How to Feel "good enough"

Hi everyone, welcome back to the channel. This week we're going to be talking about a little bit of an emotional one. We're going to be diving into why you don't feel good enough and how to start to get over that. This is the number one thing that I see people struggling with in my community and in my clients one-to-one, and it's probably the number one thing that I've struggled with throughout my whole life as well. This feeling of just, there's something wrong with me. I'm just not good enough.

When you pull this thought out and you look at it, you might be thinking, good enough for what? What even is the standard? What are you even shooting for? And it can be really hard to even identify what that even is relating to. It's a deep underlying feeling that comes from your ego and specifically the program that your ego received during childhood. And it's the number one thing that blocks people from being able to create a life that is meaningful to them. It stops people from being able to see their inherent value and from being able to create a life specifically on their own terms. Because the truth is, your dream life is the one in which you're doing the thing that aligns the most with you authentically at your core. And if you're running a belief that fundamentally, who you are in your authenticity is not good enough, then you won't be able to live that life and create that life that's in accordance with your own terms because you can't see how valuable you truly are.

So, we're going to get into some background as to where this came from. And then I'm going to get into four steps that you can take, four key perspective shifts, kind of that you can adopt in order to get around this feeling of not good enough so that you can actually start seeing your value and creating a life based off that.

So this feeling of not being good enough or being unworthy, when you really break it down, it's crazy because so many people have this. And I think most people run this in the background unconsciously and they wind up creating this whole existence, this whole personality, this whole life just to soothe this feeling of not being good enough. And what happens when someone is operating from that energy is they end up chasing all of these things outside them to fill that void. And the void never gets filled through external things. So this is why you'll see people who they end up getting a lot of success. They might make a lot of money. They might do really well in business, but they still have that void. They still aren't happy. This is why super successful people, you know, they end up depressed. They end up going off the rails. It's because the success, the external markers of success and things that might make a person seem good enough don't ever actually fill that void of internal value.

And the fact of the matter is, every single person on this planet is inherently valuable. Every single person, when they arrived here on earth, they came into the human body with source consciousness and immediately they had inherent value. If you think about a glass of water, a glass of water has inherent value. Your cat has inherent value. You don't expect your cat to go out into the world and perform and clock in and work a shift in order for you to perceive your cat as valuable. They're valuable because they're a cat and they're existing. And it's the same thing for every single human being. The problem is, we inherit these certain beliefs, certain thought patterns, and an ego is formed based upon those belief systems. And many of us inherit the belief of not knowing that our value is already there. A belief that we have to chase value outside of us. So this just makes us grow up thinking that we need to chase value. That value is something that we're going to find outside of us. And when you're operating from that void, you're going to spend your whole life chasing something, not realizing that your true value is in slowing down and realizing that you are enough as you are, and then creating a life based off that energy. The life that you create when you can actually recognize your own value, your own inherent value, and you're not operating from a void is entirely different from the life that you would create from a void of seeing your own worth and seeing your own value. So this is really how you create a life in accordance with your truths. And this is going to allow you to really tap into a life that looks like success on your terms rather than just success on society's terms.

So let's get into the four key points that will help you to break this false perception of yourself and your apparent lack of value.

The first point is to look at the big picture. This happened for me personally when I first learned that I was not just my ego. That I was not just this personality, this body, and these thoughts. That when I learned that I was the observer of all these things. So you have a dual aspect. You have your ego and you have your higher self. It is the ego part of you that feels not good enough. Your higher self is whole and perfect and complete. That's the source. That's where we came from. So the divine, like consciousness, cosmos, universal energy is wholeness, is unconditional love. That's where we came from. And I remember it was after my first breakup was when I first started meditating and doing yoga. And I was doing it consistently for a week. I was just trying anything to stop feeling so bad and so anxious and so alone. I was probably feeling the most insecure and the most unworthy I had ever felt in my whole life during that time. After that breakup, I really, really truly felt like I was worthless. And something in me just guided me to meditation and yoga. Something was pulling me to it. So, I started doing yoga and meditation at home in my bedroom every single day, like three times a day, because I just felt like I needed some relief from this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and not feeling good enough. And I got to a point within a week where I was laying flat on my back. I was meditating after doing yoga, and I finally had let go. I didn't realize at the time what had happened, but I remember just feeling like I let go and I managed to sink into this feeling of just peace, of unconditional love and peace. And I remember thinking, how the hell did I just do that when I'm the most insecure I've ever felt in my life? I'm the most anxious I've ever felt in my life. And I remember thinking, there's obviously something else that I'm tapping into here that is bigger than me. And it was, I was becoming the observer. I was no longer fully identified with my suffering, with my beliefs, and with my perception of myself. I got into the observer state. So, I was able to step outside of all of that noise, all of that pain, all of that attachment, and I could just relax into the present moment. And I just had this overwhelming relief of knowing that that aspect of me existed as well. That I wasn't just this pain, this suffering, and this insecurity. I was more than that. I could also be the observer of that.

