Transcription
[Music] Good evening and thank you for joining us tonight. In a moment, we will go to our study. You will see that we will not have a bulletin, but will go directly to our teaching. And then we'll conclude the teaching with a few words of encouragement to you who are viewing our services online.
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Let's open our Bibles together. The Song of Solomon. Song of Solomon, chapter one. And we're going to pick up where we left off last week as we've begun a series in Song of Solomon. And we'll be looking today at verse nine into chapter two, verse seven. As you do so, a couple of brief announcements. Uh, this upcoming Wednesday, we do continue our series in the Gospel of John. For those who are able to be with us on Wednesday night, we're looking in chapter seven. And then on Saturday next week, we do have our women's conference that is, uh, going to be held here. I invite you ladies and encourage you to be here on Saturday. It'll be a real blessing. Then in November, on the 5th, we have a men's breakfast. Fellas, I invite you to be part of that. And you can sign up before you leave. We do have a, a, a theater that we're renting to go see a movie. How many of you have heard of the new movie called Courageous? I'm just interested. Well, we're going to take the church and we rented out a theater. And if you'd like to go with us as a church, it's basically a theater will be ours. And, um, all you need to do is, um, get your tickets or sign up for them at the gazebo. It's going to be on Saturday, the 29th of this month. And we have the 2 o'clock showing. And so if you'd like to be part of that, we invite you to, you can get your tickets before you leave today.
And then finally, I have a video I want to show you as a brief introduction, um, to an announcement, frankly. But let's turn the lights off. No kissing. Have you ever felt like that? Like you're just tooling along, just minding your own business, enjoying your bike ride, and out of nowhere, a wild beast takes you out? Have you ever felt like that? That thing weighs about 500 pounds and it just hammered that guy. This has been getting a lot of hits on YouTube. And obviously, it's very interesting. At the end of the, of the clip, it shows his helmet and it says, "Always wear a helmet," because that thing took him out. Came out of nowhere. And in spiritual warfare, you can be walking and feeling everything's going fine. The enemy, who prowls around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour, can come out of nowhere and hammer you. And so we're doing a series on spiritual warfare. Every person who's a believer in this room, every one of you, is going through it in one form or another. It's something that occurs through your entire spiritual life. And I want to take some time on Sunday nights to equip you for, uh, with your weapons for the spiritual warfare that you're going through. And so I encourage you to be with us tonight at five o'clock. We're going through spiritual warfare. We looked at the origin and fall of Satan last week. And tonight, we're going to be in chapter six, looking at being girded with truth. And so I invite you to be with us tonight. We have special music with Tony Logan, and we're going to have communion. And so I invite you to be with us tonight as we gather and we have an opportunity to be equipped for the spiritual war that we are in.
We're going through Song of Solomon. We're in chapter one. We're going to be looking today beginning at verse nine. Let me read you verses nine through eleven and we'll get into our study. Song of Solomon. And, and as we look at this series in the Song of Solomon, I would share with you that what the Song of Solomon is, is it gives to us an insight into a relationship between Solomon and a young woman referred to as the Shulamite. And, uh, it begins really with his, his courtship, if you will. We could even refer to it in a sense like a dating kind of things that you can see that go on in the initial relationship as it's developing. And that, I think, is very valuable for us. And so when you look at Song of Solomon, you may be a married individual right now, saying, "What do I care about this kind of stuff? You know, this doesn't pertain to me." It really does. If you listen with ears to hear, you're going to see that though you may be married, there are always things that we can bring, uh, into our marriage that will help us to develop us even further. And so as we look at Song of Solomon this morning, I encourage you to be thinking of, of that, even if you're married. If you're not married at the moment, if you're dating somebody, all of this can be of help as we look at the word of God here and look for some practical application to it.
And so we're looking at Song of Solomon, chapter one. I chose to simply call it, "To Date or Not to Date." You'll see why in just a moment. But beginning at verse nine, reading to verse eleven, Song of Solomon, chapter one. "I have compared you, my love, to my filly among Pharaoh's chariots. Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with chains of gold. We will make you ornaments of gold with studs of silver." Song of Solomon relates to romance and, and a marriage, obviously. Before we are committed in marriage, there should be steps that lead to this commitment. In America, in our American culture, dating usually precedes marriage. We don't have a system of arranged marriages. We have the freedom to choose whom we are going to marry. We have the ability to do that ourselves. And so the commitment to be married normally is the result of a, a dating relationship. And that, that is such common knowledge, or at least it used to be such common knowledge, that you usually date before you get married. That all of the songs that I grew up listening to that related to to love and romance, all of those songs basically related, many of those songs related to to dating and, and the steps that led to falling in love and ultimately getting married.
