship if that's what you want. And that's one of the biggest problems in the red pill space. The big names and leaders in the space are stuck in the anger phase. Of course, they don't think they are. But if your main talking points are criticizing women and their flaws, then you have not learned anything. You're still just angry, albeit for slightly different reasons. Some of that anger is incentivized because the angry takes get the most views from other guys. Anger sells, and anger also keeps you stuck.
Now, take a look at the personal lives of most of these so-called high-value red pill guys. One guy talks about high-value men but lives in a rented condo, hasn't spoken to his kid in years, and hasn't had a serious relationship since Obama was president. And they constantly have petty beefs online and crash out, ironically enough, just like the behavior they criticize in women. Like I said at the start of this video, I don't beef online; I just ignore and block. Real masculinity isn't about gossiping or crashing out online. It's about knowing when to walk away and just cut your losses and charging to the game. Most of these dudes are stuck chasing women they don't even like because that's all they know how to do. If you're following a guy in his mid-30s whose only flex is how many girls he smashes, you're following somebody who peaked in high school, not someone in manhood. Getting laid is easy, man; you can pay for that. Emotional connection though, trust, building something special with somebody you respect—that's the real challenge. And most of them won't do it because that means facing their fear of rejection, moving past their pain and learning from their mistakes, and building something that can be taken away from you in an instant. But it's arguably one of the most powerful and important drives in a man. It's not just about the biological drive to procreate; it's about building a legacy, raising a family, and creating something that outlives you.
When you look at it like this, the red pill is no different than modern feminism that it criticizes so much for making girls more interested in their career than their family. If the red pill is the Bloods, feminism is the Crips. Both sides are built on division. Both rely on worst-case scenarios and loud, bitter voices. Feminists will say stuff like, “Women make less money than men,” even though women now outperform men in graduation rates, college enrollment, and even average earnings in certain age brackets. So what ends up happening? Boys come of age confused, angry, and feeling like they were lied to. They go online, and the red pill gives them something that feels like clarity. It's not always the truth, but it is an identity. And just like a gang, it tells them, “Stick with us. We'll protect you. We'll show you the way.” But there's a cost, and a lot of boys and men don't realize it until it's too late. There is value in red pill truths, but the delivery system is broken.
So, here's my advice. Especially if you're young and looking for answers, you've got to vet the men you follow. If a dude's biggest achievement at 35 is, “I get hoes,” that ain't a high-value man; that's a dude stuck in adolescence. If he tells you the only metrics that matter are money, muscles, and women, but he's angry, isolated, and addicted to his platform or something like porn, ask yourself if that's someone worth becoming. You want to win in life, right? So you've got to work out your trauma and build something that's real. You've got to cultivate peace. You've got to learn to connect, not just conquer. And if you want a plan to avoid becoming one of those broken older dudes living off bitterness, watch the next video here about the three mistakes that will ruin your life. Trust me, you're not broken; you're just angry. But you don't have to stay that way.