So since then, I've obviously meditated a lot more and I've come to study this over the past few years, and now I know we have an ego self, but we also have our divine component, our higher self. So realizing that you have this dual aspect as well is what's going to help you start to create space between that ego that makes you think that you're not good enough, because your higher self does not think that. And when you're in this energy of oneness and connectedness to everything, it is impossible to feel like you're not good enough when you're operating from your higher energy centers. So from your heart and up, and you're out of those ego-based emotions, it is actually not possible for you to feel not good enough. You feel whole and complete and perfect and worthy just as you are. Even though nothing has actually changed, right? So when you catch yourself spiraling, chasing things, chasing validation externally, dwelling on all these things, like beating yourself up, being super critical of yourself, please know that that is your ego, and that's just one aspect of you, okay? That is literally just the character you've been playing. It's a program you've been installed with. It's not all of who you are. And the most powerful thing you can do to start getting space from that is to start doing practices like meditation. Doing practices that help you detach from that and realize that you're also a divine unlimited being who came from source. You literally came as a soul from the infinite cosmic field and you came into this human vessel, and all you knew when you came into this physical body, all you knew was that unconditional love. All you knew was wholeness and oneness and perfection. But when you came here, you started having this dense polarized experience on this physical 3D plane. And that's when the separation and the fracturing of your wholeness began. But that aspect of you still exists. So when you close your eyes, for example, in meditation, and you come back into your internal world, and you consciously release your ego attachments, and you consciously drop into the role of the observer again and again and again, that's when you start to realize that you're more than what this ego self has been telling you you are.

The second thing that's going to set you free from this feeling of not being good enough is understanding where this came from. 90% of people develop this belief in childhood. They actually did a study on this. I think it was the Independent studied a group of 2,000 millennials, and eight in 10 of those people said that they did not feel good enough. Okay, so this is a widespread thing. You can take comfort in knowing that you're not alone in this. And the place that it's coming from for all of these people is childhood. Okay. So when you came here, like I mentioned, you came into this physical body, you opened your eyes, you started to be programmed. And the kind of difficult thing about this human existence is from the age of zero until five, your nervous systems and your patterns in your nervous system are set by your environment. The way that you form attachments, the way that you perceive yourself is programmed into you by your parents and by your environment. So that is largely out of your control. But that's the stuff that gets set into your system and that causes these kind of perceptions later on in life that end up limiting you.

So there's actually an experiment that was done with a mother and a child. It's called the stillface experiment, and it essentially shows a mother interacting with her baby, and she's mirroring the baby's emotions. So this baby looks to be about maybe one year old. And whenever the baby is like laughing and playing and smiling and pointing, the mother reflects that back to the baby. And the baby is happy and content and relaxed. In the second part of the experiment, the baby is doing the same stuff, and the mother just looks away and turns around and looks the baby dead in the face with no expression. And the baby very quickly starts to get very distressed. It starts to panic. It starts to cry. And then it gets so uncomfortable and its nervous system gets so disregulated that it actually has to turn away from the mother because it just can't handle how uncomfortable it is. So this shows how much our parents imprint our nervous systems when we're young. We're fully reliant on our parents to meet our emotional needs and to validate our emotions so that we can feel safe, secure, and whole in this world. And psychologists have even shown, it's been shown that a baby who doesn't get enough eye contact, even from their mother, can develop an abandonment wound. So this stuff, it's really actually very subtle things. Of course, if you have a history of childhood trauma or abuse, then you can point directly to that and you can see where this idea of not being good enough would come from. But even subtle things like not getting enough eye contact, not having your emotions mirrored back to you can cause your nervous system to become disregulated and can lead you to form a belief that there must be something wrong with you.

