Transcription
Both men and women fail, but their experience of that failure couldn't be more different. For women, their failure is supported. For men, it is punished. She is propped up with excuses while he is pushed down with shame.
The reason for this is because women are seen as having inherent worth. Men, by contrast, must prove their value through effort and achievement. This is captured by the phrase, "A woman is born, a man is made." From an early age, boys are pressured to earn their dignity, achieve, succeed, or else be discarded. Girls are not conditioned in the same way. This female privilege is rarely acknowledged, and far from sympathizing with men, male struggle is presented as normal, even useful as a form of natural selection. Much like the Darwinian principles that guide animals in nature, male hardship is treated as a sorting mechanism. Weeding out the weak benefits the species. But what's important to note is that this morality is only applied to men. When women fail, blame is externalized and society rallies to support her. When men fail, there is no social outcry and blame is internalized. He feels intrinsically defective as he is encouraged to see his struggles through the lens of his own personal shortcomings.
Wait, you're making it seem as though men are the only ones that struggle. Women have their own difficulties. You know, we have beauty standards to deal with, safety concerns, sexual harassment. You're making it seem like women live this blessed existence, and men are the only ones who face hardship.
You're actually proving my point. Yes, women have their own unique struggles, but look at those examples you gave. Body image pressure, women's safety. Society agrees those are real issues, and there is compassion for your suffering. But there is no equivalent sympathy for the relentless pressure men feel to become a success in order to achieve worth in the eyes of others. This isn't about who suffers more. It's about double standards, pointing out that compassion is gendered.
But men don't have a monopoly on feeling pressure to succeed. Lots of women feel stressed about whether they're achieving enough, too. You're making this divisive, like a men versus women thing, when the experience you're talking about is universal. This should be something that we bond over.
Actually, it's the fact that you don't see this as an issue that uniquely affects men. That's the problem. The pressure you feel as a woman is not the same as the pressure felt by men. We are having different experiences because for men, the risk of failure comes with much higher stakes. Women don't typically understand this because they are cushioned from failure in a way that men aren't. Men feel like their very existence depends on their success, which creates an ongoing tension and anxiety. That feeling for a woman who knows herself to have an inherent self-worth is not something that she can truly relate to.
You say that women feel pressured to succeed. But let's look at some clips that show how casually some women approach their careers. "Weird how I ended up as a girl who works. I don't know how that happened. God, why do I have to work? I am sexy. I am sexy. Why am I working? What is this? I just quit my job to my boss's face. I told him that the $1,800 a week was not worth it. And I have no idea what I'm going to do, but I've got 6 weeks to figure it out because that's how much I have left to pay rent." $1,800 a week is good pay, but she's comfortable just walking away without a plan. That other woman is totally mystified by the fact that she has to work at all. Very few men would be confused by the necessity of working because they know how much is at stake. But for women, as you can see, their career success is not felt to be existential.
But these are just anecdotal. One of them wasn't even a real woman. It was just a cartoon. A few Tik Tok clips doesn't prove anything.
Sure, but the data backs this up. The research shows that women quit their jobs at a higher rate than men do.
But you don't know why they quit. You're just jumping to conclusions, assuming it's because they're being lazy or whatever. Maybe women quitting more often just means that women are smarter or more self-aware, like they know when a job just isn't worth it anymore. Maybe instead of shaming women for quitting jobs, we should be encouraging men to quit their jobs more often.
It's not that easy for men.
Why not? Quitting is the easiest thing in the world.
Economic realities aside, from a psychological point of view, for men, a lot is at stake.
Let me ask you, if one of your female friends lost her job, would you ever tell her that she was a failure? Of course not. I don't want her to feel even worse about herself. I'd probably tell her to stay positive, that it's not her fault, her boss never valued her anyway, and that she was too good for that place. Things like that, right? And that's typically the sort of messaging that women get. Instead of encouraging accountability, blame is externalized and support is offered.
But isn't it the same to men? No. The research shows that if a man stops bringing home money, his wife is much more likely to abandon ship. Rather than support, the message men typically receive sounds more like, "Work isn't meant to be easy. Life is hard. You've just got to get on with it." If a woman embraces her unemployment and says, "I'm just going to take some time for me," she's often applauded. "Good for you, you deserve it." But if a man says he isn't going to work, he's taking some "me time," he's likely to be laughed at or quickly shamed and sent back into the workforce. The expectations for men and women are different. If a woman is suffering, that's a problem that must be fixed. But if a man is suffering, that's a reality he needs to accept. The double standard is that women are allowed to fail. Blame will be externalized and she will be cushioned by the identity of victimhood.
But that's not exclusive to women. Of course, men can be wronged. They can face injustice. No one's saying that men can't be victims, too. On the contrary, when men do claim their own victimhood, like they did through the men's rights movement, they are met with hostility, not compassion. Men have suffered in silence for decades. And when they did speak out, they were attacked, shamed, and criticized. As a man looking at that, what conclusion would you reach other than your suffering is not welcome?
Right. I see what you're saying. I agree there is more attention paid to women's issues, but your narrative here is still too simplistic. Yes, women might approach their careers more casually than men do, but that's because women know that there's so much more to life than just work. Isn't it possible that men are just victims of their own choices, being money-obsessed and lost to greed and ambition? Lots of women want to have families. They want to become mothers. Maybe all of this would be fixed if men focused more on their children and less on getting that next promotion. This is a trap that so many modern women fall into. Instead of taking the time trying to truly understand the male experience, they quickly assign female solutions to male problems, not understanding that it will never work.
Why not? Maybe men should learn from women. Or are you too proud to admit that maybe women could teach you something?