I'm fairly certain that the majority of the people in this room aren't old enough to remember a group called The Five Satins. I would, I'll ask anybody, remember a group called The Five Satins? Oh, you are old. You know, very few would remember the group called The Five Satins. They had a hit, if you will, that was during my time, and it was, uh, called "To the Isle." And it's a very, uh, very well known for those of us who are of a certain age, meaning just about dead. There's a certain, most of us know this song or remember it. And, and these are the lyrics to it. But it really gives you the steps to marriage. And these are the things that I grew up thinking was was the proper way things are done. And they, they sing, "First a boy and a girl meet each other, then they sit down and talk for a while. In your heart, you'll want her for a lover. While each step draws you closer to the aisle. You may start with a simple conversation. My darling, please put me on trial." She says, "Yes," and your heart starts beating. While each step draws you closer to the aisle. You ask her if she loves you. She answers, "I do." Your heart starts glowing inside, and then you will know she's just for you. While each step draws you closer to the aisle. Then you put a ring on her finger, and the tears start flowing a while. Then you'll know she's yours forever. While each step draws you closer to the aisle."
The way it was was, you basically would meet somebody, you'd have an interest in that person, you'd begin to get acquainted, eventually you begin to move on and, and, and see that it can go further than just a simple dating relationship. As a matter of fact, the dating relationship is, is what's being referred to when he says, "My darling, will you put me on trial?" That's what the dating relationship was. It was intended to give to you an opportunity to discover whether or not this person you're with, you're going out with, whether that person is the one you'd like to be married to. Unfortunately, and very sadly, and extremely tragically, today in our day, people very often say, "Put me on trial," by saying, "Will you live with me? Will you move in with me? Let's act as if we're married. Let's pretend that we have a marriage." And, and they say that's the trial. In Mexico, some of you are aware of this right now, they are selling marriage licenses or giving out marriage licenses that are two years, two-year licenses. In the event that you want to renew them after two years, you can. And so that's the mentality that people have. You know, they think, "Well, let's, let's put this on trial by living with one another." That is not God's way. And it most certainly wasn't the way the society that you live in, uh, now. That's not the way the society was when men like I were growing up. We knew that you met somebody, we knew that you showed an interest in them, we knew that you asked them out. Then the day came when you started thinking, "Maybe I love this woman." And you ask her, "How do you feel about me?" She says to you, "I love you." And something inside just, just begins to ignite. And, and then you put a ring on her finger, and then you walk her down the aisle. And, and that was just the way it was then. And I think it was beautiful then because it was really in line with what God would have for us today.
Dating normally, it's the result of an attraction. And, and Solomon has an attraction for this young woman who is simply referred to as the Shulamite. It's interesting how he speaks concerning this attraction. In verse nine, he says here, in first, in chapter one, verse nine, Song of Solomon, "I have compared you, my love, to my filly among Pharaoh's chariots." I'm attracted to you. Now, it's interesting how he refers to her first. And I want you to note that it's simple to note quickly. In verse nine, he calls her "my love." So those are just terms of endearment. He says, "my love" to her five times in the book, Song of Solomon. Five times he refers to her as "my love." And, and some of us have words of endearment that we use with the one whom we're in love with. And it really doesn't matter. You might call her honey, or you might call her your sweetheart, or baby doll, or baby girl, or mama. I mean, you can, that's what you call her. It's interesting to me, though, what he's saying here. He gives her the utmost compliment. He wants her to know what he really thinks of her. So he compares her to a horse. That's what he does. "I compared you, my love, to my filly." Maybe she was a nag. I don't know. "I have compared you to my filly among Pharaoh's chariots." Man, that man knows how to talk to a lady, doesn't he? He's charming her. Filly, obviously, is a female horse. Solomon was a man who was, uh, a horseman. He was an official, an owner of horses. He, he, he was comparing her to what he considered to be a very, extremely beautiful, powerful, majestic, well, filly. He's saying, "You are extremely beautiful." And that was really a compliment. And he was saying that in order to let her know that, that she is absolutely beautiful. As a matter of fact, her beauty was overwhelming because he says, "I have compared you, my love, to my filly among Pharaoh's chariots." Well, the term "Pharaoh's chariots" would connote to a Jewish person a memory of, of when Pharaoh and his chariots were chasing the children of Israel to the Red Sea as they were about to cross it. And the amazement that they would have as they saw the, the chariots of Pharaoh. That, that sense of awe that was in their hearts. While he's saying that, "You have caused my heart to be overwhelmed by your beauty. You're dazzling." As a matter of fact, not only am I overwhelmed by you, well, he describes it, verse 10: "Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with chains of gold." "I am extremely attracted to you," he's saying. "And I want to know you. I want to know you better. I find you physically dazzling. I'm attracted to you."
