Transcription
Life has a funny way of showing you exactly what you're focused on. That's why if you've got a poverty mentality, you're probably poor. The same is true for women. If you think that all women are like these social media morons that appear on short attention span theater, then guess what? You're going to get exactly that.
The truth is, there are good women out there. However, in order to find them, you've got to know what you're looking for. And today, I'm going to give you 12 qualities that, if you can find them in a woman, you will have exactly the opportunity that you're looking for to have a long-term healthy relationship. Let's talk about it.
If men shopped for cars the same way they looked for women, you would find guys falling into one of two categories. One group would walk into the first dealership they found and buy the first car they found, take it home, and be very unhappy in the long run. The second group would buy the most expensive, hottest car they could find, take it home, and after a while, they'd be unhappy with that one, too. Very few guys actually do the research, the consumer reports on women, if you will. And that's what I want to try to give you today. So, you're not out there kicking tires. You're going to be looking for specific characteristics that will help you define a healthy, well-balanced, potential partner in a woman.
Now, I'm not saying marriage here. I'm just talking about having a healthy relationship with someone who you can feel relatively confident is going to be uh a good partner for you. Come on. My goal is to be the Consumer Reports on how to find a a decent woman. Let's do it.
For those of you who are new here, my name is John Griffin and this is Life 2.0. And I work with guys in the evenings to help them with their relationship issues, mostly divorces. But every once in a while, I'll get a guy who says, "You know, John, I'm struggling meeting the right girl. How do I find the right one?" And this is such a great opportunity because this technique you can use in almost any part of your life to achieve just about anything that you want.
And the first step in this process is to get clarity about what it is you're looking for. Because if you don't know what you're looking for, you won't know it when you find it. Not only that, but you'll be willing to accept a faximile, you know, a reasonable faximile. It's like, okay, she's the right height. She's got the right proportions. You know, it's like buying a car. It's like, well, it's the right color, you know. I think it has four wheels, so it must be a car, so that's got to be what I'm looking for. And too many guys go out there and they take the first girl that comes along because she's the first one that'll sleep with them. Just cuz they'll touch your little wee wee doesn't mean they're the right girl for you. You have got to find better criteria to use.
So, today I want to give you 12 criteria that you can use. And I suggest that you write these things down because once you get clarity about what it is you're looking for, you're going to find it. I almost guarantee it. The problem that most guys have, like I said, when they go out there in the world looking for a woman is they don't know what they're looking for. And today, I'm hoping to fix that problem for you. Just so you know, of course, as is customary in these kinds of lists, I am keeping the best for last. So, let's start with number one.
And this one is the broadest and arguably even one of the most important is emotional stability. You've got to find someone who's got their act together and is not a um a narcissist, isn't socially, you know, uh distracted by people online. Someone who um is got a a good demeanor no matter what the circumstances are. Emotionally stable women will not weaponize their emotions or your emotions for that matter. When things get turbulent, they're like the co-pilot that keeps us cool in the cockpit. You want to have a co-pilot that can help land the plane even under the worst of circumstances. That's what an emotionally stable person is like. That's what an emotionally stable woman is like.
Now, you may be saying, "John, that doesn't exist in the real world." I'm telling you that it actually does.
She understands and has a great deal of respect for masculinity. She understands that um male leadership is an important aspect to a healthy relationship and she builds you up in public. If there's any criticism that she's going to give you about something that you're doing or have done, that happens in private. That's one-on-one. That's not something that she expresses to her friends or the neighbors or someone else. She understands that um in the long term by building you up all the time, she's going to see your self-confidence grow and your ability to achieve greatness in the world improve. And so she's going to benefit and she's going to essentially attract greatness to herself through you. Women don't understand this that men love being the conduit of wonderful things. We love being the vessel that brings wonderful stuff to women. And when a woman can add to your self-confidence and make you feel stronger and healthier in your your own right, well, you're just going to do great things. You're going to bring greatness to her and she's going to be the ultimate beneficiary of it. You need to find a woman who understands that.
Number three, she has a low body count. Women with low body counts are more able to experience pair bonding with you and her hormones like oxy oxytocin and vasosperin if I'm saying that right. These are bonding hormones that um allow women to connect in a more meaningful way to their mates to their partners. And if she's had a bunch of guys in her life, the likelihood that she's going to be able to pair bond with you quickly and easily is going to be diminished significantly. Women with low body counts have lower divorce rates. So the low body count is not just some artifact of male insecurity. It's actually a meaningful measurement of a healthy woman and one that is a good candidate for a long-term relationship.
