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You guys want to talk about sex? Is that good? Um, Cole, we got a pulpit. Very, very good. Uh, this is going to be great. I probably should pray first. Um, for self-control. Um, so, uh, how many of you, um, feel awkward talking about sex in church? Anybody feel awkward? Okay. It's going to go next level in just a minute. I'm just telling you how this is going to go down.
Uh, Father God, thank you for a time to teach. And God, we, we believe that your word is perfect and true. And what we're going to study is in the Bible. And we say thank you that it's in there so that we can enjoy our marriage. In Jesus' name, amen.
Okay, so here's the talk. You ready to go? The talk is, uh, the five spiciest sections in the Song of Songs. Okay, just let you marinate on that for a moment. So, um, the Song of Songs, as I said, is written 3,000 years ago. It's a husband and wife singing poetry to one another. And it is very, very sexual. It's a book about marriage and enjoying sex within the context of marriage. Because it's so obvious what they're talking about and it's so frank what they're discussing, a lot of Bible scholars and commentators and interpreters, they don't know what to do with it. And so what they do, they tend to do something called allegory. And that is turning it into something that it's not.
So I'll give you a few fun facts. Uh, the 80 concubines are not 80 heresies that have plagued the history of the church. Uh, and the, uh, two breasts are not the Old and New Testament giving us the pure milk of God's word. Uh, there are some very weird interpretations of the Song of Songs. So what I want to do, I want to walk through the book. And all of this is in the Real Romance book. I want to look at the five sections of the Song of Songs that are probably shocking to you if you grew up in church in a highly religious, prudish environment. Okay, you ready to go? Are you ready to go? Let's do this.
Okay, so, uh, spicy section number one. Song of Song 1:2. It's the woman. We'll call her Abby. She says, "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is more delightful than wine." So here, this is just the second verse. We're off to a good start. A woman, a woman has sexual desires. And wine. That's fantastic. This is a really good start, uh, to any book of the Bible and or at date night. Amen.
How many of you are surprised that the woman speaks first when it comes to matters of sex and desire and pleasure and marriage? No way. Uh, okay. Well, there's a blessed man. The wife is like, "No way." Okay, well, you're now going to be teaching a discipleship group for women. Okay. So what's interesting in the book, she speaks first, and she speaks most. And she tells her husband over and over and over, "Do this, do this, do this, do this." I like that. And today I want this.
Now, ladies, is it okay for a woman to lead in the relationship sexually? We're okay if you do. You're like, "I am the head of the household." But if you want to do some stuff, I'll follow. True man. "I'm the head of household." She's like, "Get naked." "Oh yes, ma'am." You know, reporting for duty. So, so it sometimes women think that they can't have desires, they can't be vocal, they can't be aggressive, they can't pursue. They can, if it's in their marriage. So I want to give you ladies that are maybe a little more timid or a little more religious or a little more shy, um, freedom. Feel free to tell your husband what you like. Free to tell him, "Hey, I'd like a kiss right now, and I'd like more, and I'd like you to do this, and I'd like you to do that." And just get over the awkwardness. Because you know what's weird about married couples, especially sometimes Christian, religious, churchy married couples? They're having sex, but they don't talk about it. Because the talking about it is too awkward. But let me say this, if you're going to have sex, you may as well talk about it so that you can both enjoy it. And I know a couple that don't talk about sex, which is weird, but they have sex. That's just weird. So here's what I'm telling you, you need to figure out what you like and tell your spouse. And your spouse needs to figure out what they like, and then they need to tell you. And you should be servants. The Bible has a lot of good things to say about being a servant. Serve one another sexually.
Okay, so now we're going to get a little spicier. Are you ready? Um, spicy section number two. Song of Songs 1:12-4. She says, she's still talking. "While the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance." So she smells good. "My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh resting where?" Between my... You guys are terrible at reading the word of God. Um, "My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi." Here's what she says to her husband. "I like it when you rest your head where?" Between my... Press. Ladies, that's that's helpful information, right? You're like, "Oh, you like that? So do I. Must be the will of God. We both agree and feel called to this." Okay.