You've got to understand that these things happened when you were, you know, too young to have conscious thought. When you're that young, your subconscious mind is a sponge. You've got to adopt everything from your environment so you can survive. But you need to understand that later in life, if you're dealing with these negative core beliefs, they came from somewhere. You're not broken. It's not some just like insurmountable thing that just came out of nowhere. It's not the truth of who you are. And there's so much relief in realizing that and knowing that the hermetics say all truths are but half-truths. This perception of yourself, this way of you that you've been perceiving yourself as not good enough, as not valuable, it's just a false perception that you inherited because of the way that you were brought up. So even if your parents, you know, didn't instill you with criticism or negative beliefs, if you didn't get told that you were good enough, if you didn't get mirrored back to you that your emotions were valid, that alone can cause you to create a belief that you're not good enough and that you're not valid. And you need to know that and acknowledge that so you can start to heal it.

I want to just give an example of this just so you understand. In the household, it's been shown that even if there's a conflict that has nothing to do with the child, let's say for example, children of divorced parents, they've done a lot of studies on this. A child who, especially a child who is five and younger, who perceives this conflict in the household, who perceives that there's something wrong, will internalize that stress, that conflict, and will almost always make it mean that there's something wrong with them. There's something wrong with me. So if you have a child whose parent was absent and that child wasn't reassured and validated that it wasn't their fault, the default response is, there must be something wrong with me. And you can think about from a logical perspective why that would be, right? As children, we look to the adults in our immediate environment to survive. And we think, you know, you can think back to your childhood. You think when you're a child that your parents are literally God. Like you think their word is gospel. Everything they say and do is 100% right and is 100% true up until a certain age. That's your default setting. So when there's something wrong, your default response has to be, okay, there must be something wrong with me and what I'm doing. There can't be anything wrong with the adults. I'm looking to them for my survival. And for a child to believe that there's something wrong with the adult, that threatens their survival. So that's a scarier thing to believe. Okay.

So when I was young, my father left my life when I was around five. And I didn't realize this obviously until years later when I was in therapy, but I didn't realize how much I internalized his absence as, okay, there must be something wrong with me. And the moment that I reflected on that in therapy with a counselor one-on-one, and I actually pulled that out and I unpacked it, was the moment I realized I'd been carrying it. First of all, and was the moment I could start healing it because I realized, okay, that's not true. I know now from my adult perspective things that I did not know when I was five. So you revisiting the narratives that your young self created in order to protect yourself now as an adult is what's going to heal so many of your unconscious patterns because you realize you created all of these false beliefs as a protection mechanism when you were young. False beliefs that told you that you were the problem because it was too scary to make the external world a problem. Now that you're an adult, you can go back and realize and tell that younger version of you, you were not the problem. There were all these other factors at play that you couldn't understand because you were literally four, right? So revisiting your childhood experiences now with your grown-up perspective is so healing. That is when the healing starts. You realize you just inherited ways of thinking and ways of believing and ways of perceiving things from your parents. And you also realize you had a false perception as to what was going on when you were a child, and everything that was happening was not your fault. So you don't have to keep operating from that paradigm. Okay.

