Transcription
I'd like to discuss one of the most fundamental questions. In fact, once I came here, I realized your entire theme is about that. Our lives. You guys talked about it already, but my question is: do we have free will? Or is it all, is it all just, just destiny?
This question has been bugging my mind ever since my childhood. It's always there. So, that, that's the reason why I'd like to discuss this. If it is free will, if we do have free will, why don't we all just snap ourselves into happiness? And at least try ourselves into happiness, get ourselves into happiness and abundance. And if it is destiny, why do we even try? Just let things go, go with the flow. Why do we even try?
I think your theme is also that. You guys said your theme is unscripted, right? Like you guys believe life is unscripted, or if it is unscripted, let us find out. It's been bugging my mind ever since my childhood and I wanted to approach this in the most logical way. I don't want to just believe in people. I wanted to approach it in the most logical way, so I started digging almost every science, every field of science out there. I was into maths, a big time maths geek, big time science geek. I was into art. I'm a musician. I even got into astrology for a while. Some people know about it.
But the thing is, all these fields of study, they're all, they all have one thing in uh common. They are all are simple patterns. What is a pattern? We simply take some data from the past. We extrapolate the data into the future. Everything that we study, like every science, every, every field of study is basically a pattern study. Of course, maths, you understand. Even like simple superstitions like grandmas come up with these superstitions saying, "If a cat crosses your path, then something bad is going to happen." How did they come up with that pattern? That might have happened once. And that might have happened again. And they simply came up with a pattern saying, "Yeah, every time some cat crosses our path, somebody bad is going to happen." So, something from as simple as that to a very complicated physics, maths, science. I would say they're all patterns.
And why patterns? Like I believe pattern finding is one of the most fundamental quality humans have developed in the process of evolution. Taking the data from the past, I want to, I mean, like extrapolate it to the future. That is one of the most basic things that we develop. And animals cannot do this. Animals, animals cannot take the data from the past. They don't, they don't do that. That's the reason why we evolved, in my opinion. And it's also a simple uh safety mechanism. It's a survival mechanism, I would say.
I'd like to give an example how it is a survival mechanism, okay? So, consider, let us say I put 100 pots here. And I ask you to touch each and every one of them. You touch the first pot, second pot, third pot is hot. Fourth, fifth, the sixth pot is hot. Seventh, eighth, ninth pot is hot. Your mind immediately comes up with a pattern saying, "Every what? Third pot is hot, and I'm not going to touch the third pot." How did we come up with that? Your body wants safety. Your body doesn't want to get itself hurt. So, it just simply came up with, you don't even touch the rest of the pots. You simply come up with a pattern saying, "Every third pot is a hot pot." That is how our survival mechanism works. Every time you come up across something, some danger, your body, your body and your mind tries to find a pattern into it and immediately it extrapolates into entire life. That is what pattern finding is.
But I've been looking for the, I've been trying to find patterns. I've been trying to study every field of study in my life. The more I study, I started feeling like there is more to learn. The more math I learned, there is more math. The more science I learned, there is more science. The more I ran, there was more to run. I started understanding that maybe, maybe it's not a knowledge problem. Maybe this whole noise, to bring it down, it was not about the external knowledge. So I, I turned inside. And then I realized this whole noise, this whole rat race that, that's happening inside my head, is because of some sort of feeling that is inside my, my body. That's some sort of inadequacy that I feel. That's some sort of insecurity that I felt. I just simply realized I was an anxious person. This anxiety was just driving me crazy to find some solution, some success, some point so that I can be in peace. I mean, if you guys think about it, the whole rat race that you are running, we are all running, to be successful, to make money, to achieve, to buy a house and all this stuff, they're all eventually to be safe and happy, right? All this anxiety, all this suffering. But that was not my case. I have been trying to, I've been successful. I've been doing all this. I wasn't feeling safe. And that's when I realized it wasn't a knowledge problem to solve.
