Transcription
You want to meet an INFJ? Ideally, you'll be in an environment in which you can meet the same people often and observe them. But this isn't always the case, so start with body language. People always mention the INFJ stare, but the stare doesn't come randomly. INFJ men are more given to staring at people randomly, but in my experience, INFJ women are not. So you want to find that stare. Look for external stimulus—someone playing music publicly, or something interesting happening, or someone saying something interesting—that gives them the excuse to stare. Once they have the excuse to stare, they will stare, and the INFJ stare, then, even if it isn't focused on you, is unmistakable. Because while most people will look or stare at the stimulus, INFJs look dead while they're doing it. They look like zombies, or rather, they feel like zombies. They never break their stare, and they look out of their own head, either presently detached or detachedly present. It's unmistakable. You can feel it.
Next thing: they're attractive, even if they aren't speaking. Physically, they're attractive. This is harder to spot in guys, easier to spot in women, because they can express themselves with clothes better. But they dress well, groom themselves well, and I've noticed many are interested in fitness, either in weightlifting or running. I haven't met one INFJ who wasn't concerned with their appearance enough not to maintain. So physically, a little good. But the attraction goes further. If you're an INTP, just from personal experience, their alluring, even if they aren't speaking, even if you weren't physically attracted to them—which you probably will be—something about their energy balloons you. You pay attention to that. It's subjective, but don't brush it under the rug. That's a great way to notice them.
So, third tell: this tell requires either one of the first two tells, or any of the ones I'll mention after this, and it's also very subjective, but bear with me: gravity. Once you've noticed one of these other tells, even if they're silent, they'll have gravity, like a planet impressing upon space. I keep saying it: they have gravity. It's also unmistakable, but you wouldn't notice it unless you noticed one of these other tells first. So you've recognized one of their body language tells, or you've heard one of their externalized thinking tells, which we'll get into.
Interacting with them: approaching them cold. Although it won't be cold because you're an INTP and your analytical. INFJ women are afraid of people, or at least uncomfortable with people—strangers. INFJ men are at odds with, or uncomfortable with, strangers. However, they interact with people often or regularly, and they're comfortable interacting. Interacting is what they do. So, although you might off-put them, don't be afraid to approach them, because they won't take it poorly, or they won't take it wrong. And if they do take it wrong, then they probably aren't an INFJ, or your mojo is off. You need good mojo if you want them to lower their bare and feel comfortable with you.
So you've approached them, and they aren't off-put. You're an INTP; you're aware, probably, of the social webbing governing people's actions. INFJs—I don't know how they process it or how they mentally map it—but they're also aware of it, or they feel it. You want to get outside that. So hit them with good questions, such as "What's most important to you in life," or something along those lines. "Why do you think you're alive?" That one I wouldn't try, because I don't know, I don't like that one. That one was more of like an ENFP, INFJ, INTP type question. "What's most important to you" is a good INFJ question. Then pay attention to how they process it. They will stop; they will think; and they will not respond immediately. They're processing it. You can tell; their energy vibe computers. Then, when they respond, they'll respond measuredly and carefully, even if they don't have an answer for you. They measure their words. Pay attention to that, and don't interrupt them. Also, pay attention to, once you've hit them with this, whether or not they mention how society is supposed to work. They are aware of how society is supposed to work—supposed to, keyword. I've had two INFJs do this separately, and all of them measure their words, and again, please don't interrupt them. Don't do it.
Okay, you've gotten this far. At this point, it should be obvious whether or not they're an INFJ. And if it is, one of two things will happen: one, you'll get into a spontaneous conversation, which will be fascinating, but not pointed. You're an INTP; you want your conversations to be pointed. You want to get something out of them—something specific, something you've thought of. Their conversations will be fascinating, but meandering. Their conversations are not pointed; they aren't reaching a conclusion as you would. They are soaking up your energy. Understand what's happening, and don't be put off by it. They're not meandering; they're doing something. You're performing an activity, and they're performing an activity, but your activities look different. That's what your spontaneous conversation will look like. Or they'll have somewhere to be, and if that's the case, walk with them. No, my guy, they will still want to talk with you, but they'll also have somewhere to be, and they'll be perfectly comfortable with you both walking and talking to wherever they're going. They're so weird. They will want to talk with you, but they will also not spontaneously break whatever plans they had. So just go with them, talk, and see where it goes.
Okay, so provided everything has gone well—you seem to tells, the conversation went well—you'll be able to get their number, or some means of contacting them; that a social no problem. Next thing to pay attention to: texting. They will text you, but they will not text emphatically. Their texts will feel dead and unexpressive. And if you communicate with them online, like through email or through a chat thing with your desktop, they'll speak a lot, but again, will feel cold and disconnected. This is not because they're cold and disconnected people, but because INFJs don't connect with text. This took me a long time to realize. I've had an INFJ friend for a while now, and although he will communicate with me through text, he prefers having conversations verbally. I realize now, after experiencing more INFJs, it's because the text isn't the connection; they can't soak energy from text, but they can soak energy from speaking. So call them; don't just text them. And ask them how they feel about texting or written communication, and they'll probably tell you something similar. Again, anecdotally—can't prove it scientifically—every INFJ I've spoken with prefers verbal communication, and especially prefers face-to-face communication.
So I have a long list of other INFJ tells and weird INFJ-isms, but this video is just about how to spot and connect with an INFJ in the wild. People say they're unicorns; they really aren't. They just seem like unicorns because they're hard to find, but once you have the algorithm, the pattern, tools, finding them becomes child's play. We'll save the list for another video. If you're an INFJ, or are familiar with INFJs, tell me what I got right, tell me what I got wrong. I'm only a couple months into compiling this system, and I'm keen on improving it. Like if you enjoyed, cuz it helps me out a lot. Subscribe if you haven't, because we do this sometimes, and comment your thoughts, because I love hearing from you. And if you're part of my core fan base, I'll link a personality test in the description. Please tell me your type; I am curious what sort of people my viewers are who like my content and have stuck around for it this long, because I know I wouldn't have, but I also realized there are some people who would, and I want to know who you are. Okay, we're still doing the new outro, or figuring out a new mattress, so we'll do the snippety snaps and have a good day.