Transcription
When I was 19 years old, I walked out of a psychiatric hospital after spending 4 years living there. At that point, I felt like my life had already been decided. I'd lost my friends, I had no hobbies or interests, I had no education, and I'd been battling depression and anxiety for years. If you told me back then that one day I would have built the life I have today, I wouldn't have believed you.
And so, what changed? Well, over the next few years, I became obsessed with understanding the brain, and I read everything I could find on psychology and neuroscience. And what I discovered is that it is completely possible to rewire your brain and shift your identity. And so, in this video, I'm going to share with you the three key principles backed by neuroscience that helped me to shift my identity so that you too can become someone new and start to make real change.
So, the first principle is to shift your external world because the fastest way to shift your internal world is to shift your external world. You know, whether you realize it or not, much of your external world is a reflection of who you believe you are. And so, I'm talking about your environment, the people you spend time with, the content you consume, your daily routines, and even the cues and objects that surround you. Think of your brain like a system. Depending on your input, that is going to determine your output. For example, if you live in an environment where no one works out and the people around you order takeaway every day and they spend their time scrolling on TikTok, well, that is going to influence your thoughts and behaviors because you will subconsciously start to see that as normal. Similarly, if you hang out in an environment like the gym where people are always working out, they're eating whole foods, and they go for walks every day, that is going to influence your thoughts and behaviors. What you repeatedly expose yourself to eventually becomes your normal.
And I want to share with you a quick story of the first time that I realized that shifting my environment could change my life. But I remember I had just come out of hospital. It had only been a few months and I realized that I needed to take drastic action. I looked at everyone around me who was suffering with mental illness, how the normal was to just go in and out of hospital and I realized I needed to do something drastic after spending 4 years in there. And so I went online and I found this retreat in the mountains in Spain with 30 other women who were just strangers. And at the time I had severe social anxiety. Like I literally hated speaking to people. So I booked the ticket and a few months later I arrived and I felt so sick. I was so anxious and I'm a big I'm a big foodie but I couldn't eat breakfast. Like literally every day I could barely eat because I was just so anxious. And on the third day I pulled the host to the side and I said to her, "Look, I think I'm going to have to leave. I think I'm going to have to go home because this just isn't me. I just can't stay here. I can't do this. Like I'm too anxious." And I told her a bit about my past and what had happened to me and her response was, "Heather, you do realize nobody knows you here. You could be anybody you want to be." And it was such a simple but profound thing to say because the truth was I could have turned up to that retreat and been anybody. I could have been confident and outgoing and nobody was would have known any different. But I kept replaying the story of my past. I kept telling myself, "Well, I'm this anxious and and depressed person because look at what's happened to me." I kept replaying the past story over and over again. The truth is every day is an opportunity to become somebody new. Every day is a new day to take new actions and make new choices. But if you keep replaying your past and you keep replaying old stories, all you are doing is reaffirming the old identity you are trying to move away from. And so, the point I'm trying to make here is just because your past has looked a certain way, doesn't mean that has to define your future. Right? Like you have the ability to change. You have the ability to make new choices. But if you keep on telling yourself of who you are, "Oh, I'm the person who's been in hospital. I'm the person who's anxious and depressed." You will stay as that identity. This is why shifting your environment can be so powerful because it creates new inputs. If I didn't go to that retreat, I wouldn't have met that woman, and she wouldn't have given me a completely different perspective. I would have just stayed around the same people, doing the same things, thinking the same thoughts.