How awesome is it that the wife is saying, um, "Bring your head over here"? I just envision he's had a bad day, you know, at work. It's in a cubicle. Bad performance review. Traffic on the way home. Walks in. He's frustrated. He's tired. "Why are you late?" "I had to work late and there was traffic and just had a hard day." Frustrated. She's like, "Well, come on over here. I have a place for you to rest." Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your ministry. Okay. Okay. It's pretty good, huh? How many, how many of you? You like, "I, we, yeah, I, yeah, I've done a lot of Bible studies. I missed that." You want to do another one? This one's wild.
She's speaking. Abby is. Song of Songs 2:3-7. She says, "This cow's got a lot to talk about." "Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men." Huh? "I delight to sit in his shade." So he's, he's over her. "And his fruit is it's sweet to her taste." Okay. "Let him lead me to the banquet hall, and let his banner over me be love. Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love." What she's saying is, um, lovemaking is going so long, I need a snack. Wow. "His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me." In the Hebrew, she's asking to be caressed and fondled. "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field, do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." So what she's saying is, don't do any of this until you're married. And a lot of times singles will ask, "Where's the line?" And you know why they ask? They want to dance on it vigorously, right? And the Bible is not about where is the line, but what is the time. And the time is once you're married. Okay.
And so here she's married. And what she is telling her husband is how she feels about when she does certain things intimately with him. Um, saying, uh, "Left arm under my head, right arm embraces." He's literally holding her, and he's caressing and fondling her. And here's what she's saying. Let me ask the ladies, what is she saying? "Do this. I like it." Ladies, let me tell you this, your husband has no idea what he's doing outside of the bedroom or inside of the bedroom. We do not understand the female body. We do not. We'd like to, but we need, need some help. And so you need to tell your husband, "Do that. Never do that again. Do that slower. Do that on Tuesday." You got to get. And see how many of you ladies, you feel like if you're giving very specific instructions to your husband, you're bossing him around? Men, would you like to be bossed around? Yeah. Like, "I don't know what I'm doing. I would like to do it well. Help." Okay. So ladies, you, you're, let me say this, I'm just going to verbal process. It's probably not going to be good, but it's going to be interesting. So, um, you're the only one that knows your body. We have no idea. And let me tell you this, your body keeps changing. So as soon as we figure it out, it's different, right? You're like, "Like, I thought you liked that." She's like, "I did. Then I had a baby, and no, I don't like. I, I didn't. What?" "Oh, jeez." "I did, but now, you know, menopausal." Okay, just tell me. Just, just, just. And make it simple. Like, [Laughter] "Don't like this." "This can't be like IKEA furniture assembly instructions." Like, you need to give me a few things. Okay. So anyways, um, again, we're back to the brass. The brass appears seven times in the Song of Solomon. I just thought about it. Seven is the number of perfection in the Bible. That's an interesting fact.
Um, now here's the line that I want you to help me with because I'm really struggling. Um, um, um, "Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste." Let's do a little Bible study. What do you think that means? Ladies, ladies, all the guys are like, "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. Anything in Romans, I got no idea. But this, I know." Yeah, ladies, what do you think this verse means? What do you think it means? Ladies? Yeah. Oh my gosh, they think it means oral sex. I'm not sure. Let's take a vote. Okay. How many of you all who believe this means that she likes performing oral sex, raise your hand? Okay. And everyone else is wrong. Okay.
So, um, here, I, I, I will, and, and, and I'm not teaching this. You guys came to this exegetical conclusion. And I'm going to teach you a little trick. Now, if you're going to teach something that could get you in a lot of trouble, quote somebody else who said it. So that's what I'm going to do. Now, there's a Bible scholar named Joseph Dillow. He did a special work on the Song of Songs. It's fantastic. And here is a quote from his biblical commentary. After being a professor of Bible, he says, "We have a faint and delicate reference to an oral genital caress." Knows Hebrew. How many of you are surprised that's in the Bible? How many are happy it's in the Bible? Right? How many of you like, "We need to study the Bible. I had no idea. I thought it was, I thought it was all about, you know, other things." The, the Bible. Here's what I love. And this is why Grace and I wrote Real Romance. And it's a commentary on the Song of Songs. And it's got questions for you to discuss as a couple at the conclusion of each chapter. You need to get your information from somewhere. And if you just go to the internet and start plugging in questions, that's not a good idea. Um, these are awkward conversations just to have with people. But the Bible teaches these things because God wants you to enjoy the fullness of your marriage. And know that if it is just you and your spouse, there's great freedom. And you should try some. Here's the key, you should try some things. And then talk about it. They're trying some things here. So, so for them, this is what happens. And you, how awesome is it that she says, "Hey, I want to talk about it." He's like, "Okay." She's like, "I like that." He's like, "Well, I'm glad we've talked about it. We can have this conversation anytime. This is a great conversation."