Number four, she's supportive in nature. Meaning that when you set goals for yourself, she's asking, "How can I help?" rather than being in competition with you. She sees her role as trying to help you succeed in achieving your goals. Because once again, she understands that in your achievement, she benefits as well. What this means to you is that your success accelerates. and having her on your team gives you an advantage on the playing field. It's like you're coming to the game with a uh an extra player that no one can account for and it's going to give you an advantage in almost everything that you do when you have a supportive partner.
Over the course of my life, I've seen a handful of men who have healthy relationships. Two of them I would say are two of the luckiest guys I've ever met. One of them is actually from Iran and he went through this arduous process of getting out of that country, escaping the regime there. Um he uh suffered a terrible injury playing college soccer like he was a goalie. He got kicked in the head. I mean just an enormous amount of damage to his brain and his eye. Nevertheless, he still managed to get his degree. He came back to the United States. He um met a beautiful girl. Um they got married and he started at the bottom. I mean, he was like working at Chipotle, you know what I mean? He could not get a job anywhere. And he went from one thing to the next to the next to the next and he had this wonderful woman behind him the whole way. Now he runs a mortgage company and he is living in a big beautiful house in a wealthy area and he's got great kids and his wife doesn't have to work and he's able to bring his mother and his brother and his whole family over from Iran and um anyway guy is just lucky he's had some terrible happen to him in his life but because he had a good woman by his side he was able to overcome a lot of these setbacks and he was able to achieve greatness and he's still achieving greatness. The second guy I'll tell you about in a minute, but same kind of story. Just lucky guy, great wife became a multi-millionaire.
So, these things do play out. They do exist in the real world and you can find them. But you've got to know what you're looking for in order to find it. Like I said in the beginning, nature will give you what you're focused on. That's the way the light that's the way the world works. Whatever you're focused on is what you're going to find.
Number five, conflict resolution. She uses arguments as a way to improve the situation, not as a way to win or to make you feel like you're not measuring up. She's looking for resolution, not conflict. This allows the two of you to find solutions to problems through a process of, you know, disagreement. But in the end, you come to an agreement that is in the best interest of the relationship, not just one party. This is not about beating you up or tearing you down. This is about finding answers to problems that you guys can live with together. It's not a competition. It's a team looking to solve a problem. Completely different experience.
Number six, she embraces traditional gender roles. She understands that there is a perfect balance between masculine and feminine. And a healthy relationship needs the correct dosage of each. That a relationship that has too much masculinity where both are trying to be the man in the household causes the relationship to fail. She honors the femininity within herself and she is the courage to allow you to lead in this relationship. She understands the core of masculinity and how masculinity has an important role to play in leading the relationship, but she also understands how feminism or femininity I should say um plays a significant role in shaping the implementation of much of this leadership that she's not afraid of being a woman. And I think that's what so many women are facing these days is they don't feel comfortable in being a woman. They see themselves as being submissive. And they're missing the whole point. They they're missing the role, the important role that women play in in the world and in lives, in men's lives. She embraces being a woman instead of apologizing for it.
Number seven, physical maintenance and self-care. She takes care of herself. She maintains her healthy physique. She wants to maintain her appearance not just because it pleases you, but because she has self-respect. So, she's maintaining her health and her physical appearance and her overall healthy demeanor out of respect for you, but also out of respect for herself. she understands that physical attraction is a key element in the relationship that you have with her. And if she just lets herself go because she has your commitment, then she's really reigging on that that deal. The deal was when you guys met that her physical attraction was a catalyst to this relationship happening. And if she allows her physical appearance to fall away just because she has your commitment, then she has really made the commitment null and void. So, maintaining her appearance, maintaining her health, being respectful of you, and understanding the critical um role that her physical appearance plays in the relationship. Now, I'm not looking for someone who's got to be crazy about it when she needs to get, you know, $100,000 worth of plastic surgery when she turns 40. That's not the deal. She needs to understand that men love natural beauty. And I think that women can be naturally beautiful at any age if they maintain their health.
Number eight, unwavering loyalty. She stands with you when you're facing difficulty. If you have uh job loss, you're changing jobs, you get sick, something like that happens, you need to know that she's got your back no matter what. This gives you the opportunity to take risks that can pay off big time if you know you're with a woman who's got your back and she's not looking for an exit strategy the minute things go a little upside down. This is a rare quality, but if you can find a woman who has this quality, you will have an advantage in everything that you do.
