Transcription
My name is Anne Bonny. I'm the author of "Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited." The narcissist's experience is life as a per month incomprehensible, unpredictable, frequently terrifying, and deeply saddening nightmare. This isn't the result of the divergent functionality for self and the true sir. A true self are the fossilized ashes of the original immature personality, which was suppressed and supplanted by the force search.
Yet, it is the true self that does all the feeling and all the experiencing within the narcissist. The false self is nothing but a concoction. It's a figment of the narcissist's disorder. It's a reflection in the narcissist's Hall of Mirrors. The for self is incapable of feeling or experiencing. Despite these handicaps, the for self is fully the master of the psychodynamic processes which rage within the narcissus' unsettled psyche.
This inner battle between for self and true self is so fierce, the the true self experiences it is the diffuse, though imminent and eminently ominous threat. Anxiety ensues, and the narcissist feels himself constantly ready for the next blow. He does things he knows not why and where from. He says things, the acts he behaves in certain ways which he knows endangering and put him in line for punishment, yet he cannot control them. The narcissist hurts people around him, or breaks the law, or violates accepted morality. He knows that he's in the wrong, and he feels ill. It is on the rare moments that he does feel at all. He wants to stop, but no is not how.
Gradually, the narcissist is estranged from himself, possess for some kind of demon, a puppet on invisible mental strings. And the narcissus resents this feeling. He wants to rebuild. He is repelled by this parting him with which he is not acquainted. In his efforts to exorcise this devil from his soul, the narcissist associates, cuts off part of his part of his life, and portions of his experiences. This dissociation is earring. This eeriness pervades the entire soul in cycling of the narcissist.
At times of crisis, danger, depression, failure, and of narcissistic injury, the narcissist feels that he is watching himself from the outside. I'm not talking about an out-of-body experience. Narcissus does not really exit his body. It is just that the most assists of students involuntarily, the position of a spectator, polite observer, mildly interested in the whereabouts of one Mr. Narcissist. The narcissists experience of his life is akin to watching a movie. When we watch a movie, the illusion is not complete, nor is it precise. We know that it's a movie, and the narcissist has the same thing regarding his own life. The myths and imperfectly illusion, then it is not really there.
This detachment continues for as long as the mass assists ego dystonic behavior persists, for as long as the crisis goes on, for as long as the narcissist came on face waves what he is doing, the consequences of his actions. But this is the case wartime. The narcissist usually engages in English tonic behavior, that is usually in mesh in Christ's disease. He usually cannot face weeds and denies his mental disorder, and he usually disregards the consequences of his own actions. He feels immune, since this is the case most of the time.
Gradually, the narcissist gets used to seeing himself in the role of a protagonist, the kind of hero of a motion picture or a novel. In this hero typecasting, this feeling that is a protagonist in a novel or motion picture also sits well with a narcissist's grandiosity and fantasies. Sometimes narcissists talk about themselves in the third person singular. Sometimes the narcissist calls his other narcissistic self by a different name. It is very close to what we popularly perceive as multiple personality.
The narcissist describes his life, its events, its ups and downs, its pains, elation, and disappointments in the most remote, professional, and courtly analytical voice, as though he were describing the life of some exotic insect. Indeed, Franz Kafka wrote a short story called "Metamorphosis" in which someone with narcissistic traits overnight is transformed into a giant cockroach. The metaphor of life is a movie, gaining control by writing a scenario or by inventing a narrative. He is not a modern invention. Cavemen narcissists have, I'm sure, done the same.
But this is only the external, superficial facet of the disorder. The crux of the problem is that analysis really feels this way. It's already pretends that he feels this ways, that he really feels. He actually experiences his life is belonging to someone else. He treats his body as though it were a dead weight or an instrument in the service of some entity. His deeds are amoral and not emo. He cannot be judged for something he did not do, he feels so.
The narcissist is one step removed from himself. What he does is done by someone else, by some entity that has taken over him. It's as though the narcissist has been body-snatched. As time passes, the narcissist accumulates a mountain of mishaps, conflicts are resolved, pains well hidden abroad, separations, and bitter disappointments. He is subjected to a constant barrage of social criticism and condemnation. He is ashamed and fearful. He knows that something is wrong, but there is no correlation between his cognition, his knowledge, and his emotions.
The narcissist prefers to run away and hide, as he did when he was a child. Only this time he hides behind another self, aforesaid. People reflect to him this mask of his creation until even he believes its very existence and acknowledges its dominance, until he forgets the truth about himself, until he knows no better.
The narcissist is only dimly aware of the decisive battle which rages inside him. He feels threatened if he is very sad, confronted by an emotional traitor, by or by an existential threat, but it's very vague, it's very much in the background, the fuzzy premonition. He retreats into this Haven, this mode of coping by inventing and then projecting another facet of himself, the foster. The narcissist relegates responsibility submissively, assuming a passive role. He who is not responsible goes. The dialogue cannot be punished. If the first self is to be held responsible for all the misdeeds of the narcissist, the Pneumocystis exempt should be exonerated. He is innocent.
The narcissist is does conditioned to annihilate himself, both in order to avoid emotional pain, any order to bask in the glow of his impossibly grandiose fantasies, and most importantly, in order to avoid responsibility. She does with fanatic zealand with efficacy. Prospectively, he assigns his very life to the foresaid. All the decisions to be made, all the judgments to be passed, all the agreements to be reached are relegated to the foster. Retroactively, the novices reinterpret his past life in a manner consistent with the current needs of the false self, his new master.
It is no longer that there is no connection between the narcissist did feel in a given period of his life or in relation to a specific event and the way that he seasoned remembers these feelings later on. He may describe certain occurrences of phases in his life as tedious, painful, sad, and burdening, even though at the time when he experiences these phases he was elected unhappy. The same retroactive coloring of his life occurs with regards to people. The narcissist completely distorts the way he regards certain people in the way he had felt about them. This rewriting of his personal history is aimed to directly and fully accommodate the requirements of his force self.
In some, the narcissist does not occupy his own soul. It does not inhabit his own body. He is the servant of an apparition, of a reflection, of an ego function known as the false self. To please and appease his master, the narcissist sacrifices to the for himself his very own life. From death moment onwards, the narcissist lives vicariously through the god of good offices of the false self.
Throughout this process, the narcissist feels detached, alienated, in his strange from his for self. He constantly harbors the sensation that he's watching a movie with a plot over which he has little control. It is with a certain interest in and fascination that he watches the movie. Still, it is mere passive observation, not a participation in nor an ownership of his own life. Thus, not only does the gnosis is to relinquish control of his future life by using this metaphor of the movie, he gradually loses ground to the 14th in the battle to preserve the integrity and genuine a genuineness of his past experiences. He is losing not release future, not release present, his losing even his past to the false self. He roaded by these processes, the narcissus gradually disappears and is replaced by this disorder to the fullest possible extent.