And when, in our day, one of the ways that we go about getting to know one another is through the dating relationship. When I first met Marie, there were things about her that immediately attracted me. I was attracted by her smile. I was attracted by her beautiful eyes. I was attracted by her attitude, her strength, her laughter, her kindness. There were things about this young woman that just were very, very attractive. And they were so attractive, they all combined, uh, in such a way as to cause me to consider asking her to go out with me. So I asked her to go out with me. And I never asked anybody else to go out with me again. She was my last date, the longest date, and the best I ever had. Now, when you're young, you're not necessarily thinking of dating in a way that it's going to lead you to marriage. You don't think that way. It's kind of like a sport. It's just something you do. Many aren't even getting married today. And some will wait, some will wait until their 30s to get married, if at all. Sometimes in their 40s. Now, I came from a background where my dad was 20 and my mom was one month past her 17th birthday when they got married. My mother was a grandmother at the age of 36 years old. And so that was common. My grandmother was probably 14 years old when she got married to my grandfather. That was very common in previous generations. This generation is different. If people get married at all, they're getting married later on, 30 years old or even more than that.
But when you're young and you begin to date, you're not really thinking that you are going to get married. So what dating can be for you is a way for you to, to learn how to conduct yourself with a member of the opposite sex. You actually begin, in your early days, you begin to put into practice the things that your parents have has tried to, to teach you. They've tried to teach you to use table manners, to show courtesy, to dress appropriately, to do some basic things like chewing with your mouth closed, things like that. And so you learn some basic things when you're dating. Listen, when I, when I first started going out, we didn't go out as a family. We didn't go to restaurants. Today, it's different. You know, in, in homes, they used to have something called, well, I don't know, this is kind of a foreign word, called a kitchen. And they had this weird thing, it had fire on it, called a stove. And, and people used to, I know you don't believe this, they, they used to stand there and they had things called pots, and they would cook things in it. You know, when I grew up, we didn't have a lot of restaurants. There weren't a lot of restaurants for us. It was a treat to go out and get, uh, what they called a Scotty burger. It was 19 cents, and it wasn't worth that much. I mean, we used to go to Scotties, and they had a McDonald's in Downey, and, and for us, it was a big treat, you know, to do something like that. We didn't have lots of restaurants in our neighborhood. Sunday was kind of weird because we all actually were home on Sundays in the afternoon, and we had, we had Sunday dinner with the family. That's just the way it was. And, and so we didn't go out. I didn't go out to restaurants. My parents didn't take us out to restaurants on occasion. When we were on vacation, we would stop and eat at a restaurant. That was pretty much it. And so when I was 16, I took somebody to the Rose Parade. And, and some friends of mine, all we actually had a group kind of thing. And, and so the young lady that I was with, I, I was ordering breakfast, and I did not know how to order breakfast. I didn't know how, I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted because I'd never been to a restaurant and ordered for myself. I was 16. And when the waitress walked up and said, "What would you like?" I didn't know how to order what I wanted. So I said, "I want eggs with a ball on top." And she looks at me like, "What is that?" Because that's how I would tell my mom. My mom would say, "How do you want it?" "I want it with the ball on top." "Okay, mama knew." Stupid waitress didn't know. What does she know? So I didn't know. She says, "What is that?" And I said, "I, I don't know what to say. I have not a clue." So I had seen a movie that they said, "over easy." So I said, "Oh, over easy." Oh, okay. She brings these runny eggs. They're gross. I thought, "What is this?" She said, "Those are over easy." I've had to learn what over medium was, over hard. I had to learn all those things. I didn't know all of those things. I didn't know.
You know, there was a time, you know, this sounds nostalgic to you. I'm just using it to illustrate. There was a time when if you took a young woman out to eat, you would ask her. The young man would ask the young woman, "What would you like?" And the young woman would say, "I would like to have this." And then the waitress would actually come or the waiter and speak to the man and say to the man, "What would you like, sir?" And you would say, "Well, the lady would like this, this, this, and that. And me, I can't afford anything for myself. Give me some water." [Applause] "Let's bring some extra lemon and lots of bread, man, because she's..." He's a pig. No, I mean, we, we, that's the way it is, man. Today, they don't do that. But you learn. You know, they'll go to the woman, they'll say, "What do you want?" And then she'll say, "Everything." And so for us, you know, there were different things. So you learned to put into practice the courtesies and things that you were trained in. And you had a few dates, and you made a few mistakes, and you finally were able to, to learn from the mistakes, and then you became more experienced in dating. That's how it worked.
