Transcription
I'm 58 and left my long-term career just over three months ago. I want to share a few things I've learned about work over the last decade or so. Now, there's no substitute for developing wisdom through just living your life, but it still would have been helpful if someone could have explained these to me years ago. I think it would have helped me to understand, anticipate, and plan better. And looking back, I think I should have started mentally and practically building an off-ramp from full-time work years before I actually left.
Here are five things I understand about work at 58 that I didn't at 48.
Number one, being good at your job may become a trap. Now, it's satisfying to be competent and skilled at something, something you can confidently do every day that people will pay you for or work becomes second nature. It feels good. And there's nothing wrong with any of that. But unless you've been unusually lucky and you still love both what you do and where you work, you're probably going to get bored with what you do. Or you might get to where you just can't stand it anymore. And the reality is if you've been doing something for 30 years, you've evolved over that time and your job has as well. It may have been a great fit 10 or 20 years ago, but it may be something you've just learned to tolerate at this point. And I'll have to say that being really good at something you've done for so long, something you've spent a huge percentage of your life doing, really can become a trap. And you might feel guilty for wanting to leave. After all, shouldn't you just feel grateful? Or maybe you just feel like you're becoming lazy or losing your edge. Well, it's probably not any of those. You're different and it's different. And it's no wonder you're not still a match if you ever were. And the challenge of this trap is that you know intellectually that you're not a one-trick pony. If you had unlimited time, there are other things you could learn to do. You could start over and be great at something that aligns better with who you are now. But let's get real. If you're 50 plus years old and you have a lot invested in one career, you probably have bills to pay right now and are looking for an exit ramp, not a complete doover. Well, if that's you, you're definitely not alone. But it's still a strange feeling to be great at something and have no interest in doing it anymore.
Number two, we don't realize how stressful our jobs really are until we leave them. I've heard before that it's the silence between the notes that makes the music. The problem with working in modern life is that there's never enough time to step away and just exist without the noise or distraction. We were therefore too close to the situation to clearly see what it's doing to us. I stepped away from my career just over 3 months ago. Now, that's not very long at all, and I know my nervous system is still going through a reset process. But what I have noticed is without the work, I'm much less stressed than I had been. I had even gone down to part-time for the last couple of years, but the Sunday night dread still didn't go away. And if you're close to my age, you probably were raised to muscle through and not complain. That hey, that's a helpful skill. But in the long term, the downside is that we can become disconnected from what a job is doing to us. I wasn't expecting to learn just after leaving work that I had coronary artery disease. Now, I don't know what role my job stress played in that, if any, but the timing certainly changed how I think about all of this. If I had understood years ago how stressed I was, I would have prioritized working in settings I enjoyed more, even if the salary and benefits weren't as good. Now, the reality is we can't eliminate stress from our lives, but we can try to avoid making it worse than it needs to be.
Number three, golden handcuffs come with hidden costs and bets we don't know we're placing. A decent salary and benefits provide a layer of stability to life that decreases stress. And it's understandable why if we have what seems like a good deal going, we don't want to give that up. Over the years, I've heard many people say things like, "Well, I can retire in seven more years or even, I can retire in 12 more years." And they're talking about retiring from their current job or at least their current employer. But what nobody talks about is the unexamined assumptions that go along with that mindset. We assume that we'll still be alive then, that we'll still be able to muscle through going to a job that might look very different by then, that if it's a stressful position, we'll be able to keep doing it without us it changing us, making us cynical or angry, or without it resulting in serious health problems. It's sort of like I'll just grin and bear it for x number of years and then I'll be free and able to start living. We all have bills to pay, but life just doesn't work like that. It's dangerous to assume that we can be miserable and stressed for years, but there will be a payoff at the end that'll make it worth the misery. For me, being both good at something I grew tired of doing, combined with the golden handcuffs, resulted in me feeling trapped in my career for a long time.
Number four, as we age, control over our time matters more than a lot of money. Now, sure, we all need money, but I've learned that beyond a certain amount, actually having control over my time is one of the things I appreciate most about stepping away from the rat race. When I look back over my life, I realize that I spent college, all four years of college, trying to get into medical school. Then I spent four years in medical school and another five years after that in residency and fellowship, making just enough to scrape by while accumulating tripledigit educational debt. That consumed all of my time and energy until age 32. I honestly don't remember many things about the 1990s. Then I started my first real job, was married, and started having kids. In addition to having a family to support, I had med school loans and a mortgage. Now that I'm finally to the point where nobody depends on me in quite the same way as they used to, I realize how little control I've had over my time throughout my life. And a lot of this is just the way grown-up life works when you're raising a family. But if I had it to do over again, I would carve out some time just to do things that mattered to me along the way. Things where my focus. It wasn't on my productivity. And looking back, I also think a lot of what I was chasing through all of it was certainty. And now I now understand that certainty doesn't really exist in life and that climbing higher to try to achieve certainty costs many years in time and life energy while you're young and you'll never get that back. You're giving up control over your time during some of the most energetic, physically capable years of your life. But now at 58, even though I've had a successful career, I've survived an expensive divorce, and I'm not rich. I refuse to waste any more years giving up control over my time.
Number five, graduation is a celebration, but leaving a career is a quiet exit. Early in life, it's easy to get caught up in the milestones that feel good to our egos. The degrees, the graduations, the first job, the promotions. But it's funny how it ends for so many people. There's no big production or award when someone exits a long career or job. Maybe someone at work ordered a pizza or brought a cake to work. I received one email from a colleague that was a sincere I'm really going to miss working with you message and I appreciated that. But nothing else from anyone else. No cards, no calls. And you know what? I truly didn't care. It didn't matter. I wasn't looking for attention or validation or even appreciation, but I noted the irony of the situation. After my last day, I took my laptop and ID to the administrative building where I was to return them. An employee I'd never seen before, who was probably in her 20s, who seemed only half aware I was standing there, took the box of things I handed her, put them on her desk, and went back to looking at her computer. And that's how a long career ends. I'd also been concerned that it might take a while for them to find a replacement for me. So, I gave way more notice that I was resigning than I needed to. Well, they quickly found someone else to take my place, which was a good thing. But since the day I've left, I've heard nothing from anyone. It's just how the world works, and it's not personal. But if you're a conscientious person who's truly trying to do a good job and you want to eventually leave your work as smoothly as possible for the organization and for your replacement, I respect that. But understand that you should prior prioritize taking care of yourself because we're all replaceable. Everything will move on just fine without us and that's okay.
I don't know if any of this would have actually landed for me at 48. Maybe you have to live it to really get it. Three months in, I still don't know exactly what my second chapter looks like. I can keep you updated on that. But I understand a lot more about what my career was doing to me than I did while I was still in it. Please share what landed for you in the comments. That always helps me to understand that and it helps other people to see what people are processing. Consider subscribing if you're interested in living a better second chapter. Thanks for watching. I appreciate your time and I'll see you next time.