Transcription
Listen closely because if you take in what I'm about to tell you, you'll understand money better than 99% of the planet. But before we talk about making money, let's talk about what money is.
When I started the Kosher Money podcast, I expected tips about tax refunds, credit card points, maybe some investing wisdom. And sure, we got that. But the deeper I went, the more I realized no one really wants money. They want what they think money is going to give them: security, respect, options, less stress, more peace. Sometimes it's freedom from work. Sometimes it's freedom from shame.
Most people, especially in the Orthodox Jewish world, don't talk about the inner workings of money. It's like we're all playing this game, but no one wants to admit they're confused about how the game even works. That's why I'm starting here. Before we talk about budgets or side hustles or interest rates, you need to ask, "What does money mean to me?" Not what it should mean. What does it actually mean to me right now? Is it stress, control, empowerment?
Because here's something I've learned from 90 plus episodes. Your relationship with money is often more important than your knowledge of money. Let me say that again. How you feel about money determines more of your financial future than what you know about money. You can have a 150 IQ and still be broke if you're chasing status, avoiding reality, and you can barely finish high school and still build wealth if you understand your values and you live by them. Morgan Hel, author of The Psychology of Money, my favorite book, he put it best. Doing well with money has little to do with how smart you are and a lot to do with how you behave.
So, here's how I want to start this episode. Don't take notes. Don't open Excel. Just pause for one honest moment. Ask yourself this. What is money for in my life? And what do I want it to be about? If you can answer that honestly, you won't just understand money better. You'll make decisions that actually make sense for your life. Let's get into it.
Here's something I noticed early on. Plenty of people are earning six figures, running businesses, even managing family wealth. And still, many people feel broke. It didn't matter how much money they made, the stress, the pressure, the comparisons. I realized it wasn't about the numbers, it's about the noise. We live in a community where the financial bar keeps rising: tuitions, weddings, real estate, summer camps, holidays. And if you're not spending or building like the family next door, it's easy to feel like you're falling behind.
But here's what no one tells you. You might actually be doing great. Yeah, it's true. You just cannot feel it. One listener wrote in. He said he built a solid net worth, had no debt, gave generously, supported his family, and still he told me, "I feel like I'm behind." But behind what? Usually behind the version of success you see on other people's social media or WhatsApp, behind the cousin with the new house, behind the guy who just posted a $50,000 bar mitzvah on WhatsApp.
I once asked a financial adviser he works with from families. I said, "What surprises you most about your clients?" Want to know what he said? He said, "How many of them feel poor even when the numbers say otherwise?" That's the cost of comparison. It makes smart people forget their own progress. It turns gratitude into anxiety.
So what do you do? You ground yourself in two truths. Number one, progress is personal. Your version of enough doesn't have to match anyone else's. Your expenses, your goals, your values, they're yours, and that's okay. And number two, wealth is what you don't see. There's a great quote from Morgan Hel again. Spending money to show people how much money you have is the fastest way to have less money. Just because someone looks rich doesn't mean they are. They might be drowning in debt. They might have a ton of credit cards. Meanwhile, the guy in the older car down the block, he might own five properties, no mortgage, no stress.
So, stop judging. Stop comparing. Stop trying to win a race with rules that no one can see. And here's the flip side. You are probably richer than you think. Not because you're rolling in cash, but because you're further along than you give yourself credit for. If you're paying your bills, avoiding major debt, and making thoughtful choices, that's real wealth. And if you do have debt, don't worry. We'll get to that later. But for now, take a breath. You're doing better than you think.
Coming up next, let's talk about one of the quietest wealth killers. It's called lifestyle creep.
Here's the third thing I want to tell you. You've probably heard the following sentence in your own home or in your own head. Quote, "If I could just make $20,000 more, everything would be fine." But here's what I've learned from speaking to very, very smart people. That thought is a trap. Not always, but often. Because for most people, when income goes up, lifestyle goes up even faster. We think more income is the cure, but often it's really just a painkiller.
Let's talk about this story. There was a successful businessman. He doubled his income over five years and he felt more stressed than ever. Why? Because his expenses quietly doubled, too. He upgraded his house. He does take out and eats out at restaurants every week. He got much nicer clothing. And the pressure to keep it all up caught up with him. And he said it best. Quote, "I didn't have a money problem. I had a discipline problem."
