Transcription
Let's be real. Back in January, you had big plans. You were going to get your life together. You were going to feel amazing in your body. You were going to cut out the nonsense. You were going to become that girl.
But somehow, it's already the middle of the year. Maybe your vision board is starting to collect dust and you're sitting here wondering what the heck happened. If you're feeling a little off track, don't spiral. This video is your reset button. I'm walking you through my five-part reset system. It's clear, it's simple, and it's designed to help you build back that momentum again, and get you back in the driver's seat of your life. So, let's get into it.
Hey friend, welcome back. If you're new here, my name is Jills, and I help women step into their power, tap into their divine feminine, and become their best self, live their dream life. So, if that's something you want to do, you should subscribe and stick around. And just in case you want more from me besides just my YouTube videos, you can always check out my deep dive feminine energy course or my YouTube growth master class or any of my other digital products like my bestselling notion templates. They are all linked down below.
Now, before we dive in, let's zoom out for a sec. I want you to think about it this way. This reset is going to be like recalibrating your internal GPS. You had a destination in mind back in January. Your goals, your vision, who you wanted to become. But maybe you've veered off course a little bit, right? Life got busy. You got distracted. Or maybe something just came up. It happens. So, in this reset, we're recalibrating your GPS for putting you back in the driver's seat and getting you on the right path again to your destination from where you are right now.
And so, I'm going to walk you through five simple steps to do this. And this is going to be easy to remember, easy to understand because RESET is an acronym for the five-step process. Okay? So, R stands for radical honesty, and we'll get clear on what's not working. E stands for evidence gathering, and we'll double down on what is working. S stands for set new standards, and we'll realign with your new direction. E stands for execute, and that's when we're going to get things moving. And lastly, T stands for traction. And I'll show you how to keep that progress and keep that momentum going.
But before we dive in, I actually created a free downloadable workbook for you guys to kind of walk you through this five-step reset process step by step. You can print it out and journal on it or just like type in there and use it digitally. It's totally up to you, but it is totally free and it's just linked down below in the description. So, you can either download it now and go through it with me as you watch this video or you can just come back to it later and do it on your own. Whatever feels right for you. You know, maybe take it to a coffee shop next weekend, fill it out, make it a vibe, whatever.
But before we get into it, I just have to thank BetterHelp for kindly sponsoring today's video. When you're on any kind of growth journey or just trying to feel better, having someone to talk to can make a huge difference, especially when you're making changes in your life or starting something new or just trying to figure things out, it helps to have someone who can help you stay clear-headed and steady because that mental clutter, you know, the doubts, the overthinking, the self-criticism, talking it out with someone is sometimes the reset that your mind needs to keep moving forward. And when things do get hard, having someone to remind you of how far you've come and why you started makes it so much easier to stick with it. And that's where BetterHelp comes in. It's an online therapy platform that makes it easy and convenient to get matched with a licensed therapist. No waiting rooms, no commuting, just professional support from home on your own schedule. You just fill out a quick questionnaire and you'll be matched with a therapist within a couple days. And if for some reason that first match is just not right, you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost. If therapy feels like the right next move for you, you can click the link in the description or go to betterhelp.com/jills to get 10% off your first month.
And now, let's dive in. So, before we talk goals or action steps, we are starting with step number one, radical honesty. Not surface level, oh, I just need to be a little bit more disciplined honesty. We're talking deep, maybe slightly uncomfortable, but liberating honesty. And this is important because if you don't know where you are right now, there's literally no GPS in the world that can get you to where you want to go. Self-awareness is everything. It's literally half the battle. And if you can't be honest with yourself, if you can't actually see what's going on, then you'll just keep driving around in circles and pretending it's progress.
So, this part of the reset is getting clear, getting honest, and this is where you are metaphorically clearing your windshield. So, instead of jumping into new goals or routines, we're going to pause and we're going to assess what's actually going on right now with radical honesty. And we're going to look at the three main areas of your life: career and finances, health and self-care, and relationships and social life. And so, for each category, we're going to break down how things are going using what I call the traffic light system. So, we break each category into green, yellow, and red.