This isn't about pride, but the simple reality that women's advice on men's issues is rarely helpful because women don't understand what it's like to be a man. How would you feel if a man told you to stop being a people pleaser, to stop wearing makeup, to stop being so emotional? After all, they are a man and they don't have to deal with those issues, so it should be easy for you.
Okay, good point. I would hate that. They don't know what it's like to be a woman, and I don't know what it's like to be a man. So then educate me. Why can't men just focus more on being fathers and less on making money?
Two reasons, identity and hypergamy. You see, if a woman fails in life and she has no career, she can always become a mother because there's practically no barrier to entry. You see this with troubled teen girls who get pregnant when they seem to have no good options in their life. They can always become a mother. That's because motherhood is a widely recognized and approved social role for women. Even if her relationship falls apart and she has no husband, she is unlikely to face accusations of being a failure. Single mothers are celebrated for their bravery and sacrifice. Motherhood can comfortably become a woman's core identity.
Isn't it the same for fathers? Why can't being a father be his identity? For many men, it is. Their children are the achievement they are most proud of. What's lacking is social endorsement of that identity. Society does not venerate fatherhood like it does motherhood. You can see this in the family courts that still show a consistent bias against fathers. Custody of children typically goes to the mother and the expectation of child support coming from the father. Sadly, for many fathers, it feels as though money is the only contribution they are truly valued for.
You ask why men are so focused on money as though it is a personal flaw. And while I agree that men are ambitious, they want wealth and success, I want you to understand that this was not created in a vacuum. Yes, men want wealth and success, but they are responding to the role that women have assigned them. Which brings us to hypergamy and the fact that wealth is one of the main things that women find attractive in men. Let's take a look. "Honestly, if I had a high value man, like this man's bringing in the money, I'mma be his like I'mma be completely honest. I would be his..." Who is more shallow, men or women? "I hate to say it, but I'm going to have to say women. Low key. They are. Cuz men don't care what kind of car women have. They don't care what kind of phone you have. They don't care where you live. Women, they kind of do. Like, they care what they're like, well, you're broke. Like, are you broke? Are you made of money? Like, like, is it good-looking? Is it tall? It's it's women. They women are more gold diggers than men, I would say. But it's kind of us."
Before you ask, yes, the data backs this up. Evolutionary psychologists have done extensive research and consistently found across all cultures that women are attracted to men who have wealth and resources.
But you're framing that like it's a bad thing. But what woman wouldn't want her children to be well provided for? Why is it a bad thing for a woman to want a provider?
I'm not saying it's bad for women to have that preference. I'm explaining why men can't treat their careers as casually as women do. Failure is not an option. Deeply rooted in the male psyche is the awareness that to fail means accepting reproductive death. Historically, while 80% of women in history had children, only 40% of men reproduced. Biologically speaking, that means that more than half of men failed. And that's frightening. It's one of the core motivations of all biological life, that drive to pass on your genes. And human men are no exception. But if they fail to be that provider, to have that wealth, women will ignore you as a prospective mate. And that's painful. The day that women start valuing kindness, integrity, loyalty over money, you will see men shift their priorities. But men did not create the rules. And until they change, we are stuck playing this game.
Would you rather marry a guy who is rich, buys you a ton of fancy [ __ ] like Birkkins, brings you on dope trips, but cheats on you, or marry a broke dude who can't buy you [ __ ] and he doesn't cheat?
The second one does not cheat. No, he don't cheat. He loves He loves you. Like literally, he sends you flowers on the most random days with little teddy bears that are holding like a tiny balloon.
I'm going to say the first guy. And here's why. And here's why. Here's why. This is why the red pill community exists.
I think I get it now. This is why it is so much antagonism towards gold diggers.
Right. Because when women focus more on his wealth than the person that he is underneath, it feels dehumanizing, like he's only attractive to her because of his money.
That's right. And it's not just broke guys who are bothered by this. Lots of men who become successful in their 30s and suddenly attract a lot of female attention can feel resentful like, "okay now I have money and you're interested in me but in my early years when I was broke and hustling and suffering and struggling I was invisible to you but now suddenly you're attracted to me that's convenient." That's not her fault, how could she know if he was going to make it or not, she wants a man who can provide, what's wrong with waiting to see if he was up to the task? But do you understand to men that kind of approach approach doesn't feel like partnership. It feels like opportunism. Men these days feel nostalgic for days past when couples got together young and the woman actively contributed to a man's success by being his feminine support, helping him through his struggles so that he can reach his full potential. So when men see modern women content to sit on the sidelines, watch young men flounder and struggle just waiting to see who emerges victorious and then jump into his already successful life, they feel exploited.
But you make it seem like women are cruel, like they enjoy watching men suffer. But I don't think most women are even aware that young men are going through this.
But that's the point. Not that women are actively cruel, like they are intentionally inflicting suffering, but that they are indifferent, which is its own kind of cruelty. We know that 80% of those who take their own life are men. And one of the reasons the figure is so high is because no one thinks to check in with men until it's too late. Indifference and neglect can be just as deadly as aggression. It's a sexism that's hard to talk about only because it's so pervasive. The harsh truth is that we are comfortable with men suffering. And unlike for women, we feel no collective responsibility to help men from their own failures.
This brings us full circle and I get it now. Women are cushioned from failure. They find solace in their identity as mothers or victims and blames externalized. But for men, they don't have that privilege. Failure is amplified and blame is internalized.
That's correct. And that concludes the lesson for today. The advanced curriculum continues on Patreon on the following topics. Why aren't men celebrated when they finally achieve their success? Why is there this feeling that that's just what they were meant to do? Also, why do some men wait until they are successful before opening up about the struggles that they've been through? If you'd like to keep watching, the video continues on Patreon.