Okay, you guys want to do another one? Spicy section Number Four. Song of Songs 4:12 through 5:1. He says, "You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon and every kind of incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spices. You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water, streaming down from Lebanon." Let me just, okay, some of you are like, "I like where this is going." What he's saying is that that she is like a private garden, not a public park. She's very free, but only with him. She's not flirty. She's not underdressed. She's not, you know, seducing other men. She's committed to her husband. But he's speaking of her body here with metaphor of fruit and scent and beauty. And you ladies need to know this, the female body is the most amazing thing that God made. There's nothing that compares with a female body. This is why you could have like, you could have an angel on top of Mount Everest, and if there's a woman in front, a man didn't know that it was at Mount Everest with an angel in the background, right? Okay.
So she is available to him. She's sharing her body. She's free within the context of marriage. And he tells her how beautiful she is and how much he enjoys her and what he appreciates about her. And then she speaks to him. So here's what the wife says. "Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread. May my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruit." Huh. That's interesting. And then after this happens, he's not going to talk for a little bit. They pause the conversation. She's like, "I'd like you to do this." He's like, "We'll talk about this in a little bit. In the meantime, that's what we're going to do." So after this happens, he says, "I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk." Wow.
All right, let's ask the men. What, what do you think this means? We're just doing a big Bible study here. Touchdown. Touchdown. Y. [Music] Y. Wow. So let me ask the ladies, we'll talk about exactly what this is in a moment. If you're enjoying this content, it is part of a recent conference that we did for Valentine's Day. And, uh, we want to help put the fun back into fundamentalism, if you know what I mean. So you can grab all of the content related to this conference. And if you're enjoying this, it's only the beginning. Does she invite him to do this? H. She being bossy? No. Okay. How many of you are shocked that it's in the Bible and it's not a naughty thing? It's within marriage and it's a holy thing. Again, I have two, uh, theological commentary sources to share with you. Uh, the first is the Faith Life Study Bible. It's a great study Bible. And here it says, uh, "The woman speaks here, inviting her beloved to come and share sexual intimacy with her." It's close. Even better is the New Century Bible Commentary, the 21st century edition on the Song of Songs says, and I quote, "She now invites him to come into the garden of her life in the fullest possible way. It may be locked to others, but it is certainly not locked to him. The phrase 'I could eat you' is not such a modern expression. Here she invites him to do that very thing." That's what it says in the commentary written by the scholar.
Well, it, this is going really well. So, so she says, "Hey, could you try oral on me? And then we could talk about it and I could tell you how I liked it." He says, "Yeah, all you know, I'll think about that. Fast and pray and get back to you with a decision in 40 days." No, he's like, "Yeah, for sure." They get done. They look at each other. Get over the awkwardness. He's like, "She's like, 'This is a breakthrough in their marriage. Something new. Something they hadn't done.'" Now it's something that they're enjoying. You want to do one more? It's a, it's a great book.
Um, spicy section number five. Song of Songs 6:13 through 7:10. So let me set this up. So in this section, she is doing something and he is watching her and he is commenting to encourage her. So men, let me tell you this, if if your wife takes a risk, does something new, or something a little more, you know, outside of the boundaries of normal, and you're just quiet, that's not helpful. Because she's wondering, "Is this embarrassing? Is this awesome? You know, is he happy? Is he displeased?" So gentlemen, here's what you need to do. You need to be, as she, if she's going to take, when she takes risks and she's trying something new, give her a, "Woo! Nice! Yes! Good! Go! Yeah! Awesome! Good job! Good job! Yeah, yeah!" It should, your kids should think you're watching college football. "Man, Dad, really? Wow, I didn't know there was a game on." Okay, little, little positive feedback.