So, here is how it works. Green, what's working, what feels aligned, supportive, and energizing? And this is what we're obviously keeping, right? Everything is good here. Yellow, what's off or inconsistent or feeling a little eh, you know, like not terrible but not great either. These are areas that might need a little adjustment, support, or attention. And then red, what's clearly not working? What's draining you or stressing you out or just feels done? These are things that you probably need to shift, release, or fully address.
So, let me give you an example so this makes sense. Okay, let's take the category health and self-care. Green. You've been going for walks and journaling every single day, and you know what? It's making you feel really good. It's grounding. It's keeping you in shape. Okay, perfect. We love this. We're going to keep doing this. Yellow. Maybe your sleep though has been a bit inconsistent. Like some nights maybe you stay up a bit too late scrolling on your phone and then so you wake up tired. Or maybe sometimes in your sleep you're tossing and turning a little bit. Like your sleep is okay, but there's definitely some room for improvement. And then lastly, red. You've been eating like crap, though. You're ordering takeout almost every single night. You feel bloated and sluggish and you know that you are not in a cycle that's good for you. And while it's easy to justify and say things like, "Oh, but I'm so busy," you also know that you can't keep doing this. Okay?
So, you're going to do this check-in for those three different categories in your life. But now, once you've done this, it's time to go a little deeper. And this is where a lot of the real clarity comes. Because the goal here isn't just to notice what's working and what's not. It's to really understand what's underneath it all. What's been holding you back? Why haven't things been clicking yet? And what it's really costing to stay where you are.
So, here are the four questions that you're going to answer that are so powerful and often very insightful. And this is where you're really going to tap into your intuition and your deeper knowing. So, question number one, what am I pretending not to know? This is about the truth that you already feel in your gut, but you are just kind of, you know, pushing it under the rug. Usually, because if you admitted it, that means that you'd probably have to do something about it. For example, you're pretending your job is fine, but you have the biggest sense of dread every Monday morning. You're pretending your friendships are still good, but every time you hang out, you feel drained and unappreciated. You're pretending your anxiety is just a little stress, even though your body has been sounding the alarm for weeks, and that eye twitch is not going away.
Question number two, how might I be benefiting from staying stuck? How am I benefiting from staying where I am? How am I benefiting by staying in my problems? This one stings, but it's important. We stay stuck because on some level it feels safer than changing. In some roundabout way, we are gaining something from our struggles. For example, if you don't start, you can't fail, and the thought of failure feels terrifying. Or if you don't speak up for yourself, then you don't have to deal with any potential conflict. And conflict makes you want to crawl out of your skin. Or if you finally healed that thing that's been holding you back, you'd have to stop using it as a reason to hide. This is not the time to play the self-blame game or be hard on yourself. This is about radical honesty. This is about really uncovering why you are not doing the things that you know that you need to do. Why are you, if anything, why are you unconsciously self-sabotaging?
Question number three, what has quietly expired, but I've just been too afraid to name it? This is where we look at the things that you've outgrown, but you are still holding on to out of habit or obligation or even fear. Sometimes it's a relationship. Sometimes it's a business idea. Sometimes it's a habit. Sometimes it's a workout schedule. Sometimes it's a version of you that doesn't quite fit anymore. Even though that that's the version of you other people expect. For example, that side project you committed to in January. Now it just feels totally forced and not at all aligned with what you actually want and what makes you feel good. That workout plan that used to energize you, but now all of a sudden it just kind of feels like a punishment. A friendship that at one time was really supportive, but now it feels like you're walking on eggshells every time you connect and you both know that it's not the same. Here's the truth. Life changes. Things change. You evolve. Holding on to things just because it used to work isn't a good enough reason to keep it around. And this is a way that we quietly hold ourselves back, but we call it commitment.