That's lifestyle creep. And it's sneaky. It doesn't show up with a bang. It shows up as perhaps a car lease upgrade because you deserve it. Takeout, Uber Eats because, right, you're just so busy. More expensive camps, weddings, because that's what everyone does, right? None of these are bad on their own, but together they absorb your raise and rob you of progress. One of our guests called it the treadmill effect. You're running faster, but staying in the same place.
You can build wealth, Morgan says, without a high income, but you have no chance without a high savings rate. And that line changed how I think because most people don't have an income issue. They have a margin issue. No space, no breathing room. And if you cannot manage $80,000, well, you're not going to magically manage $180,000, $280,000, or even $580,000 well. What's going to happen is you're just going to upgrade your problems.
So, what actually helps? It's not a raise. It's not a bonus. It's a pause. It's a moment of clarity where you're going to ask, "What do we really need in our life? What do we really value? What are we spending on that brings no joy and no return?" The smartest families I found that we've spoken to do something simple but powerful. They lock in their lifestyle. They say, "This is our cap. Even if we make more money, even if we get that extra $50,000, we're not going to inflate." And when they do splurge, it's on things that bring them true joy. It's not something they splurge on because of autopilot.
Your biggest wealth builder, let me tell you, isn't just income or investing. It's the gap between what you earn and what you spend. If you grow that gap, you grow freedom. If you shrink that gap, you're going to be one emergency away from panic. And that leads us to our next lesson.
Number four. Here's what most people think. A budget is a punishment for people who are not making enough money, right? They think it's a punishment for not making enough money. But what I've learned is the opposite. A budget is not restriction. It's actually clarity.
So think of it like glasses. Without them, everything's blurry. You don't know where your money's going. You don't know what's draining you. You're just walking around bumping into overdraft fees and wondering why you're stressed. But once you put on that budget lens, those glasses, the picture sharpens. Oh, that $400 monthly food delivery habit. Not worth it. I spent $382 on Amazon charges. I didn't even notice that. Oh, I didn't realize the kids spent $322 this summer on the canteen and you're just scrambling.
One of our guests said something that flipped my thinking. He said, "Budgeting isn't about saying no to everything. It's about deciding what you want to say yes to." And that hit me. A budget tells you what you value. It shows you what matters and what doesn't based on where your money actually goes. And once you see it, you can act on it. And by the way, living life as a Jew is expensive. Budgeting isn't optional. It's survival. But when you do it right, it's not a prison. It's a plan. It's a road map. It's a pair of glasses that lets you finally see the road ahead. You legitimately feel instant relief when you track your money. Not just financially, emotionally. And I've learned that the people who feel rich aren't always the ones making the most money. They're the ones who know where their money is going and why. So, if budgeting feels like a burden, it's time to reframe how you think about it.
Number five, debt. Let's be honest, debt feels heavy, not just in your wallet, but in your chest. It changes how you sleep, if you're sleeping at all, how you think, how you talk to your spouse. You wake up with that quiet panic and you're thinking, "How long can I keep this going?"
We spoke to Eager Meisterman, an attorney who's brilliant and sat across from hundreds and hundreds of people buried in credit card debt. And he said something simple but sharp. Credit cards are a tool, but for most people, they become a trap. Because bad debt doesn't just hurt your finances, it hijacks your decisions. It limits your freedom. It keeps you in reactive mode, always putting out fires instead of building anything lasting.
So, let's define what we're talking about. We're not talking about a mortgage or a business loan taken with eyes wide open. We're talking about bad debt. The kind of debt that sneaks in, small purchases that felt harmless at the time, but added up when you weren't looking. And we've heard the stories, right? A couple swiping every bit of expense because, eh, we'll figure it out after. A newlywed, 12 monthly payment plans trying to keep up appearances, someone using one credit card to pay off another.
The Torah doesn't glorify debt. It treats borrowing as something serious, something that can weigh on your soul and your dignity. And today, it's easier than ever. With one tap, one swipe, you can truly ignore how deep in the hole you are until it's too late.
So, let's flip the script. Being debt-free isn't just a financial status. It's a mental one. It gives you space to breathe, to think clearly, to say no when you need to, and yes, when it truly matters. So, here's the good news. You don't need to be a financial expert to get out of it. You just need to number one, get honest. Stop avoiding your statements. Face the numbers. You need to get organized. Write down every balance, every interest rate, every due date. And you got to get moving. You either pay off the smallest balance first to feel momentum, or you can go after the highest rate to save more. Just start. And if you're married, hiding debt from your spouse isn't damaging. It's lonely. And I don't think what I'm telling you is going to fix everything as it relates to debt, but it might start something. Living with debt feels like drowning slowly, and getting out feels like breathing again. So, let's take that next step together. If you need a resource, we'll put some resources for you in the show notes.
