Transcription
welcome to another episode of I'm dying to tell you. this is Dr. Mark Goulston. living a shorten life and uh doing doing okay with it. I did a past episode on mentors and the value of them and I just listened to it and something that I left out is something I wanted to share with you, which is one of the values of having mentors.
I have something that I call the dead mentors Club. all my mentors have died. uh the first one actually changed and probably saved my life in medical school when he believed in me when I didn't, and I think I've covered that in a prior episode. and other mentors included uh Larry King from CNN. I used to go to breakfast with a group of quirky people, including him. and before him, Warren Bennis, big leadership guy, uh just over over flowing with wisdom and generosity.
and if you have mentors, here's one of the ways you can use them. and this is the way I use my dead mentors Club. I am not someone who works well with positive statements to myself. I can't believe what I would say about myself. oh, you're good enough. oh, you're smart. you deserve to be happy. and uh, it's just I'm just not able to do that. and I'm a little bit envious of those people who can do it and have it stick. but I can call upon my dead mentors and when they say it to me, I can take it in. uh, I not only take it in, I get emotional with uh, they believing in me. and and I think that's one of uh, the great ways you can use a mentor, living or dead, uh, in your head.
to me, a mentor is someone who believes in you beyond whatever you're working on, beyond whatever project they're helping you with, beyond introductions they're making for you. that when you see them, at least for me, they're happy to see you. and their happiness to see you causes you to feel like you're not a burden. and it's a kind of an unconditional happy to see you, maybe even unconditional love. because I loved all my mentors. and I check with some of the people who knew them, uh, after they died, and they said, you know, Mark, they loved you too. little, little tough, little tough to take in right now.
one of the things I would do, and that's why I wanted to share this, I do a lot of podcasts. I'm a guest on a lot of podcasts, and I tend to beat up on myself, although I shouldn't because I'm always ready, but I'm not usually prepared. I'm fairly spontaneous, and I seem to get away with it. but I'll sometimes be a guest on a podcast and I'll wake up Larry, who is the latest of my dead mentors, and I'll say, Larry, Larry, wake up. and I'll say, what, what, Mark? uh, wake up. need to talk to you. what? I'm not even that cold. can you go to one of your older dead mentors already? Larry, Larry, it'll be okay. I was on a podcast. I was a guest and I went off on tangents. I got lost in stories. I'd say, say, these are the five things you must remember. I couldn't remember more than three of them. and he'd say to me, Larry would say, Mark, what the host think? and I'd say to him, oh, the host wants me back again. and in my mind's eye, he says, you woke me up for this? the host wants you back? well, of course, you're gonna screw up because you're not prepared. you know, you're always ready. you're a little bit like I was. I was always ready, a pretty good listener, and looks like you pulled it off. Mark, can you put a sock in it already? and I can imagine him saying that to me. and then I smile. I accept it. I internalize it. I miss him. and I just feel how grateful that he gave me the gift of his time when he was alive.
so I'm just sharing that with you because if you're someone who tends to beat up on yourself, and if you're like me, you can't talk your way into thinking you're a great person and you're successful and yada yada yada, you might accept what a loving mentor. and if you're fortunate, that mentor can be a parent, can be an uncle, it can be a relative, it can be an older sibling, um, or it can be a coach, you know, or a teacher. but I just wanted to share that with you because I think it's not only one of the ways you can use a mentor's regard for you, I think it's one of the very best ways that you can use a mentor's regard and love for you. so give that a try. and it's never too late to get a mentor. take care. go get a mentor.