After a while, as you grow older, dating in and of itself ceases to be just something you want to do. And you begin to be with somebody that you like being with so much that you wanna, well, you wanna get to know them better and have a deeper relationship. You begin to think of the long term. That especially happens when you begin to realize that you're getting to the point that you, you just might want to get married. What you do at that point, obviously, and as you're preparing for it, is you take that to God in prayer and ask the Lord, "Is this the one? And what do you want to do through this relationship?" And you begin to do certain things that, that can be helpful. How do you know you're going in the right direction? Well, one, you begin to know by just spending time with them. As you're spending time with them, they're, you're learning things about them. You're, you're basically, that's what it means when it says, "Put me on trial." You're basically learning whether or not you're compatible, whether you simply enjoy each other's company. The first date Marie and I ever had, we began the date at 11 o'clock in the morning. Friend of mine and I double-dated. We picked Marie up, we went and spent the day with her, and, and, uh, came back, and I stayed, uh, with her until, uh, one o'clock, just talking and sharing. And I discovered, this is a young lady that I enjoy being with so much that I don't even want to leave and go home. I'm enjoying just my time with her. We had a great time. As a matter of fact, to this day, after all of these years, to this day, when Marie and I together, you know, of course, we have radios and, and all of that. I'll turn the music on real low. Sometimes, if we're taking a longer trip, we'll listen to music together for a while. But normally, we're talking. That's what we do. Wake up, the first thing in the morning, and I wait, you know, when she wakes up. I always wake up before she does. And when she wakes up, we begin talking. And we talk and talk. And that's what we've done. But that was what we began to do on our very first date. That's why we're so close. We spend a lot of time visiting and sharing. And that's what you do. You spend time together.
My caution in that is, do not, do not draw too close too quickly. Give yourself some space. Because sometimes when you're attracted to that person, you want to see them all the time. And, and it's what happens is you rush into intimacies, you rush into closeness that is not real. It's artificial. You start knowing things about that person that perhaps it's just not time to know about them. Be very careful. Don't be pressured to spend too much time together because it really ultimately is not really, really healthy. Because a relationship needs time to process what's going on. When Marie and I would go out, I, I taught a Bible study. That's how I met her. I was teaching a Bible study. I met her on a Monday night. And then I would take her out either a Friday or a Saturday. And we'd go to church on Sunday. That was what we did. And I've been asked before, "Did you call her during the week?" And the answer is no. And the, the question is, "Why didn't you call her?" I never called her. I never called her. I would, on Monday, I would drive her from the Bible study back to her place. And I would ask her out. And I'd say, "You like to go out Saturday? Would you like to go out Friday?" And she'd say, "Yes." And I'd say, "Okay, I'll pick you up. I'll see you here at such and so time." And so I've been asked, "Why didn't you call her?" And the answer is real simple. I had a life. I had a life. I'm not one of these guys who would rush home to get on the phone. "Hello, what are you doing?" [Applause] "I'm asleep." "Wake up." "Now, I don't care what you're doing. You know, I'm going to bed." And I would see her on Friday or Saturday, and that was it. Didn't have to call it. Didn't have to, you know, "Did you go out with some other guy last night?" I didn't care. What do I care? Because I figured that eventually, if I was committed to her, she would become committed to me. And so I wasn't worried about those things. I wasn't real possessive like that. I wasn't one of those kinds of guys. I figured that I'll get to know her, she'll get to know me, and if we like each other, it's going to work out. It's got to be in the Lord. It's going to be something that is a friendship thing. And that's what we did. And so what I wanted to do, and she wanted to do the same thing, is to see who they really are. And so I've never used flattery with her ever. There are guys who want to charm and use flattery, and girls who use, uh, flattery on guys. I was never that way. I made a, my mind up to be just a real person. I wanted this girl I was going out with to know the real David Rosales. I didn't want her to think of me in a certain way. I wasn't playing with it. I wasn't trying to be something that I thought she liked. I wanted to be who I am. Because I figured I already had played so many different roles over the years for people that I wanted to like me, and I find out what they liked, and then I'd act like I liked that. I didn't want that. I wanted her to like David for who David really is. And it takes time. And I got to know her for who she really is. And it takes some time to do that.
