How God created the world

That's why there are seven days to the week. Each day is one of the emotions with which God created the world. So for example, one of the attributes or emotions with which God creates is the attribute of kindness, generosity.

When you look at a stone, you know who created it, but you don't see any, you don't see any qualities. It's just there. It's a stone. All minerals. It just is. There's no color, there's no taste, there's no growth, there's no blossoming, there's no movement. It just is.

But then you see things that God created that are bright, that are colorful, that grow, that blossom. Here you're seeing a little bit of God's kindness or beauty. So in different parts of creation, God expressed different attributes. So for example, a sweet apple or any fruit that is sweet, where does the sweetness come from? God's kindness. Kindness is sweet. But then there are foods that are naturally sour, bitter, tart. Where is that coming from? God's judgment. Then there are things that are a pleasure to look at. A delightful scene, a sunset of a garden with beautiful flowers. Where is that coming from? From God's compassion.

So the emotions are actually showing up in the physical things that God created. So you have for example kindness, judgment and compassion a set of three. Each of them contains the other. So you have kindness and then you have judgment within kindness or compassion within kindness.

A quick example, if you give charity, what are you doing? Kindness. [sighs and gasps] If you're worried that giving the charity to the poor person is going to make him uncomfortable, embarrassed, feel bad. So you do it in such a way that he doesn't know that it's charity or he doesn't know that it's coming from you. That is your compassion showing. So what you're doing is giving charity but you're doing it in a compassionate way. So that's compassion within uh kindness. Compassion means it hurts you to see someone suffer. So it would hurt you to see someone embarrassed by the fact that he needs to receive charity. So you give him charity in a way that is not embarrassing. So you're expressing your kindness in a compassionate way. All the emotions, all seven of them exist in each other.

We are now in the week of the fourth emotion which is called victory in English. perseverance something like that. What it means when a person feels kind, it's an inspiration. It's exciting. It's stimulating. Love comes from kindness. When you're feeling love, it's exciting. You get giddy from it. The same is true also when you hate. When you judge, you get very passionate. You get very intense. And the same is true with compassion. Compassion is a deep, profound um intense emotion. Those three are called the exciting emotions. I think we've talked about this before. Why are they so exciting? Because they're about you. Love is not a fact. You choose to love. That shows who you are. Anger or judgment, hate is not a fact. You You produce that. It's you being you. And the same is true with compassion. So all the dramas, all the great novels, all the operas, all the movies always about love, hate, compassion. If it's not about one of those three, not a bestseller. not going to fly. If you can wrote write a book about all three bestseller, that's where the drama of life takes place. There are very few popular books written about smart. I write you a book about a guy who is very smart. Nobody's going to read it. But a guy who was very bad and angry. Oh yeah. A guy who was very generous and loving and and and romantic. Oh yeah. Somebody who was very compassionate and saved people who were in big big trouble. Yeah. We want to hear that. That's where the excitement of life is.

But here's the problem. You get excited about things and it feels really good. But how long will that excitement last? How long can you be high? Something new happened and you're so excited. Okay, two days later it's not new anymore. You're not excited anymore. So you are being kind to somebody because you're so moved and inspired to kindness. [snorts] Then you get into a bad mood. Forget about it. Not giving you anything. Leave me alone. Which means that these exciting emotions need a backup because they're so fragile. One day I love you, the next day I can't stand you. If we had to live by those three emotions, we would go insane. Cuz you never know what next minute is going to bring. Even within yourself. I read a book about health and I realize I'm I'm I'm really doing everything wrong. I'm eating the wrong foods. I'm not doing enough exercises. I'm I'm and I get really inspired. I am gonna get my act together. I'm going to eat healthy. I'm going to eat less. I'm going to do more exercise. I wake up the next morning and maybe tomorrow. The inspiration is gone. How long can you be excited? And without the inspiration, I don't do anything. Those are called the primary emotions. They're also called spoiled brats. I can't do something if I'm not excited about it. So don't tell me what to do. I don't just do things. If you get me excited, then I'll do it. Can't get me excited? I'm not doing it.