Now, the minute I made this talk about anxieties, feelings, mental health, there comes a conflict in between the older generations and the younger generations. I'm, I'm sure you all faced the older generations saying this whole anxiety, mental health is just some fancy [ __ ] that you and the new young generations are just coming up with. I don't agree with the older generations because if you guys, I mean, back then, they simply say, "Back then we didn't have these anxieties. Back then we didn't have all these problems. You guys are just coming up with these problems." If that is true, explain me why you're going to a railway station three hours before the train even arrives. I mean, the plane lands, it's still on the runway, and you're all already standing up with your luggage. Explain me why some of the aunties are in level 1,000 of Candy Crush. You know, right? You, I'm sure some of your mothers are in level 1,000 of Candy Crush. Explain me why some of our fathers cannot sleep with a YouTube video playing next to them. And there is these, there are scientific studies even saying that almost all of their physical health problems that they are developing are because of the mental suppression of their emotions. So, if you people, the older generations, if they say no, this whole thing is a [ __ ], I don't agree.
Now, coming to the younger generation, I don't like the way the younger generation also handles the whole idea of mental health. They make this their identity. The minute somebody, some doctor said, "You have anxiety." "Yes, I have had anxiety." Somebody says, "You have ADHD." "Yes, I have ADHD." Somebody says, "You are bipolar." "I am bipolar. This is my identity and I won't do anything about it. I have anxiety, I won't try anything. I have ADHD, I won't pay attention to you." I don't think either of those things are solutions in my opinion. Completely not acknowledging the problem or making the problem your identity, I don't think so. The thing is, I think you should acknowledge the problem, find a way to get out of it. That is my solution in my opinion.
But I don't blame either of you because I don't think there is enough awareness of mental health. Yeah, people say the word mental health, but they don't really know the reason where it comes from, how it happens. And it's all somehow related to childhood. Now, the minute I say, "What is trauma? What is childhood trauma?" a lot of people want to say, "This is, is this about extreme physical abuse or mental abuse, extreme cases of bad situations?" No. Trauma does not, cannot, we cannot measure trauma in the, in the form of the amount of force that is applied on the, on your body. It is not.
The thing is, we are all adults. We all have multi-axis thinking. Let me tell you what it is. So, when a loved, when you, when a person that you really love ignores you, you can still come up with an excuse saying, "Yeah, she might be busy. Yeah, he might be busy. Yeah, there must be some other solution. There is, there must be some other problem." We have this multi-axis thinking. But, when it comes to a baby, that's not the case. Babies, child, especially a baby, they don't have multi-axis thinking. Their entire understanding of the world, if you clearly observe in this video, the baby just doesn't look at the situation. The baby looks at the mother and then looks at the situation. And then the mother and the situation. So, the entire understanding of the world for a baby comes from the mother. Their only source of truth, the only understanding of the world, the only source of love a baby has is either from the mother or the father. That is how they will learn about the world. They don't have multi-axis thinking.
Now, if getting ignored by one loved, loving person, like one girl or one boy, it hurts you, imagine getting ignored by the only source of love and truth. What could happen to that baby? The kind of pain that baby is feeling at that point, that itself can create trauma. Extreme amount of trauma.
If mirrors didn't exist, if there is no reflective surface in this world, where you can really look at yourself. There is no reflective surface. Would you still have the same amount of score about yourself? Think about this. Pay attention to this. The, the appearance score that you just guys gave, if mirrors didn't exist, would you still have the same amount of score? I think yes. I think the answer is yes. Because the appearance score that you just gave yourself, it didn't actually come from the mirror. It came from your parents. If you can seriously like try to recollect your memories, the self-image that you have, whether you're good-looking or not, actually happened way before when you started looking into your mirrors. If you can remember, by the time you're three, four, you're not really looking into the mirror, but you already have a self-image. So, by the time you looked into the mirror, you already know that your nose is too long. Your hair is bad. Your skin color is bad or good. The positive opinion or the negative opinion. The point is, it wasn't the mirror that decided your self-appearance, the score of the appearance that you have. It was your parents or the early family members, relatives, or whatever. So, you didn't even have to go for an external reflective surface.
Similarly, the whole identity that you have, whether you're good enough or not, whether you're talented enough or not, whether you have skill or not, whether you are worthy of getting into a good relationship or a good career. All these things happened to you before you even met the world. Before you failed or suc-, before you even attempted an exam, you already have an identity that I'm good enough for the exam or not. These self-identities happened way before you could even imagine.