Point number three. This is one of my favorite realizations that I've ever had. And when I do this with clients, they see such a big shift. You've got to stop suppressing parts of yourself if you want to start feeling whole and good enough. Think about it. How can you feel whole if you're denying so many parts of yourself? You can't. And the most liberating thing you will ever do is to start owning all the parts of yourself, no matter how ugly or vulnerable or flawed they are. So this is so freeing, and this is actually how you stop feeling so much shame about yourself because shame is born in the dark. It is the suppression of certain things about yourself that causes the shame to begin with. So an example of this was when I first started my YouTube channel. I put off starting my channel for so long because of all the things that I was insecure about, because of all the things in my life that I hadn't figured out yet. And I was trying to suppress and deny all these things about myself. And I realized, okay, why can some people start a YouTube channel and some people can't? It's not that the people that are starting YouTube channels are perfect and have their whole lives figured out. It's that they own their imperfections. They own their vulnerabilities. They own their flaws. And they don't make those flaws and vulnerabilities mean that they're not good enough to do what they want to do in life. That's the key difference. So every single person on this planet is flawed. The end. Every single person has made mistakes. Every single person has vulnerabilities. But the people who go for things and become successful in their lives, they don't make those flaws mean that they're not good enough. They just go for things despite being flawed. And they own their flaws in the process. So, anything that you're insecure about right now, somebody else has that same insecurity, but they're owning it. And because they're owning it, their experience of life is completely different. I've had this happen time and time again where I'll think of something that I'm so insecure about, I'll see someone say that they struggle with the same thing, and because it's another person, I'm able to accept it in them, and then suddenly that gives me permission to accept it in myself. So, you've got to realize that whatever it is you're ashamed about, the real reason you're ashamed about it is because you keep denying it and repressing it and judging it. The moment that you take it out of the dark and you own it fully is the moment that you're going to stop being ashamed of it. So, you've got to kind of have some courage to just identify all the things that you're suppressing. Identify where your shames are. Pull those parts of you out of the dark and sit with them with compassion. Nothing will make you more powerful than that. Because then what you can do from that energy is you can understand the full picture of who you are. You can accept yourself fully as you are. And when you do that, that's when you're able to start aligning with the life that truly means something to you. That's when you can enter your own zone of genius in this world because you fully know all the parts of yourself. You fully accept all the parts of yourself. And actually, a really interesting thing that can start to happen when you own the things about yourself that maybe in the past made you feel insecure, you can actually start using those things as superpowers. You can use those things to your advantage. Every single person has something they're meant to create in this lifetime. Every single person has something they're meant to do, some sort of energy they're meant to embody and bring to this world. And if you're denying all these insecurities, all these kind of vulnerable parts of yourself, you're never going to be able to know what that is. The minute that you start accepting every part of yourself is the minute that you're able to stand fully in your authenticity and create really what you're meant to create as your full self. That's where you're your most powerful, and that's where like competition doesn't exist because you then are standing in your own lane. You're being your full true self. Okay, you can do this practically by doing things like shadow work. In my community, I'm going to plug it. I have a shadow work meditation that is so powerful for this. It is my favorite meditation that I've ever created. And in that process, you basically just sit down. You sit with the vulnerable parts of you. You sit with the scared parts of you. You sit with all the parts of you that you would normally judge. And you have love and compassion for those parts. That is going to set you free from so many unconscious patterns that are coming from this feeling of not good enough. That feeling of not good enough was created because you're judging all these things about yourself. The minute you accept them, that feeling goes away. Okay.

So the fourth and final point to start getting over this feeling of not being good enough, you want to become your own divine parent in this life. Okay. So we spoke about childhood and how different events can create different beliefs. You now want to become the parent that you needed throughout your life. And you want to become the reason I say divine parent is you want to rise above all these kind of ego-based thought patterns, all these ego-based beliefs, and you want to step into your higher self and basically treat yourself with respect and compassion, no matter what's going on externally. So, you almost want to create this side of yourself that's going to have your back no matter what. It's like you're filling that void that your parents didn't fill when you were younger. And it's kind of, it's kind of a sad thing to realize. Like most of us didn't get what we needed from our parents. And it's not really, you know, we can point the finger and say it's the parents' fault, but parents aren't given a manual on this stuff. You know, you don't leave the hospital with your baby with a manual on, okay, this child needs this amount of eye contact, and it needs to be picked up this amount of times a day, and you need to say words of affirmation. Like every single parent is doing the best that they can within their level of consciousness. And that might be a bit triggering for some people, but that is just the fact of the matter. Everyone brings their own traumas, their own generational cycles into the next generation unless you do the inner work like what we're doing in this video to break those patterns internally yourself. Okay? So you need to realize your parents, no matter what happened, they were just passing on whatever trauma, whatever burdens, whatever they learned without realizing they were doing it. And now, whatever needs they couldn't met, it is on you to meet those needs on a daily basis with your relationship with yourself. Okay.

So what do I mean by this? You want to basically develop a rule that you do not discard yourself, no matter what's going on externally. So an example of this, I recently had this come up about a month ago. I fell back into this kind of perfectionism pattern that I used to have. So I had set new standards and expectations for myself, my content, and my business. And I was falling short of those expectations and those standards. And I've developed a pretty nurturing and compassionate and strong relationship with myself. But for whatever reasons, it was pressing certain buttons. I somehow started discarding myself because I wasn't meeting my own standards and my own expectations. And that inner critic came in. I started judging myself. I started hating on myself. I started, you know, setting more and more impossible standards, impossible expectations for myself to reach in order to be allowed to have my own compassion again, basically. So, you have to notice, are you setting certain standards? Are you setting certain impossible expectations that you have to reach in order to qualify for your own care and acceptance? Because if so, that is not a nurturing parent relationship that you're creating with yourself. Okay? And this is something that I realized. I began discarding my own love, my own validation, and my own acceptance of myself because I wasn't reaching my own impossible standards. And it was making me very miserable. It was making me very fragmented. And it was putting me back into an energy of survival mode and chasing. And the moment that I noticed it, and the moment that I accepted myself again and I said, "No, you are whole and worthy. You don't need to meet this impossible standard, and I am in your corner and I'm not discarding myself." The moment that I did that was the moment that I finally just let go of all these stupid standards and I was able to actually make the best decision for myself with clarity. Okay.