So here's what he says. "Why would you gaze on the Shulamite," that's the region that she's from, "as on the dance of Mahanaim?" She's dancing. And then he's talking about her body. "How beautiful your sandaled feet." Okay, let me just stop right here. Gentlemen, pay attention to her shoes. And I know you're like, "She has shoes." Your wife, from head to toe, is probably intentional about her entire appearance. Ladies, true, right? So he notices her footwear. And for some women, it's nice. "I married that girl. I know the difference between heels and wedges." Knew. Because I've worn either. I married a shoe girl. So he starts with her shoes. "How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince's daughter." He's calling her a princess. "Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of an artisan." We're going to revisit this. "Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. Your breasts..." Now we're, we're getting in the flow. You know, "Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle." Let me just explain this. Um, when you go to the zoo, what section of the zoo are the baby deer in? Petting zoo. So my brother said, "Thank you." He says, "Your two breasts are like fawns." They're like baby deer. Which, you know, if you don't think about it, it's weird. Like, "You remind me of a hairy animal." No, instead, what he's saying is, "Oh, so the petting zoo is open." We'll continue. "Your neck is like an ivory tower." She's got a long neck, and he likes it. "Your eyes are pools in Heshbon by the gate of Bath-rabbim." Just pure. "Your nose is like the Tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus." She has a prominent nose, and he likes it. She may be insecure about it. Like, "I have a big nose." He's like, "I really like your profile. I like your nose. I like." What he's saying is, "You're beautiful." And let me say this as well, just as I think about it, um, husband, your wife is your standard of beauty. And wife, your husband is your standard of beauty. When God made Adam and Eve, there was only one man and one woman, and they were to be each other's standard of beauty. Okay. So he finds her beautiful. And he is encouraging her. Because every woman is critical about her appearance and has certain things that she doesn't feel that great about. Most guys don't care. We just walk around in our underwear and fart. Like, we're probably too far back on the evolutionary chart, you know? But by encouraging her and saying, "No, this is how I see you, and you're beautiful to me," her confidence comes from his encouragement. Okay.
Um, goes on to say, "Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel. Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses." "How beautiful you are, how pleasing, my love, with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm." Here we are again. "Your breasts," um, thank you, gentlemen. Yeah. Uh, "are like clusters of fruit." I said he's tired of watching. And he says, "I'm going to climb that palm tree and I'm going to get that fruit." Pastor Mark, does that mean what I think it means? Yeah, that's what it means. Okay. Again, "May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine. The fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine." She says, "May the wine go straight to my beloved, flowing gently over lips and teeth." And here's the key, "I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me." The reason that they have so much freedom is she says, "Okay, I give myself to you." Right? And that you are devoted to me, and your desires are channeled toward me. There can't be freedom where there isn't trust. And they're talking about trust. That being said, let's talk about this event. And it's here called the dance of Mahanaim. Okay, Mahanaim means to spin or to twirl. And, uh, it's also referenced in the Bible in Genesis 32 when the angels came down to meet with Jacob. It was at Mahanaim. What he's saying is, she's like an angel to him. And what she's doing, she's spinning. She's twirling. That's what Mahanaim means. She's dancing. She's dancing. And he looks at her, her dancing, and she is naked. If you're from Texas, she's naked. Okay, she's naked and she's dancing. Okay. Ladies, is this a vulnerable act? Are you taking a risk here? For sure. Like, you know, comes home, she's like, "Okay, today I got some music on. I want to dance naked. Is that okay?" That would be fine because Pastor Mark did a Bible study and I learned all about this. Um, but as she's dancing, what if he doesn't say anything? Super awkward. So he starts by encouraging her. And he starts with her feet and works his way up. And so it talks about the feet. That makes sense. But then what comes after the feet? It talks about, uh, the navel. "The navel that is red like wine." Let me say this, if you have a very red belly button, like here, if you're all red, that's, that's not ideal. Like, you need to go to the hospital. You need, you need ointment and you need an antibiotic. If it's like, if you're like, "Man, my belly button is just fiery red." Wow. [Laughter] Okay. O.D. You know. So we'll come back to this. So, um, so it goes from her feet to her belly button. If this is right, I'll clean that up. So it goes from her feet to her belly button. And then it goes to her hips. Well, is the belly button above or below the hips? Above. Unless something's gone really wrong, right? So he's going from the bottom to the. And now it's like, wait a minute, this is out of order. And he says that her waist is like a bundled wheat. So when you get wheat and you bundle it, he's like, "That's her shape." That's what he's talking about. And then it talks about, goes up, talks about her breasts. And, um, and he says, "The petting zoo is open." And so, um, here's the problem. If it is her belly button, it's out of order and it's weird. Why do you think that some of the translations say it's her navel? Why do you think they say that? Because some people are more conservative than God. They're like, "Oh, oh, I think that's a vagina. I think that's what it says. I think it's, I think let's put belly button." [Applause]
Okay, I'm going to read two Bible commentaries. These are scholars who've been trained in the original Hebrew. The New Century Bible Commentary, um, says, quote, "If the order of bodily parts from bottom to top is followed consistently, then the navel is in the wrong position. Between the thighs and belly, it comes above those. The part of the girl's body mentioned here is therefore more likely to be the vagina or vulva than the navel." H. And Joseph Dillow, the scholar, not me. This is what he said. He says, "The description 'never lacks mixed wine' speaks of it as a source of sexual pleasure and moistness." He also says, "It is generally translated vulva." So body like, "Oh, they drive a Volvo." No, that's not what to say. Say, "I have so much fun doing this. It's fantastic." Yeah.
