Transcription
I believe you've noticed that I don't have a book in my hand, because the copy I read of this book is electronic. We are in the 21st century, my dear. We solve problems directly, but that's not our topic. Our topic is that today's book is, frankly, very, very beautiful. The book's title is "Your Inner Weaknesses" by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I read its introduction and first chapter, and frankly, it's very promising. So, if you ask me, "Is it one of the greatest books you've ever read in your life, Nasser?" I'll tell you, "No, but it is certainly one of the most beautiful books whose introduction and first chapter I've read so far."
Look, let me tell you something from the heart to the heart. I am very, very interested in anything a very old person says. I am very interested in this. Why? Because I believe that in life, there are lessons you don't learn in universities, [music] schools, academic institutes, or work environments. You learn them in life, which includes these things. Life includes the home, the university, the mosque, the market, the academic institute, your job, and everywhere you can live and have an experience. This is life. But what's beautiful about it, and why can life teach you something that no [music] educational institution can teach you? Because my circumstances, your circumstances, so-and-so's circumstances, and so-and-so's circumstances are completely different.
Let me tell you to what extent they differ. To the extent that no human being has ever been created on Earth to this day. Focus with me. They lived an experience exactly, to the letter, that applies to another human being. There are no two copies. Each person lives their own experience. That's why when someone like Dr. Wayne comes and writes a book talking about his life experiences, he's not giving you research papers or scientific studies. [music] Of course, there might be a study here and a study there, naturally, he might rely on them. But the backbone of the book is that he's conveying his experience only. He'll tell you, "Well, I was walking on this road, and I thought one or three people would pass me, and I discovered that four, five, or six people passed me, so I changed my path, and I found a solution, and it worked for me and improved my situation. And today, I'm here to convey that experience to you."
These books, my beautiful friend, it's very important that you understand [music] that everything said in them doesn't necessarily apply to you. And it doesn't necessarily mean that the solution that worked for him will work for you. Because, in the end, your experience is different from his experience and from any other person's experience. Are we clear? Clear. So, where is the beauty in this? The beauty that makes me [music] listen to every old person who speaks and care about everything they say, even if it's ordinary. It's not necessarily that I'll gain something or that I'll read books with the life experiences of different people. It's that I might gain a lesson that truly applies to my life. This is the enjoyable part.
This man tried, my father tried, my uncle tried, my maternal uncle tried, my grandfather, my grandfather's neighbor, our neighbor's father, an old person at work, my teacher at school or university, any old person. I love to listen to a part of their experience, and if I could, I would listen to their entire life experience. But that's impossible. But the important thing is that [music] I might hear something that makes me avoid a catastrophic, fatal mistake. And instead of going through the experience myself as he did and learning years later and correcting, if there's a chance, and maybe there isn't a chance to correct, I'll listen to him from today. Maybe I'll gain something, maybe I'll gain a benefit, maybe I'll correct a mistake today.
So, Dr. Wayne, in this book, talks generally about his life experience on the topic of happiness. He said, "My goal is not to talk about happiness. My goal is to talk about your weaknesses that might deprive you of happiness." "Might," he stressed. "Might." Put that up, graphic designers. Put it in the middle of the screen, my sweet friend. "Might prevent you from reaching happiness." So, I don't want to bore you with the introduction any longer. Prepare a respectable, respectable cup of coffee because, frankly, I'm enjoying myself as I'm saying this. This episode has a [music] very beautiful lesson. It has a mistake you might be falling into today, and you might fall into it in the future. I'll repeat it: you might. So, it's good that you know what this mistake is. Let's get into the details.
Peace, mercy, and blessings of God be upon you. Welcome, my beautiful friend, to the Tabter 1 program, the first chapter of Dopamine Cafe. With you is your brother, Nasser Al-Aqeel. Many people, my dear, write Al-Aqaili, Al-Aqaili. The Aqaili family is large, well-known, and respected, but my surname is Al-Aqeel, without the "i" at the end. >> Aqeel, like from intellect and wisdom. Don't praise narcissism. Let's stop narcissism and get into the book.
