Transcription
We have all learned a little bit about focus. If you've been here for a while, if you've read 6 Minute X-ray, you've read Ellipsus Manual, you know how important focus is. And persuasion kind of boils down to your ability to not just capture someone's focus, but lead someone's focus. That is incredibly important.
Let's just rip the bandage off. You have been domesticated. You've kind of been trained like a dog that wags its tail when somebody walks in the room. You smile when you don't want to. You respond to messages that don't deserve your attention. You're explaining yourself even when nobody has really asked you a question. You've been taught to be overly reachable, too reachable. And that's probably why you might be being used right now.
One thing I want you to write down is the world doesn't respect what it has easy access to. Nobody values the thing they can grab off the shelf anytime they want. And if you want to know why maybe people are continuing to push your buttons, it's because you left them uncovered. You labeled them. You lit up your buttons like Christmas lights. So they push and uh we tend to jump. And when they see you jump, they're going to push harder because what I think is the dirty truth that most people are never going to face.
Power is not loud. Power is not nice. Power is not available. Power is magnetic and silent and very calm in composure. This isn't about being cold or detached. We're not building walls to protect ourselves. This isn't about being a fortress with no open gates and no press here to enter the the castle sign. When you react, you leak. If you explain, you invite judgment. If you justify, you're going to shrink no matter what. And this is, and we do this, a lot of us tend to do this for little crumbs of approval. So, write this one down. The person who explains the most has the least power in the room.
In influence psychology, we we don't study behavior to be charming. We study it to be undeniable. And when you walk into a room and you kind of say nothing and people adjust all of their energy in the room just because you're breathing air in the same space, that's not charisma. That's behavioral dominance. And let's talk about that in a way that's not negative and not putting anyone else down. And what I'm saying is not some fluffy TED talk. This is ancient brain stem level programming reacting to perceived authority.
So if you want to be unreachable, you want to have real power, I suggest you stop dancing to the music that nobody even asked you to play. And I think a lot of people mistake silence for weakness. Let them do that. That's tip number one. Let them mistake silence for weakness. Let them talk themselves into circles trying to figure out what's going on while you sit back with patience and composure. I want you to do this because humans are wired to crave certainty. And when you don't give them a lot of certainty, you own their attention. You create an itch that can't be scratched. If you're good, mystery isn't accidental. It's designed. And it's why the most influential people in history didn't shout. they whispered or they just were. When you don't explain yourself, they have to fill in the blanks. And they will always fill it in with power instead of lack. And I just want you to try this on. I'm not telling you to be mean to anybody or like unplug from the entire world. But the less you give, the more they want. And this is typic typical in any situation from interrogation to uh hostage negotiation to leadership.
So, there's a reason people that line up outside of stores that they can't have. Right in the base of the hotel I'm staying at right now, there's a Louis Vuitton store. And I walked around out there at like 9:50 this morning and there was a line outside. It's not scarcity, it's seduction. So, emotional inaccessibility is the new currency. If you want to be irresistible, you have to get comfortable not responding to let your inner peace be completely impenetrable.
What I want you to just write down if you're talking about all of these things and trying to conceptualize what it is, is I need to be more non-reactive than the other person. Detachment is not failure, which I hear people think a lot. It's I think it's freedom. Maybe letting go of a job that just sucks. Maybe a one-sided relationship. The need to be liked. It's not loss. That's freeing yourself. It's liberating yourself. The need for constant understanding and validation is a mental leash. It's a leash. I want you to learn to cut it and watch how the world will really shift in your life. Because the second that you stop needing to be understood is the second you become impossible to manipulate. I'm going to say that again. The second that you stop needing to be understood is the second that you become impossible to manipulate. And that's when you start to build real power. Not just a bunch of external influence. It's internal clarity. It's not absence. It's presence on another frequency. And it's a frequency so rare that it makes people question everything when they're around you. You become this walking contradition in the best possible way. You You're calm but deadly. You're kind but uncompromising. You're silent, but you're behavior is deafening on its own.
And I don't want you to miss this. Every time that you don't respond to a provocation, every single time that you withhold explanation, every time that you don't let somebody into inviting them into your emotional living room, you're building muscle. And this is authority muscle, self-respect muscle, self-esteem muscle, if you want to call it that. Silence is your sword and self-control is your shield. People don't say, "Don't take it personally." all the time, but when they do, people will say, "Don't take it personally." As if it were easy. So, the world has no choice but to respect that. And they may not like that. They might not enjoy it, but they're definitely going to feel it. And they will adjust. People always adjust.
As we're talking about this, I want to give you this one wakeup call. You were never too sensitive. You were never too reactive. You were just trained to give away your power like it was a bunch of free samples at in a food court at a mall. But not anymore. This isn't about becoming emotionless in any possible way. This is about emotional discipline. So it's about reclaiming your identity from this entire system that we have that trains us to be agreeable, compliant, and digestible. Those three things, agreeable, compliant, digestible. You're here to be powerful. I hope everybody here is. And becoming unreachable. This is your declaration of independence. This is your declaration of self-respect. It's the signal that says access to me is earned and not everyone qualifies. If you feel that kind of vibrating in your chest right now, I hope you definitely do. It means that something inside you is ready to shift. But I want you to protect that shift. I want you to build on it. I want you to protect it like it is absolutely sacred. And if someone tries to provoke you, to guilt you, to manipulate you, you're not really responding. You're letting them feel weight of silence.
Here's the thing that most people get when when they hear me talk about any of this is that's I don't know if I can live like that. It's kind of cold, but it's not cold. It's clarity. Your brain might whisper that you're you're maybe being rude, but that is your wounded past trying to earn connection through overexlaining. This isn't cruelty, it's self-respect. All this repression that we have comes from fear and it leads to resentment. Control comes from power and it leads to composure. So, you're not holding back because you're scared. You're holding back because not everybody deserves access to you. And if you crave affection from people or praise or adoration or compliments, you're not in control. You are under control.
If you're thinking about selfmastery, which is the third part of that triangle that we talk about all the time, true selfmastery is needing no one to feel real, not chasing attention or reacting to every uh pull that can come on your phone or every notification. Being unavailable isn't closing your heart. It's guarding your sense of peace. You do not need to be understood to have value. And when you finally decide that not everybody gets in, that's when you stop performing and you start leading. And you're not being mean to anyone. You're being a light to you. That's the big thing.
So, write these three things down. It maybe you'll take them into the rest of your life and and maybe you'll share it with your kids. Number one, my silence is not absence, it's authority. Number two, my control is not fear, it's freedom. Access to me is earned. I will never audition for affection. That's what I want you to take into the week. And where in my life, maybe go back in your life a little bit. Where have I auditioned for affection? When in my life have have comments or thoughts from people who are not my immediate family or my children affected my self-esteem or my self-worth? That is meaningless. absolutely meaningless. It might make you feel good, but it should never change how you view yourself. Someone telling you good job might feel good, and that's okay for that to feel good. It should never redefine or help you to define your worth or who you are. And remember, you're not being rude to other people. You're just being nice to you. And you've needed to do that for probably way too long. Love you. Take care. [Music]