Transcription
We talk a lot about learning here and the value of getting out of our comfort zone and stretching ourself in the pursuit of becoming a great learner. We call that jungle tigering. No matter who we are, how old we are, or what we're trying to get better at, the more time we spend in the jungle, outside of our comfort zone, the better we get. Therefore, everything we talk about falls under the umbrella of, "How do we help ourselves and others jungle tiger more?"
An interesting angle is to look at, like, why do we zoo tiger? Why do we prefer it in our comfort zone? Probably the biggest reason we zoo tiger is fear. Fear is the number one enemy to learning. This is why we like to play it safe. This is why we don't like change. This is why we avoid situations where we might make mistakes. This is why we zoo tiger. In order to become a great learner, a jungle tiger, we have to understand fear. We have to upgrade the way we think about it. We have to figure out how to beat it. Now, this is something we can all do, but the way we beat it is much different than you might think.
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First, we need to understand where fear comes from. It's actually wired in and comes from a region of our brain called the amygdala. Some people call this your lizard brain.
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This region of our brain is there for survival and it uses fear to keep us safe. This is why if we're at a baseball game and somebody throws their bat and it's flying into the crowd, what are you going to do? You duck. And then you go, "Oh, thank you, amygdala." You probably don't say that, but you should, because in that moment, that's our lizard brain at play. It calculates it rather quickly: "There's a bat flying at my head. This is dangerous. Let's be afraid. Get out of the way." If we're walking on a high, wobbly bridge or at the edge of a cliff, we feel weird. That's our amygdala using fear to keep us out of danger. If a snake all of a sudden crawled in this room, I would be gone, 'cause my lizard brain goes, "Danger! Run!" Big picture is, it uses fear to keep us out of trouble, and it does a great job of this.
But, and it's a big but, there's a glitch to the system. Our amygdala doesn't have the capacity to determine if something's good for us or dangerous. So, it doesn't know if the challenge is a good one or a dangerous one, or this is a good risk or a dangerous risk, or this is a good "I'm out of my comfort zone" moment or a threatening "I'm out of my comfort zone" moment. So, it avoids them all together.
There are four things our lizard brain hates the most: uncertainty, attention, struggle, and change. Now, those could certainly be four elements of a dangerous situation, but they could also be used to describe great learning opportunities. Most of the good stuff involves lots of uncertainty, attention, struggle, and change. I'm talking about art, creativity, innovation, sports in general, learning in general involves lots of that. And when we're operating in those learning and development arenas, the lizard is at play. We're going to feel some tension and fear. Our lizard is always going to choose easy over hard, to play it safe rather than take a risk, to do what we're good at rather than try something new. It wants comfort, not struggle. It wants to stay in the zoo, not jungle tiger. So, yeah, that approach can keep us safe if our life is in danger, but when it comes to learning and development, it's not that effective.
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This is why we like to sit in the back of the class. When we're in a new environment that involves lots of uncertainty, we usually like to play it safe and stay on the fringe. This is why we feel weird about asking and answering questions. Think about it: when you ask a question, what happens? Everybody looks at you. Attention. When you ask a question, there's some uncertainty there. It might be the wrong question. It might be the wrong answer. This is why we procrastinate. This is why when we have a paper due in two weeks, we usually write it the night before. Because each night, we're presented with the choice: "I could sit down and do the research, do the work, or watch Netflix." Now, obviously, one of those things involves more struggle than the other. Our lizard is always going to choose the path of least resistance. Sometimes we replace work with work, like, "I've cleaned my house 13 times instead of making this video." Sort of downgrading the struggle. Usually, when we feel fear, we come up with a story or justification to not do the thing. "This is a dumb question. I'll figure it out later. We'll start tomorrow. I'll do twice as much tomorrow." You feel me? We've all said those things. Now, we know where that's coming from.
This is why sometimes I wake up in the morning and go, "I'm definitely going to cook a healthy meal tonight." And then I work all day, I'm feeling kind of tired, then I'm driving home, and my car does this weird thing where it sees the Chipotle and goes, "That's my lizard brain at play." In that moment, I'm presented a choice: "I could have something fast and salty and delicious now, or I could go to the store, buy the stuff, go home, and prepare it." Obviously, one of those choices involves much more struggle than the other. And like we said, our lizard is always going to choose the path of least resistance. It wants the fast, the easy, the safe, and it wants it now.