Now, let's talk about the flip side of debt, making money. People say follow your passion. It sounds great, right? Until your passion can't pay the bills. That's when things get real. One guest put it perfectly. He says, "Don't chase passion." What should you chase? Chase where your skills solve a problem. Be useful. The brilliant Rabbi Danil Lapin once said, "Money is the certificate of performance that your fellow humans award you when you deliver value." In other words, money flows to people who are useful. Not flashy, not brilliant, useful.
I'm going to tell you about three guys, Fryam, Joe, Alex, and they have a whole team. They saw how messy synagogue operations had become, right? There's a lot of moving parts. The rabbi was juggling membership dues, event logistics, pledges made, all on spreadsheets, and sticky notes. So, what did these three people do? They built Shulpace, a platform that helped synagogues stay organized, communicate better, serve their members more smoothly. It was an all-in-one platform. It wasn't a flashy startup story, no big funding story on CNBC, just a real problem solved thoughtfully. And today, Shulpace is used by synagogues across the country. These three people didn't wait for inspiration. They paid attention, got practical, and turned it into an actual business.
Every person, including you, should ask, "What problems do I solve naturally? What do people already come to me for to help them with? And what skills or experiences do I have that are rare in my circle? And now ask yourself, who would pay for that? Who would pay me good money for those services?" That overlap between what you're good at and what people need is where money and meaning meet. Think of it like a three-column chart. You have column one, skills that you have. Column two is problems that you notice, and column three, who pays for that. That's not just a chart. That's a road map.
So many people sit around waiting to be discovered or planning something huge and perfect. You do not need a 10-year plan. You need to solve one problem for one real person and see what happens. The passion, that's fuel. It keeps you going. But direction comes from usefulness. And that's what we've heard over and over again from people who left dead-end jobs, built businesses, or pivoted their careers. They stopped asking, "What do I love to do?" And they started asking, "Where can I help people?" And get paid fairly for it. And no, you don't have to be a certain age or personality type. You don't need to be techy, especially in today's days with AI. You just need to start small, local, and real. You could even do this in your spare time. Keep your 9 to 5. Do not get rid of it just with an idea. Also, don't ask your kids what they want to be when they grow up. Ask what problems they want to solve. Use this quick exercise. Text three friends today and ask them, "What do you think I'm naturally good at?" And I think their answers might surprise you. They might just point you towards your next income stream. You're already investing your time, energy, and effort into your work. The only question is, are you getting a return?
Quick word from our sponsor, and this worked out beautifully because the team behind Shulpace, the platform I just mentioned, is actually Bit.com. They're the ones who built it. And what's cool is custom software is their bread and butter. So whether it's operations, logistics, or a unique business model, Bitbean helps companies build real tailored solutions that scale. So if you're stuck with clunky tools or spreadsheets, these are the guys to talk to. Link in the show notes.
Number seven, the fastest legal way to make money. Early on in the show, I asked one of our most successful guests, a guy who sold his company for hundreds of millions of dollars, "What would you do at 22 years old today if you wanted to make money fast legally?" And without skipping a beat, he said, "Get really, really good at sales." And it's not what I was expecting. I thought he'd say real estate, crypto, tech, maybe drop a stock tip, but no, sales.
And then I started noticing a pattern. The people who built wealth in the most repeatable way, they got really, really good at sales. They understand people and how to offer them value. And that's sales in a nutshell. You don't need to be pushy or slick. You just need to understand someone's need and confidently show how you can solve it.
I'm going to give you an example, okay? It was a guest we had on. He was a yeshiva guy actually and in his spare time he was flipping used electronics. It was nothing glamorous. It's not super flashy. He wasn't on Shark Tank. He didn't have tremendous funding, but he made it work. Why? Because he knew how to talk to people, how to build trust, how to ask for the sale, and he kept going. There were hard phone calls he had to make. There were rejections. And he didn't know everything. And that's the lie we tell young people that you need to go to college. You need to get the perfect resume. And you need to wait your turn. But if you learn how to sell an idea, a service yourself, you're able to skip the line.
