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What's up, y'all? Welcome back to Mental Groove. Tonight's call gets real fast. A 29-year-old business owner says men are intimidated by her success until Kevin Samuels breaks down why high-value men aren't scared of confidence, but they won't negotiate femininity.
Akuna. >> Oh, yes. Hi. Oh my gosh. Hi. >> Hello. >> Um, >> how are you? How are you? >> Literally just found you. I I'm I'm great. How are you doing? >> How good. How do I pronounce your first name? Oh. Um, you can call me Akuna. Everyone's dice. Um, I guess I'm not looking at the little comments thing because I know you said it's important not to look. >> Yeah, I prefer you to close the window, honestly. But go ahead. Uh, why can't uh why can't queens keep a man or why can't queens get a man? >> You know, it's actually kind of funny. Um, just because I've been watching your videos. I found you like maybe two days ago and then you you put this as the topic for today. This has been my exact question myself. >> Um I would say uh general knowledge uh I I have a bridal store so I deal with a lot of women literally getting married. Um but I think um it would probably be because if you are overly opinionated it's a turnoff. >> Um >> and let me see. I would I would say that, you know, based off of everything that I know from just uh anecdotal evidence of watching guides, um people or men think that um or women think that men want you to be really smart, which they don't actually care about. And I actually would argue that they don't necessarily care if you're the most gorgeous as long as you make them feel good. I think it's actually more about pumping up their, you know, personal.
Are you married? >> No. >> No. >> Have you ever >> I know it's ironic. H >> Have you ever been married? >> No. >> How old are you? >> 29. >> And you own a bridal store? >> I own a bridal store. I own an alterations shop and I'm a realtor. >> Okay. So, you got a lot of businesses going on. What's your primary What's your primary source of income? Which is your primary business? >> The bridal store. It started first. >> Okay. And that's where the bulk of your money comes from? >> Yes. >> Um All right. So, were you raised with mom and dad? >> Um my Well, okay. My I was birthed under the short answer is yes, I guess. Um but my mom and dad were were married, divorced at two, my mom remarried at nine, got divorced when I was like 25. >> Where's your biological father, though? Jersey. >> He was not in the house with you. >> No. >> You weren't raised with mom and dad. >> Okay. >> You had mom and stepdad. >> Well, that's not mom and dad. Do you have any siblings? >> I have a brother and a sister. >> Are they older or younger than you? >> Younger. I'm the oldest. >> And how old is your brother and how old is your sister? >> Brother is 20, sister is 14. >> Okay. Okay. So, you're much older than they are. >> Yeah. Well, I mean, my mom was divorced. >> Okay. So, why? So, why at 29 with three businesses and a bridal store? When's the last relationship you had? >> I knew you were going to ask that. Uh, January. >> And how long how long was that relationship? >> 8 months. >> And how long was the longest one prior to that? >> Two years. >> How long ago was that one? Uh, I've had two two-year relationships. Um, so the one the most recent one I guess was when I was 20 25 or or so. >> I don't know. You tell me. 25 to 27? >> Yes. >> And then what about the 2-year one before that? >> 21 to 23. >> So if you had two two-year relationships, why why ain't you why can't you get a husband? Wonderful question. This is the question I've been asking myself for 2020. Um, I think I think I I'm I'm a little intimidating, number one. And number two, I think I have a lot of opinions. And number three, I think I've been going for the wrong type of guy.