Now, I'd like to discuss some more identities because how these self-identities, how these self-identities creep into our careers or our relationships. There is this guy, I'm discussing a few client stories of mine. Like I mentioned, I'm a life coach now, so I have actually a few client stories. With their permission, I'm discussing. Fear of success is a real thing. So, I met this guy from an IIT, IIT Kharagpur, I guess. Great guy, he's doing pretty good in career, but he wants to become really big in life. He wants to do something big in life. He's been trying startups, he's been trying investments and all that. None of them worked. Do you know why it didn't work? It was, it had nothing to do with him. As a kid, he was growing up, his father became successful and during those periods, during those periods when his father was suc-, getting successful, their parents started fighting. And his mother always complains, "This is what money does to you. This is what success does to you." And he started believing, "Once you become successful, once you become get a lot of money, my relationship is also going to be sabotaged." So, even though consciously as much as he was trying to become successful, subconsciously he was constantly completely stopping himself from becoming successful.
And let me tell you a story. There is this guy who's listening to a radio who tunes in between 80 kHz and 100 kHz all day long. He's been listening to different, different songs. But one day suddenly, he came across another guy who's listening to a completely different song. And he immediately asked him, he immediately asked him, "Yo, what song is that?" And he says, "This is a new song, and it comes in a channel 108.5." The problem was this guy's radio is only tuning from 80 to 100. You know what he did? He immediately took his radio, started running up to a mountain, the nearest mountain, climbed on top of it, and then started tuning. Will he get that 108.5? I don't think so, because his radio is not equipped. He thought it's the mountain that is going to get him 108.5, but the truth was it was not the mountain. It was the internal equipment of the radio that is messed up and is not letting him to tune to 108.5.
Our life is similar. We have a whole range of emotions as human beings. But if you are a person who only felt these feelings your entire life, and then you think buying a sports car, getting into a great job, marrying like a model, or some kick-ass girl, or becoming extremely successful in your life is going to get you happiness, then you are as stupid as a person who climbed the mountain. Because your internal equipment never really felt any other feeling other than these, you will never feel peace. Your radio will never feel happiness. I would say happiness is an internal equipment. It doesn't come anywhere outside.
On that note, fine, happiness is an internal equipment. How do we equip ourselves for happiness? How do we become happy and peaceful and all? To do that, I'd like to ask this question. How do you people know your names? How do you know your name? Yeah, but like, how do you know it? It's one of the strongest beliefs that we have. But how do we know? You were called your name a million times. Just like that, all your belief systems about you are things that were called you a hundreds and thousands of times. So, you people need to understand the importance of repetition here. Repetition actually works. Because your subconscious cannot understand the logic, it cannot understand humor, it cannot understand sarcasm. So, when you people make fun of yourselves, like, "My life is bad." "Yeah, my life is this, life is that." Be very careful. Because your subconscious doesn't understand that you're just joking. Your subconscious doesn't take that as a simple point. It registers that your life is bad. It registers that your life is not in a good shape.
Once you realize how powerful these patterns are, how, how, how snowballing effect works, try applying that to a positive self-talk to your life. Just like the negative self-talk, try to talk positive about your life. Try to find good things about your life. In the beginning, yeah, it will be very difficult for people like you, especially. It will be difficult to find positive things in life. But if you push it, if you force it enough, it might take a year or two years. It might. But you are all just what? In your 20s, right? Early late teens or early 20s. Imagine you have 50, 60, 70 years to live. Maybe it might take you two to three years of effort to push yourself into positivity. But once that happens, all those negative patterns that you have, all those negative beliefs that you have, all those scripted things from your childhood, are going to break away, and you are going to take control of, control of your life.
This is what I call the silly equation of life. All your adulthood problems are a sign of, of some unresolved childhood wounds. And they are literally controlling your life right now. Once you break those patterns, your life changes. So, I hope you take this equation with you guys and try to find your own free will in your lives and break all the patterns. Thank you, guys.