First, let me tell you something very important about happiness. Oh man, oh brother, so many people have talked about happiness today to the point that they confused me. You know, they really confused me. And after reading so many books, I discovered one thing. This is from me, from my own thoughts, my personal discoveries. It might be right, it might be wrong. But I discovered that happiness cannot be defined. From the end, I'll tell you. From the end. For example, you can't define happiness. You can't say happiness is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. You can't. This is what I discovered. I might be right, I might be wrong. God knows. Maybe my thinking will change in the future. But today, at this moment, in 2025, I have the belief that happiness cannot be defined.
Let me give you an example that might support this idea. Maybe you'll meet two people in your life. One lives a lifestyle that, when you look at it, you think, "If I lived like that, I'd be living in the utmost pain." You find him [music] happy. And another person lives a life of utmost luxury, a life you'd say, "I wish I lived his life," and you find him miserable. Take the shock. Maybe you'll find them both happy. Take the second shock. Maybe you'll find them both miserable. This is very obvious to me. It confirms something very important: happiness is a collection of things. You can't limit it. You can only, at the very least, say that money, in itself, cannot bring you happiness. Money by itself.
For example, if I deposit 10 trillion dollars into your account today, and it's there, it won't bring you happiness. But if you spend it, you might spend it on things that bring you happiness, and you might spend it on things that bring you pleasure, but not happiness. You go buy something new. Oh, something enjoyable, but not that happiness. No, because, my beautiful friend, many people today try to convince you that happiness is the feeling of pleasure or the feeling of constant joy. That being constantly happy means you are happy. No, that is not happiness. What is happiness? I don't know. But let me tell you what kills happiness. And this is the first thing Dr. Wayne talked about in this book. Focus with me. Focus with me, may God bless you. Take a sip of coffee, okay?
To live a happy life, let's imagine happiness as pillars. [music] Like the room I'm sitting in now. I'm imagining this room standing on four pillars and four walls. It's normal for a wall to fall, but the important thing is that a pillar doesn't fall. If one of the pillars falls, the room collapses. Period. So, for a happy life, my dear, there are pillars. If one of its pillars falls, many pillars, not just four, many pillars. If one pillar falls, happiness usually collapses with it. One of these pillars is dissatisfaction. See, if God blesses you with all the wealth on Earth, blesses you with health, blesses you with a beautiful married life, blesses you with an amazing family, blesses you with living in a safe and beautiful country, and blesses you with all kinds of countless blessings from the generous Creator, if you are not content with them, or at least with some of them, happiness will fall.
In short, that's why many people today tell you, "Be content with your situation. Accept it. Thank God for it. Be grateful to God for it. Look at the great aspects of your life that many people lack." And let me tell you one of the signs or threads that dissatisfaction begins with, which is regret. You might regret everything you've done before and blame the past for your current situation today. This is the first thing this author said in this book. So, is regret a good thing or a bad thing? I'll answer you very simply. Everything in life has a positive and a negative side. Everything in life. There is positive regret. If you've committed grave mistakes against people and against God, and you regret all these actions, this is good regret. Why is it good regret? Because it leads to improvement. But there is bad regret that makes you pessimistic about everything that's coming in the future. You understand?
So, what does he say? He says, "I learned something very important in life, and the first thing I'll present to you, out of the 25 points he'll present in the book, is that it's necessary to avoid dissatisfaction and to avoid the whirlpool of regret." And focus with me. Look at the strange thing. He wasn't talking about regret today. He told you about regret in the future. This point is very good. Of course, he wasn't focusing on regret significantly. He focused on another point called "Who are you?" [music] "Know yourself." But he passed over it briefly. I said, "Wait, this brief mention deserves an episode."
Look, it's very normal to go through days where you regret things from the past. Okay, that's normal so far. But the strange thing is thinking about the regret you'll have after age 50 or 60. Imagine thinking about it today. This is the strange thing. So, what I'm getting at today is that I'll tell you, beware of your mind. Your mind, my dear, might play tricks on you in the future when you pass 50 and 60. It might make you look back at the past and say, "I wasted all this life living a life I don't wish for. I wish I could go back in time and change my lifestyle." Listen to this. This might be said by someone you see as one of the most successful people in life, and despite that, they say this.