And question number four, where am I accepting a 6 out of 10 life? Because it feels safer than asking for a 10 out of 10. A 6 out of 10. That's not horrible, right? It's fine. But that's what makes it so dangerous. A 6 out of 10 life won't force you to change, but it'll slowly suck the life out of you. And often we just stay there because it feels safer than asking for more. So, some examples, you stay in a relationship that's not bad, but also not deeply fulfilling and deeply loving because you're 35 and starting over sounds terrifying. And so, you stay. It's a 6 out of 10. You stay in a career that maybe pays the bills but leaves you feeling really uninspired and really purposeless because the idea of pivoting feels like too much. It's a 6 out of 10. You stay in your city even though it doesn't inspire you and you really don't like the weather, but moving feels inconvenient and scary. So, you settle and it's a 6 out of 10.
So, this step is a big one and it's honestly the most important. The R in RESET stands for radical honesty. So create some space, sit down, do the little traffic light check-in and answer those four questions. Now be compassionate with yourself, but also be real with yourself. No pretending, no spiraling, no self-blame, just honesty.
Okay, so now we're moving on to step number two. So if step number one was all about metaphorically cleaning that windshield, now you are metaphorically filling up your gas tank. So the E in RESET stands for evidence gathering. Evidence gathering is simple. You're intentionally looking for patterns or progress or examples that show that you are capable, that things are shifting, that maybe you're not as stuck as your brain wants you to believe. Because if you only focus on what's wrong, you'll stay stuck in this loop of stuckness and spiraling. But if you start spotting even tiny wins, that's when you start building momentum because winners keep winning. I did a whole video about this. The more we win, the more we keep winning. And that's why it's so important to gather evidence for all of the tiny little wins that we've had.
So, we're going to take inventory. Okay, so here's what we're going to do. We're going to make two columns. The first column is your visible wins and the second column is your invisible wins. So, the visible wins are things that are easy to see. You know, maybe you hit a savings goal or you launched something new in your business or you got more consistent with creating content or you kept a habit alive for more than a week or maybe you've been eating healthier and your hair and your skin are starting to glow a little bit. These are the things that people might notice. These are the things that you might talk about or even post about. These are the things that might have numbers attached to it. So, it's easy to see when there's a win and when there's progress.
Now, the invisible wins are the ones that usually change you the most, but you forget to count them because no one clapped. Like walking away from a job offer, even though it all looked good on paper, something about it just felt off to you. Or you stopped waiting for others to validate your choices, right? You just started making them. You started being more decisive. You're not constantly asking for feedback or advice anymore. Or you finally set up a bedtime routine that doesn't involve you falling asleep with your phone on your chest. Or you keep showing up during a hard season, even if nobody saw the effort behind it. Or maybe you started quietly taking back control of your finances and maybe you paid something off that nobody even knew about.
For me, one of my biggest invisible wins this year has been the work that I have done on healing my nervous system. Because of that, all the little like last tiny health issues that I had here and there, they finally went away and I've been able to be more consistent with my workout routine because my body is no longer seeing any form of stress as a threat to its safety. Recalibrating my nervous system is one of those things that expands every area of your life. And it's not something that you'd see from the outside, but to me, it's been life-changing. And that is the definition of an invisible win.
And if your brain is like, uh, I got nothing. I didn't do anything. Then ask yourself, what was hard that I got through anyway? What habits or boundaries did I start practicing, even if they weren't perfect? Or what did I do so far this year that my past self would be proud of? Or what would little 8-year-old version of me be proud of? Even if it doesn't look shiny or impressive, that doesn't mean that it's not a win. This part of the process isn't meant to be a boost to your ego. It's meant to help you build proof. And that proof fuels your progress because remember, winners keep winning.
Okay, so moving on. You've checked in with where you are now. You've reminded yourself of the little wins along the way. Now, let's talk about where you're actually headed. Okay, so step three is for setting new standards. Okay, we cleaned the windshield. We put gas in the tank. And now we are re-calibrating our GPS. And I know that these little metaphors are cheesy, but it does just help it like click a little bit more. So, we're using them.