So that's why God gave us three other emotions to back up the exciting emotions so that I can be kind even when I'm not so excited. I'm not madly in love with you. I'm just nice to you as if I were in love with you. I'll be kind to you because you deserve to be taken care of. I don't care whether I'm excited. I discipline myself because because I have to excited or not excited. And you have to have compassion even if you're not that sensitive. Like Ben Shapiro says, facts don't care about your feelings. If somebody needs help, they need help. You're not in the mood. Doesn't matter. But where does that come from? So the next three emotions are back up to the first three. I will be kind because it's the right thing to do even when I'm not in the mood.

A friend had a friend in yeshiva. He worshiped his uncle. What was so great about his uncle? He was one of the more generous um supporters of the yeshiva and of other projects. Very generous man. But he suffered from chronic migraines all his life. But he was one of these tough u non-complainers. He went to work every day with his headache and he would not take medication cuz it dulled him. That's the type he was. Your head hurts. So what? You go to work. Very impressive. One day, one day exceptional. His headache was so bad he came home early from work and his family was really concerned. He went to lay down and the doorbell rings and two of the very special representatives of the yeshiva came for the annual donation. He got out of bed. He offered them something to eat. They worked out a a contribution. And then he took them to other people to get their contributions for two hours. They went around collecting money. Then he came home and collapsed. My friend in the yeshiva said, "My uncle is amazing." Gotta do what you got to do. Not in the mood, have a headache, got to do what you got to do. That is the fourth emotion. The fourth emotion, which we call victory, is really perseverance in kindness. when it's hard to be kind. So what motivates you? The conviction. You have to do what you have to do. That's not an opinion. That is a feeling. It's in the heart, not in the head. It's not an exciting emotion, but it's stable, consistent, reliable.

So, there are people whose lives and and behavior is motivated primarily by kindness. They're just generous souls. They love to give. They love to share. They really don't care if you need their help. They'll help you anyway. They just love to be helpful. They love to be giving. But in doing that, you can have seven different approaches. Like one approach is um I'm going to be generous because it's only right. People help you along the way. You should return the favor. Pass it forward. In other words, his kindness is motivated by principle. It's not just I feel kind. I feel compelled and and responsible. So there's a mixture here of judgment and kindness. I am kind. Why? Because it's it's the right thing to do. Or as mentioned before, you can be kind with compassion. So you're kind, but you hide it. You give anonymously so that the person receiving is not offended or embarrassed. or you give because you were once inspired to be kind. This used to be your friend and for old time's sake you continue the kindness. The greatest form of kindness is I'm not being generous. The poor person deserves my money more than I deserve it. So it's really his money, not mine. So I'm not even feeling generous when I give because my generosity comes out of a sense of others need more than me. So there are all these ways in which you can be kind. There are all these ways in which you can be compassionate. And there are all these ways in which you can be net victory.

