Transcription
Hallelujah! I always value any pastor that puts programs like this together. Hope you know there are some churches, they don't talk about it at all. I'm a counselor. The people that feel my counselors are churches where they don't talk about marriage at all. People just underestimate and undervalue the importance of marriage. So I really appreciate your pastor for organizing this kind of thing and the team of leaders for the singles for putting this together. You guys did an amazing job. Hallelujah! Amen.
And Pastor has said that from next year, there will be more and more meetings like this. I thought you would clap now. People are following my hand. Praise God. Please take your seats. Take your seat. Hallelujah! Did you enjoy my friend? Girlfriend? Well, she or someone. What say it must be worship? It must be walking, and it must be worse. This guy is brilliant. Come, let me give you money. Okay, yeah, with my account, I just transfer to yourself. Praise God.
So awesome to be here. And once again, I want to acknowledge and appreciate the founding father of this great ministry, the Metropolitan Pastor Paul. Are there for us in praise God. It's important to give honor to whom honor is due. So we appreciate him for many years of strong leadership, exemplary excellence in the name of Jesus. Um, okay, as usual, I'd like to talk about books. A lot. This book here, "25 Wrong Reasons People Enter Relationships." What happens a lot of times is that when we enter relationships for the wrong reason, you have most likely entered with the wrong person. Did you understand that? If you enter for the wrong reason, you have most likely entered with the wrong person. And if the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do? Marriages don't fail in marriage. Marriage is failed before the marriage, and usually starts to fail because of the kind of person you decide to go on with. Is somebody getting what I'm saying? Nobody fails in the wedding. You see, champions are known on the ring, but they are not made on the ring. Somebody getting what I'm saying? It's during training. You will know who will win. You know Nigeria, when we're doing World Cup of football, we pray on the field. That prayer on the feet should we pray of Thanksgiving? The result has already been determined. It's not on the field. If you didn't train, you want to pray on the field. And if you're getting what I'm saying? So marrying right, preparing. Those are very important things. It's okay to desire marriage. It's better to prepare for it. If somebody gets what I'm saying. The person that typed said this book many years ago when we wrote the book. This book is a little while ago. First, that I've said he was a Muslim. You know, she was walking the place where they were doing the printing. And when she, of course, she was typing, she was reading it because she was single. And when she finished accessing and everything, said, Pastor, even should give me a copy of this book before you even print it. It blessed her so much because we dealt with 25 wrong. We see your your mind can play tricks on you. If somebody gets what I'm saying, your emotions can play tricks on you. But when you have a system or something you're using to measure your motives, you can make sure you're not making the wrong decision. The support that you want to marry. That the reason why not the man is God. Your friends are married. Or this one automatically your parents are stressing you. You're saying you are in love, but even within you, you know you don't really love this person. You're just trying to choose the lesser of both evils. In your mind, you are thinking, instead of staying with my parents to stress me, let me just marry this guy. Don't like him. He's not working. It's not worth it. It's not worship. It's worrisome. But let me enter that one. Oh, I don't want to be lonely. I'm too lonely. See, there's not the only thing was that being lonely as a single person is being lonely as a married person. You don't understand what I'm saying. The only thing worse than being single and lonely is being married and lonely. But you don't jump from fry pan to fire. If you marry wrong, you'll be lonelier. I can't wait. I can't wait. If you don't have patience for marriage, you will suffer inside marriage because marriage, the key thing you need there is what? Patience. So he said, I can't wait, my brother. You can wait. So these 25 wrong reasons, it will screen you quickly whether your motive for marrying that person is correct. And, um, we're gonna do some book signing after this meeting also. Um, so Hallelujah. So if it's something you would like, please make sure you buy a book and we'll be able to sign it for you. Um, after the service. Praise God.