Let me explain why, and why this is a trap, a game your brain plays on you. If you decide, for example, to say, "Listen, listen, Nasser. I'm going to make my professional life my priority, and my goal will be to have a high position in the future." [music] "And a very prestigious job, and a very good income. Why? Why do all these things? To have a good social standing and a comfortable income that improves the quality of my life, my spouse, and the correct pronunciation, my spouse, my children, and my family. So they won't lack anything, and their quality of life will be very good. And thank God, I'll be living in a safe country. Oh Lord, all praise is due to You." Focus with me. This is one of the greatest goals in life.
And let's assume Nasser decides to achieve this goal. To reach it, what will he need to do? He'll need to make a decision every day and choose an option from the multiple options that God has given him each day. He'll do this every day until he gets there. How? For example, let's assume I've actually set the goal. Look, today I'm 32 years old. Okay? I have, for example, 28 years until I reach 60. Every day, I'll be presented with choices in life. God has given me the freedom to choose. There might be many choices, or very few and limited choices. The important thing is that they are choices.
For example, I might have the option to sleep for eight hours. Sleep for eight hours. Then, the remaining eight hours, well, I'll spend them with the kids, my friends, and my family, and so on. This is an option. And another option might be, "No, I'll spend it on entertainment: PlayStation, movies, series, anything, you know, entertainment in general." And another option might be, "No, I'll open a book and learn." And another option might be, "I'll enroll in a course." And another option might be, "I'll focus on my physical and health aspects, the gym, and so on." Choices. What happens for Nasser to be successful, God willing? He'll have to choose the option that leads him in that direction. So, we'll say, "No, we'll focus on everything related to the professional life I aspire to in the future." So, he'll choose these options, day after day. Not necessarily every day, but let's say most days of the week, he chooses these options: development and moving towards the goal.
And let's say after 28 years, Nasser, wow, he achieved the goal. Today, he's married, has children, they are comfortable, he's comfortable, his social standing is excellent, his job is excellent, and his income is excellent. And all praise is due to God. Then comes the trap of regret. Here, his mind plays tricks on him. Well, you've achieved everything. Look back at the past. See what you missed. You missed many options, Nasser. You didn't travel. You didn't play PlayStation. You didn't sit with your friends. You missed this, and you missed that, and you missed this, and you missed that. He starts making you feel that all the path you chose was in vain.
Do you know what's strange? If time went back for Nasser, and he chose the options he thought would bring him enjoyment, like sitting with the kids and his friends, his outings, his travels, his comings and goings, the games, the PlayStation, and all that. And he lived until age 60, he'd say, "Ah, I wish I had focused on my professional life. My situation today would be better. My financial situation would be better, my social situation would be better, and my children would be comfortable." And so on. This is the trap, my sweet friend, that your mind will bring you to one day. And some of us are living this today.
For example, after I passed 30, I look back at my twenties and the ten years that have passed from my twenties, and I say, "I really didn't enjoy them much." And I really didn't enjoy them much. I didn't travel as much as I dreamed of traveling, nor did I focus on hobbies I dreamed of mastering, like drawing, sports, music, and many other things. There are many things I missed. In general, there were many moments in the world of games that I missed with the kids and my friends. Many things I missed. So, he says, "Ah, okay, Nasser. Today you have this and this and this, and you've developed yourself, and so on, and thank God, you've achieved beautiful accomplishments in life. This is indeed very beautiful, and I thank God for it. Today, my situation, for example, in my professional life, thank God, is better than many people my age, and this is very beautiful. But the price I paid is that I didn't play, I didn't enjoy myself, I didn't have fun, and so on."
So, his mind says, "Ha! You've reached what you wanted. Wouldn't it have been better if you had played? Wouldn't it have been better if you had enjoyed yourself?" This is the gateway that will lead me into regret, and it's a wrong trap. Because I'll tell you something: all the options presented to you on any given day of your life, you want to do them all. But you must choose a few of them. So, after a long life, your mind will come back and say, "You didn't want PlayStation. You didn't want to travel. You didn't want to do. You didn't want to do what you wanted." It starts making you feel regret. This is the wrong gateway. Focus, focus with me. It leads you into regret.