Seeking comfort and instant gratification, avoiding challenges and obstacles and problems and change, was a very effective survival tactic, especially back in the day. But not now, especially when it comes to learning and development. Every single day, we're confronted with jungle tiger moments: problems, obstacles, challenges, and change. And when those happen, we get a choice. We can choose to jungle tiger that experience, to lean into it, to treat it as an opportunity. Or we can zoo tiger. We can hide and stay in our comfort zone. If we're going to be honest, more times than not, the lizard wins, and we choose to zoo tiger. Which means every single day, our fear is robbing us of experiences, action, and reps, and opportunities that could help us grow and get better. Think about it: when has your fear got in the way of great learning? When has your fear robbed you of a jungle tiger experience?
The truth is, we all have hundreds of examples, some big, some small. Through our workshops, I've been able to ask that question to thousands of people from all over the world. Their examples are powerful. "I was in a terrible relationship, but I ended up staying in it way longer than I should have because I was afraid of being alone." "I play baseball, and in every game, I always tell my coach I want to play in right field because nobody hits the ball there. I want to play in the infield, but if someone hits the ball at me, I might mess up. So my lizard tells me to play on the right field." Whether we played baseball or not, everybody can relate to that story where there was something that we wanted to do, that we could do, that we should do, but when the time comes to do it, we end up hiding in right field, which is our comfort zone, which is the zoo. "I was in the final qualifying round for The Voice. I had to sing one song, and if it went well, I could have been invited on. It came time to sing, and I freaked out and ended up leaving." "I have no idea what would have happened if I had stayed in and sung that song, but fear definitely won that battle."
This was an interesting one because she was sitting at the back of the room, so I could see the faces of her classmates. And as she shared her experience, I could see their faces saying, "Are you stupid? Why didn't you sing that song?" And they're kind of right. Like, on paper, singing that song could change her life. It's easy for us to sit here on the sidelines and talk about what people should do and could do. Of course, on paper, she should have sung that song. Of course, on paper, the third grader should have played in the infield. But the truth is, if we're in their shoes, we probably do the same thing because fear is such a powerful force when it comes to learning and most things in general.
Our lizard brain isn't very smart. Think about it: we fear public speaking more than texting and driving. One of those things is good for you, one of them could kill you, and we're way more afraid of this because this involves attention, uncertainty, and struggle.
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I was actually introduced to this concept from one of my heroes. His name is Seth Godin. We had the opportunity to Skype about learning and development and art, and he's the guy that introduced me to the amygdala and fear and the lizard brain and talked about how it gets in the way of learning. If you could see me on the other side of the Skype, my eyes are this big because all the dots started to connect. This is why we zoo tiger. This is the thing that robs us of great learning every day. It also hit home because I flashed back to some experiences I've been through when fear got in the way.
I actually grew up in a small town in the mountains of Wyoming, and it was my dream, my whole life, to go to school at Duke University. Like, from fifth grade, that was the goal. I worked really hard at chasing that goal. I had to take, like, the ACT test five times to get a high enough score to even apply to the school. Long story short, I did get in. So, I get out to Durham, North Carolina, for my first year of college. And at the time, there was only, like, two people from the entire state of Wyoming on the campus. So immediately, I felt a little out of place. I felt like everybody was smarter than me and better than me and richer than me, that I didn't belong there. And this is no lie: during my first year of classes at my dream school, I never said a word. I never asked a question in class. I never answered a question. I didn't participate in discussion. I didn't go to office hours. And on the days that I was supposed to present in front of the class, I skipped. Why do you think I did that? Yeah, my lizard was at play. Like we said before, sometimes when we feel that fear, we come up with stories to justify our actions. The story I was operating with was, "If you say the wrong thing, they're going to know that you're the idiot from Wyoming that doesn't belong here."