So I think about what I'm going to say next. So ladies, let me ask you, what is she doing? She's seductively dancing, maybe taking her clothes off at the same time. And it's in the Bible. And all scripture is God-breathed and profitable, so that you may be equipped for every good work. Good [Applause] work. We're done. I'll bring Grace up on. Grace up. That was fun, right? One more. One more. Did I do good? Okay. Better than I would have done.
So let's talk about the sex menu. Great. Okay, we'll go right up here. We'll talk about the sex menu. Okay, ready? Okay. So what we just saw in the Song of Songs, it is their sex menu. These are the items that are on the menu. Okay. And these are the things that they've agreed are on the menu. So, so let's, you could, you could explain the menu. Okay. Um, so like, what's on a menu? Appetizers. Appetizers on a menu. Appetizers are for play. For play. Okay. So you need to have appetizers on your menu. True. Okay. Yeah. Woman is a, a Crock-Pot. And a man is a microwave. Yeah. So she needs more. She needs time. Time. You like with a man, you're like, "Are you ready?" Or like, "Yep. Yep. Yep. I'm always ready." Sometimes I'm asleep, but I'll be ready. Okay. So, so appetizers get the meal started. Just, you know. Main course. Main course. Main course on the sex menu would be things that you do regularly. They're the meat of the [Applause] menu. I'm already up here. I may as well do it. Okay. Okay. So these are the, you're like, "These are our favorites." Like, you know, like, "This has been on the menu for 40 years." This, this, this is what we're known for. Okay. Um, okay. Probably shouldn't have said that. So, okay. So, uh, specials. Oh, when you go out to dinner, you're like, "Do you have any off-menu specials?" What do you mean? "Did the chef cook something up? We're not sure if it's going to make it to the menu, but we're going to try." And it might make its way to the menu. So specials would be something new you're going to try. Okay. Happy Valentine's Day. Okay. Happy Valentine's Day. Because the big fear is like, "Well, if we do that, you're going to put it on the menu." This is just a special. That's where the conversation comes. Okay. And then dessert. Dessert. So what, what would that be on the sex menu? Not just going to sleep afterwards. So following up. Snuggling. Back rub. Other stuff. Yeah. Okay.
So what we would encourage you to do, make your menu. All right? And then ask. Because here's, here's what happens. A marriage gets very boring if there's never any specials. And when you try a special, it's like afterward, what are they doing here? These are the specials. They're trying stuff. And then they're talking about it. And the discussion is, "Or should we put that on the menu?" Okay. So we want to give you permission to have these awkward conversations. I mean, if you can have an awkward conversation with your pastor in the church, you can talk about this stuff, right? And are there things that you're like, "Ah, I love those appetizers. We need to keep that on the menu." Is there a special that you would like to try? And and try it. Okay. Um, that's what the pastor's wife said. And also, um, and a lot of times, especially for the wife, uh, she really needs appetizers and dessert. Amen. Amen.
Okay, we're overtime. So what we're doing, great. Okay. Why don't you pray? We'll take a little break, and then we'll do Q&A, and then we'll see what kind of wild stuff they want to get into. All right, thanks for doing this.
Dear Lord, thank you so much that you, uh, us extra, um, words in the Bible about this. Um, Lord, thank you that you created this and that we don't have to live in shame. We get to have freedom inside the bounds of marriage. Thank you that you created marriage for us to enjoy. And I pray that you would give us, um, the courage, the freedom, and no shame in our marriages so that we can enjoy these things that you've given us. In Jesus' name, amen. We'll see you guys in a few minutes. [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] w yeah [Music]