So, you've got to take yourself out of this like headlock that you've got yourself in and be that nurturing parent that you've always needed. Treat yourself with compassion. Treat yourself with care. And if you have certain standards you're aiming for, it needs to be from an energy of self-love, not an energy of self-hate. So, even for example, your relationship with food. This is something that I flip-flopped with for a long time. And the moment that I was able to kind of fix my relationship with food was the moment I started viewing myself, almost my body, my vessel, as a child that my conscious decision-making mind had to parent. Okay? So I became the parent of myself in the choices I was making with my food. And I was thinking, okay, if I was my own child, how would I treat myself? I would treat myself, okay, I would need to eat nurturing foods. I would want to nurture my energy, make sure I was healthy. And doing that from an energy of self-care and compassion. Like every decision you make, you've got to ask yourself, is this the decision that a person who loves themselves would make? So some days that decision would be having pancakes. Okay, maybe on that day, that's an act of self-love. But on another day, it could be having a smoothie or having a high protein meal. You always want to be checking yourself. Are you making decisions for yourself out of self-compassion, out of nurturing yourself, or are you making decisions to punish yourself, to hold yourself to an impossible standard so that you can finally feel good enough? Because that is never how you're going to feel good enough. You need to flip that on its head. Like when you're chasing things constantly, when you get to the thing that you're chasing that you think is finally going to make you mean that you're good enough, it's not going to make you feel like you're good enough. You're going to be in this pattern of putting good enough on the next thing. So when you get to the thing, your focus is automatically going to be on the next thing already. And you'll never feel good enough. You'll feel good enough when you accept yourself fully now as you are. And you move from where you are in an energy of self-love, self-compassion, and self-respect. That's when you start feeling good enough. So, you've got to stand in your own corner and become your own parent and your own best friend. And no matter what challenges, what triggers, what heavy emotions are coming up, whatever you're dealing with, even if you didn't meet your own expectations, you cannot discard that relationship that you have with yourself. Okay? Because that's actually what's making you not feel good enough. When you can stand in your own corner and have your own back, that's when you really start feeling worthy. That's when you start feeling capable of creating more in this world. But when you just discard yourself and you say, "No, I'm not giving myself my own care, my own validation until I get this next thing," you're never going to feel good enough. The moment that you let yourself off the hook and just be as you are and show up in your life in a way that is nurturing to yourself is the moment that you'll feel your clarity and your power just coming back to you.

So the whole intention of these four points that we went through today is to get you stepping out of this ego program that you've been running for your whole life because it's that ego-based program that makes you think that you're not good enough, that makes you think that your value is something that you have to chase and achieve. And when you can start creating space through doing the steps that I shared with you today, space between that program and your inherent value and your divine nature, you're going to realize that you're not just these beliefs you inherited from your family. You're not just this ego self that's been created since you came here. You are a divine unlimited being, and you are inherently valuable. And when you really start tapping into that energy, you can start responding differently. You can start perceiving yourself differently. You can stop getting so triggered by things in the external environment. And you can start knowing that who you are authentically is enough. And not only is it enough, when you realize the value of who you are authentically, it's from there that you can start creating a life that's really meaningful to you because your truth, your authentic self, for all of your flaws, all of your quirks, is really your superpower. Like leaning back into that energy and accepting that fully is how you're going to step into your own lane in this life. And that is where your true success and your true fulfillment really is.

That's all for this video, guys. Please remember, you've got everything you need inside you to create a life on your terms. You just have to let go of all the things that's making you believe otherwise. If you want guided resources on how to do that, if you want guided meditations to help you release shame and blockages, you can find the link below to my private community as well as one-on-one coaching directly with me. Other than that, I hope you enjoyed the video. So, I hope you have an amazing week and I will see you in the next.