Transcription
What are you trying to navigate? Tell me. I feel trying to get my mom to see me. I feel I don't feel like my mom loves me, and I feel like my son doesn't know that I love him.
I'mma pause you, clinician, 'cause you just made an assumption and a judgment. That is not an emotion. When you say "I feel," an emotion word should follow. When you say "I feel like," now I'm making an ad judgment or an assumption, but that is not my heart speaking, that is my head speaking. So when I say "I feel," what is the emotion that you feel as a result of this hurt and disappointment? Anger, probably the most.
The issue with being a parentified child means that I now became a caretaker of my mother and my father's emotions. So I didn't have space to process my own. So you made a habit of silencing how you feel so that I can care for them. I don't want to make Mama feel bad. I don't want to make her feel guilty 'cause she was a good mom. I mean, I love her. She did her best. She could, and all of that could be true. She did the best she could, and her good intentions had an impact.
What's happening in in you is that you've made so much space for her pain that you've made none for your own, and this is why anger rises to the surface.