Transcription
I recently had a situation. It wasn't with a client, but a private conversation with a colleague who is also in the field of psychology. And so we were messaging about marketing, and he asked me: "What, in my opinion, is he lacking in his content?" And generally, I usually empathize with those who are just starting out, especially if the person is younger than me. And therefore, I decided to sincerely say how I see it, and to share my experience of what is currently working for me. I understand that in essence, I said more than I was asked for, I tried to, as they say, save him without being asked. It was indeed superfluous. But still, his reaction greatly surprised and even confused me, because the person, he started, as if, to prove to me that he was just experimenting with new content, in a new area. And in general, he is a psychologist for entrepreneurs, he has many cases, clients, everything is fine. It's just that this topic has become too easy and boring for him. bewilderment, because I had seen him in real life. I perceived him precisely as a beginner specialist, because, excuse me, he walks around in torn shoes, he has salt stains on the seams of his old jacket. And perhaps, precisely because of this, this empathy and inner rescuer kicked in for me. But at the same time, in stories and reels, he constantly creates an image of this expensive life. videos against the backdrop of beautiful, but someone else's interiors, photos of watches that he doesn't actually wear. And he always remembers to mention that he has many clients and sessions today. And I understand his logic, I don't condemn it. I understand that it is normal to some extent to show yourself in a more favorable light by virtue of having some kind of expensive environment. But it surprises and outrages me precisely because, as it seemed to me, we had a situation where we could speak openly. That is, we are not only acquainted through social media. Plus, he himself asked me for feedback to correct something. And this seems to imply that he is ready to discuss how things are actually going for him. But instead, he started to portray this successful success. And I had a feeling of insincerity from him. I also remembered here that he confidently said that I understand marketing and promotion. But at the same time, the question arises, if you understand it, why have you promoted one topic, as it were, but another you haven't been able to move forward at all for 2 years. And I also found out that he got a job. And this is definitely not from a good life. He didn't want this. And I also know that he broke up with his girlfriend, but at the same time he posted stories as if she was congratulating him on his birthday, and he was unwrapping a gift. And inside me, these templates just shattered. And I wanted to tell him: "What are you even doing? You are a psychologist, but what about this sincerity? Some kind of congruence? Then I remembered that it was from him that I heard the saying: "Fake it till you make it." Pretend until it becomes true. Like, portray success, and over time it will happen to you in reality. And perhaps, he misunderstood this phrase, and it completely consumed him. And it seems to me that some people can perceive this idea too literally or even as if it were a magical technique. And this ultimately leads them to total self-deception. A person constantly starts lying first to others, and then to himself. This particularly struck me because I recognized myself. I was in such a position myself. The fact is that I studied marketing and worked in various companies for 6 years. This includes both B2B and B2C sectors. But with such a background, I couldn't promote my blog at first, then I promoted it, attention to me increased, but there were no sales. Each time I thought that the problem was with external circumstances. Crisis, pandemic, wars, people are anxious, they have no money. And now my topic is probably not relevant. And it was very difficult for me to admit that I actually don't understand something. That is, I also lied to myself that I understood marketing, but at the same time, something is happening around, and it's not my fault. And I was exactly the same as this guy. And therefore, I couldn't perceive any real signals that I was doing something stupid and it wasn't working out. And some hints from more successful colleagues, and even some direct concrete recommendations. I ignored all of it. Only later did I start to notice that I was listening, but as if not fully believing. It seems to me that this doesn't suit me or I just don't like it. And sometimes I thought that I have a special case. Another person doesn't understand my specifics, I have psychology, and he talks about other areas. And therefore, I missed a lot. And only when I first allowed myself to think, and then admitted to myself, that in reality I don't know something, then real changes began. I constantly advertise a lecture on the productivity formula. And it is written not only based on science, but also on my personal experience. Therefore, I explain in detail there what many consider too simple and obvious, and other specialists do not emphasize it at all. I have read a lot of materials on procrastination and increasing productivity, and they usually don't talk about the fact that such a problem can exist at all. In reality, the very first of the five conditions for a person to overcome procrastination and have a natural desire to start something is to know what and how to do it. That is, a specific algorithm that leads to a result. But in reality, it happens that we only think we know, that is, we have an illusion of knowledge. This is exactly what happened to me and this colleague with whom we were talking. It seems that I know everything, but the problem is simply in the world, the circumstances are not right, the crisis, people have no money. In reality, this is all self-deception. When I realized all this, I even wrote down a new value for myself that I want to become a person who knows how to listen to the opinions of other specialists. I want to take into account all feedback and all information, not filter it all out based on some principles like, this is unpleasant for me or I don't like this, and that I actually want to focus on issues that are difficult, unpleasant, non-obvious for me. I want to eventually be able to find working knowledge and learn to do what brings predictable results. This has become my new value and goal. If you want the same, then the lecture on the productivity formula is still available. Details about the introductory part can be found in a separate Telegram bot. The price is now symbolic. And as a gift, you also get my book. It's called Modern Career Guidance "How to Find Your Life's Work". The link to the bot will be in the description of this video. Let's reiterate what must be remembered. You must always acknowledge your real size and weight in this world. You need to understand what skills and abilities you actually have. And only from your real starting point is any development possible. This principle of imitation until it becomes true. It doesn't work like magic. It doesn't replace real skills, preparation, effort. If a person starts faking where real results are needed, it easily turns into self-deception, and at some point, it can even cross the line into fraud. A healthy version of this principle might sound like: "Act a little before you feel fully ready. Or behave 15% more confidently than you actually feel." But this technique is only suitable for specific situations. Most often, it's to enter a more decisive state. For example, a person, to speak in front of people, doesn't wait until they become fully confident, but tries to play a person who already speaks confidently in public. They stand with a straight posture, speak a little slower, pause, behave as if they are in control of the situation. If something goes wrong, they remain calm. And after a few such repetitions, their brain gets new experience, and they understand, as it were, that yes, I was nervous, but I coped. And then it really works. In other cases, you need to do something specific and always based on practical knowledge. And at the same time, it is very important to constantly check if the result matches your expectations. If not, then you don't need to do the same thing endlessly. You need to adjust your approach, constantly ask yourself questions. If there is no result, then what don't I understand? What am I not seeing? Where can I find this out? Who can I ask? Maybe somewhere I can peek. If you want to understand something, then write your life situation in the comments. I will try to give you some ideas. Here's what you need to look at, what is useful to understand and study further in order to start acting without internal resistance. My name is Maxim Vasilchenko, I am a psychologist. For the last 3 years, I have specialized only in procrastination therapy. I work in a cognitive-behavioral approach. If you are interested in this topic, then be sure to like and subscribe to the channel.