So see them for who they really are. Watch how they are. Notice how they are when they're around groups of people. Listen when they speak concerning your friends to you. Eventually, should you want them to meet your parents, see how they respond and what they say. Later on, do they want to spend time with the family? Date them long enough to see how they handle things. Date them long enough to see how they handle their money, how they go about daily life. Because those things are important. And it takes a while to do that. As you're dating, define your relationship. In a short amount of time, you're going to know if there's an exclusive relationship or not with this person. Again, I, I would date Marie, but if she wanted to go out with somebody else, she was free too. I wasn't worried about that. But after a while, you develop an exclusive relationship. Now, when you're going out, it's always wise to go out with groups and to go out with friends. And it's not a real wise idea for you to be dating and only to be double dating with married couples. Because when you double date with married couples, you can begin to act like you're married too. So it's good to have friendships. It's good to go on group dates. And to be very careful that the things that you're doing, you know, are, are things that you can do before the Lord, as well as people. It's a good practice to remain in public places when you're together. Going to their home, going to their apartment alone is not a good idea. It's not too difficult to give into temptation under proper circumstances. And Romans 13:14 says, "Make no provision for the flesh to fulfill its lusts." It's unwise to go to their apartment or their home when nobody's there and just sit on that couch and draw close to each other and make out and all of that's just totally unwise because you're going to fail.
Now, as you're going through the relationship, show proper value for one another. When you're with someone who values you, they're also going to respect you. Never waste your time on someone who's trying to move you into areas you don't want to go. Pressure to conform to their will is never good in any form that it's expressed. Don't allow someone to press you into the mold that they want you to be in. Be yourself. Be who you are. And be real before the Lord. You see, when Solomon was speaking here to this Shulamite and comparing her to the filly among Pharaoh's chariots, because Pharaoh had a horse that was exclusively his, it was a white horse that could be seen for miles, but it was his. He was simply saying, "You are exclusively mine, and you are beyond price in your value to me." So when you have a dating relationship, it should be one that causes you to know that you are valued. Do you know that you're valued? How do you know? The way you're being treated, the way you're being spoken to. Are there sincere compliments? Are there basic courtesies? Are there simple acts of thoughtfulness and kindness? Do you expect to be treated in a certain way, and do they treat you that way? Solomon was making it very clear that this was a very, very valuable woman in his life.
Now, notice in verse 12: "While the king is at his table, my spikenard sends forth its fragrance. A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me, that lies all night between my breasts. My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blooms in the vineyards of En Gedi." Now, how does she feel about him? Notice she refers to him in this way: "my beloved." She calls Solomon "my beloved" 24 times. And what she's speaking about here, by the way, is simply making herself as attractive as she possibly can. And her attractiveness is exclusive. It's for him alone. She's speaking concerning the perfumes, the bundle of myrrh. Well, when she's speaking about that, she's simply saying, "I want to communicate to him who I am. This is a fragrance that I wear that I want him, whenever he smells it, to be thinking of me." When Marie and I went on our first dates, I can remember that there's just something about this, you know, when she got close to me and her hair would brush against me and I'd smell the perfume, I, I got dizzy. She wore Chanel No. 5. I can still, I can still remember that. She wore Chanel No. 5. And when she got close to me and I smelled it, I'd go, "Oh, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna faint." To this day, when I smell Chanel, I think of my girl when I first met her. You know, and that's what's being spoken up here. She said, "I have a fragrance that is exclusively his." And so that whenever he comes into contact with that, he'll be thinking of me.
Now, Mr. Charmer speaks again, verse 15: "Behold, you are fair, my love; behold, you are fair; you have dove's eyes." Man, does that man know how to talk to a woman? You're a horse and a bird dog size. Why, dove's eyes? Well, they were regarded as gentle and beautiful. But a dove also represents purity and innocence, simplicity. He was saying something beyond just, "How beautiful eyes." He was saying, "You have an innocence and a purity about you that is extremely attractive to me as a man. There's something about your gentleness. There's just something about how you are." Well, what it is, is this: she's a lady, and she expects to be treated as a lady. That's, that's a good insight. That's something that we need to remember. Young women who act like ladies will be normally, normally will be treated as a lady. And so it's something we men will normally respond to. Yeah, we'll test them. We want to see where their breaking point is, what we can get away with saying to them, or being silly with them, or whatever. We're discovering them. But I'll tell you something, when she's a lady and she wants to be treated as one, well, that's something that is unbelievably valuable. And that's basically what he's saying when he says, "You are fair, my love; behold, you are fair; you have dove's eyes." He's saying, "You're beautiful. You are pure. I respect you because of your gentle ways. You're a woman who is gentle. You're not out of control. You're not an angry woman. You are a beautiful, gentle woman."
Well, she responds, verse 16: "Behold, you are handsome, my beloved, yes, pleasant also. Our bed is green. The beams of our houses are cedar, our rafters of fir." Well, when she speaks concerning "our bed is green," it's not what it may appear at first. When she says "our bed is green," she's not married to him. So what is she speaking about? Well, "bed" is in reference to a couch. It was an outdoor couch that was used for sitting down and even used for napping. The cedars and the trees are making a natural canopy, so that's providing a peaceful, romantic setting for them. So she's just aware of the environment that she's with him in. You, if you want romance to blossom, if you want things to be deep, be aware of your surroundings. If you take somebody to the movies, or you go to a play, or you go to a concert, all of that's well and good, but you don't have much time to get to know that person. And so when you're going out, it ought to be in such a way that you have a place where you can visit, that you can talk, you can be open with one another. And, and she's basically saying that we have an open relationship, and we've drawn close through that.