One of the features of this emotion, you know, you got to do what you got to do. What's right is right. One of the one of the um branches of that emotion is that if you're wrong, you admit you're wrong. It's not only honesty. It's what's right is right. What you got to do is you got to do and if I'm wrong, then I'm wrong because right is right, wrong is wrong. That humility is the main feature in this emotion. There's very little humility and kindness if you're inspired. There's very little humility in judgment if you're inspired. It's you being you. Where's Where's the humility? There's nothing humble about it. Even compassion, when you're excited and moved by compassion, there's no humility there. But if you can let the facts dictate your behavior that comes from humility, Ben Shapiro is right. Facts don't care about your feelings. Only you do. But when you're humble, you don't care about your feelings either. You do what needs to be done. So the first three emotions are rather selfish, a little arrogant, selfserving, makes you feel important. The other three emotions are humble. Three different kinds of humility. One is if you're right, you're right. You're wrong, you're wrong. You admit, you let the truth be. So you will admit when you're wrong. You will volunteer to do the dirty work because somebody's got to do it. no ego. A greater humility is when you can admit that somebody else is right. You can give credit to someone other than yourself. It's much easier to say I was wrong than to say you're right. After a big argument, a big disagreement, I realized that I was wrong and the person I was arguing with is right. Well, no, he's not really right. He's wrong in his own way, but I was wrong. I'll admit that I was wrong. Was he right? The guy's never right. Why can't I admit that he's right if I'm wrong? Because it demands a deeper, higher degree of humility. like people who don't mind losing thousands of dollars in the casino, but if somebody else takes my quarter, I'm going to kill him. I don't mind being wrong, but that you should be right with my money. Oh no, I am not that humble. So if we go to court and you win the decision and I have to pay you, I hate you. I hate the judge. I hate the the whole thing is. But if I get a ticket and I have to pay. All right. As long as you're not getting my money, that's too embarrassing. That's too humbling. You're going to walk off with my money. No. But then there is that attribute. The next attribute called Hod doesn't see any doesn't feel any pain in admitting recognizing that the other person is right. Thanks to these two emotions, we can actually have a relationship with another person. No matter how much you love me, if you can never admit you're wrong and you can never admit that I'm right, what kind of relationship we going to have?

So although the first three emotions are exciting and and and dramatic, can't live like that. It's only good for the moment. There's no stability. There's no predictability. There's no security. There's no There's no reliability. You can't live like that. A lot of women complain, "My husband loves me. He loves me, but he disappears and doesn't tell me where he's going." Over and over and Well, you going to divorce him for that? Yes. This is this is torture. But he loves you so much. Well, thanks a lot. So, if it weren't for the humble emotions, we would be incapable of having relationships. It would be like Hollywood. married, divorced, remarried, open marriage, cheating, whatever you feel like doing is what goes. But that can only work in Hollywood. It doesn't work so well there either. People are on pills, on drugs because their lives are untenable. So the emotions that we're working with this week and next week are the humble emotions. [snorts] If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. And if you're right, you are so right. I applaud you. I congratulate you. I'm excited for you that you are right. That's what makes us normal. Maybe not exciting but normal, reliable, trustworthy.

So people make a mistake especially teenagers. We are so madly in love. We are so obsessed with each other. We can't see each other enough. We can't get enough of each other. We can't We're separated for an hour. We go crazy. Of course, I trust him. He loves me so much. Bad news. That intense love cannot be trusted. It's unstable. It's like a volcano. You never know when it erupts. and laughter erupts. You don't hear from it for years. Excitement is unstable by its very nature. So if you're very very in love, you better write a prenuptual. If you're not so in love, you don't need a prenuptual. In other words, if all you if if all the person feels towards you is love, don't get married. Keep arms distance because any day now it's going to be over because there's no net. There's no backup to that love. So we don't marry out of love. You love out of love. You don't marry out of love. You marry out of net. You matter marry out of reliability, stability, commitment. So when people say, "We're very much in love, so we want to get married." Well, why do you want to get married if you're already in love? You have the love, but what do you want? What's the marriage going to do? Make you love her more? No. So, what are you getting married for? Oh, we want to make a commitment. What exactly are you committing to to staying married when you're not excited about each other? You have no intentions of doing that. So is it a commitment that you will definitely love each other always? You can't make a commitment like that. That's crazy. So what's the commitment? The commitment is a humility. You deserve my kindness even when I'm not excited about you. If you're my wife, I take care of you. I protect you. I I I do everything for you because you're my wife. Even when I don't like you, that's stability. Emotions are too unpredictable, unstable. So they add excitement to a committed relationship. But primarily marriage is a committed relationship. Now you can love each other, hate each other, argue with each other, whatever you want, but you're married and that feels right. See that's net.