Hmm, let me see where I will start from. I have quite some things to quickly cover. I'll start from talking to those that might be in a relationship or will be in a relationship soon. Then from there, I'll quickly talk to those that are single. I'll rush everything as fast as I can. So I will start from seven mistakes dating couples make or seven mistakes we're in a relationship make, anyone you want to call it. Seven mistakes dating couples make because like I said, you don't start failing in the marriage. You start failing before the marriage. For most of us that I experience, we can tell marriages that will stand and those that won't stand. We usually can tell. We usually can tell because they bypass a lot of principles. They bypass preparations. That's why I have this book entitled "When Am I Ready?" Please make sure you are ready. It's not enough to be desirous of marriage. Pastor, I don't know if you used to do athletics in school or something like that. You look like it. You have this statue. Me, I was a bad boy in school. I was busy smoking and drinking in secondary school. That's what I was doing. My life, all the bad friends, we don't go to class, we smoke and drink. So they were doing inter-command. I went to Command Secondary School. So we're doing inter-command. All the commands in Nigeria come together for sports. So I wasn't planning to go for. But I found out all my other bad friends were going for one thing or the other. And I said, I'm doing like you. Live in this school. I said, I must go. So we're checking through all these sports. Which one can I do? Check all of them. Have no, no one I could find except long distances. It's not as if I can do it. But the only three people that normally go for it, and nobody competes with them. They just three of them. Just they don't do it. They just go. Literally of them because they are the people that do it. I said, well, I can win one of these guys. So my those three guys, throughout the preparation for the heat, they were going to spill daily in the morning to go and practice. Jog me, I'll be sleepy. And when I wake up, I'll first smoke. Then my useless friends, we said this is 1500 meters. We measure dormitory. How many times will I run around to before you do one thousand? You can't successfully fail without useless friends. You must have useless people speaking nonsense to your ear. After I tell you, when you see people money wrong, you find that they have friends that I agree with the nonsense they want to do.
[Music]
They measure dormitory for me that if you go 20 times. See you. So that's why I was doing my rehears and they were practicing with me. On the day we only fall, like I told you, three people go. Everything, nobody completes them. But this time, there was a fourth man in the fire to join them. And I was very popular in school. Oh yeah, said no. Took off. That's what I knew in this life. Supporters don't matter if you're not prepared. It doesn't matter people clapping for you on your wedding day. Forget those people dancing and where I should be. If you are not prepared, all those things don't count because only two of you that have been that marriage. And your preparations just to make it work. Bothering about the wrong things. I should be all right. So the cake or the color might perfect. Look, the preparation must be perfect. All those other things can be missed. It's not already that must have cake. The marriage can see work. It's not already. It's not already numbers. Even have reception. I've seen reception is possible. Zoom and you zoom your food too from where you are and zoom the decoration. And you hear somebody. Most of the things we waste our time on, there are no important. The important thing is this, your preparation. Are you here suffered or your mark said go? I said that my dreams to my aim is to follow the guy that always comes first so that we come second. You know, a failure by his goals. He's not planning to succeed. He's just planning not to fail. You know the difference? Somebody's trying to have an A in class. So nobody's applying not to go below the. Your goals are essentially betrayed you. I'm not planning to have a happy marriage. I'm just planning not to divorce. That's a poor goal to set. So for any guy comes first lap, slap, don't laugh. I was coming through my useless people. I didn't know that in long distance race, people save their energy to the last lap. I didn't know because I wasn't going for training. I was in Norwich last lap. The blue issue for last lap. All of them took off, increase their speed. Ah, me, I've been using my whole energy to run the festival up. I wanted to follow them. My spirit said, if you try it, you will die here today. You know when your spirit is within, but your flesh is your your whole engine will knock. They've took off. And the good thing was, as we're making the taking off, by one band to turn and come again, there was one bush street. So as they told me, I just entered the bush. I went to sit down to breathe before they kill me. For my mother in school, I came to honors, not Olympics or athletics. I sat in the bush till everybody left. Only my users are waiting for me. They understood what we're doing. May God deliver you from useless friends. And that's the mistake poor people make. They hang out with other poor people. So they'll be talking nonsense talks. If I just pick 10 million dollars now, program do? They pick 10 million dollars. See, if I just pick one million dollars now, I go first go buy sugar. This will come. Conversations they have. Useless conversations. Praise God.
Several mistakes they think couples make. I run through it quickly. We have used a lot of time to just number one, not building friendship. Not building friendship is a mistake. If you're in a relationship or you plan to enter relationship, please build friendship. I talked about this a bit yesterday. Friendship is very important. I hope there's somebody that will be putting scripture for me because we're going to move very fast. Proverbs 17:17. DJ, I can't put that from me. DJ, because they are mixing the scriptures. Praise God. One of the people that made me start using that word DJ attends this church now. Her name is DJ Kenny. So look at it. He said, a friend what love it at all times? They are saying that the love of a friend is strong. The love of emotional passion, that one fades. It always fails. But the love of friendship stands. A friend loves that word at all times. Did you? Do you have TPT? Is it an easy typical DJ? You have TPT version? If you have, please mix it. Track two. He said, a friend. Look at it here. He said, a dear friend. We love you. What? No matter what. Build on friendship. Is this person your friend? Can we talk freely? Or are you always monitoring and managing what you are saying around them? Are you always afraid to tell them the facts, the truth? When there's no friendship, you will hide too many things. Are you guys really friends? Do you mean if you are not touching each other, can you spend two hours together without touching? Many of you are a little bit of sex. No talking, just touching. Build friendships. All right. Learn to talk. All right. Don't don't make the mistake of jumping into wedding planning too quickly because so nothing happens to be any people. They think they are close, but all their discussing is wedding planning. Have you found your gun? Have you found your suit? How much is the venue? Let's go and take advantage. That's what they are doing. They have jumped from from beginning to right to wedding planning. No friendship. Can we have a conversation for one hour easily? Because in marriage, friendship is all you do. All right. Build on friendship.
