Transcription
Last year, I made a very popular video for my imaginary daughter to teach her things about men some women still don't know at 45. Harsh truths about men. Because I want her to find a good man who will treat her right. And I don't want her to feel frustrated in her love life. And since I don't have a daughter, I share these things with my imaginary one right here. And today, I want to dig even deeper.
In this video, I will give you nine truths about men that you will probably wish you knew a very long time ago. I will talk about things like why it may seem like the effort you put in for a man doesn't mean anything to him. So, when should you put in effort and when should you definitely not? I will talk about being a man's top priority, about men looking at other women and what's really going on there, and also when men truly know you may be the one for them, which is way sooner than many women think, and much more.
If you don't know me yet, my name is H. I'm an author. I also go by the pen name Brian Knox. I write about dating, relationships, and other mysteries of life. And let's start with the first truth. A woman's romantic efforts are only valuable to a man when he has already fallen for her. Let's say you go out on a blind date and the guy brings a huge bouquet of your favorite flowers. Nice. But it probably won't make you fall for him, right? But if the man you love brings you a bouquet, that's a different story. This is obvious. Yet, I get a lot of messages from women who are trying to make things work with a disinterested man by putting in a lot of effort, by cooking for him, by sending him thoughtful messages like, "Good luck during your important meeting today," by trying to look nice for him, by clearing their schedule, and more. That is energy and time that is wasted. It's never effort that will make a man fall for a woman or be more attracted to her. He can love her more because of it, but then the spark and the love must already be present.
Here's another important and related truth. There's very little you can do that determines whether a specific man will fall for you or not. Most of that entire process is out of your hands completely. It will happen or it won't. And when it comes to men, it will happen very fast or probably not at all ever. So there's never a need to wait for it. More on that later in the video when I talk about truth number seven. But here's why this is true. Science and reality have proven that for men, physical attraction is the gateway to everything else. The way you look, talk, move, smile, your energy, even the way your pheromones smell. And this is mostly out of your hands. You are his type or you're not. And if you're not, it's best to move on as fast as you can because every effort you put into trying to change this natural principle is wasted. Even if it works for a while, he will eventually move on to someone who is his type. Relationships are so much easier when both people find each other attractive from the start. Sounds obvious, but many people are still trying to win someone over whose type they are not. You are the dream girl of many men. So, if you are single and ready to mingle, go find one of them.
Here's harsh truth number three. Men look at other women, and those who say they don't aren't being honest or need new glasses. Men are visual creatures. They scan their surroundings constantly. It comes from our caveman days where we were looking for danger and food. So, if there is an attractive woman, he will have noticed her. He will look. But if there's a car he likes, a guy with an impressive physique, someone with a dog, he will have noticed all of that, too. There's not always a meaning behind it. This scanning and looking is automatic. It's not a choice. But if, for example, he actively follows other women on social media, that is not automatic. That is a choice. And if the man you are with does this, it's perfectly normal to feel very uncomfortable, and it may be a good idea to talk to him about it. If, however, he also tries to interact with these women by sending them DMs, women he doesn't even know in real life, then that's a whole different story.
Important truth number four, you will not always be his top priority. And that can be very normal and does not automatically mean he doesn't care or doesn't love you. It depends on the type of man you've picked. If you want your man to adore you and always make you his top priority, pick a family man and don't get into a relationship with a very motivated entrepreneur or an overachiever, a career-oriented man or a professional athlete, for example, because their mission in life often lies outside of the relationship and their drive for that other thing will be unstoppable, possibly for decades. Now, some women are fooled here because in the early stages when you're dating this type of man, you may be his top priority. But, and this is a harsh truth video, that's because at that moment, getting together with you is the project, the goal. Winning you over is the top priority. He may have a lot of butterflies, and this may feel like a honeymoon period. His other priorities may fade for a while, but when the butterflies leave and he's in a stable relationship with you, his other big priority will get the first slot back. Very ambitious men rarely make their girlfriend or wife the constant top priority, even though they may deeply love her. And they will make that very obvious in other ways if they are good men, because she obviously should be one of his priorities.
