Transcription
Hello, I'm Karen Sites, and welcome to another episode of The Happy Wife School Show. Uh, today we're going to be talking about the secrets that a good man should know about sharing with his mother. The secrets a good man should know about sharing with his mother.
And the reason that I want to talk about this topic today is that over the years in working with men and speaking with men and reading your comments, you have shared with me about not only the emasculation that you experience in your marriage from your wife, but also the emasculation that you experience as a grown man from your mothers. So, that's why I want to do this video today.
And recently, I did an episode on something that we call women's cultural protection syndrome, that women can essentially get away with anything in our society because of things like the Me Too movement and believe all women, and we are a protected species in our culture that we can get away with almost anything because we're exalted and put on an untouchable pedestal to be held accountable for our own poor behaviors and and woman ways that I I talk about in my content. And as much as women in general are protected species, and in preparing for this video, I realized that mothers are very much a protected species in our culture that you cannot speak poorly or see the the unhealthy or toxic behaviors that a mother can have and and talk about those openly. That mothers are exalted and held on a pedestal of of being protected and can do no wrong. But, the truth is is all mothers are wives. And if they're not a wife, they are a woman. So, both mothers and wives are women and have all the same woman ways that I talk about on my channel and that I try to help to expose for both the betterment of women to help red pill us to see the truth of our nature and to also support good men in the experiences that they have with their wives and in this case, mothers. And it shouldn't be surprising >> [laughter] >> that given that mothers are are both wives and and women, it shouldn't be surprising that a good man's mother is emasculating toward him. But, as I was preparing for this video, I realized how vulnerable it felt that as vulnerable as it can be to expose our woman ways as women in a marriage and as wives, it's very vulnerable to expose the deep dark secrets of what mothers do to emasculate their sons. And so, I I want to set it up and and just as I speak to women that if mothers are watching who have grown sons or or know you're going to have a grown son someday, uh that the purpose of this for you is to use this as a red pill moment to see how you show up in in the poor behaviors that you have as a mother and as a woman. So, it's not meant to make you bad or wrong, as I often often say to women as as when I'm talking about our behaviors in in marriage that seeing the the truth and nature of who you can be and and the poor behaviors you have as a mother, the emasculating behaviors you have of your son, it's not to make you wrong or bad. It's it's meant to be used as an awakening moment to see how you're showing up with your adult son or how you might show up with a son who will be an adult one day so that you have a path forward to change and see things that you suppress or deny about yourself. And for the men watching, for the good men watching, this is a red pill moment to see the truth and nature of your relationship with your mother and what you experienced from her in her emasculating ways so that you can understand the dynamics in that relationship and show up differently and take the power back that you've unknowingly given to your mother. So, in this case, in this video, I'm talking about the relationship between a mother and her son as a grown man. And of course, emasculation can happen from a young age between mothers and their young sons, but I will do a video on that at some point, but this is about the the relationship between a mother and her son as a grown man.
So, before I keep going, I want to remind you about the University of Marriage. It's a new community that I have for good men to support men who are committed to staying in their marriages in spite of their wife's woman ways and want a road map and a plan of how to stay and navigate the emasculating and gaslighting behaviors from their wives without being diminished and destroyed as a good man. So, we've got too many courses so far in the community, a third one becoming available next week. We do a group Q&A call each month, and this past month my mentor David joined us, and he's going to be joining joining us on the next call as well, and you get to be in a community of like-minded men who are in the same boat as you and looking for answers and tools to not only survive their marriage, but to be able to stay and thrive and maintain their sense of identity as a man, and to walk that path with integrity and growing and learning through the experience. So, be sure to check out the link in the description of this video to the University of Marriage. We would love to have you join us.
So, getting back to the topic of the secrets a good man should know about sharing with his mother. No one has ever told good men. No one has ever told you that you should not be sharing the issues and and problems in your life with your mother. That it is unhealthy. It is weakening and you are feeding into her hand of how she most often silently and covertly, while sometimes more overtly, emasculates you. So, the purpose is to see this as a red pill moment of of why it's unhealthy to be sharing the issues and problems in your marriage or the issues and problems in your life with your mother. And here's why. Here's here's the the red pill moment for good men to understand the dynamics with your mother. A good man's mother, since you were an infant has been grooming you. A good man's mother since you were an infant has been grooming you. She has groomed you to feel that you need her acceptance and approval in your life as a grown man. That she has groomed you to feel that you need her acceptance, her love, her approval in your life even as a grown man. She has accomplished this as a woman as understanding your mother as a woman, she has accomplished this by the most subtle ways of emasculation and gaslighting done in the guise of a mother's love and care. Her ultimate goal is that you will never leave her and will be committed to taking care of her either emotionally or physically. And she's able to do this because your sense of obligation to her as a good man, that you feel a sense of obligation to your mother because of all she's done for you or all she's provided for you and your sense of loyalty as a good man to your mother and your family. She wants to turn you as a good man, she wants to turn you into a boy who needs her and needs that acceptance of love all in the facade of being a loving and caring mother. But silently the secret that she holds again just as a woman and and a mother is that if you turn your back on her she will silently scorn you. Even more so she will scorn you as being responsible for your family as your highest priority in your life.