Number two, mistakes that they think couples can make is not having clarity. Proverbs 29:18. Without vision, the people who perish. Not having clarity. Don't start a relationship without clarity of where we're going and what we are doing. What are we doing? Where are we going? There must be clarity. Without vision, the people perish. One version says, without vision, the people enter an inferior condition. The people waste away. The people while they wait time. People when you start dating without a clear ending in mind, like I told you yesterday, for wise women, when they ask you how somebody, you say, when I want to date you, what's the plan? Because I want to date you is not a proposal. He can date you for two years and say, thank you for the experience. I've finished dating you. See you next time. So don't be available for marriage. Let's be friends together. You know what you want. Don't tie me down for two years. Are you here? Somebody. Let there be clarity. If I started a relationship now, when I want to apply to get married, and let's start walking towards it now. That's why you shouldn't date for too long. Usually, input date for too long. It means they started when they were not ready. Why are you dating for five years? Why are you dating for four years? Why is he mad? You want to read law. The time that people have used to graduate and do Masters. You know what you did? This relationship and they didn't give any certificate. All right. So there should be clarity. What are we doing? What are we doing? Are we planning to get married? Let's start walking towards it. Actually, the relationship starts when we agree that we're applying together, not just that we are hanging out. I'm checking you out. They're dating you to check you out. You don't date to check people out. Somebody gets what I'm saying? You check them out for you. This is why we have too many people to have exes in the body of Christ. Exes in their church. Many people that are causing you because they felt you broke their heart. You don't have to keep these people to check them out. Like I told you yesterday, was the first person I ever dated. Is in friendship that you check people out. There's no pressure there. Hey, how are you? God bless you. Oh, you can even go out on a date. It's even from that. We are dating. Yes, let's go and watch a movie. Yes, fine. See how they behave with other people. See how they behave normally. But when you want to now make a commitment to be clear that this is where we are going. I'm not here to joke. There should be clarity. Okay.
Number one, three, not having mentors. Not having mentors. DJ, if you have Proverbs 31, verse 1, let me see what it says. Proverbs 31, verse 1. In message translation. Message translation. If you have, not having mentors. Message. Okay. The words of King Lemuel. The strong advice his mother gave him. Basically, he had somebody to mentor. The whole Proverbs 31, his relationship goals. I have a message like that on YouTube, relationship goals for men and for women. So what happens is that with a mentor, you have somebody showing you the way. Don't enter relationship without both of you having relationship mentors. You can have distant mentors, people you watch their messages. You can also have close mentors, people that know both of you. You did both. You need people that know both of you. Mentoring helps a lot. Couples that you are looking up to. Couples that are advising you. They're telling you mistakes they've made so that you won't make it. They're helping you with important things. They are showing you how marriage should be. Most times, we're expecting people to do marriage right that have never been married before. That's what I'm saying. The same marriage is the institution where you're giving the certificate before you start the learning. Every other school you go to, the school first before they give you certificate. But you manage on the wedding day, they give certificate, then you go and be learning. But in mentally, we bridge that. Mentors will bridge that gap. So if both of you are dating, please have mentors. Accountability is key. Accountability is what? The first thing I did with my wife. Once we agreed to marry, I took her to all my mentors, Reverend Albert Samuel Dooley. I took her to them. Introduced her to them and said, these are my mentors. If I'm my head is touching at any time, if I'm misbehaving, these are people you can report me to. Are you hear somebody? Have mentors over your relationship. Accountability is key. You attend a good church like this. There are some married couples that are in leadership. Both of you go and submit yourself to them. Listen, it's important that there are people that can speak to both of you. When people do relationship without mentors, it's like playing a football match without a referee. Imagine Brazil and Argentina or Brazil and England World Cup final. They say, we love ourselves, we are friends, we don't need referee. Love is enough. When people are in love, they think they don't need anything until the ball. One person say, past the line. The other person didn't pass the line. Argument to announce that. That's where a neutral party that is not in love can help you guys. See, sometimes the thing causing the argument within the man and woman, they are both right. They're just seeing it from different angles. Sometimes they never arguing about the same thing. I'll talk about that when we get to on that point.