In chapter two, she speaks of herself, verse one: "I am the rose of Sharon, I am the lily of the valleys." What she's saying is, "I'm very plain," because the rose of Sharon and the lily of the valley were common flowers in Israel. She's simply saying, "Considering myself, I'm a very ordinary person." But notice Solomon's response in verse two: "Like a lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters." You may consider yourself to be just a very simple and very plain woman, but Solomon is saying, "I'm extremely attracted to you because you stand out beyond everybody else. You are the most beautiful and most desirable woman in the world," is what he's saying. Now, Solomon is making her feel feel beautiful because he sincerely believes that she is. Very often, a woman comes to understand her value by what is said to her. Sometimes the way you are spoken to is all that is needed to reveal your relationship. If you're with somebody who is constantly criticizing you and correcting you, that's not a healthy relationship. Your words can belittle a person until they feel stupid and unattractive and even useless. We may not physically harm somebody, but we can tear them apart with our, with our words. And in a relationship with a man and a woman, when a man sincerely, without attempting to flatter, when he sincerely says to that woman, "You're beautiful," it does something for her. There's this old saying, whether it's true or not, I don't know, but it's an old saying where they say, "You know, she's beautiful, she must be in love." There's just something about it. When a, a man and a woman are together in such a way that, that the woman says to him, "You're handsome," and, and the man says to her, "And you're so beautiful." "Oh, I'm just a lily of the valley. I'm a rose of Sharon." "No, you are a lily among thorns. You've got something going there." This man's in love with her, and he thinks she is the most attractive, most beautiful woman. And she feels it. And as she's being encouraged, she's blossoming.
I didn't understand that for a long time. Long time, I didn't understand that. Marie and I would go out together. She was going to buy something or whatever. She'd put on something. "How do I look in it?" "Let's go." My thing is, "Let's go." I mean, I want to, "What makes you know this?" "How I thought, I'll just be honest." You've heard me say this before. "Why don't, what, I don't want to even be in here. You know, I feel very awkward. I'm in a woman's shop." You know, they have timeout benches for husbands now. You know, that we just all sit there looking at each other. "How long you been in for?" "Three dresses, man." "I'm on two." You know, guy's got little teardrops tattooed on his face. He's been there forever. "How long you been here, man?" And so I had to learn. You know, Marie would step out and she'd say, "How do I look?" And my response was always the same: "Fine. Let's go." "What does that matter?" I don't take you into a place and put on a pair of Levi's and strut around saying, "How do I look?" I just buy them. I don't even try them on. "That looks like it'll fit me. Let's go." That's how I am. "Just get some coffee." But you, you put the thing on, then you go and put another thing on, then you want to put some shoes on. "Just get it. Let's get out of here." So the Lord had to speak to me a long time ago, just say, "The first thing that she puts on is great. You'll get out faster." No, that's true. But should you take it back anyway, and you gotta go again? It's true too. I had to learn something that most men I know are learning. Some have learned, some haven't learned. Under normal circumstances, the reason Marie asks me how I look is not because she's insecure, because she's not. It's because her beauty is reserved for me, and she wants to hear it from me. She wants to hear her husband say to her, "You are a lily among thorns. You've got dove eyes. I love you like a horse." She wants to hear that. [Applause] Why? I don't know. But it works. She wants to hear she's beautiful. That's all. And a man can make his wife blossom by the way he speaks about her, by the way he speaks. "I love her. She's beautiful. She's everything to me." That matters. And so she knows that she's loved by this man.