Number nine, she is authentically feminine. She brings softness, nurturing, emotional intelligence, thoughtfulness to everything that she does. When you're around her, you feel more masculine. You feel more capable when you're around her. She balances your masculine energy. It's like you are in um harmony with another human being. That your rhythms are in concert with one another. that where you're strong, she's weak, and vice versa. She can pick up those qualities or those problems or those issues that you don't see. She knows where your blind spots are, and she doesn't um uh use them against you. She helps you with them. She has a different perspective on the world, and she can bring that perspective to you, and you can benefit from it. That's what a real woman does.
Number 10, she has a uh family oriented viewpoint. So, she has a long view of your relationship. She uses terms like we and us and our future and our family. She's not talking about me and I. She's always thinking in terms of what the future holds. Most of the time, women who have this orientation have healthy, strong relationships with their own family. They respect their mom and their dad. They have good, healthy relationships with their siblings. They have extended family that they have good, healthy relationships with. They understand the value that family brings. They understand that the world is a big place with a lot of people on it. And you are blessed with just so many people who are close to you, who are related to you. and she knows how to use those connections to create a more nurturing environment for everyone. That's a high value woman right there.
Number 11, she's financially responsible. That's a hard one to find, but she understands that financial stress can cause a relationship to end faster than anything. and that working together as a team, you can achieve financial goals with a little bit of self-discipline. She understands the critical nature that finances play in the overall health of your relationship, not only today, but in the long term. She knows that helping you grow your financial success by being budget conscious and um being thrifty and not wasting money. She is building not only um your future but her future and the future for your children and she's creating opportunities for you guys to have a long lasting healthy relationship. Women who don't get this will lead to divorce almost without fail.
And then number 12, and this is probably for most men the lynch pin. You've got to have sexual enthusiasm and understanding that to men, sex is a more powerful experience in terms of what it means in the relationship. That sex cannot fade away from the relationship. It has to be something that is maintained. It's like changing the oil on your car, except we want sex a lot more frequently than that. But you know what I mean? That sex cannot be used as a weapon. And it cannot be used as a uh as a tool. It needs to be seen as um the opportunity for the two of you to share some intimacy and to experience bonding and renew those feelings that allowed the relationship to occur in the first place. When sex remains a priority in the relationship, the relationship will last. It will be healthy and it will be strong and um there will be a great deal of satisfaction on both parts. But when sex becomes a point of contention, the relationship is doomed.
A really good friend of mine became extremely rich, like private jet rich, like really really really rich. And I asked him how he did it and he said, "You know, John, I was just lucky. I was at the right place at the right time and things just fell my way. You know, I can't explain it in any way. I'm not smarter than anyone else. I'm not more thoughtful than anyone else. I was just in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. But also, he had the right frame of mind. He had the right environment. His home environment was good. He has a lovely wife who I don't think she's ever worked a day in her life, at least not had to work a day in her life. Um, but a wonderful um family focused, well-balanced, delightful person to be around. Um, not to say she's perfect, you I mean, obviously there's no one like that, but um I've trained both of them over the years, you know, as a personal trainer and as a health coach, and they both have, you know, their own physical things going on, but they're both wonderful people, and I can see how the balance they have in their relationship creates um this harmony, this wonderful experience for both of them. And that when you go to their house, you don't feel like you're in this huge multi-million dollar mansion. You feel relaxed. They're dressed the same way that I'm dressed. you know, they they they speak like we speak. They're they're they're not a different species, but they are happy, you know, and you can see the affection that they share and the concern that they have for one another and they've been together for like 40 years, you know, like it's just that kind of relationship.
Anyway, that's rare. It's rare, but it's out there. It does exist, but you're never going to find it if you don't go looking for it. So, I hope today you now understand some of the things that you can look for that will help you identify those girls when they appear to you. Because if you don't know what you're looking for, you're never going to find it. Like I said at the beginning, if you just walked into a car dealership and said, "I want a car." Well, I guarantee you they'll give you a car, but you might not be happy with it in the long run. So, consider this your consumer reports on how to find a good woman, or at least what to look for in a good woman.
Let me know what you guys think in the comments. I'm sure maybe I missed one or two. If I did, please point it out to me. Um, if you enjoyed the video, please like and subscribe. If you know someone who might benefit from it, I would appreciate if you would share them uh this video so they can also benefit from these 12 categories of what's great about women or what to look for in a woman. Anyway, until next time, stay healthy and if you can stay single.