Something important you have to realize is that everyone around you holds a version of you in their mind. They associate you with a certain identity. So, let's say for example, you're a bit of a party person, and you're the person who every weekend always goes out drinking. You never miss a weekend. But now you've decided that you don't want to do that anymore, and you're taking care of your health. Well, when you start to make changes, the people around you still see you as your old identity. And so, they may question you, or they may judge you, or they may even criticize you. Now, hopefully, if you have good people in your life, they will support your growth. But I'm going to be I'm going to be completely honest, there is a lot of people out there who do not like it when you change. And so, this is just something to be aware of. As you are creating your new identity and stepping into this new version of you, are the people around you supporting that new version, or are they holding you back? You know, personally, I had to let a lot of people go in my life because they were just reminding me again and and again of the old identity that I was trying to move away from. And I'm not saying you need to cut off your friends or stop hanging around with everyone around you, but you just need to be aware. Too many people out here want to change their lives, but they are too afraid to let go of the very friendships that are keeping them in their old identity. You have to stop doing that. You have to realize that this is your life, and you only get one shot, and so you have to do what is right for you. Pay attention to how people make you feel, if they uplift you, if they encourage you, or if they are pulling you back, if they criticize you, if they judge you. Remember, your external world is a reflection of who you believe you are, and so become very aware of your environment, the people you hang around with, the type of content you consume, the routines that you do every day, and the objects in the cues around you.
Now, number two is to reframe your self-talk. Here's the thing, the biggest reason people fail at their goals is not because they are incapable, or because they lack talent, or because they can't do it. The biggest reason people fail is because they don't believe in themselves. Unfortunately, the majority of people are riddled with low self-esteem, low confidence, doubt, fear, and negative self-talk. They're constantly telling themselves, "I can't do it. Who am I to succeed? Who do I think I am?" And so, what do they do? They never even try, or they quit. The minute they make a mistake, they call themselves a loser or failure, and immediately they give up. This isn't because they are incapable, it's because they are riddled with low self-confidence. And so, I'm telling you this because if you want to succeed at whatever it is that your goal is, you have to learn how to be on your own team. And so, in order to do that, you need to learn how to reframe your self-talk.
But first, I want you to understand how your brain changes. Because the brain has the ability to rewire itself, and this is known as neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to change itself based on what you repeatedly think, do, or experience. For example, this is how we have the ability to learn a new language or to start playing an instrument or to learn a different skill. And so, every time you repeat a thought, behavior, or action, your brain activates a network of neurons. And the more you repeat that same pattern, well, the stronger the connection between those neurons become. And over time, with constant repetition, those pathways become so strong that your brain starts to run them automatically. It becomes your default. You don't even have to think about it. And now, this is what is called a habit. This is how habits are formed. For example, you probably do this with your phone. Hopefully, if you watch my channel, you've managed to cut your phone addiction. But if not, you probably pick up your phone so many times a day without even realizing it because you've repeated this pattern so much, it's become a habit. Or the same with brushing your teeth. In the morning, you go to the toilet, and automatically you start to brush your teeth. And so, the reason I'm bringing up is because if you currently have negative inner dialogue, it's because you've strengthened those neural pathways over time until it's become your default. You've repeated those negative statements so many times, it's now automatic for you to just beat yourself up. However, with practice and repetition, the opposite can be true. So, let's say for example, right now you have a strong pathway for your negative inner dialogue, and that's what this red line through your brain represents, the strong neural pathway. This is when you think things like, "I can't do it. I'm not good enough. This isn't going to work." But as you start to create a new identity, you want to start practicing positive self-talk. And at first, it's going to feel unfamiliar and new. And so, these green dots represent a new pathway being formed. This is when you start to reframe things and say, "Things are going to work out for me. I can do it. I I improving and growing." And the more you repeat and practice those statements, the stronger the new pathway becomes. And eventually, as you keep on doing it, the old pathway with your negative self-talk will become weaker and it starts to fade away. And I'm very much speaking from experience here as someone who literally used to hate themselves. I used to