This is the step where you draw the line. You decide who you are, where you're going, what you'll tolerate, and what you are no longer willing to fall back into. Let's be honest, most people don't stay stuck because they don't know what to do. They stay stuck because they're willing to tolerate it. That's the real issue. You say you want better. You say that you're ready, but your standards for your life, for yourself, for others are still letting in crumbs. Tony Robbins says, "We don't get our goals, we get our standards." Meaning, you don't get in life what you say you want. You get in life what you deem as a non-negotiable. The quickest way to change your life is to change your standards, aka a new level of what you're available for and what you are not.
So, here's what you're going to do. You're going to write down three to five things that are now your new standards. Okay? These are not aspirational. These are actual operating instructions for how you choose to live your life. These are now your minimums, the new rules of engagement for how you live. Now, here's a few examples that are all very different because everyone's standards are going to be different depending on who they are, what they want, what's going on in their life.
So, for example, I don't check my phone until after my morning routine is done. No more waking up and giving my energy to a little device or to other people. I schedule my workouts or my therapy or my weekly self-care night before I schedule all of my meetings and all of my to-dos because my well-being is not just going to get squished into my free time. I say no the first time, not after trying to explain myself three times. No is a complete sentence. I don't entertain plans that require me to overextend or recover for days. If I'm going to need a weekend to recover from my weekend, it's a no. I prioritize feeling good in my body every day. Nourishing foods, moving my body, getting good sleep. These are not goals. These are not nice to haves. Or maybe being in shape. That is not a goal. That is not a nice to have. That is the baseline minimum for how you choose to live your life. Or it literally could be as simple as like, I refuse to make less than 10K a month. It could be whatever.
And you're probably thinking like, okay, but how do I actually stick to that? And how do I actually do it? And the answer is that you stop giving yourself the option not to. And that is the difference between a goal and a standard. A goal is something you try to reach. A standard is the floor that you refuse to drop below. A standard is what you decide as your normal, not your nice to have. It's your normal. It's your baseline.
So here's what I want you to remember. You don't rise to the level of your goals. You settle at the level of your standards. So decide on a few new standards for yourself. Don't go overboard with it. Three to five, probably just three. Then fully make the decision that this is your new baseline. "I am a healthy person because that's just who I am and I am not willing to tolerate less." Or "I only associate with high-quality, kind people and respectful men because I am just not willing to tolerate anything less. That is my minimum." Remember the only difference between a goal and a standard is the way that you see it in your head. One feels optional. The other becomes who you are.
Okay. So we are moving on to step four and step four stands for execute and this is where we are finally turning the car on and you know making progress. We are making movement driving that car forward but instead of trying to overhaul and change everything about your life we are keeping it simple because simplicity equals success. Momentum is much more powerful than a big master plan that you never start.
So this is what you're going to do. One area of focus, three small moves. That's it. So let me explain. So step one is to choose your focus. Okay? So look back through your workbook or think back to like what we've thought about for yourself. What has been coming up for you in steps one, two, and three. What keeps coming up again and again? What feels most important to work on right now? What's something that I am tired of feeling stuck in? Okay, you're going to circle that and that is your starting point. It might be your health, your mindset, your finances, your career, maybe your relationships, whatever keeps pulling your attention. Now, this doesn't mean that this is the only thing that you will ever work on. It's just where we're starting.
Now, step two, write down three small starter actions that you can do that you can do literally this week to support that area of your life and create movement. Okay? These are not big fancy goals. These are small little actions to start moving you forward. So, for example, let's say that your focus is your body, your health. This can be your three starter goals. Number one, prep a few meals ahead of time, even if it's just like chopping up some veggies. Number two, go at least for a 15-minute walk every single day. And number three, go to bed 15 minutes earlier every night.
Or another example, your focus is your friendships and your social life right now. Okay, so your actions can be text one friend to hang out, go work out of the house at a cute coffee shop this week, just one day a week. And lastly, say yes to one social event, even if it's just for an hour and even if you have to show up solo.
Or for example, right now your focus is your creativity and your passion project and getting all of that going and getting it started. You would love for that to one day turn into something real and like a real business. Here can be your starter actions. Number one, block one hour off on your calendar this week to work on it. Just one. Number two, clean up your workspace because clutter equals creative blocks. And number three, post one thing without overthinking about it because done is better than perfect. Make sense, right? It's just like simple things.
