Transcription
Foreign Worthy Podcast. I am Brittany Noel, your host. I am a therapist. I'm a speaker. I'm a coach. But here on the podcast, I am simply just your friend in the journey, as we are all learning how to become better versions of ourselves. So, welcome back, you guys. Here we're finally in season two. Okay, so we finally came back after a year hiatus. Um, and I want to continue the conversation from our last episode where we talked about the Art of Letting Go and what it means to let go.
I wanted to continue this conversation because, first of all, there's a lot that goes into the process of letting go, and this is something that a lot of people are struggling with, especially this time of year, when it comes to truly releasing a relationship or releasing a connection, period. Right? Whether it's in romantic, your romantic life, your career, your family. One of the key things that I need you to focus on is learning how to redefine yourself outside of the relationship. So, one of the hardest parts about letting someone go is that if I let them go, then I'm also going to be letting go the pieces of me that were attached to that person. And that is a whole nother level of grief that can leave you feeling like you don't know who you are. That can leave you feeling in a place of just feeling lost. I don't know where to go from here, and that can be a very helpless, hopeless type feeling. So, in order for you to successfully release a connection, you're going to have to redefine who am I outside of this partnership? That means that you're going to have to start answering for yourself outside of this person, what makes me happy outside of this person? What makes me feel loved outside this person? What makes me feel successful? Or what makes me feel competent? Or what makes me feel like myself again? The hardest part about coming out of a connection is that so much of what we did on a day-to-day basis was centered around this person. So, in order for you to successfully release them, you're gonna have to start redefining who you are. And some of you are going to have to redefine who you are when someone does not need you. Okay? So, a lot of people get attached to people because of how much they needed you. And because you said, "Okay, I have a big heart, and I enjoy helping people, and I want to build them up, and I want to support them," because that was your definition in that relationship, you feel best when you are operating in that definition. I want to challenge you to be all of those things for yourself in this season. I want to challenge you to be selfish with yourself in this season. So, everything that you thought you had to be for them, I want to challenge you to learn to be that for yourself. So that means showing up for you in that way, in that capacity, to help you feel that void.
Now, this one is going to step on somebody else's toes, right? But anytime I'm working with clients who are struggling about when to leave a relationship, or when to let the connection go, or when to let them know that we're not going to be friends, one of the things that I have found is that we will be in the middle of a breakdown. We will know that this connection has expired. We will know that it no longer feels good. I don't like it. I don't enjoy it. Yet, we continue to participate in it. And what I have found is that many people will not leave the connection and they will not release this person because you're simply waiting on permission to do so. Yeah, this permission can come in in a multitude of different ways, but one of the most common ones I see is people saying, "Well, you know, I'm praying on it. I'm waiting on a sign. You know, I prayed and I said, God, if they're not supposed to be my friend, let me know. If we're not supposed to be together, let me know." Despite the fact that you already have factual evidence that supports that this connection no longer highlights the type of life you want to live, it no longer makes you feel the way you want to feel, it no longer gives you what you need, you continue this connection and you say, "I'm praying about it." When really, the prayer is just you stalling because everything about this connection is pointing towards the sign of this being expired, it's unhealthy, and it's toxic. God ain't got a co-sign on that for you to know it's time for me to do something else.
I also see people asking for permission in terms of asking for advice. So, instead of making a decision about what you want to do, you go to this person and say, "What do you think I should do?" And you go to that person, and that person, and that person. And then you watch a podcast, and then you listen to a sermon, and then you read a book. And you're going to all of these sources for information to confirm what you already know. You're delaying the time span for you to finally make a decision. I've also seen people looking for someone to blame. So, instead of you moving forward and saying, "Hey, you're not the problem, I'm not the problem, we just aren't good for each other," you are looking for a breakdown to happen so that you can blame it and say, "See, this is why I'm leaving. See, this is why I can't be with you." Instead of just taking responsibility and saying, "This relationship, this connection, this friendship no longer serves me," you're waiting on something to happen so that you can justify leaving. And then, one that is rare, but it does happen, you will sabotage the relationship and you will wait for them to reject you. And this one is for people who are used to having the storyline of being the victim. This is the one for the people who are used to people walking away so that they don't have to make a decision. In order for me to not make a decision, instead, I'm just going to do stuff to push you away. I'm going to do stuff to sabotage the connection until this person finally says, "I don't want to be with you anymore." Okay? These are all ways in which we will find ourselves trying to get permission to do what you already know needs to happen.
I want to challenge all of you guys today that if there is a connection in your life that you are waiting for permission to walk away from, you're waiting for permission to put boundaries in place, you're waiting for permission to say, "I would rather have a different level of friendship. I would rather have a different level of love in my life." Whatever it looks like. If you're waiting for permission, I want to go ahead and give that to you today. Okay? I want to say, you have permission to speak up and be vocal about what type of connections you want in your life. To be courageous enough to say, "This no longer serves me, and I release you." In the comments below, you guys, I want you to tell me, what, what exactly am I giving you permission for today? What relationships are you going to be putting boundaries in or walking away from or simply ending? I don't care if it's a friendship, if it's a co-worker, if it's a job that you're walking away from. I want you to be very clear about what you're no longer allowing to just hang around in your life knowing it no longer serves you. Put that in the comment box below so that I can interact with you guys. I can comment. If you know someone who's struggling to let someone go, send this video to them. I'm sure it's going to help them. I have enjoyed you guys on the second episode of the I Am Worthy Podcast. Okay? Like, share, comment, send it to everybody you know. In the meantime, in between time, I will catch you guys on our next episode. See you later. [Music]