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So what happens is as a good man when you get married mothers most often despise your wife even in the role of playing the perfect mother-in-law because another woman has stolen her son from her. And she's no longer the number one woman in his heart. So, the mother leverages this pain of the loss of her son to another woman by a lifelong controlling responsibility that she makes her son feel to her acceptance of him and to her well-being. And this controlling narrative and mechanism that she does to her son causes him. Here's the the big problem in the dynamics between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law and and the husband. The controlling narrative from the mother causes the son to be torn between his wife and his mother. Which is the goal that the mother seeks to create knowing knowing that her son is very unlikely able to stand up to her because the truth is is that very few good men can stand up to their mothers. And because of that silent emasculation that's happening and the control a mother still has on her adult son a good man will often put his mother ahead of his wife. And it's the manipulation of a mother through the years that weakens a good man to be unable to stand up to her. And he is always seeking her approval, love, and acceptance in spite of the covert or overt emasculation that he might experience from her.
So, bringing this back to why a good man should not confide in his mother and how emasculating and disempowering that is, so because of the manipulation, because of the grooming that's taking place, because of the mother's desire to control her adult son, because of the pain she carries of the loss of him to another woman, when a good man confides in his mother, which is most often the challenges in his marriage and the challenges in his life, it's exactly what she wants to hear. It lets her know she's still got the control, that he still needs her approval and her acceptance, so she's still got him in her web, which is what she wants. And most mothers will listen to validate their sons and their problems and issues as part of the control mechanism to keep her son attached to her and feeling like she's on his team. And she feigns concern. She gives her son advice. And it plays right into her desire to emasculate her son and continue to have that hold over him. And for her to to continue to make him feel the obligation that she wants him to have toward her. So, I I hope the good men listening who struggle with this issue can see how weakening and and the game you're playing into how weakening it is to share your problems with your mother. Because in the relationship by nature is emasculation. That's the the very the emasculation is the very reason that a grown man seeks out the validation and advice from his mother. If he was strong and grounded in himself and the the dynamics of that relationship, he would not continue to seek her approval or advice because he would feel that confidence and strength in himself and he doesn't need his mother in his issues or challenges or life giving him advice or giving her giving him her approval. And it's it's weakening. This is very important. It is weakening as a good man to share with your mother because you are getting advice from a woman in your life for a man's problem. It is weakening to share the issues and problems that you have and to seek advice from your mother because you're seeking advice from a woman in your life for a man's problem. And as a woman, your mother a woman, thinks she knows everything about everything. And she doesn't. So, you're going to see that only a boy asks his mother for advice, which has been her goal since you were an infant, to keep you a boy who needs his mom. Again, a well-grounded man who is secure and confident in himself, who shoulders his own burdens, does not want to tax his mother with the burden of his problems. Ultimately, the goal is that you want your mother to know that your life is good, that you are happy, that you thank her for all the all that she's done, for being there, and to share memories, but do not get into the details and issues and problems of your life. That as you share the issues and problems in your life with your mother, who is a woman just like your wife, ultimately, those issues and problems become ammo against you, and it unnecessarily burdens your mother and her life and in the phase of life that she is in. I know what I I'm sharing about and not sharing with your mother is very countercultural and very counterintuitive, because you want to believe that your mother loves you and only wants what is best for you. But as a good man, you must remember that your mother is a woman and has all the same woman ways as your wife. You must remember that your mother is a woman and has all the same woman ways as your wife. And as a good man, if you're you're listening as a good man, I know this is a tough pill to swallow, especially in having a close relationship with your mother, feeling you can trust her. Not knowing that you shouldn't be sharing this is a tough pill to swallow. But you can know what I am saying to be true because you are often so conflicted between putting your mother first and your wife first. That's how you can know what I am saying is true about mothers and their adult grown sons is that if you feel torn and conflicted between putting your mother first and putting your wife first that is your your litmus test, your your foolproof test to know that your mother has emasculated you as a grown man and it is often silent and very covert. And that conflict between putting your mother first or putting your wife first shows the the psychological trap that good men are stuck in with their mothers. A caring mother should always tell her son that he should put his wife before her and not be in a silent battle with his wife for first place and being put first before his wife.
