Transcription
I'm going to be a stronger person. I'm going to be a better person. I'm going to be the person that people can rely on.
The problem is as we become that person, there are a couple of scary prices that we pay. The first price that we pay is psychic amputation. We take all of those feelings of being bad and we shut them off because that's not really who I am, right? This is an identity that I'm striving for. It is not my general experience of the now.
And here's why it's so addictive. Because when we use sublabation and we take "I hate my career. Let me show my career who hates who. I'm going to teach my career a lesson. I'm going to go to graduate school. I'm going to do the career even harder. I'm going to do it harder. I'm going to do it better." I hate it. I'm not going to be someone who quits when I don't like things. Instead, I'm going to show myself a lesson, which is if I don't like things, I'm going to do it more and then I'm not going to like it even more. And then I'm going to keep going.
So, as I do this, I start to lop off parts of myself. I start to feel anhydonic. I don't feel pleasure anymore. There's no pleasure here. Pleasure is affeminite. Pleasure is for losers. I'm on the grind set. I'mma be so hard. I'm going to hit myself in the nuts every day cuz pain is weakness leaving the body.
But here's the problem. As you double down, as you start to sublimate, as you go harder into a life of this identity of this person that you want to be, if you don't fundamentally like it, the negative emotions start to pile up. As the negative emotions start to pile up, you suppress them even more. You become even more anhyonic. You don't feel these things. Instead, what you are left with is feeling in debt, broke, alone. You're in this life that you can't quit, but you hate.