Harsh truth number five, avoid low-effort men like the plague. When a man really wants something, he goes after it. So, if he's low-effort or inconsistent, that says a lot. The right man brings you calm, not confusion. If it feels like you cannot count on him or like he's a riddle you need to solve, that's a very bad sign. Especially if you are still picking your life partner and potentially the father of your children. Just imagine everything that man is going to have to do for you when you are pregnant, when you give birth, and when you try to raise a child, when you are sick. If he's already not showing up for you now, why would he then? The right man will be there for you when you really need him. So, if he's not, he's not the right man.
Important truth number six. A man's emotional distance while he's still putting in effort doesn't mean he's cold or uninterested. It may mean he's scared to open up. He's putting in effort, so we know he likes you, but he's afraid to be vulnerable. He may, for example, act tough perhaps because in previous relationships, some women lost interest when he opened up. And this is not something you can fix. He needs to face that fear and then hopefully he will get there.
Crucial truth number seven. I already alluded to this earlier. Men know very quickly whether they see long-term potential with a woman or not. It doesn't take them months, weeks, or even days. It takes hours. And some studies in evolutionary and social psychology confirm this. Remember how physical attraction was the gateway to everything else. When you are a man's type, even before you said anything, he will have thought, "Oh, who's that? Uh-oh, I'm in trouble." Dopamine and testosterone then take over and give him strong feelings for you. So he knows right away whether he could fall for you or not. If it's a yes, then he will build a picture of what he thinks and hopes you are like. And if while he's getting to know you, you somewhat confirm that picture, everything will continue to grow. He will like you more and more. If at some point he finds out he's not compatible with you, he will then lose interest. And if he's a good man, he will take the exit. But he knows in the first hour during that first date or wherever whether this has long-term potential or not. Potential being the key word here. And if it's a not, that hardly ever changes later on. Getting to know your personality more can raise attraction, even significantly in men that were already attracted to you, but it won't spark or create the attraction that wasn't there before. Some women are different here. They can, for example, meet a guy who doesn't make their heartbeat any faster, but then still fall for him months down the road. But most men are not like this. So, it's pointless to wait for it. If he's showing signs he's not interested in a long-term relationship with you and situationships are not really your thing, pack your bags and move on. Every minute you wait is a minute you could have spent with one of the right men for you. The ones whose hearts beat faster from the moment they met you.
Important truth number eight. Just so you know, when a man has a cold and he feels sick, it really does feel like the end of the world. I found it important to include this one as well.
Truth number nine. If you want to lose a man very fast, start criticizing everything he does. Make him feel like whatever it is he does, it's never good enough. Belittle him. Make him feel small. Make fun of him in front of other people and be disrespectful in other ways. But if you do these things and you don't intend to lose him, please understand that these things are to the relationship what rust is to metal. It destroys it slowly but without question. He will start to retreat. He will put in less effort. He will shield himself off. And he will eventually leave. Because remember, when a man loves you, one of his missions in life is to be your hero, the man you look up to, the man whose leadership skills you trust, the man you admire and respect. And if you take that away from him, if he cannot feel like this around you, he will start to look elsewhere to get it. Now, of course, only give these things to a man when he deserves it. Don't treat him like a king if he isn't treating you like a queen. But I find this one important because I still meet women who don't know how big this concept here is to a man. But it is. Making him feel small is never harmless, even if it's meant as a joke.
All right, I hope you appreciated this new batch of important truths about men. If you like this kind of information, please let me know that in the comments and also by liking this video. Then I will make more of them in the future. And if you want more right now, then you can find that on brian Knox.com or in my books on Amazon. Just type my pen name, Brian Knox, in the search box and then you will get a list of all of my books. And thank you for still being here at the very end of the video. You are the reason I'm making these videos. So, thank you and I hope to see you in another.