talk so badly about myself. I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I can't do anything. I'm never good enough. I have dyslexia. I had mental illness. I was like, I'm never going to succeed. Look at my life, it's a mess. And now, I don't say those things to myself anymore because I've consistently practiced and repeated reframing my thoughts. And now that has become my default. And so a good way to start thinking about this is when you notice you have a negative thought, instead of feeding that negative thought, you want to become aware of it and then think to yourself, "Oh, this is just my old identity's wiring." Instead of getting annoyed at the thought or instead of, you know, being like, "Why am I still thinking this way?" Remember that you've strengthened those neural pathways for years, maybe even a lifetime. And so recognize the thought for what it is. It's just old wiring. It's just old pathways. So for example, let's say you're trying to go to the gym and become more of a disciplined person and you miss a workout. Well, the old self-talk might say something like, "I'm so lazy. I never stick to anything." And so now, we want to become aware of that thought, recognize that actually that's just our old wiring, and reframe it by saying something like, "I'm learning to become someone who keeps promises to themselves. Missing one workout doesn't define who I am." Right? And notice how I'm not replacing the thought with something unrealistic like, "Oh, I'm amazing. I'm so confident and beautiful." But instead, all we are doing is instead of identifying with the thought and saying, "I am lazy. I am undisciplined. I am an anxious person." We're just starting to say, "I'm becoming this. I'm becoming fitter and better. I'm becoming less anxious. I'm becoming someone who focuses on growth." You know, I want to remind you that your identity isn't something you were born with. It's something you've built through years of repeated thoughts, behaviors, and experiences. And so, if it was built, that means it can also be rebuilt because your brain, through repetition, has the ability to rewire itself and change. And by the way, if you are struggling with self-sabotage or finding it hard to trust yourself, I do work one-on-one with people to help them break those patterns. And so, if that sounds like something you'd benefit from, then you can find the link in the description below.
And finally, the third principle is to build evidence through repetition. Now, this is a really important insight, but your brain does not change from insight or information alone. Your brain changes from evidence and experience. Now, I'm going to repeat that for those of you in the back who didn't hear. Your brain does not change by insight or information alone. It changes from evidence and experience. And so, if you are one of those people who binges self-help content, who watches productivity vlogs, who watches people who give you advice on how to better your life, and you keep thinking, "Why is nothing changing? Why is my life still the same?" It's because you are not doing anything differently. Your brain does not change just from having an insight or just from getting information. You have to implement it. You know, so many people are just sat in a waiting room. You know, they're tapping their foot, they're looking at their watch, and I'm like thinking, "Hey. Hey. Hey, what are you waiting for?" And they're just they're just sat there. I'm like, "Are you waiting for a bus?" You know, are you waiting for a coffee? And they're sat there, and they're like, "No. No. I'm just waiting, you know. I'm waiting to change. I'm waiting for this magic hand to come out of the sky, and my life is going to be different." And I'm just like, please don't be one of those people. If you follow my channel, this is what I try and preach all the time. You need to take action. You need to implement because action builds evidence, and evidence rewires your brain, and rewiring your brain changes your reality. And so, my biggest piece of advice here is to not take action because of the outcome, but take action because you are creating a new identity. Take action because you're rewiring your brain, right? The more you repeat a behavior or thought, the stronger those pathways become, and they eventually become your default. And now this creates a new version of you. And so, maybe the repeated action for you is that you're going to start going for a 30-minute walk every day. Not because you need to lose weight, but because you're becoming someone who goes for a walk every day. You're becoming someone who is healthy and fit. Or maybe the repeated action is what we said before about reframing your thoughts. That's a mental action that you have to do. You know, when I was overcoming my social anxiety, something that I did again and again, and I I've already shared this on my channel, is I just spoke to strangers. I just would say hi in the park or talk to the Uber driver or talk to the waiter or ask the shopkeeper a question, and I just did that every day, repeating, repeating, repeating until eventually it became comfortable to me. And the more I took that action, the more evidence I built in my brain that I am someone who can talk to people. And now I have no difficulty speaking to anybody because your brain does not change from insight or information alone. It changes from evidence and experience. And so, I hope this video helped you. Thank you for watching, and check out this video on why you dream big, but do nothing about it. I'll see you in the next one.