So, where I would like to go next understanding that a mother has groomed her son since he was an infant to always need her to seek out her acceptance and love and validation of him to seek her advice, that that's what she has wanted to maintain the control and to always have her son to be there for her, whether that's emotionally or physically as she gets older, wants to make sure that he's going to be there to take care of her, that just as a wife is a woman. A mother is also a woman and has all the same woman ways. And because of that, I want to talk about seven reasons why grown men should never confide in their mothers. Seven reasons why grown men should never confide in their mothers. This is a another angle as a grown man and a good man to take the power back you've unknowingly given away in this case to your mother as a woman and the effect that that's having on you and your sense of strength, confidence, and security in yourself and learning something that society never tells a grown man that you should not be sharing and confiding your problems and issues in your life with your mother. So, let's get into the seven reasons why.
Number one, it is disrespectful to your wife. Number one, it is disrespectful to your wife to seek advice and support from your mother for the issues and challenges. And then the the biggest reason it is disrespectful is that we all know the challenging dynamics between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, in spite of the facade they both might wear of how great the relationship is. Then because of those dynamics, for a good man to go outside the marriage behind the privacy of the closed doors and share those challenges, interferes and breaches that relationship. And it can be hurtful to a wife for you to share with your mother.
The second reason that a grown man should not confide in and share with his mother, number two, when you share with your mother the problems and issues in your life, your wife disrespects you and doesn't see you as a man. When you share with your mother, it continues to play into your wife's narrative of seeing you as weak and she sees you as a little boy running to his mama to solve your problems and validate you as a good man. That is very simple, or very simply not a good look to run to your mama when things get hard.
The third reason that a grown man should not confide in his mother, number three, it continues to undermine your wife's feeling that she is number one in your heart when you go to your mother for advice. Number three, it continues to undermine your wife's feeling that she is number one in your heart when you go to your mother for advice. It puts us in a place of feeling that we are in second place. And as a woman, every wife resents her husband's relationship with his mother. Whether she shows that overtly or covertly because of those dynamics and that silent battle for being number one.
Number four, the fourth reason that a grown man should never confide in his mother, number four, a grown man needing his mother's approval and acceptance is unmanly. And it causes your wife to feel repulsed and again feeds into her narrative of how weak you are. And as a good man, you do not want to be feeding more into your wife's narrative of how weak you are. That you want to continue to take back your power and strength that you've unknowingly given away to your wife. And you don't want to continue behaviors or actions that continue to feed into that narrative and then have the effect on you of continuing to feel weak within yourself as a man.
The fifth reason that a grown man should never confide in his mother. Number five. Grown men should be shouldering their own burdens. Grown men should be shouldering their own burdens. So, as a man when you share your problems and issues with your mother it causes your mother to worry and to feel burdened by your problems and issues. Because again, remember your your mother is a woman just like your wife is a woman and has all the same woman ways. And one of our woman ways is worrying. So, when you share the problems and issues with your mother she will worry about you. And it adds unnecessary stress to her and in the phase of life she is in that she doesn't need during this stage of her life.
The sixth reason a grown man should never confide in his mother. Number six. When you share your problems and issues with your mother you forget that she is a woman disguised as your mother. So, there's two two two reasons in this that you should not confide in your mother when you forget that your mother is a woman disguised as your mother. Number one is that as your mother she was your father's wife and has all the same woman ways as your wife. Which means she doesn't have good intentions even when she has the facade of the mother caring for you and having your best interest at heart, that what you share with her will become ammo in some way that will come back to haunt you. Just like your wife's Rolodex of hurts that she carries, your mother as a woman has the same Rolodex of hurts or worries for you as her son. The second reason in this of when you forget that your mother is a a woman disguised as your mother as a reason why you should not be sharing is that don't be fooled. Don't be fooled that when you share with your mother it is confident because it's not. She will put your problems and issues on blast to family and friends and it exposes all of your problems to other members of the family, to people you don't even know or friends of the family and that is not something that you want to give to your mother that she will put it on blast and it will come back against you.