Now, not only that, notice verse 3: "Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love." And so she begins to speak concerning him. Now, notice how she says in verse 3 that she, she was there in his shade. She said, "I sat down in his shade with great delight." What are you saying? "I feel protected by this man, and I'm safe when I'm with him. I'm not on, I'm not afraid to be with him. I'm not unsettled by the way he is. I'm comfortable. I'm protected." When I conducted the wedding for my daughter Anna on Friday, and I spoke to her husband, I looked at Gabe and shared my heart with him and said something like this to him: "And I love you like a son. You have taken what I have taught her from the time she was a little girl, and you have helped her to put those things into practice. And I am so comfortable knowing that she will be protected by you." I've had people ask the question, "What is the difference between having a son married and a daughter married?" There's a huge difference. For those who only have daughters, or those of you who only have sons, there's a huge difference. The way that I see it, my son is going to leave to protect my daughter. Is going to leave and be protected. And for a father, I want the man who's with that girl to lay his life down for her if he has to, because I would have. Because if somebody came after my little girl, they'd have to kill me first. And I want to, excuse me, here we go. I wanted to hand her to a man who would take the role of a father's protective love for my baby girl. The way for both of my daughters, to be honest with you, of course, both my daughters, I wanted them to marry a man who would lay his life down for them because I would. And when I was talking to Gabe just this Friday, I said, "You will protect my daughter, and I can rest knowing that you're protecting her." That means something to me. You see, a woman, I believe scripture teaches, needs to know the man she's with will not harm her, but he will protect her. She needs to know that. My wife knows that, that I will lay my life down in a heartbeat for her. You cannot harm her without harming me first. That's what a husband's like. I don't care how small you are, even a little mouse will fight off a dog to protect their babies. A little thing doesn't matter. That's mine. You can't have it. Kill me first. And she had that with Solomon. This is a man that she felt protected by. And your wife, your girlfriend, ought to know that she's with a man who will take care of her. Not some belligerent guy who's saying, "You're looking at her? She's with me, man." Not that kind of guy. Get rid of him. He's not, he's not worth it. No, just a guy who's just there with that kind of protective love. And she's speaking about it. She said, "I'm cared for by him. I sat down in his shade with great delight."
Notice verse 4: "He brought me to the banqueting house, his banner over me was love." The banners during the time of the writing were used in various ways. They would identify troops, they would reveal where somebody lived, they were used as a canopy in weddings. And what she's saying about his banner being love is, "His love for me is pure. It's the marrying kind of love. And it's a love that is openly declared." This is a relationship because a banner was to be seen by all around. You could see the banner. It's a relationship that's open for all to see. This is a relationship that is public. This is one that people see and recognize as being a commitment between two people. This is experience in full view of all. You see, ladies, if a man loves you, he's willing to be seen with you. Duh. If he's saying, "I'll meet you there. You can drive." And then he leaves you there in his own car, he's telling you something, isn't he? If he introduces you by your name, "Hi, this is Marie," or "This is my friend." What's he telling you? "I don't like you that much." That's what he's saying. That's no code. That's the truth. Because what happens when he moves into a relationship with you that he really cares about, or she really cares about, but from a man's perspective, that he really cares about you, he will say, "This is my girl. This is my." And that's how I moved from saying, "This is Marie. Marie, say hi to everybody." You know what that's how it was. I mean, we were just dating. You know, I didn't hold her hand in public. I didn't even hold it in private. I mean, I didn't, I didn't want to, you know, I mean, come on, you know, I just, I don't know. So let's go out. Let's go visit. I don't know if I'm romantically involved. She didn't want to be romantically involved. It was good. And I started wondering if she, if she would be interested in me more than just a friend. And, and I remember how I started kind of figuring that one out. And, and man, let me tell you, if you don't already know, most of you do. So many young guys, let me tell you, Marie would carry her purse on her right shoulder, and I would come on her left side. I'd be on her left side, and it was on her right shoulder. So I thought, "I wonder what she's doing that for? Her left hand's kind of flopping around." So I would walk onto her right shoulder where the purse was, and she'd move it to her left shoulder. I said, "Ah." And then I started playing with her. I would walk, and she'd just keep moving that bag, moving that bag. And that's how I got it. Oh, she wants me to hold her hand. For, for like three months, because we'd meet at church, but I didn't necessarily sit too close to her in the event that I saw someone that I'd be interested in. It's the truth. Why lie? We're in church, and I see some space between some of you. He's telling you something. That's the way it was. And then when I realized, "I'm already with the person that I'm supposed to be with," that's when I began to make it open. And people knew, "This is my girl." And I would introduce her that way. I'd say, "This is Marie, my girlfriend." It just opened. That's what she's saying. "His banner over me is love." He, in other words, has declared to everybody around, "She's mine." It's open. Everybody knows we've got a relationship. And so she's in great love with this man.
Now, interesting verses five and six, and then we'll move into verse seven and close. "Sustain me with cakes of raisins, refresh me with apples; I am love-sick. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the..."
Gazelles, or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases. When she says, "Sustain me with cakes of raisins, refresh me with apples, I am lovesick." This is something that speaks of sexual desire. Raisins and apples were thought to produce fertility and increase sexual desire. She's speaking openly of that. She has a desire for him. The apple, the word apple here may be translated pomegranate, and a pomegranate is a fruit that represents fruitfulness. So she's speaking concerning a desire. She's saying, "I have a desire for physical intimacy. I love this man so passionately." She is saying, "I desire his touch, and I'm looking forward to him holding me," is what she is saying.