How tall are you? >> 5 seven and 3/4. >> What size dress do you wear? >> Four. >> How much did you weigh last time you weighed in? 137. >> If you had to rank yourself on a scale from 1 to 10 and you can't use seven, face only, no hair extensions, your natural hair, your natural face, what would you give yourself? >> Um, interesting. Eight. >> Nope. >> No. >> No. Beyonce's an eight. Kelly Roland's a nine. You give yourself Beyonce looks >> based I'm actually based off what men have told me. They have said I'm a nine. You probably I mean >> I saw you pop up. I saw you pop up. >> Yeah, I just came from the gym so I look rough. >> Uh beauty is beauty. I'm an image consultant. >> I'm not here to hurt feelings but it's just not No. >> No. I'm fine. So the thing is cuz you said you you're maybe intimidating and what's intimidating about you? >> Uh a that I have the businesses and b that I'm not an idiot. >> So you got businesses. So what? >> Well, I think it's, you know, there's a shy quality um that a lot of men like in women. Um, they would probably describe it as >> What city do you live in? >> Atlanta. >> Mhm. And, uh, Atlanta is where 17 to1 down here. So, maybe it's 26. >> Oh, yeah. >> So, have you ever dated a man that owns multiple businesses? >> No. >> No. >> So, you date [ __ ] boys? [laughter] I wouldn't disagree. Then >> it's easy for [ __ ] boys to be intimidated by what you call success. Don't bother me. Don't bother guys. It doesn't bother guys like me. The [ __ ] that you say is normally intimidating. I laugh at it. So do they. Now what are you going to do to get one of them? >> Honest to God, I'm all ears. >> Well, see, but that's the point. At 29 years old, owned a bridal shop. What have you done to be? Let me go ahead [clears throat] and get to the notes. You're own a bridal shop. So you see weddings all day long. What do you ever ask a woman? How did you get your husband? >> I have. >> So are you compet So for the kind of men you want, are you competitive for them? What have you done to improve yourself in the ways that What have you done to improve yourself in the ways that men that you want want? >> Um, well, I work out so that way, not only am I small, but I actually have like a nice butt, >> a flat stomach. Um, >> that's good. Atlanta is That's good. Atlanta, you know, all you got to do is go over to shops at Buckhead and a lot of women down here work out. So that's standard. >> That's good. Keep going. >> Um I make sure that I am eloquent which means you know I'm trying to keep well read so that way I can carry a conversation and not you know bearded. >> Um I am trying to find like some activity in which I can interact with with the kinds of men that you're talking about. Um, >> so what do they want? >> I mean, >> what do they want from a What do they want from their woman? >> They want her to be pretty. They want her to be submissive. They want her to cook and clean. And they want her to make him feel good. >> Physically and mentally. >> Okay. Okay. That That's a fortune cookie. That's that's very general. They want her to be feminine. They want her to be submissive. Okay, let's take it that way. Are you submissive? I can be. >> That's a no. See, that deflection [ __ ] doesn't work for me. So, you might as well give me the answer. >> Cuz if you can be, that means you're not in general. So, >> I would be sensitive if I could meet the right guy to be. >> That's bull [ __ ] [ __ ] >> You don't meet the man without being what it is. You already see what I just asked you is, what do they want? And I asked you, are you are you doing stuff to be competitive with what these men want? You gave me this laundry list of [ __ ] that you felt like doing. Nobody cares about if you're well read. I asked you what do they want? And you said they want you to be feminine. They want you to be this. I want you to be that. And I ask you the first thing, are you that? No. It's on your list. First thing out your mouth, feminine. Are you that? No. >> Oh, no. No, no. I'm feminine. I thought you said I am I submissive all the time. Okay. Are you are you feminine all the time? >> Yes. >> Do you think the way you're speaking on the phone is feminine? >> Oh, well, >> I mean, I wasn't trying to I was trying to make sure. Honestly, when I listen to some of your shows, the girls, they kind of dance around their answer. >> I'm just talking about I'm talking about just the sheer tone. >> Oh, I mean, I can be more feminine. I just was trying to make sure. >> But no, but see, but no, no. See? See? And there and there. And that's See, listen to what I'm about to say. >> Okay. >> You think it's a switch you turn on and off when you decide that you sparred a mark. And I'm telling you, the men like myself, look at the fact that you're not feminine all the time and you we will never come in your area. The fact you're not submissive all the time, we'll never come in your area. Your lack of femininity consistently means you you run high value men away. Your lack of being submissive consistently runs high value men away. >> I just asked you four questions. >> Mhm. >> So, have you ever worked with a matchmaker? >> No, it's something I'm looking into. >> Okay. So, basically what it sounds like is you've decided to do what you want. uh as far as trying to make your you decide to do what you want to try to attract the men that you claim to want but the things that they want one even if I agreed with what you said you don't do them I don't agree with what you said wholly but even the what I even if I agree with them you don't do it that's a problem >> okay [clears throat] I agree that I do switch on my femininity on and off partly because of my job. Um, but