Sales is not about closing deals always. It's about knowing how to create value, communicating that value, and moving people to act. It's not just for entrepreneurs. If you want a raise, you're in sales. If you're trying to help teach somebody about Judaism, you're in sales. If you run a nonprofit, you're in sales. Sales, sales, sales. The fastest legal way to make money isn't a get-rich-quick scheme. It's building a skill that pays dividends forever. So, before you chase a million-dollar idea, ask yourself, "Can I explain clearly in 10 seconds how I help people?" If not, start there. Get to a mirror, learn how to sell, and you'll see doors will open. It's not hype, it's reality. Let's move on.
Okay, this is a big one. Number eight. A wise older man once told me, "I worked for my money, but no one ever taught me how to make my money work for me." And that's the difference between surviving and building. One day, by choice or by circumstance, you're going to stop working. And the real question will be, did you save enough to retire? Can you rest now? Or did you spend it all just trying to keep up?
So, here's the secret. I kept hearing from financial planners, advisers, and families who figured it out way too late. Investing isn't for the wealthy. It's how you become wealthy. It was a rebby who put away $250 a month into a low-cost S&P 500 index fund. No stock picking, no Bitcoin. We'll save that for another episode. He was just consistent. And 15 years later, he had over $110,000. Okay, it's not the craziest amount of money, but what he had was momentum. He had confidence. He had peace of mind. He and his wife didn't feel rich, but they felt secure, right?
And as Morgan Hel put it, I'm happy you asked. He said, "The highest form of wealth is the ability to wake up and say, 'I can do whatever I want today.'" That kind of freedom doesn't come from chasing the next hot stock. It comes from planting seeds and letting them grow. Don't touch it.
And we're going to kill a myth right now. You don't need to be a financial genius to invest. You need time, which you have, consistency, which you're good at. And number three, you need patience. You're working on that. And that's it.
In the Orthodox Jewish world, you can't afford not to invest. You have tuition. You have weddings. You have bar mitzvahs. You have housing. You have retirement. You might even need to help your kids someday buy their own house. And if you're not investing, what is happening is you're falling behind. Inflation's eating your savings. Compound interest is working against you instead of for you and you stay stuck in the cycle of working for every dollar.
But I have good news. Even $100 a month if you start index funds, IRA, 401ks, and make sure you contribute automatically. You set it and forget it. It could be $10 a month, $25 a month. Strengthen your investing muscle, and you'll be thankful when you turn 65, 75, 85, whenever it is you want to retire. Make sure you're getting your return. Start small, start steady, but start. And by the way, you can visit livingmarterjwe.org. You can get matched up with a free coach. They'll help you take the first step into the investing world. It's not scary once you start walking.
Number nine, I want to talk about charity. There's this idea that we tell ourselves that once I have more money, I'm going to donate more money. But we've learned from people with different incomes, backgrounds, and hashkafos that if you don't give when you have a little, you probably won't give when you have a lot. Let me say it again. If you don't give when you have a little, you're not going to give when you have a lot. Because giving isn't about your bank balance. It's about your heart, your habits.
One listener told us he grew up in a tiny apartment in Flatbush. His father was a bus driver. Money was tight. But every Friday before Shabbos, his father would take out a wrinkled envelope and he marked it "ma'aser." And he said, "We're God's bank. He gives us money to pass along to people in need." And now that man runs a successful business. And you know what he said? He said that giving didn't start with abundance. The abundance came from the giving. I think there's something very powerful about that.
Yes, things are very expensive. And it's easy to feel like we can't afford to give. But here's the flip on that. You can't afford not to. Generosity rewires your brain. It takes you out of scarcity mode. It teaches your kids that money is a tool, not a treasure, right? We're not supposed to store it and hoard it. It opens up something spiritual that even spreadsheets cannot explain. And some of the most generous people I've met are not the flashiest. They're the most grounded, the most content, the least anxious. Because when you give away some of what you earn, you're telling yourself the following: I have enough. I'm not in this alone. I trust there's much more where that came from. And know it doesn't have to be a massive amount. Sometimes it's a dollar or $5. Sometimes it's time. But the act of giving regularly and purposefully shapes your entire relationship with money.
Oh, and by the way, if you're looking for an impactful place to give, especially right now given what's going on, I want to point you to Chabad. They're doing incredible work supporting Israel's most vulnerable families with food and essentials. So, if this episode moved you to give, that's a beautiful place to start. Chabad.org/koshermoney.
We had a guest on, a successful businessman, and he said something that stuck with me. He said, "My kids thought money came from a wall. I take my card, stick it in a machine, and poof, out came cash." Does that sound familiar? Most of us didn't grow up with structured financial education, and now many parents are trying to teach what they're still learning themselves. Welcome to Kosher Money, by the way.