So let's go back to that conversation with Seth Godin. He introduces this topic of fear and talks about how it gets in the way of learning. I flash back to that experience. What do you think I asked him next? Yeah, "How do you conquer this fear? How do you conquer the lizard brain?" My thinking was, "Fear made me bad at learning. If I get rid of the fear, I can be good at learning." So I asked him, "How do you conquer the fear?" And this is his actual response: "So, I'm thrilled to ask the question that way because that is exactly the wrong question. If you are seeking to destroy, defeat, conquer the lizard brain, you will fail. It cannot be done. Because when you try to fight the lizard brain, you are giving it more power. Your brain is nothing but a chemistry experiment. It's electricity and chemicals, and when you push back on the lizard brain, when you try to reason with the lizard brain, when you just say, 'One more this,' or 'One more that,' or 'Don't worry,' it inflames and releases more chemicals. You cannot win. What you can do is dance with a lizard. Thing. What you can do is realize that the lizard brain is a compass, and then when it freaks out, it is telling you you are on to something. When it freaks out, it's telling you you're about to do something that's brave and bold and powerful, and you should listen to it by doing the opposite of what it wants you to do. That when we listen for the lizard brain and welcome it and thank it for giving us a clue, then we can use it to our own ends. So, if you talk to the great artists, what you see is they do their best work in the moments when part of their brain is telling them, 'It will never work. They'll never amount to anything. They're a fraud. They're going to get caught. They're afraid.' Those are the moments you say, 'Yes, thank you, and do it anyway.'"
So the goal isn't to get rid of fear. The goal is to put it in its place, to understand how to use it rather than letting it use us. This concept of dancing with fear, using it as a compass, I think is brilliant. Now, this is when it comes to learning. Of course, if our life is in danger, we should listen to fear. If the bat's flying at our head. But we know when we're in a learning arena and when we're not. When it comes to learning and development, it's best to do the opposite of what fear says. And if we zoom way out, it sort of makes sense. If we know that our lizard is wired to keep us in our comfort zone, or in the zoo, well, if we ever do escape our comfort zone and get out into the jungle, of course it's going to freak out. The freak out is a sign that we are out of our comfort zone, that we are right where we need to be.
So now we're sitting here saying, "You need to use fear. Feel fear and let it guide you." And to be real, that's a massive jump from how we used to teach this. I used to travel around telling people to be fearless and to not be afraid. And if we're going to be real, that's how most of us talk about fear. But now that we understand where it comes from and how it works, what's wrong with that approach? What are the flaws of that approach?
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First, it can't really be done. That if we're doing something that involves uncertainty, attention, struggle, and change, we're probably going to feel something. The only way to not feel a little bit of fear is to not care or not do the thing. That's not what we want. So, if we're operating in a situation where we care, where there's some uncertainty, attention, struggle, or change involved, we're absolutely going to feel something. But if everyone around me is telling me to be fearless, this can actually create shame and make the fear worse. Think about it: I'm sitting in a locker room before, like, the championship game. Do I care? Yes. Is there uncertainty? For sure. Is there struggle involved? Yeah. Is there attention? Lots of it. Am I going to feel a little something-something? Without a doubt. If everyone around me is telling me to be fearless, I might be sitting in that locker room and go, "Uh oh, I'm not supposed to feel like this. I'm not supposed to feel this fear. Something must be wrong. I must not be ready." Do you see how those thoughts and those stories can snowball and make the fear worse? But they're all coming from this flawed idea of, "I'm not supposed to feel this way."
When we perceive fear as a negative thing, we're more likely to listen to the lizard brain. So, if our boss comes to us with a new role or a new assignment that's out of our comfort zone, if we have to learn a new position or new play, usually our first reaction to those jungle tiger moments is a bit of fear. Through our old lens, we assume, "Well, I feel fear, that means I shouldn't or couldn't do this thing." Now that we've changed our perception of fear, now that we've upgraded our understanding of fear, we see, "Oh, that initial response, that initial resistance, doesn't mean I shouldn't do it or couldn't do it. It just means I'm a human." And now that we understand how it works, we can override the fear and experience more of those things.
So far, all of this sounds good in principle. What I want to do is talk about some research and some studies that actually support this message.