it's I how do I feel like I would want to be submissive for just anybody. Is that a bad thing? >> Yes. >> You want to know how? You want to know how? >> Yes. >> Okay. What I want you to do is I want you to look directly ahead. Okay. >> Okay. >> Look directly ahead. Then what I want you to do is Turn your head, just your head, not your neck, 45°. Okay. Then I want you to look directly down at your left ring finger. >> Okay. >> Is it wide open? >> It is. >> There's your [ __ ] answer. Your inability. You think You think you Listen, >> don't talk. Listen. I am. >> Black women like yourself think this is a game. [clears throat] I'll be submissive for my man. I'll be feminine for my man. But you can't get a man until men spot you as feminine and submissive. Until then, you'll get [ __ ] boys. Men like my dudes would pass right by your masculine ass with that loud projecting voice. That [ __ ] is like nails on a chalkboard. And it's not like you're intending to do it, but that's just who you are. >> Oh, sorry. >> That's how you talk. But thing is you women like you tend to think femininity submissiveness is is tantamount to weakness. See, >> no. >> Except women like you. See, submissive submission is a is a choice. And see, you want men to, let's say, if you were uh getting booped upside the head by by somebody, you'd want black men to come uh help you, wouldn't you? You want men to come, you want, you want guys to come step in if something was wrong, wouldn't you? >> Ideally, yes. >> Ideally. So, again, women who say they'll be feminine with their men and submissive with their men, give the rest of the men of the culture your ass to kiss. Men see that and say, "No, this is a game. Femininity is a switch you turn on and off. Nope. You're either feminine or you're not. You're either submissive or you're not." And the thing is, working in a bridal shop, you had a chance to ask women how they got their husbands, but the lessons haven't been learned. Number one, and I'll say this, too. Um, if you've had two long-term relationships and an eight-month relationship, have you ever asked any of those guys what it was like being with you? Yes. >> And what they what did the first one say? >> Um I mean they're honestly pretty consistent which is what they say. I know my problem. >> What did they say? >> I'm very opinionated. >> Right. And why are you so opinionated? Where'd you go to school? Where'd you go to college? >> Cornell. >> Okay. And what's your degree in? >> Marketing. >> Okay. And what are you doing with that marketing degree from Cornell? >> Just my businesses. >> Okay. >> So, did you need to go to Cornell to do what you're doing? >> No. >> So, what does Cornell do for you? >> Uh, the idea of >> gives you It gives you ego. >> That's what it does. gives you ego. You could have done the business as you're doing Georgia Tech Spellelman Community College, you need Cornell, but because you have Ivy, you think you're better. You talk like you're better. I mean, you have no room to be opinionated. You bought a You got a piece of paper that says you went to Ivy. Congratulations. But if you hear people saying you're opinionated, why do why does anybody and this is going to hurt. Okay, this might hurt. Why does anybody need to hear your opinion? Unless it's about unless it's about your place where you're a subject matter expert like uh being being like like weddings or like any other things you do for a living, but just being opinionated about individual topics. Men don't like opinionated women like that. I got other people to get to. Book a session. You got businesses. You You can afford it. That's what it's really going to take, man. I I I [ __ ] you not. That's what it's really going to take. one-on-one working with somebody. I always suggest therapy and life coaching. But, um, it sounds like you got a lot of stuff going on and some things that you were kind of blind to um uh because if you honestly thought you were feminine and that very direct high where you're speaking that that that would run a lot of guys the other way. And it and if it's not something you have to do, then it's something you're doing um for ego reasons. My guess is you speak like that to uh raise your stature around around other women and around men. >> Food for thought. I mean, I have like my sales voice, but everyone says it sounds well, everyone who knows me sounds it sounds fake. Well, I mean in due respect, I'm chemical engineering background. I spent 24 years in B2B sales. I'm a sales professional. Uh spent 15 years in advertising and marketing. So, um I I understand. But any professional salesperson learns to understand how to teach, tailor, and take control. You learn how to present to the audience. You don't present to everybody the same way. You turn people off that way. Um, >> well, thank you. >> No problem. No problem.
This conversation exposes a common contradiction. Calling yourself confident while blaming men for not choosing you. She believes her opinions and businesses make her intimidating. But Kevin cuts through that quickly. Success doesn't repel high-value men. It only filters out unserious ones. The bigger issue is her belief that submission is something you can switch on when the right man shows up. Kevin makes it clear that femininity isn't a costume you put on when it's convenient. When she admits she doesn't ask married women how they chose their husbands, it reveals the real gap. She's studying the wrong sources. Kevin's frustration is justified because she's treating relationships like a strategy game instead of a value system. The takeaway is simple. If your mindset is rooted in feminism, you can't selectively adopt traditional outcomes.