And worse, it might lead you into a state of dissatisfaction. So you say, "After all this that I've achieved over these years, and today I'm 60 years old, I'm not satisfied with what I've reached." Oh, my sweet friend, I've read this a lot and heard it from many very successful people. Some of them genuinely have a logical point of view. Some say, "No, I focused on my professional life to the point that I neglected my relationship with my family and children, and I lost them." Today, he has the right to regret, to some extent. As long as he's alive and breathing, he can fix this mistake. The most important thing is that he doesn't become pessimistic, doesn't lose hope for the future. He makes this regret good, it drives him towards improvement for the better.
But some others say, "I regret the life I lived and the successes I achieved because, honestly, I didn't travel, or I didn't enjoy myself, or things like that." He has a point of view, he has the right to it. But is it a logical reason for him to choose regret or dissatisfaction? No. So, Dr. Wayne says, "Try to know yourself today, and try [music] to know yourself tomorrow so you can choose the life that is worth missing many options for." It's necessary [music] to know what truly matters to you. Does your professional life matter more than your relationship with your children and spouse? Or does your relationship with your children and spouse matter much more than your professional life?
So, you might say, "I'll try to combine both." And this is very good. If you always choose balance in your life, be sure that none of its aspects will be extraordinary. For example, if you decide to become like Elon Musk, the richest man in the world, that's extraordinary. Usually, there are many things, many sacrifices, many things you'll lose. It's like you have a cup of water and you're distributing it into glasses. If you put all the water in one glass, you won't be able to put anything in the rest. Very simply.
So, you say, "No, I'll balance my family life, my professional life, and my entertainment aspect." You'll balance. You'll live a bite from here, a bite from here, and a bite from here. From the options presented to you today, you'll choose three days for professional and family life, and three days for family and entertainment, and two days for rest. For example, balancing them and accepting the average life, the normal, moderate life that most people live. It's normal to have debts, and it's normal not to be very luxurious with money, and it's normal not to be very extraordinary in work life. We are a moderate nation. Usually, you won't give your mind much opportunity. It will still come to you, and you'll regret it, but it won't have the strength because you'll say, "Yes, I've experienced a bit of everything." So, I'm content with what I have.
Maybe he'll say, "No, your situation could have been better, and your income could have been better." I'll say, "Yes, that's true. But I might have lost this and that and that. No, let me stay in the middle. It's better for me, and I'm comfortable, happy, and accepting that life in general and happiness in general are not a feeling of constant joy and getting everything you want. No, my dear friend. And we proved that at the beginning of the episode.
So, my dear, look, focus. It's necessary today. We've said it before, and we'll emphasize it now. It's necessary today to keep in mind that you truly know yourself. What do you want? What things truly matter to you in life today and will matter to you in life 30 years from now? So that when you build a goal, and when you choose from the options presented to you today, you choose the options that achieve all the goals you want in the future with balance. And if you want to know the important aspects that Stephen Richard Covey recommends, he said, "Focus on your emotional aspect in relationships. Focus on your physical and bodily aspect in health. Focus on your spiritual aspect in your relationship with God. And focus on your mental and intellectual and educational aspect." [music]
He said, "Always balance these." And the second important point is that happiness is not the constant feeling of pleasure or the constant feeling of joy. Happiness has many pillars. One of them is contentment. That you are content and accepting of everything you live today and everything that has happened to you in the past. Get rid of it, my dear friend. Trauma and trauma. Even he said it. He said, "I'm not one of those who believe in journeys to the past to search for bad situations and blame your current situation today." He said, "I see this as somewhat cowardly, lacking responsibility." He's honest. So, get rid of this talk, my friend. Be strong. What's past is past. If you're going to take a journey to your past, go back to learn from it to improve in the future. But don't go and take situations from it and increase the blame and increase the depression you're living in. The depression we're living in today is enough. Just kidding, just kidding.
In general, frankly, it's a very beautiful concept, especially the concept of regret that might visit you in the future and be a liar. Regret can be a liar. Don't know yourself today. Determine what you truly want. Build your future life on this. And ask God for success always. Ask your Lord for guidance. May He guide you to what is right, even without your conscious awareness. With this, the dose has ended. I hope I haven't bored you. Share it with those you love if you think someone might benefit from it. I'll see you next week, God willing, with a more beautiful and better dose. Thank you for your good listening, my dear.