But I want you to notice verse 7. "I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases." She's saying, "I have desire for him at the most basic kind of physical desire, and I want that awakened in me. I want him to be with me." But do not awaken that kind of passion until it pleases. What do you mean, "until it pleases"? Do not awaken sexual passion until it's the proper time. There's a proper place for sexual expression. Don't awaken desire too soon. Sex is good. It was created by God to be enjoyed. It also has a result to produce children. But it is not good when it's performed outside the bonds of marriage.
Men do not normally seek what women seek in such a relationship. So women are being encouraged by the Shulamite, "Do not awaken desire in that man until it's proper." Men don't need to be in love to have a physical relationship. They don't even need to know that person's name. It doesn't matter to them at all because for them, it's a different thing. Women have a relationship. Very often, they will use physical things as a bargaining chip. Men will use words as ways to be able to achieve what they want. But for a man, if he's with someone he doesn't care for, as soon as they finish being intimate, he's willing to climb into his car, drive away, and go somewhere else and do something else. Whereas the woman is feeling abandoned because she yielded herself, and all she's left with is the fact that guy just left her.
She is saying, "I desire this man." She is saying that. But do not awaken that kind of passion until it pleases. Until it pleases who? Until it pleases God, because within the confines of marriage, that's when God is pleased that you are having that intimacy. Outside of marriage, it's sinful. It has been said, "A fire in the fireplace is pleasant, but a house on fire is not." Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Sexual pleasure within it becomes part of the relationship. But when all you know is sex, then you really don't know that other person.
There are women and men who have physical relationships who don't know hardly anything about that person that they're with. If, if you ask the guy, "You've been with her?" "Yeah, you've been sleeping with her?" "Yeah, what's her mother's maiden name?" "Huh? Where's her father's family from?" "What are you talking about? What is her favorite color?" "Are you kidding me? What does she like to eat?" "Anything." "No, really, what does she like to eat? What's her favorite meal? Who was her best friend when she was six years old?" "I don't know. Why do I need to know that?"
Anyone who's in love with a woman is going to know those things because you ask those questions, or she'll share. "When I just go, used to go to this school here, I had this friend here. This is my best friend in college." "Oh, I remember when she did this." Those are stories you hear when you're in love. You let them talk. You let them share. "I remember my dad bought me this." Marie tells me stories about, "Oh, my daddy had a, it had some cows in the backyard. He didn't want us to name them. We named him anyway, and then one day we ate them." And you hear stories like that, and you laugh about it. "My grandmother this, and my grandfather that." "No, I, this is where I used to live right here, and this is where, you know, I know all those stories." I wanted to know those stories. That's how you enter into a love that lasts, not just jumping into bed because, after all, you butter a meal, she owes you. You fall in love, you meet each other, you're attracted, you say, "Put me on trial. You ask, 'Do you love me?'" Then you put a ring on her finger, and it lasts for a lifetime because it's in Jesus Christ.
"Do not awaken love until it pleases." Father, would you work in us today and have Your way in us? Our eyes are closed, our heads are bowed. Perhaps there are some who need prayer right now, and the Lord is speaking to your heart. I want to pray for you. You may have a need of some sort, even getting right with the Lord, even now. And if you desire that, if you need prayer, would you raise your hand? Let me pray for you right where you're at. Just raise your hand so I can see you. Please, Lord, You see these hands. You know the reason why they're being raised to You, and I'm asking now that You would reach down and touch them. What the need is, You're aware of. We simply lift these needs to You, and I ask that You would work in the hearts and lives of these who raised their hands, that You might be glorified and their lives might be turned into a blessing. May they bless You, bless others. We lift up our relationships to You, Lord, and pray that they may be founded on You fundamentally, that You would work. And so we lift these things to You now, Lord, and I say, You keep on speaking to our hearts that we might become people who know how to love the way You do. We bless You. Thank You, Lord. You can put your hands down. And Jesus, I ask that You keep moving in all of us to bring glory to You, and I ask this in Your name. Amen.
I pray the study was encouraging, and I want to thank you for your continued support and prayers and invite you to join us next Sunday night as we move into the next part of our study. As I mentioned earlier, if you would like to give your offering, you can do so online. If you're using a computer, click on the "Give" button in the upper right corner of your screen. If you're watching on your mobile device or iPad, click "Give" under the menu button. If this is your first time giving digitally, follow the instructions under "Four Ways to Give" to process your gift. And finally, you can either mail your checks to 12205 North Pipeline Avenue, Chino, California 91710, or if you're able, you can come to the sanctuary and use the kiosks we have in the foyer that are set up to process gifts. You can also place your gift in an envelope handed to one of the receptionists in the foyer. So thank you. God be with you, and we look forward to having you with us once again.