Boy, number what is the next one? Number four, mistakes dating couples make is having sex. Having sex before marriage. Bad foundation. Bad foundation. These are part of things you should discuss with somebody when you're starting a relationship. What are our guidelines? How far is too far? If you start with kissing, it will always graduate. That's why Christians that have sins and Christians that actually desire to keep themselves pure, they keep things like kissing and touching out. Let's just talk because kissing was never designed to satisfy. Kissing is what prepares you for the sacrifice. I will bring the fire. How does it have you? I will bring the other season. Peter, you bring the fire. I will bring what? That's kissing. Kissing will bring the fire. And everywhere we catch fire, fire, and it will backfire. Kissing will always backfire because it never satisfies. It only turns you on. Kisses wants to differentiate you from an animal. And then Mark can be ready for sex after any preparation. You as a human being, God doesn't expect that you're walking about thinking about sex every day. So kissing just gets you in the mood. When you start those things, you're on the pathway to sin, and you are laying a bad foundation for your marriage. And you hear somebody, sex before marriage affects the intimacy because from that time on, whenever you're meeting, you're thinking of sex, not knowing each other. So you're not talking much again because sex has entered. Sex affects the trust because when that cheats with you, we cheat on you. All right. You are beginning to think like that. Sex will affect the respect because when you're supposed to be a Christian and you're doing this kind of things, you will start not respecting each other. Disrespect will start because you think this person is not keeping their word. Sex affects the good behavior because you're building a habit. You are building appetites. When you start taking what is not yours, you have built the appetite of stealing. When you get married, that appetite won't just go away. You will still want to steal, which is take something that is not yours. You are used to hiding to have something that becomes your appetite. Some people don't realize that the appetites you build in the relationship is the appetite you must sustain in the marriage. If the appetite is built to take what's not yours, by time you're married, you are now his. So you are no more the target. He needs another person again. The main people that married that are dealing with appetizers that people built when they were single. I can't send somebody that is her her spouse has likes is he BDSM? They call it this kind of sex that they tie you and choke you and break your head with something. They've not had sex in six years because that's the kind of sex the man wants. She wants no matter. And one time my doctor advised her that well, maybe you should try it. The first day she tried the beating, she got it. I'm not trying it again. This that time. So about six years now, they've not had sex. Six, seven years. So sex doesn't help. Don't build that foundation. It dishonors God.
Number what? Number five, mistakes with dating couples make is waiting to have all the money before you marry. This is why people stay too long in courtship. Courtship is not an institution of its own. It's just on the way to marriage. It's not something we sit down celebrating anniversary of our courtship. First year anniversary of dating. Whoa, really? Ideally, your courtship should not possible should not be more than one year. Maximum one year is okay to prepare. The reason why many people are waiting too long, they want to they want to buy big house, do a big wedding. You don't need all those things. Thank God for coffee. It's so a lot of white people married during over there. 20 people max. The restroom. Are you here somebody? Why? Why do you need big money? You want to rent it because no one room is enough. Start from one room. Room. All you need in marriage is a bed. That's the only thing scripture says you need in the marriage bed. Marriage is honorable on the bed undefiled. As long as there's bed, you can start. Are you here somebody? The only scripture requirement to start is what? Long as you have bed, it's okay. You can buy food from outside. You can do anything. Your uncle can send you food. The only one nobody can do for you is bed. You must have been to carry out the real duties. The only both of you can do the rest. They can wash clothes for you. All you need is one room. You don't have to rent a mansion. You don't have to start from three bedroom flat. If you can afford it. See the favor you need to afford three bedroom flat is that's when you marry. So for you to postponing the humanity you marry, you are the one postponing the breakthrough. Two are better than one. Ah, my life changed when I got married. All the prosperity I'm enjoying today is tied to this my wife. My Instagram page is the one that started it. Today it has blessed me. Two because two of you are seeing things on different perspectives. As a man, you are delaying yourself by delaying your marriage. You're delaying it. Married things will start to move. The breakthroughs become like my wife said, I didn't have anything when I got married. I had a job. Don't get me wrong. I had a job. I wasn't rich. I didn't have a salary at the time. Even though I, yes, as I was doing work, I was getting blessed. But I didn't have money. But when she entered my life, things started to grow. That's what scripture says that you obtain favor. So stop pushing that I want to have all the things. Nobody started like that. Most people that are married today were not what they look like. Somebody got what I'm saying. And women, YouTube, don't put men under pressure that they must have one elaborating. They can do. See, if the wedding you'll do now is not great, after 10 years, when you have more money, you can do on that wedding. There's no problem in this life. Oh, but everyone giving us a problem. Do on that one. Every two years. Every two years renewal. Do I'll do is invite us. Cook. Let me even give you my order now for the food. Do Chinese rice will eat. Do bring musician. Two. Nobody's beating you. Are you here somebody? But don't wait to have everything. Both of you should agree on the date and start working towards it. Safe to official agree as touching anything, it will be done. Are you here somebody?