Mr. Superman in the movies in real life was injured in an accident and he was paralyzed from his neck down. It was just a talking head. His wife remained loyal to him to the end. And everybody said, "Oh, what love. Such beautiful love." No, it was not love. It was net, which is much more stable than love. Maybe she loved him, maybe she didn't. That was not the point anymore. He needs me. I'm here. Why? Hey, that's the right thing to do. Can't even imagine doing otherwise. How much do I love him? Irrelevant. That's what keeps our world sane. There's a stability, a predictability, a reliability. when you never know what's going to happen a minute from now. You can't live like this. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. You can't live like this.

So this week we're doing we're working on what's right is right. How strong is that character trait in you? How much attention does that get? How much energy do you put into it to make sure that you do what's right when it's right? So for example, someone is being disrespectful to their own father or to their own mother. You say, "What are you what are you doing? You can't talk to your father like that." Well, I don't respect him. I didn't ask you whether you respected him. You can't talk to your father like that. It's not right. Not philosophically, emotionally it's not right. So it is an emotion, but it's a humble emotion. It's an emotion that motivates you. Even though it's not about you, it's about what's right. If you let what is right dictate your behavior, that is a degree of humility, that is impressive. The really arrogant person will not permit a fact to dictate his behavior. I don't want to. I don't like it. I'm not in the mood. But the person who says, "I'm really not in the mood, but you know, you got to do what you got to do." That's humility. Ironically, paradoxically, this humility makes you 10 times stronger than the person with a lot of love. That's why it's called victory. You can overcome with this emotion with with love. You're a victim of your own love. You can't control it. So just like your spouse can't live with the with the uncertainty, you can't live with your own uncertainty. So it's a spice in life, but real life happens in the in the humble emotions.

Where does gratitude come in? Is gratitude a product of kindness, judgment, compassion? It comes from that emotion where when you're right, you're right. Gratitude means I attribute my success to you. I am grateful to you for what I have. That's humble. I have it. But I didn't do it myself. You helped me get it. You gave it to me. That's called gratitude. So the person who can admit that the other person is right also has the capacity for gratitude. So if you love somebody but you never do them a favor because you just can't be bothered. It's not that you don't really love them. You really do love them. It's not you don't love them. You don't net them. I don't know what the English word for that would be. You enjoy love when it's an emotion. You don't enjoy love when it's the right thing.

Interesting little incident. We have this program for women since 1970. In those early years, a father whose daughter had come to our program came to visit. He sat in on one of the classes. So I spoke about honoring parents. What does it mean to honor parents? How do you honor your bow? You polish their boots. How do you honor anybody? And why does the Torah command that you honor your parents, not love your parents, respect your parents, admire your parents? Why? Why? Honor. So, I was saying that there are some parents you can't love. God can't command you to love them because they're not lovable. You can't demand that that every person should respect the parents. Well, what if they just they're not [laughter] they're not respectable people. Torah is always true. So, the Torah demands that you respect your parents, but but they're not respectable. You're going to what? fake it. God forbid. There is nothing fake in Torah. So God says, "Honor them." You can always honor them regardless of what you feel, regardless of how they behave. To honor means do menial tasks to make it easier on them. You're sitting at the table and there's no ketchup. Don't let your father get up to get the ketchup. You get the ketchup. That's how you honor. So, does it matter whether you're in love with him or not? No. Does it matter whether you admire him or not? No. Get up and bring the ketchup. Doable under all circumstances. So even when you don't love your your father and you don't admire your father, you maintain a child father relationship by honoring your father. Well, this father in the back of the room went ballistic. I don't want that kind of relationship. I want my daughter's love. Ain't going to get it this way. You just ruined it for yourself. It just proves the point. It's so beautiful. No father can demand love. There's no such commandment. And no father can insist you must respect me. There's no such commandment. But don't make me get up to bring the ketchup. Oh yeah, okay. I can do that for you.