Transcription
So, if you watch my videos, you probably heard me say several times that listening and asking questions are really big part of holding a good conversation, right? So, today we're going to be talking about another concept, which is called inference. And without this, the conversation can really start feeling like an interview and less like a conversation.
All right, so what does inference actually mean? So, essentially it's just a fancy word for your ability to read between the lines and kind of see the deeper meaning behind what they're saying. You know, it could be making observations or having a reaction or making assumptions, right? These are all inference.
So, the basic formula is basically this. You listen to something they said, you ask yourself like what might this mean about the other person, and then, you know, you offer that interpretation, and then they will either confirm, deny, or expand on the thing that you said, right? And the reason it works so well is because it just takes the conversation from, you know, being transactional, where you're just exchanging information, and actually go one layer deeper, where you start talking about specifically them and, you know, meaning and just assuming personality traits or certain things about them can make them feel like you're actually listening to what they're saying instead of just bouncing onto the next uh conversation or question or whatever.
And again, I just want to say that that inference or assumption that you're making does not necessarily need to be correct. They can either deny it, confirm it, or like I said, expand on it. You're not supposed to show that you can read minds. You're not You're not a mind reader. You're just throwing that out there and see what happens.
So, a couple of ways that I like to do this, you know, in a conversation is basically I just say, "So, it sounds like or is it possible that?" So, my personal favorite one is I just say, "So, it sounds like and then I fill in with whatever my assumption is. And I like that because it doesn't necessarily assume things about them in an objective way. You're kind of leaving room for them to come in and correct you. Or you could also be like, you seem like the type of person, right? There's that's another way of saying it. You can really experiment and see whatever you're comfortable with, whatever sounds right to you. Just don't make it seem like you're stating an objective fact about them cuz that can come off as, you know, a bit crude or rude. And also make sure that you're just going one step deeper. You're not going 10 step deeper. Your your goal is not to psychoanalyze them. And and try not to make extreme assumptions. It should be pretty light and playful. And most important of all, base the assumption or the inference on something they actually said. Don't just pull [ __ ] you know, randomly out of it.
So before we move on to me showing you guys some actual clips of conversations where I do this, I just want to, you know, give you a list of some of the mistakes that you should avoid when doing this, right? So number one is making every assumption or inference overly deep and kind of becoming a psychologist. That's mistake number one. Mistake number two is turning assumptions into facts. You don't want to do that either. Number three is when you start using inference to kind of try and impress them instead of actually generally understanding them, right? Number four is ignoring their correction. So if you make an assumption and they correct you, you should not be ignoring it and doubling down be like, "No, you are this thing that I said you are." That's not charisma, that's the opposite. And number five is repeating the exact same thing over and over again. You know, if they dismiss it, just move on and continue asking questions. You're not supposed to infer after every question.
So here's the final principle. You ask questions to gather information. You listen so you can kind of retain what they said inside your head. And then step three is inference which helps you create meaning from what they said.
All right, so now let's move on to the clips where I show you guys some examples of me doing this exact same thing.
>> There's always like a psychology behind it and that drives them to do more or to want her more.
>> See, the problem is fundamentally what I'm hearing is
All right there is the first great example of how you can use inference or like how you can get the sentence started. So basically, I just said, "What I'm hearing is" and then I make my assumption or whatever that comes after that. You're going into relationships as a transaction or or like it's a game to be played.
All right now, so let's go into the second clip, and this one is more of a subtle basic one. So essentially, the context is we were talking about cheating, and she said she's never went through her boyfriend's phone to see if he's ever cheated. To that, I responded with, "Maybe you never liked the guy enough to see if he cheats." You know, it's a question, but it's also an assumption. And then, you know, we can see her response to that.
>> what's weird? I've never actually done that part.
>> Because you don't like the guy enough to even see if he cheats?
>> I just Yeah, sure. Maybe Maybe that's the truth. I just don't like the guy enough to like test if he cheats.
So the clip that you just watched was actually really good example of what inference can look like when it's done right. You know, inference is just another way for you to give the other person an angle or a view that's different for them to look at things. And in this case, you know, she thought about it for a second, and then she ended up agreeing with me, which is, you know, really fun because it means that she took in what I said, she considered it, and then, yeah, she agreed.
So this next clip that I'm about to show is a picture-perfect example of an assumption. It's just straight to the point, and I basically just say this: I feel like when you argue in a relationship, you'd be using bad words. And that's basically what it is. You're like assuming something about them based on what they've told you, based on the vibes you're getting from them. You know, you're just reading between the lines and trying to assess what type of person they are, and you know, you frame it as an assumption, as a question, and then again, they can either deny it or they can agree with it or they can expand on it or whatever. But it's never random. I specifically asked that because we were talking about relationships, we're talking about, you know, being toxic and how people are in relationships, etc., etc.
This next clip shows that inference doesn't always need to be deep. It doesn't always need to feel like you're, you know, psychoanalyzing or whatever. It can also be playful. So, in this instance, she's talking about how she actually likes toxic guys, and then I make the assumption, I say, "Oh, kind of like, give me your phone. I'm going to go throw it." I'm assuming that's the type of behavior that she's talking about. And as you'll see in the clip, she actually starts engaging with those scenarios, so that means, you know, my assumption is kind of in the correct ballpark.
I'll be like, "I'll I'll like put on a mask and be like, 'Yo, delete all your social medias. Give me your Snapchat login. [ __ ]
>> That's That's hot.
>> That's hot?
>> I wouldn't do I wouldn't give it to him, but that's hot.
All right, I'm going to show you guys one final example of me doing this. Again, this specific one starts with me saying, "So, it sounds like Obviously, I don't think about you know, using that specific sentence when I'm holding a conversation, but it seems to me like that's the preferred one that I personally like using cuz it just feels the most natural. So, it sounds like you're being you're closing yourself off so you don't get attached and then hurt in the process in the future if he does leave.
So, I hope you guys enjoyed that. I feel like this one was really powerful. If you can really understand intuitively what inference is and start using this in your conversations, people will start feeling like you generally understand them and you'll just come off as more charismatic because you're not just a wall that's bouncing, you know, what they're saying back to them and just like a parrot repeating what they're saying, but actually internalizing what they're saying and then shooting it back at them and you know, giving off the vibes that you're generally understanding what they're saying and who they are as a person, which at its core is essentially what charisma is. People want to feel like they're being heard. People want to feel like they're talking to somebody who understands their perspective, right? So, if you can do this in conversations with anyone really, but especially girls, like when you're on a date, you will start noticing that you're going to get more dates. Girls are going to call you back, and you're going to get positive responses, and just have more people in general trying to talk to you.
So, yeah, if you guys enjoyed this, make sure to let me know, and if you guys like this specific format where I use live examples of me doing something, then also let me know that, and thank you for watching, and I'll see you guys in the next video.