Number what? Number six, on that mistake dating couples make is playing house. Playing house. That's moving in together. Big mistake. Moving in together. Statistically, they found out that couples are moving together before marriage had more risk of divorcing. The Bible says in Proverbs, I think Proverbs 25, years, think from verse 17. He said, don't don't stay too long in your neighbor's house for long, you will start to despise you. When you go and move in before the time, you are putting the weight of sea finish on little commitment. Look at here. And when you find a friend, don't outstay. Okay, withdraw from your neighbor's house. Let's be wary of do you and what hate you. Please give me the other one. You remove now. When you find a friend, don't outwear. What you're welcome. Show up at all at all hours, and he will soon get towards fed up. Thank you, DJ. This DJ is not the work. You get fed up. Staying in moving into your husband for yourself or whatever is a wrong move. It's is not scriptural and it doesn't also make sense socially. And you people, you are destroying your Christian testimony because your neighbors are seeing you. Then tomorrow, you invite them for program. You're destroying your Christian testimony. Please don't do that. It reduces, um, respect for both of you because you're putting the weight of no commitment on top the weight of sea finish on this weak commitment. It reduces respect, reduces motivation. Why should I marry you when you're already doing everything that married couples do? Ladies, I don't make no mistake. The most you are giving everything that they should give only in marriage. So why should men marry? The reason why we have men staying single long is because all the benefits of marriage, people can get it after marriage. See, in every relationship, men want sex. Women, women want security. The mistake women make is that they are giving their own sex and are not getting security. Whenever a man says, hey baby, come and spend the night, I want to have sex with you. Tell him, I'm ready sex. I will finish you. Tell him, we will have sex this night, but let's go today to register and also marry because me, I want marriage. He will say, hey, let's think about it more. Say, let's also think about the sex more. But let's have sex today. And women are agreeing. Tell him that let's marry. Why you sit here? I said, let's have short sex, hot sizzling sex, but one year from now. Too. Women are giving their own free. If all the women can do, look up. Men will marry. Most men that attacked his fault is single. Somebody is servicing them. Somebody meeting all their needs according to their riches in glory. Men want sex. Women want security. This is why when they propose to whom I see how they dance. They've gotten what they are waiting for. Women want security. Were created for security. Have you seen men ever doing that? A man proposed to experience over that. Is women that need security saying women can have some more sense and we told their own part too. Negotiate the way they negotiating with you. So let's have sex this week. I say I'm ready. Let's just marry this week too. So that everybody will be balanced. Come and say I hear. It reduces motivation. It reduces anticipation. Some people went down to go for honeymoon. They finished the honey already. They're just going to the moon. No honey because honey has finished since dating because you've already moved in, cooked, to wash cloth, do everything. All your clothes are ready in this house. You are reducing anticipation, reducing motivation. And if you have bringing challenges and affecting commitments, there's no need to be committed to you because you've already given everything. I imagine a student. Imagine if there's a student that enters, um, a university wants to study law. And from the first day of resumption, matriculation day, they give him graduation certificates. Say, this is your law certificate. You're here to read law this year one, but this is your certificate. We hope you will come to class. How committed will that student be that has already got things? Advocate. You are hoping that somebody has already got this has been committed to class, committed to reading textbooks. What keeps you committed is that you want to pass. Reducing motivation.
And last one, number seven. Number seven, mistakes dating couples make is that they don't do premarital counseling. All over scripture. Proverbs 15:22. Proverbs 11:14 says, the multitude of counselors, there is what? Safety. You must do premarital counseling. Don't jump into marriage just because you think both of you love each other. Love is never enough. Statistically, they found out that during premarital counseling greatly reduces the chances of failing. Doing premarital counseling greatly reduces the chances of failing. Most of cancer lost their safety.