And lastly, step three, you're going to choose one of those small mini starter actions, and you're either going to do it today or within the next 24 hours, or you're going to schedule it today. Like I said, you've probably uncovered a few different areas of your life that maybe you want to grow and you want to focus on. And that is fine. That's great. But here is the trap. Trying to tackle everything, like doing everything at once, can actually end up having the opposite effect. It can actually kill your momentum because it makes it so much harder to start and it makes it like a lot more complex and difficult for your brain. And this step is not about perfection. It's just momentum. All we're doing is starting that car and getting going.
Okay, so we've done like the mindset work and the self-reflection, but you cannot reset your life and make real changes in your life until you start taking action. And that is where this starts. But stick with this one focused area of your life until things start to feel a little bit different, like a little bit easier, a little bit lighter. When you get more into a rhythm there and once you feel that difference and you feel that shift, that's when you know it's time to layer something else on another focused area. Basically, let it click before you stack more on top. Right? One thing at a time. And that is how real momentum builds.
Okay. Now, the last step, step number five, stands for traction. You started the engine. You've got your car moving. You are headed in the right direction. But now you have to keep it going. Because the biggest trap after a reset isn't failure. It's autopilot. If you want to really change, if you want to see real growth, continued growth throughout your life, throughout your year, throughout whatever, autopilot is going to be the death of you. This is why people struggle to change. They get a little boost of momentum, a little moment of clarity, and they're doing good. And then a few weeks go by, something happens or you get busy or you get distracted and then suddenly you're right back where you started and you are wondering where all that progress went.
So this step is not just about starting strong but staying in motion, keeping that car going. And this takes continued awareness. So here are two simple ways to do that. One, ask yourself every morning, 6 months from now, what will I wish I focused on today? I love this question because it gets your priorities straight and makes it crystal clear about what you should really be doing. Not every action has immediate instant gratification and immediate rewards. And often the most important actions don't, right? Think like eating healthy and working out and um, you know, starting that new business idea or whatever, right? Like those things are the easiest to put off because we don't get an immediate like, oh, I did this and now everything is good. When you first go to the gym, you don't really notice any improvement until like 4 months into it. When you start a business, you don't just automatically make money. You start making money like 6 months after you start. But these little actions are usually the ones that matter the most and make the biggest difference in your life. So, I love this question because the things that actually really will move your life forward, they become really obvious.
And number two, set a weekly check-in. Now, this doesn't have to be a big deal. This can just be 15 minutes once a week. Maybe like every Sunday night before the week starts. That's kind of how I like to do it. Okay, if you are not checking in with yourself, you are going to lose that momentum. Eventually, you will just turn on autopilot. Okay, so in this little check-in, you were going to ask yourself, what moved forward this past week? What felt heavy or off? And what's one small move that I want to make next? This is such an easy thing to do when you're already planning out your week. So, that's why I like to do this every Sunday night. It just fits perfectly into this and it just makes it really easy. The people who actually grow, the people who hit their goals, they are not just motivated. They don't just set goals on January 1st or create a little vision board and that's it. They are constantly checking in. Okay, this is so important for progress is that little check-in. They reflect, they reassess, they re-calibrate as they go. They don't move on autopilot. They move with intention. And that is the difference. That's what keeps them going. That's what keeps that traction.
So that is it. That is how you reset. And it's so easy to remember because the steps spell it out, okay? You can't forget it. So, if you ever feel like you are not doing so hot or you are just totally off in your life or you need a little reboot, you can come back to this little five-step process and you can reuse that little free workbook as many times as you want. And if you haven't grabbed it yet, make sure you grab it. The link is just right below in the description.
Now, if you really want to get your life back on track, I really recommend you go watch this video, "How I Organize My Entire Life." I walk you through my entire life operating system in detail. So, if you need to get more organized or you just need a better life management system, this is for you. So, I will see you over there or I'll just see you next time in my next video. Thank you so much for watching. Bye.