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Research out of Harvard and Harvard Business School shows if we're able to reframe our fear and anxiety, it actually improves the way we perform. In one study, students were given a practice GRE exam. One group of students, the control group, was given no special training or instructions other than, like, "Here you go, finish the test." This group scored a 684 out of 800. The second group was given instructions and information that helped them reframe the fear and anxiety, helping them understand that it is actually a positive thing. This group scored a 739. Big boost in performance by changing the conversation and reframing fear and anxiety.
Research out of Harvard Business School actually shows a similar effect. In this study, they looked at singing, public speaking, and math. And in each one of those topics, they found if we're able to reframe fear and anxiety as more of a positive thing, we actually perform better. Students who framed the anxiety as a positive actually performed 17% better on the speaking test. They performed 22% higher on the math test. And in the singing test, this one was interesting: they actually hooked the students up to a Nintendo Wii. The first group framed the anxiety as a negative, they scored a 53%. The group that was taught to reframe the fear and anxiety as a positive scored an 81%. Again, a huge boost in performance by reframing the conversation and the way that we look at fear.
The research clearly shows that the best way to deal with fear is not to suppress it or get rid of it. It's to accept it and to own it and to reframe it. A big principle that we're trying to hammer home is the idea isn't to remove fear or get rid of fear. It's just to develop the skill of dancing with it, to get better at dancing with fear. And just like anything we talk about, that is a skill. So the more that we do it, the better we get. But just because we dance with fear a lot doesn't mean the fear goes away.
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It's like marathon runners don't get rid of tired, they just learn to run farther and faster while they're tired. And performers on Broadway don't get rid of the butterflies, they just get better at dancing and performing with them. Learning is the same. We're not trying to remove the fear, we're just getting better at dancing with it. We're using it as a tool. We're allowing it to guide us towards learning experiences.
Liz Gilbert is a powerful force in the world of creativity and art, and the way she talks about fear, I think, is brilliant. I even have a welcoming speech prepared for fear, which I deliver right before embarking on any new project or big adventure. And it goes like this: "Dearest Fear, creativity and I are about to go on a road trip. I understand you'll be joining us because you always do. I acknowledge that you believe you have an important job to do in my life, and you take your job seriously. Apparently, your job is to induce complete panic in me whenever I'm about to do anything interesting, and may I say, you are superb at your job. So, by all means, keep doing your job if you feel you must. But I will also be doing my job on this road trip, which is to work hard and stay focused. There's plenty of room in the minivan for all of us, so make yourself at home. But understand this: creativity and I are the only ones who will be making any decisions along the way. I recognize and I respect that you're part of this family. I will never exclude you from our activities, but still, your suggestions will not be followed. You are allowed to have a seat, you're allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote. You don't get to touch the road maps. You're not allowed to suggest detours. You're not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. Dude, you're not even allowed to choose the freaking snacks. But above all else, my dear old familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive." And then we head off together, me and creativity and fear, side by side by side, forever marching once more into the terrifying but marvelous terrain of unknown outcome.
When the lizard is at the wheel, it sees all these jungle tiger moments as threats. That problem, that challenge, that obstacle, that change, that's a threat. And when it detects threats, it finds a way around them. If we can put the lizard in the back seat, and we're at the wheel, we realize most of those situations are actually opportunities.
In all honesty, no topic has helped me more than this one in the past. Fear was such a driving force in my life, especially with these workshops that I do. And I assume that all that fear was because I was too young, I didn't belong, or I wasn't good enough. But since the day that Seth essentially gave me permission to feel fear and helped me understand that it's okay, it's totally changed the way I look at this and changed the way I perform.
Dancing with fear is a skill, arguably the most important skill in this pursuit to become a great learner. Which means the more that we do it, the better we get. Rather than wasting time trying to suppress fear or flee from fear, let's own it, accept it, reframe it, and start to get more reps and at-bats in dancing with it. Maybe that starts small. Maybe we just ask a few more questions. Maybe we raise our hand and volunteer for a few more projects outside of our comfort zone. This is something that we can all build, and my hope is that this video can help you in that process. Thank you so much for watching.
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