And the seventh reason that a grown man should never confide in his mother, number seven, is that since you were a young man your mother has emasculated and gaslighted you to weaken you so that you will be there for her and feel obligated to her to take care of her. Again, whether physically or emotionally. So, by sharing your problems and issues with your mother, you are living out her grooming. You can know this because you were always torn between putting your mother before your wife. And these are the seven reasons that a grown man should never confide in his mother. And just know if this is something you struggle with as a good man, it's very common. And that very, very, very few good men can stand up to their mothers. Just like the struggles that you have in standing up to your wife. And the reason it's so hard to stand up to your mother is because of the silent emasculation and gaslighting that she's been doing you to you for your whole life that has been unspoken until today. And so this was a red pill moment for good men to see the truth of the relationship with your mother that can be very, very difficult to see because unlike your wife in most cases, your mother plays nice in her emasculation of you. So it is very insidious and very difficult to see. And for the women who may be listening to this, if you are a mother and have a son is to see this so that you can be aware of this woman way in yourself as a mother and change or if you're a young mother with a son to make sure that when your son grows up, you can let him be free.
So I'm talking a little bit to the women about the solution of this issue. I first want to talk about a little bit about the daughter-in-law mother-in-law relationship and then I'll talk more just about being a mother. But as a woman, you want to know if this is the the challenge that you experience with your mother-in-law to know this is very common and normal and and part of the dynamic of the relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law. So, when you know that and you know that your mother-in-law is battling you to be number one in your husband's heart and battling you to be put first, and also know how difficult it is for your husband, as a good man and a son, to stand up to his mother and not put her first, then you can take responsibility for your experience and role in being a wife and not get caught in putting your husband in the middle of a silent battle with his mother for love and being number one. You do not want to get caught in that silent battle with your mother-in-law for your husband's love and being number one in his heart. That as a good man, he loves you and adores you and and has a very difficult burden on his shoulders of balancing the relationship between you and his mother that is very difficult for him as a good man and what he's been going through his whole life and being groomed to want the acceptance, validation, and advice from his mother. It's very difficult to break out of and very few good men can stand up to their mothers. So, you want to know it's unfair to add to that burden of your husband to be in the middle of that silent battle and to normalize that this is just the game that mothers play to sadly torture your husband for choosing you over her when you got married despite any facade that she might have with you to make you think otherwise.
So, the other part for women is again this was a red pill moment for you to see yourself and your behavior as a a mother of an adult son or one day a mother of an adult son that you want to set your son free so that he doesn't feel obligated to you and that he owes you something. That you want to set your son free to be in his life to focus on his family, his marriage and the things in his life and not make him feel an obligation to you. And that happens for you by living in can't take responsibility. So, you don't need your son as a grown man to be there to take care of you. That you are responsible for your life and the care of yourself. So, you want to let him go and let him be a man. He can't be a man if he's continuing to need your acceptance and validation and advice in his life. He can only be a man when you let him go to be free in his life and not have that sense of obligation to you.
And then in speaking to men who struggle in the dynamics that I spoke about with your mother, the solution so that you don't confide the problems and and issues in your marriage and life to your mother, the solution is to carry your own burdens. The solution is to carry your own burdens, to not burden your mother with your problems. Because mothers, just like women, are warriors and she does take on your problems and issues. So when you share with her, all she can do is put it on blast to other members of the family and other people in her life and worry about you. So you want to build the muscle to tell your mother that you're doing great, to share the good things, to share the good memories that you have with her and to be grateful toward her of what she's done for you in your life and being your mother, but to not burden her or make her worry with your problems. And so as a man, when you shoulder your own burdens and don't confide in your mother, she can take you off her list of worries, which then sets you free from the emasculation and no longer needing her acceptance or approval.
Thank you very much for taking the time to watch today. Please share this with anyone you think it would be helpful to. Remember to like the video and to subscribe and again, if you haven't checked out the University of Marriage, please do so in the description below to explore a community of good men who are in the same place as you needing support and help to navigate their marriages and their wives woman ways and maybe help navigating the emasculation and woman ways of your mother or other women in your life. So, please be sure to check that out and I look forward to seeing you again very soon.
For those women listening who know you are the problem and want a path forward to change your woman ways and truly be happy in yourself, I have a course for women called the happiness program. This course will teach you to take control of your emotional state and move from camp victim to camp take responsibility so that you are empowered to be the solution to the issues in your marriage and life. You can click the link above to learn more about the course and apply for a free consultation with me. You can also find a link below to sign up for my free happiness 101 course.
For the good men listening who want a way to take your power back that you have unknowingly given away to your wife, I also have a course for you called the marriage rescue course for good men only. This course will teach you how to rebuild your strength and confidence so that you can navigate the relationship with your wife in a healthy constructive way. You can also click the link above to learn more about the course and apply for a free consultation with me. Thank you again and I will see you all soon.