So, here's the question. How do you raise kids who value money without idolizing it? One parent told us they started small in conversations. At dinner one night, they said, "Hey kids, this meal cost us $84. Was it worth it? What else could we have done with that money? Should we have bought the food elsewhere? Should we have made it at home?" Not as a guilt trip, but as a discussion. Another family gave their 12-year-old a modest bar mitzvah fund to prepare him and let him make real decisions. Does he want a more expensive dessert at his bar mitzvah or would he rather a nicer invitation? Would he rather upgrade the music or maybe donate part of his gifts to tzedakah? It taught him trade-offs, right? It gave him ownership.
Morgan Hel writes, quote, "People's relationship with money is influenced more by their experiences than any textbook." So, you give your kids experiences. You let them earn small amounts. Let them make small mistakes. Let them give their own charity. You don't need to dump all your financial stress on your kids, but shielding them from everything doesn't prepare them either. So, there's a balance. You can teach that money is important without teaching that it's everything. Tell your kids that you believe in God and he is the source of parnassah. He's the source of our wealth, but their job is to be responsible with what God gives us. And don't just talk about money once a year. Weave it into your life occasionally. Normalize normal discussions about it. Be a role model for your children. They're watching you. And one day, your kids who are going to be making six-figure decisions will be much better off because of those choices and decisions that started right there in your kitchen.
Number 11. You can have the same income, the same expenses, the same bills as your spouse, and still have totally different reactions to money. There could be one spouse who saves every penny and the other spends just to feel alive. One sees a budget as freedom, the other sees it as control. So when couples fight about money, here's the uncomfortable truth. It's really about the actual dollars. It's about what those dollars represent.
In an episode we had a therapist on and she told us, "Most money fights are value fights in disguise." And that hit hard because money is never neutral. It's tied to childhood, trauma, culture, expectations, your parents' stress, your community's norms, even your own insecurities. And one guest shared how growing up, his parents fought about money constantly. And now, even when he's financially stable, he panics every time his wife spends money. Another guest told us she grew up with nothing. So now what she does is she overspends on her kids, not to spoil them, but to heal a younger version of herself.
So what do you do? You talk openly, kindly, regularly. You're going to ask questions like, "What did your parents teach you about money?" You turn to your spouse. You say, "What's your biggest fear when it comes to finances? Do you even have any fears as it relates to finances?" You can ask, "What would enough look like to you?" So, stop trying to win the argument and start trying to understand the other person. You can have a weekly money date, 30 minutes, Sunday night, no phones, no judgment. You just check in. What are your dreams, your goals? How was last week? And it can change your marriage. Because when you talk about money, you're really talking about priorities. And when those align, even if you don't always agree, you're not expected to, what's going to happen is the stress is going to ease. Thank me later.
Number 12. If you walked into a synagogue today and tried to guess who's wealthy based on their clothing, their cars, or the weddings they made, you'd probably be wrong. Because here's one of the most surprising patterns that we've seen. The people with real wealth don't feel the need to show it. We had a guest in the studio. He has tens of millions of dollars. He told us his biggest splurge last year was a Costco membership and a custom suit, which I've heard go for less than $400 these days. This guy that was in the studio, tens of millions of dollars. He drives a 10-year-old car, not because he can't afford better, but because it frees up mental energy and money for what matters more to him.
The Jewish world, like every community, has pressure. You have pressure to impress, to keep up, to look the part. But that noise is expensive. It's exhausting. The happiest people we've met, they've optimized for freedom, meaning margin. They're not chasing the next thing. They're building lives that feel full. They don't care who looks at their status, who sees their story. They don't care who notices. They care if their kids respect them. They care if they sleep well. They care if they're giving back to the community. They care if they can say yes to what matters and no to what doesn't.
So, here's how I'm going to end the episode. If you want real wealth, the kind that makes you feel calm, not chaotic, focus less on looking rich, and more on being rich, rich in time, rich in health, rich in relationships, rich in purpose. That's the kind of wealth money was meant to support. Everything else is just noise. Thanks for listening. If this unique episode of Kosher Money resonated with you, share it with someone. Text it to a friend. Send it gently to your spouse or to a community chat because we're going to raise the bar together. Let's be the generation that gets this right. We're not going to be perfect, but we're going to be thoughtful. We're not going to be flashy, but free. This was Kosher Money and I truly hope I gave you something to think about. I'll see you next time.
Living [Music]