Transcription
You just ended your relationship. I get it. The pain, it cuts deep; it's raw. The emotional pain that you're feeling right now literally feels like someone is stabbing you, from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to sleep. This is because there is almost no difference between physical and emotional pain. The end of your relationship feels like someone physically ripped your heart out, stomped on it a few times, set it on fire, and then put it back into your chest. Yeah, it's really that bad. I know from personal experience.
Something that you have to understand is that the longer the relationship was, the deeper the pain you will feel, and it will take longer to recover. If you're with someone for 10 years, or if you broke up because they did you wrong in an unimaginable way, it's going to take some time to heal this wound. The emotional pain that you're feeling is like having a crazy guy trapped inside of a cage within you. At first, he'll break out of the cage all the time, and each time this happens, you'll experience a wide range of emotions, like feeling sad or angry. Over time, the guy in the cage will start to get tired of trying to break out. As this happens, you'll notice the episodes of sadness and anger start to become less frequent.
The first thing that you have to do to get over your ex is to accept the fact that there is no hope. If you're watching this, I'm assuming you're probably not the one who broke things off. The biggest mistake that you can make is telling yourself there is still hope. Emotionally, your brain cannot start the healing process until you've accepted the fact that there is no hope that you'll ever get back with this person. Once you do this, the healing can begin. There are over 7.5 billion people on the planet; for a successful relationship, you only need one. In other words, there's a lot of fish in the sea.
It's true that you'll never find anyone exactly like your ex, but if you actually start looking, the odds are good that you'll find someone who is an even better fit for you than your ex could have ever been. The truth is that most people have an image in their head of this perfect guy or girl, but what really happens is they end up settling. In some cases, they settle for the first guy or girl who shows interest, and they never truly explore their options.
If you got dumped, I got news for you: there's nothing wrong with you. In fact, it wasn't you; it was the other person. You have to understand that you were the diamond, not them. Let the other person try to find another like you; others will try to imitate you and take your place, but they'll never be like you. They don't have it like that. Yeah, you loved the other person at one point, but not anymore. Let them go, search for someone like you—they'll never find it. Nobody will ever be able to fill your shoes, and you know this. Once you understand that it's the other person's loss, you can instantly get over them.
Did you know that there is no such thing as "the one"? I know, I know. Since birth, you've been programmed to think that there's this magical person out there that will have everything you could ever want. You probably thought that this person was "the one." The truth is that, with billions of people on the planet, there is no shortage of options for you. There's no way around the fact that breakups are painful; both of you will walk away with pain, and you'll need to carry that baggage for quite some time. The truth is that, if you're a guy, statistically you should experience less pain than the girl. This is a huge advantage for you because it means you can recover faster and move on. If you're a girl, just realize that it will take a bit longer to find a new normal after breaking up with someone.
The biggest mistake that people make is taking it personally. This is especially true for us guys. When we break up with someone, we're more likely to act like idiots and hook up with a bunch of random partners because we're trying to maintain our self-esteem. Girls are more likely to feel depressed and engage in activities with friends and family. One of the best things that you can do after you exit a relationship is to spend a lot of time with family and friends, or whatever support network you have. While in a relationship, most people tend to make the other person the center of their life, and they stop socializing and spending time with friends and family. If this describes your situation, start spending more time with your friends and family.
Getting over your ex is like quitting a bad habit. The first few days, weeks, or months are the hardest, but over time the pain will lessen. They say that time heals all wounds, and in almost every situation, this is true. Just accept the fact that there is no hope of getting back together. Quitting a bad habit means avoiding situations that will remind you of the other person. To start the recovery process off right, you should burn or give away anything you own that has to do with your ex, because by holding on to these items, you're unknowingly fooling yourself into thinking that there is hope that you'll get back together. There is also a saying that the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Most guys will take that literally, but it really just means to start dating.
What you have to realize is that there is no way around the pain; the longer the relationship, the harder it's going to hurt. A one-year relationship won't hurt nearly as much as a 10 or 20-year relationship. A major mistake that most people make, especially guys, is viewing the breakup as a failure. As guys, a breakup actually makes us feel like we're losers. This is because our psychology categorizes everything in our life into accomplishments or failures. It's always a good idea to spend a short bit of time thinking about the relationship and what you could have done better. Maybe you could have been less jealous or more romantic. Don't look at these things as failures; instead, just look at them as things that you can do better for the next girl or guy.
Something you've probably heard people say is you can't love someone else until you love yourself, and this is true. If you have major problems with jealousy or insecurities, work on eliminating these problems before entering into a new relationship. If you have low self-esteem or a similar problem, work on fixing that issue first. If you're so broke that you can't even buy things to help you feel better and move on, work on fixing this problem first. One of the best things that you can do after a relationship is to find the silver lining, which is an expression for finding the good hidden within the bad. After exiting the relationship, you might feel like your life is over, but the truth is that it's just beginning. Get excited; you get to start a new chapter of your life, maybe even the most exciting one. It's a great time to start improving yourself. Work on improving your character, your confidence, your finances, make some new friends, and at the end of the day, realize that it's the other person's loss. They'll probably spend the rest of their life trying to find someone to fill your shoes, but to no end. They might find someone who will try, but they'll never be like you. With that said, until next time, thanks for watching.